An opinion please.

[Guest guest]

Wednesday and Thursday, I had to go out of town for my job. Both days I was up

at 6:00 and not back in my hotel room until 9:00. By Friday I was exhausted,

which of course caused my fibro to flare. I planned on leaving early from work

on Friday around 3:00pm. At 11:00 I told 2 employees that I had their

performance reviews ready and if they came in my office we could do them.

Around 2:00 one of the employees came in my office and we went over hers. It

took about 1/2 hour.

At 3:00 I went out into the department and told the other employee we would do

hers on Monday if that was okay. Well she said it wasn't, so I said go ahead

and come in my office and we would do hers. Thinking it would take about 1/2

hour. Well she challenged my rating which is okay. She was upset that I didn't

find her " outstanding " as opposed to " great " (wonderful words we get to use,

aren't they), because she felt she did more work than anyone else. I can only

choose one outstanding person and another employee does more work than anyone

else. She picks things up on her own to do without being asked, translated,

IMO, into she is cognizant of the needs of the department and aware og what

needs to be done. Plus she recognizes the strengths and weaknesses in others

and works with their strengths, while developing their weaknesses, while ee #2

is always complaining. She comes into my office and goes on about other ee,

while not making the effort to change the situation. I do recognize that she

has made tremendous strides technically and with her interpersonal

relationships, but I don't feel she is outstanding. Her score was a 94 and a 95

is outstanding, so she did not get a bad score.

Then when I gave her the amount of her raise (I don't come up with the figure,

her score is put into a database and the amt is spit out), she got upset again.

This time she was upset about the company, itself. Well I listened to her and

talked to her about her feelings. Bottom line though is I didn't get out of

work until 4:30. I finally ended up telling her that I knew of many other

people who had didn't have jobs, or who weren't getting a raise this year. This

was a soft economy and many people were suffering. What else can I say.

Here's my question. Did I allow let my boundaries become loose, by letting her

keep me hostage in my office for 1 1/2 hour while listening to her complain

about things that weren't going to change? My nada has used me for free therapy

for many years, and I let her do it. Did I do the same thing here?

Re: Self Esteem Work?

Hi All:

Last summer many of us were discussing doing self-esteem work. I suddenly

had some bizarre things going on in my life and had to deal with them, so I

never finished up on the particular work I wanted to do in that area as far

as reading the books by Burns! I did manage to do a lot of my own self

esteem work involving:

--spending more quality time with my husband (like Kathleen has mentioned in

her

> last post!)

--getting more in touch with myself sexually, and

> - giving and receiving massages with hubbby.

> -- making new friends with mothers who have kids my son's age!

>

> Those are big areas that had been being neglected in my life -- and I have

> made real progress there!

>

> But.... I'm wondering if any of you ever read that book we had talked about

> " Ten Days to Self-Esteem " by D. Burns, M.D. ? I know Irene also

> mentioned

> the book " The Feeling Good Workbook " by Burns.

> ast summer (cheeto weeto), , Kere, Irene and I were all

> interested in discussing self esteem issues. Are any of you interested in

> updating us as to what you've been working on -- and would anyone like to

> post about what we're getting out of those 2 books if and when we read them?

>

> I'm going to be looking over the chapters I already read last summer, and

> then continuing on. I've only read a few chapters of the " Ten Days to Self

> Esteem "

> book -- and I am going to look for the " Feeling Good Workbook " at the

> library. Possibly will buy it if I can't find it.

>

> Thanks!

>

> Love, Barb

>

>