Re: How much does one absorb when being raised by someone with BPD?

[Guest guest]

Hi and welcome! You absorb plenty and around here we call them fleas.

We'll be happy to share the can (case?!) of flea powder.

Feel free to post away. We laugh and say our nadas (mothers...not a or

nothing in Spanish) went to the same nada college, because we have had

lots of similiar experiences with the abnormal and abusive behaviors

that BPs exhibit. WE can't change them unfortunately, but we can change

ourselves.

Ilene

HLPetruzelli wrote:

> I've known for quite some time that my mother suffered from BPD. Once

> I learned more about BPD I felt tons of relief and was able to

> forgive her for a lot of the stuff I could never understand.

> The past month or so, I've noticed some not so attractive things

> about myself when I've let myself drink too much ...holiday parties

> and the like. Usually, when I drink wine or beer I am fine but throw

> in some vodka and forget it, one little thing and I start acting like

> a crazy freak. Aside from the obvious need to leave Vanilla Stoli on

> the shelf, I hate the way I act. I become histrionic and enraged at

> the silliest things. The worst part is I feel like I tap into this

> well of anger and lose all control not unlike the behavior I've seen

> my entire life with my mom. Even admitting that I exhibit any of the

> negative traits I've seen my mother regularly display is very

> painful. Not only do I get angrier, but I start to hate myself. I

> feel like a sham. Have I only been suppressing these borderline-like

> outbursts which alcohol releases?

> I just wonder how much one absorbs when being raised by someone with

> BPD.

> Any thoughts would be helpful.

> Thank you.

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Hello,

I also have found that I become easily enraged and " mom-like " when I

drink too much. And I also feel these feelings of shame afterward.

One particular instance was so ridiculous and embarrassing that it

sticks with me years afterwards. Part of this is surely a common,

generalized reaction to the alcohol...but I agree with your

suspicion that alcohol-induced reduction in inhibition can be

magnified by our pasts----and lead to " venting " of inner rage. I am

usually a quiet, polite, reserved person...but in these instances,

it is like Dr. Jeckell and Mr.(Miss!) Hyde....it is horrifying to

see myself morph into my raging mother. If your childhood was

anything like mine, you constantly saw your mother fail miserably at

controlling her emotions and anger. Some of that surely " rubs off "

in a limited sense (i.e., we didn't initially have a chance to learn

emotional regulation as well as we should have, plus we are so well

practiced at stifling our real feelings and letting things eat away

at us)....but I think it is SO important to remember a pivotal

difference....YOU/WE CAN RECOGNIZE this behavior!!!!!!!!....and CAN

WORK on it!!! Don't despair, and don't beat yourself up about it.

You've made it through a lot and you are bound to have some " battle

scars " ...and it's okay! That doesn't mean you " have her traits " ...I

don't think it's a symptom of some large inner flaw, it's just a by-

product of a difficult childhood. My therapist always seems

concerned about the fact that I don't let myself recognize/express

my anger. When all you have been exposed to is emotional extremes

for so many years, it takes awhile to get off the emotional

rollercoaster!

Best of luck to you,

Gin

> I've known for quite some time that my mother suffered from BPD.

Once

> I learned more about BPD I felt tons of relief and was able to

> forgive her for a lot of the stuff I could never understand.

> The past month or so, I've noticed some not so attractive things

> about myself when I've let myself drink too much ...holiday

parties

> and the like. Usually, when I drink wine or beer I am fine but

throw

> in some vodka and forget it, one little thing and I start acting

like

> a crazy freak. Aside from the obvious need to leave Vanilla Stoli

on

> the shelf, I hate the way I act. I become histrionic and enraged

at

> the silliest things. The worst part is I feel like I tap into this

> well of anger and lose all control not unlike the behavior I've

seen

> my entire life with my mom. Even admitting that I exhibit any of

the

> negative traits I've seen my mother regularly display is very

> painful. Not only do I get angrier, but I start to hate myself. I

> feel like a sham. Have I only been suppressing these borderline-

like

> outbursts which alcohol releases?

> I just wonder how much one absorbs when being raised by someone

with

> BPD.

> Any thoughts would be helpful.

> Thank you.