an attitude change

[Guest guest]

I firmly believe my nada thinks that I am ungrateful, but it doesn't

matter what her reality is...it isn't mine! You might want to get the

book..it's Christian but Cloud doesn't preach...he has some great

insights on early bonding, isolation, and boundaries. it's been quite

an eyeopener for me this week. The attitude thing was rather

interesting! Remember who taught you those attitudes! I think this is

what Edith has been saying all along about the nada voice in your head.

Ilene

hnjstaff@... wrote:

> Ilene, I realize you posted this for Petra, but I really enjoyed

> reading this paragraph. It hit home where I am today. I've always

> thought that I needed to be stronger and not let my nada control me

> with guilt, but I never thought I needed to change my attitude. (Was

> it right in front of my face?). This gives me something to think

> about. I need to look at my nada and say " Isn't she being

> manipulative? " .

>

> When she's pulling these head games on me, does she realize what she

> is doing? Or does she really believe that I'm an ungrateful child, I

> wonder. Oh well....I didn't cause it. I can't change it. And I can't

> cure it. Is that right?

>

>

> Here's a quote from " Changes that Heal " .. " As adults, we can never blame

> anyone for what we choose to do. If others try to make us feel guilty

> for a choice we make, we must choose our own attitudes about that. We

> must realize that we choose the attitudes that make us feel guilty. If

> someone tries to manipulate me, and I know that manipulation is evil,

> then I will not feel guilty for saying no. Instead, I will think, my

> aren't they being controlling? But, if I believe that I should keep

> them happy, I'll think, I should do what they want, and I'm guilty if I

> don't. The point is, I can choose whether or not I will continue in

> the

> attitudes that make me feel guilty, or I can choose to develop new

> attitudes that will not allow for guilt manipulation. "

> It's taken me two years of work on this list and with a therapist to be

> able to even understand this completely, but it only took about 6mos to

> understand I didn't have to feel guilty. It still jumps up once in

> awhile, but now I recognize the nada voice behind the guilt and can

> choose my own response and not hers.

> Ilene

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