Re: Abby - CAUTION includes some freaky thoughts Ive had...!

[Guest guest]

Coyote,

You are not the only one who has these thoughts. It is not that you want

your dad to " go " but that you want him to finally be rid of the " beast " and

death is the only escape they have.

Kath

Abby - CAUTION includes some freaky thoughts Ive

had...!

> Hi Abby,

> I'm really glad you were able to talk to your Dad in a moment of

> lucidity....if nothing else it must be a relief to you to " get your

> cards on the table " . I am pretty sure that for people like your Dad

> and my Dad " soon " is a time that never really comes. I would imagine

> that no one here on the board has ever heard their LO say " Hey!

> Taking care of me must be getting really hard...how 'bout we go

> check out some NH's this week?? "

> As for your Mom telling your Dad everything...I can kind of

> understand. They have been married for however many years (july will

> be 50 yrs in my parents case)...she is USED to sharing things with

> him and not keeping secrets. And I really think deep down inside she

> feels " safer " when she tells him and he digs his heels in. Not that

> I'm a psycologist or anything, lol...I'm just doing a Dr. Phil and

> trying to figure out what her " payoff " might be. I could be WAAAAY

> off.

> I think as " daughters " its really hard for us to REALLY comprehend

> the changes our Mom's (or non LBD parents) are having to endure. It

> must REALLY be scary! My Mom feels terrible guilt for doing " sneaky "

> things (like taking my Dad's name off the deed to the house on their

> lawyer's advice.) She feels guilty because she still has a life

> whereas my Dad really doesnt, he has an " existence " ..life is no

> longer " fun " for him. She feels guilty because she is totally

> embarrassed to go anywhere in public with my Dad. But as a daughter,

> it's different. None of that stuff matters to me, all that matters

> is that this godforsaken disease is slowly killing my Dad.

> Throughout Christmas I kept having this horrifying thought that next

> Christmas I wont even have a Dad. And then a more horrible thought

> occurs to me " ...if I'm lucky " . I feel sooooooooo guilty for that.

> But really...his life is only going to get worse. There is no hope

> for a cure for this disease in the foreseeable future. I cant stand

> the idea of him sitting in an NH for months and months

> just " waiting " . It sickens me. Somebody please tell me that I am not

> the only one to have these weird thoughts. They are not as negative

> as they sound! I hope I have not freaked out any of our newer

> members!!!

> Somehow we WILL get through this, Abby. So will our parents...but

> we sure have some rough days ahead...

> Hugs, Coyote

>

>

> > Hi Coyote:

> >

> > Yes, my mom is afraid of the changes happening to my dad and her

> life

> > and, on some level, I can't say I blame her. When I think that

> > until late last July, my parents had a very active, busy life

> it's

> > easy to see why this is daunting. She hasn't had that much time

> > getting used to being a caregiver and what she has to live with

> 24/7

> > is tough. I know I worry watching my dad get in and out of a

> chair

> > but I get to leave to come home to a relatively normal existence.

> > She's stuck with it. (Don't get me wrong - I don't understand why

> > she must tell my dad everything but I understand there's no " good "

> > way to act in these circumstances...)

> >

> > If you read my message to Sharon you'll already know I did try to

> > talk to my dad in what was a very lucid moment for him last

> night.

> > He thinks he's not ready for that yet but told me he knows he will

> > need to get help in soon. I'm hoping he moves to the stage where

> he

> > realizes he needs it soon and before anything really bad happens.

> >

> > This entire thing is hard, hard, hard!!! I hate that we have to

> go

> > through this. I know watching someone we love die and lose a

> little

> > more each day must be what hell feels like. I know I'll get

> through

> > it but I wonder how my dad will fare in this process. Like all of

> us

> > on this board, I'd take it from him if I could.

> >

> > Abby

>

>

> Welcome to LBDcaregivers.

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Coyote,

You are not the only one who has these thoughts. It is not that you want

your dad to " go " but that you want him to finally be rid of the " beast " and

death is the only escape they have.

Kath

Abby - CAUTION includes some freaky thoughts Ive

had...!

> Hi Abby,

> I'm really glad you were able to talk to your Dad in a moment of

> lucidity....if nothing else it must be a relief to you to " get your

> cards on the table " . I am pretty sure that for people like your Dad

> and my Dad " soon " is a time that never really comes. I would imagine

> that no one here on the board has ever heard their LO say " Hey!

> Taking care of me must be getting really hard...how 'bout we go

> check out some NH's this week?? "

> As for your Mom telling your Dad everything...I can kind of

> understand. They have been married for however many years (july will

> be 50 yrs in my parents case)...she is USED to sharing things with

> him and not keeping secrets. And I really think deep down inside she

> feels " safer " when she tells him and he digs his heels in. Not that

> I'm a psycologist or anything, lol...I'm just doing a Dr. Phil and

> trying to figure out what her " payoff " might be. I could be WAAAAY

> off.

> I think as " daughters " its really hard for us to REALLY comprehend

> the changes our Mom's (or non LBD parents) are having to endure. It

> must REALLY be scary! My Mom feels terrible guilt for doing " sneaky "

> things (like taking my Dad's name off the deed to the house on their

> lawyer's advice.) She feels guilty because she still has a life

> whereas my Dad really doesnt, he has an " existence " ..life is no

> longer " fun " for him. She feels guilty because she is totally

> embarrassed to go anywhere in public with my Dad. But as a daughter,

> it's different. None of that stuff matters to me, all that matters

> is that this godforsaken disease is slowly killing my Dad.

