Re: Rapid decline - Coyote

[Guest guest]

Coyote:

I think my dad can no longer make decisions for himself already.

He's going to get worse I know but he's pretty out of it now.

I'm going to keep insisting on the outside help but my mom (God love

her) has a bit of a martyr complex and thinks only she can help him

and she's committed to doing as he wants. On top of this, my older

sister doesn't think it's as bad as I do (even though in the middle

of the night last night my dad called her by his sister's name

repeatedly...). I just wish everyone knew that as long as we

continue to make excuses for my dad we're not helping. I have always

realized that we were very lucky to have the Aricept helping for as

long as it did....

I hate the idea of going against my father's wishes but the idea that

his wishes are no longer what is safe or rational needs to be

considered.

Abby

[Guest guest]

Abby--

Ugh, I'm sorry, I didnt realize that on some level your Mom likes

things as they are. I thought of that when you mentioned that she

told your Dad about you speaking to the NH people on the

phone...that somehow she probably wanted him to say NO WAY. It sure

is a lot of scary changes, and the reality is, people have

their " comfort zone " (even if its not all that great) and really

dont like change. I truly hated that stage of my Dad's illness when

he didnt want anything to do with " help " of any kind, but the next

stage followed quickly, where he seemed almost relieved to have

someone else just take control of difficult situations (Here Dad,

let me help you with that seatbelt).

Maybe if you can get your Dad in a time of clarity, you can explain

to him what goes on and why enlisting some outside help would be

good. I dont think that would help, but you could TRY. (I know with

my Dad it wouldnt help, because he COULD NOT comprehend that he had

a problem beyond being a " little " forgetful.)

Well, I wish you luck with this situation, somehow you WILL get

through it.

Coyote

> Coyote:

>

> I think my dad can no longer make decisions for himself already.

> He's going to get worse I know but he's pretty out of it now.

>

> I'm going to keep insisting on the outside help but my mom (God

love

> her) has a bit of a martyr complex and thinks only she can help

him

> and she's committed to doing as he wants. On top of this, my

older

> sister doesn't think it's as bad as I do (even though in the

middle

> of the night last night my dad called her by his sister's name

> repeatedly...). I just wish everyone knew that as long as we

> continue to make excuses for my dad we're not helping. I have

always

> realized that we were very lucky to have the Aricept helping for

as

> long as it did....

>

> I hate the idea of going against my father's wishes but the idea

that

> his wishes are no longer what is safe or rational needs to be

> considered.

>

> Abby

[Guest guest]

Abby--

Ugh, I'm sorry, I didnt realize that on some level your Mom likes

things as they are. I thought of that when you mentioned that she

told your Dad about you speaking to the NH people on the

phone...that somehow she probably wanted him to say NO WAY. It sure

is a lot of scary changes, and the reality is, people have

their " comfort zone " (even if its not all that great) and really

dont like change. I truly hated that stage of my Dad's illness when

he didnt want anything to do with " help " of any kind, but the next

stage followed quickly, where he seemed almost relieved to have

someone else just take control of difficult situations (Here Dad,

let me help you with that seatbelt).

Maybe if you can get your Dad in a time of clarity, you can explain

to him what goes on and why enlisting some outside help would be

good. I dont think that would help, but you could TRY. (I know with

my Dad it wouldnt help, because he COULD NOT comprehend that he had

a problem beyond being a " little " forgetful.)

Well, I wish you luck with this situation, somehow you WILL get

through it.

Coyote

> Coyote:

>

> I think my dad can no longer make decisions for himself already.

> He's going to get worse I know but he's pretty out of it now.

>

> I'm going to keep insisting on the outside help but my mom (God

love

> her) has a bit of a martyr complex and thinks only she can help

him

> and she's committed to doing as he wants. On top of this, my

older

> sister doesn't think it's as bad as I do (even though in the

middle

> of the night last night my dad called her by his sister's name

> repeatedly...). I just wish everyone knew that as long as we

> continue to make excuses for my dad we're not helping. I have

always

> realized that we were very lucky to have the Aricept helping for

as

> long as it did....

>

> I hate the idea of going against my father's wishes but the idea

that

> his wishes are no longer what is safe or rational needs to be

> considered.

>

> Abby