Anne: Re: End stages question -

[Guest guest]

Hi Anne,

I'm so sorry about your Mom . thank you for sharing her story with

us though. I can fully understand though your relief that she is at

peace...I'm constantly fighting with myself over that where my Mom

is concerned...wanting peace for her yet then feeling guilty

because it means I'm asking for her end.

Do you mind me asking if you had your Mom's funeral arrangements

made far ahead of time? So far my Dad has put off any visits to the

funeral home...I think he feels that if he goes it will be like he's

giving up or that will put her over the edge...?

My Mom is still fighting this LBD beast, still on a feeding tube,

body still very contracted, although her face has looked much more

relaxed recently (?), still completely bedridden...the nurses won't

put her up in a geri chair because she has these darn bed sores that

they're all concerned about , still sleeping almost round the clock.

When she's over this latest bout of fighting a blood infection I

dont' know if we'll see any periods of recognition or not?

My husband's aunt passed in a way similar to your MOm. In her case

it was a massive heart attack followed by a stroke that left her

with a very weak body and irreversible brain damage...in a coma

also. The family did as you did...they removed the tubes and heart

meds etc and gave her doses of morphine. they brought her home to

pass in her own bed. It was actually peaceful and beautiful...the

family all gathered and had a round the clock vigil, we visited to

say our goodbyes.

I think it's wonderful that you were able to be there when your Mom

passed, and I do think that as sick as our LO's are in the final

stages, they can sense that we are there for them.

thank you again for sharing your Mom's story and for your support

Debbie

> > Hi,

> >

> > My name is Debbie and I actually joined this group over a year

ago.

> I'm ashamed to admit that after joining, I just couldn't handle

> constantly discussing my Mom's deteriorating condition and that of

> everyone else's LO too. Maybe it was just my own way of coping? I

> don't know.

> >

> > My Mom has been in a NH for well over a year, we almost lost her

to

> aspiration pneumonia back in Feb...she was hospitalized for 5

weeks,

> on a vent, and miraculously recovered. However she's been on a

> feeding tube ever since. Her legs are so contracted that she

spends

> her days almost in a fetal position with her knees up at about her

> belly button area or higher. All summer the NH had her lying in

bed

> b/c of bed sores that needed to heal, lately they've had her up a

few

> hours a day in a Geri chair. It used to be that you could wake her

> when you went to visit and she'd follow what you were saying for

> about 10 or 15 minutes before drifting back off to sleep.

Sometimes

> she could join in with a few words....they didn't always make

sense

> and half the time you couldn't understand the words either, but

she

> was " with " you. In the past month however, she's entered another

> stage I think. It's nearly impossible to wake her and if her eyes

> open, she looks at you briefly then closes them within seconds.

The

> head Dr at the NH told my father that this is likely due to her

> brain " shutting down " .

> >

> > Of course it's extremely hard to watch this and see her in this

> state. Before she went into the NH she was at home being cared for

> round the clock by my Dad and then we had the paranoia,

> hallucinations, angry behavior...i.e. nasty dementia....always

having

> to have someone in the room with her, always feeling like she had

to

> go to the bathroom, then constipated etc. It's both amazing and

> terrible to see the vast difference in her from then to now...of

> course knowing that neither of these states represents how my Mom

> really used to be in her " normal " life. I guess the part of the

brain

> that controlled all that activity has " shut down " too?

> >

> > I'm just wondering if anyone else's LO is or was in this kind of

> continuously sleeping state? While I hate to lose my Mom, in so

many

> ways this has already happened and I also hate the fact that she

may

> be suffering. It was my Dad's decision to have her put on the vent

> when she had the pneumonia....and to have her on the feeding

> tube....obviously prolonging her stay with us but honestly I don't

> believe it's what she would have wanted. She never wanted to be in

a

> NH or be one of those people who " linger " but my Dad has a hard

time

> letting go. I only hope that she's not aware of the state she's

in,

> that she doesn't fully know that she's a prisoner in her own body

and

> that she's not scared.

> >

> > If you have any stories to share of your LO in a similar End

Stage

> I'd appreciate hearing about them.

> >

> > thanks for listening if you got this far,

> >

> > Debbie

> > (in Mass)

> >

> >

> >