> Throughout Christmas I kept having this horrifying thought that next

> Christmas I wont even have a Dad. And then a more horrible thought

> occurs to me " ...if I'm lucky " . I feel sooooooooo guilty for that.

> But really...his life is only going to get worse. There is no hope

> for a cure for this disease in the foreseeable future. I cant stand

> the idea of him sitting in an NH for months and months

> just " waiting " . It sickens me. Somebody please tell me that I am not

> the only one to have these weird thoughts. They are not as negative

> as they sound! I hope I have not freaked out any of our newer

> members!!!

> Somehow we WILL get through this, Abby. So will our parents...but

> we sure have some rough days ahead...

> Hugs, Coyote

>

>

> > Hi Coyote:

> >

> > Yes, my mom is afraid of the changes happening to my dad and her

> life

> > and, on some level, I can't say I blame her. When I think that

> > until late last July, my parents had a very active, busy life

> it's

> > easy to see why this is daunting. She hasn't had that much time

> > getting used to being a caregiver and what she has to live with

> 24/7

> > is tough. I know I worry watching my dad get in and out of a

> chair

> > but I get to leave to come home to a relatively normal existence.

> > She's stuck with it. (Don't get me wrong - I don't understand why

> > she must tell my dad everything but I understand there's no " good "

> > way to act in these circumstances...)

> >

> > If you read my message to Sharon you'll already know I did try to

> > talk to my dad in what was a very lucid moment for him last

> night.

> > He thinks he's not ready for that yet but told me he knows he will

> > need to get help in soon. I'm hoping he moves to the stage where

> he

> > realizes he needs it soon and before anything really bad happens.

> >

> > This entire thing is hard, hard, hard!!! I hate that we have to

> go

> > through this. I know watching someone we love die and lose a

> little

> > more each day must be what hell feels like. I know I'll get

> through

> > it but I wonder how my dad will fare in this process. Like all of

> us

> > on this board, I'd take it from him if I could.

> >

> > Abby

>

>

> Welcome to LBDcaregivers.

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Hi Coyote and Abby,

Y'all aren't the only ones having those thoughts. I am sure many of us in

this group have had those thoughts at one time or another. My father is quite a

bit further in his journey with LBD so I, too, have these thoughts. They

always seem to be more prevelant during the Holidays. I dread not having him

next Christmas, but then I dread him having to suffer. Last year, I didn't

think

he was going to be here for this Christmas, but he was. Sometimes he just

seems so frustrated because he can't get his words out or do anything for

himself. Today he was so afraid of something, but he was unable to explain it

to

me. The only phrase he said clearly was " death with compassion " . I haven't

figured out what he was trying to tell me yet, but I thought it best to try to

change the subject. Whatever it is, I don't think it is a constructive thing

for

him to be thinking about.

On the topic of our mothers, my mother feels like she and my dad should be

enjoying their Golden Years now. She is scared of losing him, but she doesn't

want him to suffer. My dad has always taken care of her, and she does not

feel she can take care of herself. She is an incredibly strong woman when she

needs to be so I know she will surprise herself when the time comes. I guess I

am kind of filling in for my dad these days in the " taking care of everything "

role. Our mothers are going through alot in their own minds in addition to

what they go through with our dads and the LBD.

Anyhoo, I am thinking of y'all and praying for everyone's continued strength.

Hugs,

Piper

[Guest guest]

Hi Piper,

Wow, those are haunting words, " death with compassion " . I guess it's

all that you were " meant " to understand. It probably means if

something happens to him, " do not resuscitate " , or something along

that line. I really dont know. How horrible that our LOs cant

clearly express themselves.

Hugs, Coyote

PS>>>welcome to the Freaky Thoughts Club

> Hi Coyote and Abby,

>

> Y'all aren't the only ones having those thoughts. I am sure many

of us in

> this group have had those thoughts at one time or another. My

father is quite a

> bit further in his journey with LBD so I, too, have these

thoughts. They

> always seem to be more prevelant during the Holidays. I dread not

having him

> next Christmas, but then I dread him having to suffer. Last year,

I didn't think

> he was going to be here for this Christmas, but he was. Sometimes

he just

> seems so frustrated because he can't get his words out or do

anything for

> himself. Today he was so afraid of something, but he was unable

to explain it to

> me. The only phrase he said clearly was " death with compassion " .

I haven't

> figured out what he was trying to tell me yet, but I thought it

best to try to

> change the subject. Whatever it is, I don't think it is a

constructive thing for

> him to be thinking about.

>

> On the topic of our mothers, my mother feels like she and my dad

should be

> enjoying their Golden Years now. She is scared of losing him, but

she doesn't

> want him to suffer. My dad has always taken care of her, and she

does not

> feel she can take care of herself. She is an incredibly strong

woman when she

> needs to be so I know she will surprise herself when the time

comes. I guess I

> am kind of filling in for my dad these days in the " taking care of

everything "

> role. Our mothers are going through alot in their own minds in

addition to

> what they go through with our dads and the LBD.

>

> Anyhoo, I am thinking of y'all and praying for everyone's

continued strength.

>

> Hugs,

>

> Piper

>

>

>