Re: Re: letter from nada

[Guest guest]

Dan, I think your nada wants " oblivion " after death, rather than eternal

life, because she is such a tormented soul, she figures it will continue

after death, unless death mean oblivion. We all tend to judge others by

ourselves, so I think she sees everyone else as being the same way -

deeply tormented. She wanted to teach you at a very young age that

death meant oblivion, so you'd have something to look forward to,

something to yearn for, as she does.

She just doesn't get it! And the sad truth is, she probably never

will. And if she does, it won't be because of anything you or anyone

else says or does. The more you do, the more she'll demand, and the

less she'll appreciate. And in the process she'll drain every last

ounce of life from anyone who will allow it. And us KOs are especially

easy prey, because we were trained at an early age to put HER needs

before our own. And they know exactly which buttons to press too.

It's easy for me to say these things now, but when I swirled for years

with mother in the water at the neck of the BPD drain, resisting with

all my might the steady insistent pull of the pipes that beckoned me to

hell, I couldn't see past my nose from the FOG!!! I didn't know about

BPD then.

SmileS!

Carol

Dan wrote:

> I have a problem in this area. It tears me apart. I know that

> what you say is true, but when my mother's oppression lies strong

> on me, it has some power to build a wall around me and leave me

> all alone.

>

> She has always put herself in the place of God. By the age of

> 4 or 5 I started to realize how wrong this is. The tenderest

> part of me, the part of my personality laid down before that age,

> is still captive in that prison and I can't reach in to help.

>

> When I was 5 she told me that when we die we cease to exist, there

> is just oblivion. She said that when I was as old and wise as her

> (she must have been 26) I would no longer fear death, I would

> welcome it.

>

> A few years ago I asked her, " If someone promised you eternal

> life, wouldn't you at least want to check it out? " She said " No,

> I don't want it, I look forward to oblivion " .

>

> My therapist told me that he believes that there is something

> terrifying in my unconscious, and that with time and patience

> we will find out what it is. I wonder if this could have

> something to do with it?