the waif has left the building

[Guest guest]

Hi all,

I'm going to post this and then I'm going to go back and try to catch up on all

my email. My nada has left. She wanted to stay until tomorrow, but my husband

and I asked her to leave today. She played the waif role again. I don't know

how I to relate the whole thing.

She decided to come up on Xmas day. And she had said she planned to leave on

Sunday, but then she decided to stay until Monday. I was upset about her

behavior before she came. We never really resolved that. So I have been

standoffish. I think she felt that and decided to stay one more day so we could

bond this trip.

Last night my husband said he really felt it would be better for her to leave

today as planned because we had plans. Plus her dogs bark all night and that

kept him up. Well that sent her over the edge. She yelled at her dog all

night. Then this morning she decided she wanted to talk. At me. I listened to

her for a long time........ She's getting older and one day I will miss her. If

I were in her shoes I would feel the same way she did. This has always been a

haven for her and now that is gone. It's the end of an era. This is the only

place she can hear (she's hard of hearing). Why have things changed? She can't

understand any of this...........On and on. I told her that I thought a lot of

things had changed. My kids are older, we can't shuffle them around as much to

make room for her to stay here. She sleeps in the living room. All her stuff

is in the living room. My house is small and 2 additional people and 3 more

dogs makes everyone feel cramped. Plus we didn't plan well enough for this

visit. We needed to look at better ways for the future. Plus I worked this

Christmas eve and the 2 days after Christmas. That made it harder. I was more

tired and the trip hadn't gone as well we had hoped. Then she came back

with........ " but why? " . If I loved her I would want her to stay the extra day.

She just couldn't understand.......I told her that I didn't go into the trip in

a good frame of mind. I was kind of upset at her for acting the way she did at

the beginning of the trip. Plus we had asked her to stick to her original plans

and she had been playing " poor me " since the night before.

Well......she had to leave then. She had the most hurt look on her face. You

know the poor me, no one loves me, you all are terrible look.

Part of me is still falling into the trap of I'm the terrible person. But part

of me is so mad. Writing this I don't feel we were unreasonable. But sitting

there listening to it all I started to get those feelings of it's all my

responsibility. I have the weight of the world on my shoulders.

It was so hard for me to stand up for myself and my wants. She asked why this

had never been a problem before. I was too afraid to tell her that it had

always been a problem, but I had always held it in. I feel like a little kid

again who can't do anything right.