Re: Nada's suicide threat

January 6, 2003

Hi JB,

So sorry to hear you're having these problems. It sounds like your mom

needs to be medicated.

Suicide threats by someone with a personality disorder should be taken

seriously. See SWOE, pages 171-174. You might want to tell your aunt to

call 911 when your mom threatens suicide. Many times BPs will stop using

that threat once they know someone will call 911.

Your aunt is stirring the pot and keeping your innards in an uproar by

updating you about this stuff. You might want to set a boundary with

her.

Hugs,

- Edith

" jenbrown32000 " wrote:

>

> I'm new and I haven't posted much since my first/recent

> post 'incredible guilt' about stopping contact with my mom due to her

> raging and aggresiveness. I got tons of great feedback from that

> post and I could use some more encouragement now.

>

> My only Aunt who speaks to me called me this morning to tell me that

> my nada is getting worse. She is getting more hostile and aggressive

> in public - paticularly when she's driving. She often gets out of

> her car at stop lights to yell and scream at people she feels are to

> close to her bumper. (I've witnessed this, but apparantly it's

> getting more frequent) Most recently when the woman yelled back, my

> nada put up her hood and turned on her flashers and blocked traffic

> for who knows how long just to spite this person. She will scream at

> total strangers in public and call them names (horrible, horrible

> names) if she feels it's warranted. I think people are so shocked by

> her that they are often too stunned to respond in kind or they are

> terrified. She is incredibly intimidating.

>

> She also just went out of town to take care of her father who fell,

> but he asked her to leave after only one day becuase she was being so

> controlling and verbally abusive. It's the first time she has acted

> this way in front of him (usually I always got the exclusive). He

> was shocked and very upset and confused.

>

> She's been telling my aunt and her foo for some time now that she's

> sucidal over me, but she has made a fresh threat last night and my

> Aunt is concerned that with her deteriorating behavior she just might

> act on it this time. My aunt has already called me a second time

> today to find out if I've " heard anything " . I keep trying to explain

> to her that since no one in our family is speaking to me that the

> only way I'll " hear anything " is if the police knock at my door. But

> secretly I've had this fear that she's just going to hang her self

> right outside my back door so that I'll get the full impact of " what

> I've done to her " . She's made comments to my aunt about me " not

> getting away with this " etc.

>

> Please help, thanks. JB

>

> P.S.

> I'm so frustrated! Every time I get done typing my post, I

> click " post " instead of send, then my whole email is just gone! Is

> there any way to get it back when I've done that?

>

January 6, 2003

>

> She's been telling my aunt and her foo for some time now that she's

> sucidal over me, but she has made a fresh threat last night and my

> Aunt is concerned that with her deteriorating behavior she just

might

> act on it this time.

JB,

I'm no expert on this, but I believe it's pretty typical that if

someone is threatening suicide, they are less likely to act on it.

Think about it....if one truly wishes to die, do they want to be

stopped?

My husband didn't threaten. However, there was no-one to tell if

he had wanted to. His mother had just a few days before reamed him

hysterically for hurting her feelings, and I had taken my children

into hiding. A protection order was in temporary proceedings so that

I could go get some of our stuff and he would hopefully get some help

with his substance abuse during a separation, which is where there

was a question about the possibility of suicide. I had no knowlege of

his previous attempt at that point, but if I had; and if I had noted

it; he would have been taken into protective custody when he was

served.

So there are two possibilities. Is your Nada abusing substances?

That could up the possibilities of following through. My nada

attempted twise when I was a teenager, and she was abusing substances

both times. She did act on previous verbal threats to do so, and I

believe the substances contributed to her lack of awareness of the

permanence.

If there is any kind of harassment involved, you could take the

route of filing an anti-harassment order and noting her threats.

Check out the process and see if she would be taken into protective

custody upon being served, and then maybe the route of some intensive

counselling with regards to that specifically could be started that

way.

Then perhaps you could always humor yourself with....just how

could she continue to punish you after she's dead? Would it be in her

nature to let you off the hook like that?!

I hope you're giggling....If not, I do apologise.

> secretly I've had this fear that she's just going to hang her self

> right outside my back door so that I'll get the full impact

of " what

> I've done to her " . She's made comments to my aunt about me " not

> getting away with this " etc.

