Ever feel like you are always in a Lose-Lose situation?

[Guest guest]

It seems like I am starting to become OCD about Amy's OCD. I am starting to get

afraid to say things are going good, because it seems like everytime I post that

things are going good, they get bad again.

She was doing great on Prozac as far as not having bad thoughts and not

performing rituals. But it activated her ADHD so badly that she started

performing terribly in school. And that was adding a whole other stress.

The psychiatrist and I decided that we didn't know if her Exposures were really

working because she was so controlled, so we took her off the Prozac. The first

two weeks were awesome and last Tuesday she did her hardest exposure without any

problems, and we discussed possibly spacing out her appointments so she wouldn't

have to go weekly. Then, three days later, she had a meltdown. And we had an

entire weekend of meltdowns and another one on Monday. So we went back to our

scheduled appt yesterday. She gave her some tools for her OCD toolbox to help

her. She is doing the confessions thing right now so she talked to me about

helping me with my response to that. We are going to discuss this further next

week because it took a lot of time with Amy by herself yesterday.

She also brought up that my husband's (her stepfather) expectations for

cleanliness are causing stress for Amy which might be triggering the meltdowns.

When I try to talk to him about this, he says he isn't asking her to do anything

but clean up after herself and he just wants to help her become more responsible

(she is 12). I agree that he isn't asking her to do too much, however I think

his approach can be harsh. I asked Amy if he just asked her nicely if she

thought it would be less stressful, and she said no. I can certainly see both

sides of the picture, but I also know that she can be lazy. I wonder if there

isn't a part of her that is using it as an excuse to get out of doing chores.

How do you help these kids become responsible adults who can take care of

themselves yet still be sensitive to their disorder? Right now, I couldn't see

her being able to wake up herself by an alarm if she was at college. And

college years seem to be quickly approaching.

[Guest guest]

Well...with chores - if you know what her OCD is all about, triggers, etc., you

can tell if a particular chore might bother her and modify some. Ask her what

she *is* willing to do. And those that " apparently " bother her OCD are ones

that will be worked on in therapy.

If she were to have some contamination/germ issues, then she can do the

non-germy chores or if " all " are, then she is to pick one she feels she can work

on. I remember a parent talking about having a child still have problems with

taking washed dishes out of the dishwasher even, but they worked in steps over

time on that. And taking out the trash might be the last thing to be worked on

or doing dirty dishes, etc.

So if OCD is interfering in ways, then you may have to let up on chores for

now...maybe something else she can help with or do that is " out of the chore "

list around the house....

At her age, you can ask her about some, e.g., tell her you don't see how doing

XX would be OCD related, what is OCD telling her, etc. See what she says. If

it's thought related, is she willing to say what type thoughts are triggered?

If not, then that's okay, some don't want to share their type thoughts.

Sometimes we just have to take their word on it, though I'm sure we can all

relate to wondering if they are trying to get out of something, being lazy, etc.

I used to ask that, if he was being lazy or taking advantage of

me/situation; luckily lying is not something he does really, or at least I know

to decide is he telling me all (won't lie but may leave some of story out type

thing).

Will be interested in what the psych/therapist says about how you are to respond

to her confessions, etc. Always looking for tips/ideas!

Quick thoughts (said so I can take something said back, lol, since not thought

through well before I type!)

>

> It seems like I am starting to become OCD about Amy's OCD. I am starting to

get afraid to say things are going good, because it seems like everytime I post

that things are going good, they get bad again.

>

> She was doing great on Prozac as far as not having bad thoughts and not

performing rituals. But it activated her ADHD so badly that she started

performing terribly in school. And that was adding a whole other stress.

>

[Guest guest]

I think that if a child has expectations of her or him before meltdowns that

they are able to complete and then They suddenly they can't complete the task,

they are likely having symptoms of their disorder and then they either need help

to complete it or they shouldn't be expected to complete it. When symptoms are

severe, you shouldn't start anything new or change expectations....that is too

much stress. Be careful with the term lazy ...make sure that everything is ok

before labeling behavior as willful. I believe that children do want our

approval and that manipulative behavior has a purpose that we are not always

cognizant about. A tantrum is only a tantrum if there's an audience....and a

tantrum is a sign of distress and a signal for help that exists because that

person lacks the ability to vocalize their feelings and needs.

Another thing to think about is that Prozac is self-weaning meaning that it's

metabolized slower than other SSRI's and so you won't see the effect of removing

it right away. It tapers down in the blood stream over a week or so depending

on the dose.

Hope things get better soon,

Bonnie

>

> It seems like I am starting to become OCD about Amy's OCD. I am starting to

get afraid to say things are going good, because it seems like everytime I post

that things are going good, they get bad again.

>

> She was doing great on Prozac as far as not having bad thoughts and not

performing rituals. But it activated her ADHD so badly that she started

performing terribly in school. And that was adding a whole other stress.

>

> The psychiatrist and I decided that we didn't know if her Exposures were

really working because she was so controlled, so we took her off the Prozac.

The first two weeks were awesome and last Tuesday she did her hardest exposure

without any problems, and we discussed possibly spacing out her appointments so

she wouldn't have to go weekly. Then, three days later, she had a meltdown.

And we had an entire weekend of meltdowns and another one on Monday. So we went

back to our scheduled appt yesterday. She gave her some tools for her OCD

toolbox to help her. She is doing the confessions thing right now so she talked

to me about helping me with my response to that. We are going to discuss this

further next week because it took a lot of time with Amy by herself yesterday.

>

> She also brought up that my husband's (her stepfather) expectations for

cleanliness are causing stress for Amy which might be triggering the meltdowns.

When I try to talk to him about this, he says he isn't asking her to do anything

but clean up after herself and he just wants to help her become more responsible

(she is 12). I agree that he isn't asking her to do too much, however I think

his approach can be harsh. I asked Amy if he just asked her nicely if she

thought it would be less stressful, and she said no. I can certainly see both

sides of the picture, but I also know that she can be lazy. I wonder if there

isn't a part of her that is using it as an excuse to get out of doing chores.

>

> How do you help these kids become responsible adults who can take care of

themselves yet still be sensitive to their disorder? Right now, I couldn't see

her being able to wake up herself by an alarm if she was at college. And

college years seem to be quickly approaching.

>