Re: very sad

February 23, 2007

Sharon,

While I am not in the shape you are in, I am the same age as you and

I grapple with the same issues of feeling so old at 34 and being

resigned to not ever having my own children. It's hard, very hard.

I mean, our whole lives havne't turned out anything like we planned -

and not in the way most people's don't, but for instance, i went to

college for a specific career and because I am sick, I have had to

take a career path that you don't need a college education for and

is not anywhere near what i had in mind.

I'm not in the same place you are right now, i have found a bubble

as you call it. part of it is because I am feeling better right

now. But I do want you to know that you are definitely not hte only

one that can get extremely depressed about this - because it's about

so much more than not feeling well. It's about every area of your

life and how it's not full the way you want it to be.

I hate trite advice, so i'm not going to give you any. i do want

you to know that you are not alone, that you have us and that you

specifically have someone your age who feels like you do - that you

went from 25 to 85 without blinking and missing all the good stuff.

And besides us, you have a wonderful, wonderful, wonderful boyfriend

who really loves and cares about you. I know he can't be everything

to you, but that's got to perk you up some.

And Sharon, if you need to, consider seeing a psychiatrist who deals

with chronic illness. Someone who sees younger patients. I don't

think it can hurt you and to talk and cry it out just might make you

feel better. And don't feel ashamed if you need some medication to

help you get through this trying time. We all need help sometimes

and there's no shame in reaching out for it.

Thank you for sharing your saddness with the group. I am happy you

came to us.

Houston

February 23, 2007

Dear Sharon,

I am sorry that you are going through so much right now. Please know that

there are people that do understand what you are going through and that we are

praying for you, not only to recover but also to have the strength to get

through this time.

I'm hoping that my experience might give you a little hope. I had lost all

hope of ever having a family or being able to go back to work again and I

desperately wanted children. I never tried to have children of my own and now

I am a step mom. I love these children more than anything. I don't know where

they would be if I did not have the opportunity to be a part of their lives. I

believe that God does give us the children that need us. A parent is a teacher

and at the end of the day it doesn't really matter where that child comes from;

what really matters is the impact that you have on that child's life.

We all have so much to give and I think that having an illness like we all do

teaches us to have more empathy and compassion for other people. We also have

to work much harder at " living " . I know other people have also suggestion

adoption; a lot of times people that are not sure of adoption start out with

being foster parents or even join the " Big Sisters and Big Brothers " program. I

have always tried to do volunteer work when I am up to it to keep my spirits up.

I know that there are volunteer programs in some communities where they have

drug addicted babies that need to be held and rocked.

I just want you to know that you are not alone Sharon that there are many of

us that can relate to what you are going through.

Take care,

Kathleen

Sharon wrote: Dear Everyone, I have

come to the conclusion that I am only going to

get worse as time goes on. I can't handle this snowballing effect of

health problems. The doc wants me to walk around but my ankle hurts

so badly and the fusion is so hard to get used to. I am afraid that

by the time I get a remission, I will have so much damage it wont

matter.

As depressed as I was I am only feeling sadder since this blood clot

thing. I have been hospitalized twice in one month and have nurses

come to my home twice a week for cumadin levels. I cant believe that

my doc misdiagnosed it and I caught it by chance when the hospital

did the CT scan.

I have found out that some of my chest pain is due to

costachondritis. I am only 34 and I am falling apart. I am upset too

because my sis in law is pregnant and I am afraid I wont be able to

carry never mind, raise a baby. On the other hand I am very happy for

her and am excited about a new baby in the family. It just seems to

hurt sometimes to see Moms w/ their babies. I feel really selfish and

mean that I think that way.

I am doing so badly right now. My body, throat and my tongue and

mouth hurts. My temp is jumping up and down. My skin feels so warm to

the touch. I am flaring and my insurance is really giving me the run

around so I am not on any still's meds. Sorry to complain. I just

feel so old at only 34 and trapped in my body. I talk to other

friends about it but they just dont get it! If I hear " I have

Arthritis in my knee " one more time after I tell someone I have

Still's , I will scream. Well I should go... I just cant seem to find

the old Bubbles that I used to be........

ï¿¼

February 23, 2007

Dear Sharon

I can feel the deep depression and unhappiness coming from your post and I wish

that I could help. The only thing I can do is give you a hug and say that what

you feel is absolutely understandable and I am sure that we would all feel the

same with your problems. The news that your sis in law is pregnant (however

much you are pleased for her) must be a bitter pill to swallow. I think that in

your mind you feel a little guilty that you feel a little jealous of sis in law,

but again I think it completely natural to feel like that just human !!

At 34 I can imagine how you feel but you never know what help is around the

corner that you will be able take advantage of. I am 65 and not only is stills

with me but old age is round the corner so not so much to fight with. Whatever

age or our situation stills stinks.

I really do hope that you get through your depression and can see the light at

the end of the tunnel.

My thoughts are with you

Love Joan U.K.

_____

From: Stillsdisease [mailto:Stillsdisease ] On

Behalf Of Sharon

Sent: 23 February 2007 05:14

To: Stillsdisease

Subject: very sad

Dear Everyone, I have come to the conclusion that I am only going to