Oh, this struck a nerve. I believe my husband intended for me to

find him in our garage. I was spared that horror, but was left with

the clean-up of the floor.

Get those pictures out of your thoughts. Someone would see or

hear something for her to do so outside.....

Hoping it's just another threat..........Nicky

January 6, 2003

Hi JB,

I'm new to this too but wanted to give my 2 cents- You have done a great job

setting limits with Nada but I think your Aunt needs to know that you don't need

updates- to get them or to give them..... lovingly of course.

BTW- what does " Nada " stand for? Thanks and take care,

Christy

Nada's suicide threat

I'm new and I haven't posted much since my first/recent

post 'incredible guilt' about stopping contact with my mom due to her

raging and aggresiveness. I got tons of great feedback from that

post and I could use some more encouragement now.

My only Aunt who speaks to me called me this morning to tell me that

my nada is getting worse. She is getting more hostile and aggressive

in public - paticularly when she's driving. She often gets out of

her car at stop lights to yell and scream at people she feels are to

close to her bumper. (I've witnessed this, but apparantly it's

getting more frequent) Most recently when the woman yelled back, my

nada put up her hood and turned on her flashers and blocked traffic

for who knows how long just to spite this person. She will scream at

total strangers in public and call them names (horrible, horrible

names) if she feels it's warranted. I think people are so shocked by

her that they are often too stunned to respond in kind or they are

terrified. She is incredibly intimidating.

She also just went out of town to take care of her father who fell,

but he asked her to leave after only one day becuase she was being so

controlling and verbally abusive. It's the first time she has acted

this way in front of him (usually I always got the exclusive). He

was shocked and very upset and confused.

She's been telling my aunt and her foo for some time now that she's

sucidal over me, but she has made a fresh threat last night and my

Aunt is concerned that with her deteriorating behavior she just might

act on it this time. My aunt has already called me a second time

today to find out if I've " heard anything " . I keep trying to explain

to her that since no one in our family is speaking to me that the

only way I'll " hear anything " is if the police knock at my door. But

secretly I've had this fear that she's just going to hang her self

right outside my back door so that I'll get the full impact of " what

I've done to her " . She's made comments to my aunt about me " not

getting away with this " etc.

Please help, thanks. JB

P.S.

I'm so frustrated! Every time I get done typing my post, I

click " post " instead of send, then my whole email is just gone! Is

there any way to get it back when I've done that?

January 6, 2003

Jen, I'm so sorry you're having to deal with this. What a lulu.

Reading your post, I find myself thinking " This woman ought to be

locked up, " which leads me to my question: Does anyone out there have

information/experience on what it takes to bring about an involuntary

commitment? And if a BP were committed to a psychiatric institution,

what would be likely to happen there (I mean in terms of treatment

given, and also response from the BP)? I'd appreciate any feedback.

Beth

January 6, 2003

Hi! about post vs send, on my computer I can go to edit up at the top

and click on it and then click on undo. Hope that will work for you.

About the suicide stuff, call the crisis intervention number and talk to

them about the situation. they may have some good ideas. Around here

and also at the suicide prevention number, they recommend that you call

the police when someone threatens suicide and let them deal with it. If

your nada is this out of control , they might be able to take her to a

hospital for evaluation. Btw, your aunt sounds like she is subtly

trying to hoover you back into the relationship. You might also call

the police and give then her car license number and report her behaviors

on the road. Road rage is illegal.

This came to another list where someone is having similiar

problems....check it out...it might help.

<A

HREF= " http://www.google.com/search?hl=en & ie=ISO-8859-1 & q=Baker+Act & btnG=Google+S\

earch

<http://www.google.com/search?hl=en & ie=ISO-8859-1 & q=Baker+Act & btnG=Google+Search\

> " >Click

here: Google Search: Baker Act</A>

Here's a biginnng. I think other states have Baker Act or equivelant.

NAMI can help you. Go to their site for info, also in the state where you

are. Or ask you r local police or sherrif's office.

Baker acting is getting a court order to get someone into treatment. It

often happens after abuse or wild episodes of a mentally ill person, etc.

Where help has to be imposed.

REMEMBER, you are NOT responsible for nada's choices...you can't make

her do or not do anything!!!! She's sick and it isn't your fault.

Ilene

jenbrown32000 wrote: