Re: Help w/Bathroom issues

[Guest guest]

, I have no suggestions but I would email this same question to Dr. Chansky

- write " Ask Dr. Chansky " in the subject title.  I would imagine she would have

some really great ideas.

in WA

________________________________

To:

Sent: Tuesday, February 7, 2012 11:53 AM

Subject: Help w/Bathroom issues

 

My son, 15.5 is having bathroom avoidance and today was the 4th time in the past

2 weeks I have found that he went to the bathroom (#1 and #2) outside of the

bathroom. He'll sneak it, like he went in the garage and went poop in a paper

towel, wiped himself and then put it all in the trash in the garage. Now the

trash can is directly outside the kitchen door, so it's not like we wouldn't

immediately notice the smell.

He also refuses to take showers, so between the 2 issues, among many other

dysfunctional behaviors, things are getting pretty concerning. He's on the wait

list for 's, so we have that in place, but there's no telling how long it

will be. I just don't know how long I can keep my own head above water with all

of this!

Any suggestions for dealing with these issues would be much appreciated.

Thanks!

[Guest guest]

, I have no suggestions but I would email this same question to Dr. Chansky

- write " Ask Dr. Chansky " in the subject title.  I would imagine she would have

some really great ideas.

in WA

________________________________

To:

Sent: Tuesday, February 7, 2012 11:53 AM

Subject: Help w/Bathroom issues

 

My son, 15.5 is having bathroom avoidance and today was the 4th time in the past

2 weeks I have found that he went to the bathroom (#1 and #2) outside of the

bathroom. He'll sneak it, like he went in the garage and went poop in a paper

towel, wiped himself and then put it all in the trash in the garage. Now the

trash can is directly outside the kitchen door, so it's not like we wouldn't

immediately notice the smell.

He also refuses to take showers, so between the 2 issues, among many other

dysfunctional behaviors, things are getting pretty concerning. He's on the wait

list for 's, so we have that in place, but there's no telling how long it

will be. I just don't know how long I can keep my own head above water with all

of this!

Any suggestions for dealing with these issues would be much appreciated.

Thanks!

[Guest guest]

,

We had similar issues with our dd when she was 8.  She wouldn't shower or bathe

and would only use the bathroom 2 times daily and only at our house.  We finally

put her in the shower with all her clothes on just to get her a bit cleaner. 

Depends on what exactly the issue is.  She has contamination issues related to

her bottom, so did better with the clothes on.  We couldn't go much of anywhere

that summer.  Try to find out what the issue is:   is it contamination of him or

the  bathroom, doubt about how clean he is, etc.  You may have to accommodate

him some until he gets the help he needs.  i second the suggestion for asking

Dr. Chansky.

Best wishes,

(mom w/OCD, 11.5 yo dd w/OCD, 9 yo dd w/tics and/or OCD?)

________________________________

To: " " < >

Sent: Tuesday, February 7, 2012 3:50 PM

Subject: Re: Help w/Bathroom issues

, I have no suggestions but I would email this same question to Dr. Chansky

- write " Ask Dr. Chansky " in the subject title.  I would imagine she would have

some really great ideas.

in WA

________________________________

To:

Sent: Tuesday, February 7, 2012 11:53 AM

Subject: Help w/Bathroom issues

 

  

My son, 15.5 is having bathroom avoidance and today was the 4th time in the past

2 weeks I have found that he went to the bathroom (#1 and #2) outside of the

bathroom. He'll sneak it, like he went in the garage and went poop in a paper

towel, wiped himself and then put it all in the trash in the garage. Now the

trash can is directly outside the kitchen door, so it's not like we wouldn't

immediately notice the smell.

He also refuses to take showers, so between the 2 issues, among many other

dysfunctional behaviors, things are getting pretty concerning. He's on the wait

list for 's, so we have that in place, but there's no telling how long it

will be. I just don't know how long I can keep my own head above water with all

of this!

Any suggestions for dealing with these issues would be much appreciated.

Thanks!

   

     

[Guest guest]

Thanks, and . I don't really know what the issue is and why he's

doing this. Every time I tried to discuss it with him, fingers go in the ears

and he won't talk about it. The part that worries me the most is is very

nonchalant attitude about the whole thing, almost thinking it's funny. Now this

is an almost 16 year old boy who is typically the most polite well-mannered kid

you could meet. Normally, not only would he have been mortified to have done

this, but he would have never recovered from my knowing about it.

I know he doesn't have contamination issues because he's almost like the

opposite. He claims that the reason why he's doing it is because he " doesn't

feel like going upstairs. " Now we have a very small house and it's all of a

10-second trip to get up the stairs to the bathroom. Now he will sometimes go in

the bathroom and sit on the toilet for well over an hour. Sometimes he does a

few tics, other times just sits there in the dark. Whenever he does use the

bathroom, he'll only use it in the dark, even to take a shower on the rare

occasion that happens without a huge struggle.

I will ask Dr. Chansky as you both suggested.

Thanks again!

> ,

>

> We had similar issues with our dd when she was 8. She wouldn't shower or

bathe and would only use the bathroom 2 times daily and only at our house. We

finally put her in the shower with all her clothes on just to get her a bit

cleaner. Depends on what exactly the issue is. She has contamination issues

related to her bottom, so did better with the clothes on. We couldn't go much

of anywhere that summer. Try to find out what the issue is: is it

contamination of him or the bathroom, doubt about how clean he is, etc. You

may have to accommodate him some until he gets the help he needs. i second the

suggestion for asking Dr. Chansky.

>

> Best wishes,

> (mom w/OCD, 11.5 yo dd w/OCD, 9 yo dd w/tics and/or OCD?)

>

> ________________________________

>

> To: " " < >

> Sent: Tuesday, February 7, 2012 3:50 PM

> Subject: Re: Help w/Bathroom issues

>

> , I have no suggestions but I would email this same question to Dr.

Chansky - write " Ask Dr. Chansky " in the subject title. I would imagine she

would have some really great ideas.

> in WA

>

> ________________________________

>

> To:

> Sent: Tuesday, February 7, 2012 11:53 AM

> Subject: Help w/Bathroom issues

>

>

>

>

> My son, 15.5 is having bathroom avoidance and today was the 4th time in the

past 2 weeks I have found that he went to the bathroom (#1 and #2) outside of

the bathroom. He'll sneak it, like he went in the garage and went poop in a

paper towel, wiped himself and then put it all in the trash in the garage. Now

the trash can is directly outside the kitchen door, so it's not like we wouldn't

immediately notice the smell.

>

> He also refuses to take showers, so between the 2 issues, among many other

dysfunctional behaviors, things are getting pretty concerning. He's on the wait

list for 's, so we have that in place, but there's no telling how long it

will be. I just don't know how long I can keep my own head above water with all

of this!

>

> Any suggestions for dealing with these issues would be much appreciated.

>

> Thanks!

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

,

Some thoughts that come to mind are avoidance of contamination issues (if I

don't use the usual bathroom, I won't have to wipe/wash/use the toilet,

etc--severe contamination issues can lead to extreme avoidance that makes the

person " less clean " than normal).  Perhaps he has compulsions involving the

stairs--does he take an unusually long time to go up the stairs or have any

rituals involved in transitioning from downstairs to upstairs?  Is he depressed

(quite likely with severe OCD) and unable to transition well from one activity

to another? Does he pick his skin?  My older dd does when she is very anxious

and she usually does it either in the bathroom or in her bedroom. The nonchalant

attitude is likely a cover-up for fear, embarrassment, etc... we have seen this

with our dd.  Does he have compulsions regarding the appearance of his body or

certain parts of it that would make him want to hide in the dark when he uses

the toilet or shower?  I

haven't followed all your e-mails, so I don't know if he is attending school or

going places outside the home.  If he is doing either of those, does he use the

bathroom at school or in public places; can he do it with the lights on?  If he

won't talk to you, will he write down his thoughts or put them on a digital

voice recorder so that you can listen to them.  Another good time to talk is in

the car or in the dark (bedtime, etc) as he doesn't have to look you in the face

while dealing with his fear, anxiety, and embarrassment.  Has he or is he

willing to read any books on OCD?

(mom w/ OCD, 11.5 yo dd w/OCD, 9 yo dd w/tics and/or OCD)

________________________________

To:

Sent: Tuesday, February 7, 2012 4:19 PM

Subject: Re: Help w/Bathroom issues

Thanks, and . I don't really know what the issue is and why he's

doing this. Every time I tried to discuss it with him, fingers go in the ears

and he won't talk about it. The part that worries me the most is is very

nonchalant attitude about the whole thing, almost thinking it's funny. Now this

is an almost 16 year old boy who is typically the most polite well-mannered kid

you could meet. Normally, not only would he have been mortified to have done

this, but he would have never recovered from my knowing about it.

I know he doesn't have contamination issues because he's almost like the

opposite. He claims that the reason why he's doing it is because he " doesn't

feel like going upstairs. " Now we have a very small house and it's all of a

10-second trip to get up the stairs to the bathroom. Now he will sometimes go in

the bathroom and sit on the toilet for well over an hour. Sometimes he does a

few tics, other times just sits there in the dark. Whenever he does use the

bathroom, he'll only use it in the dark, even to take a shower on the rare

occasion that happens without a huge struggle.

I will ask Dr. Chansky as you both suggested.

Thanks again!

[Guest guest]

Thanks, . I really don't think it's contamination issues in his case,

he just doesn't display any of that type of behavior, in fact he displays quite

the opposite. Thankfully, he does not show any signs of depression. Although I'm

glad he doesn't on one hand, on the other hand, I question why he isn't

depressed considering his circumstances......zero social life, no outside

activities, etc. He does go to school 3 days a week and I'm not sure what

happens with the bathroom there. I believe it's a one stall private bathroom (he

goes to a small private school) so it's quite possible he goes in there and

turns the lights off to use it.

I'm not sure about compulsions regarding parts of his body, although for the

longest time he refuses to look in the mirror or at any photos of himself. He

does not do skin picking or other typical ritualistic OCD stuff.

He wouldn't write down or record anything, he just refuses to do anything along

those lines. It's hard to describe, but he really does seem like he's regressed

to the maturity level of a small child in so many ways, including the bathroom

issues. Although some of these things were present beforehand, I'm beginning to

wonder if the fact that my husband and I are going through a divorce now has

caused some of this. I've read about kids going through regressions due to

trauma and since he has not expressed any real upset or sadness over our

divorce, I have to question why?

Oh, it's all so complicated!

> ,

>

> Some thoughts that come to mind are avoidance of contamination issues (if I

don't use the usual bathroom, I won't have to wipe/wash/use the toilet,

etc--severe contamination issues can lead to extreme avoidance that makes the

person " less clean " than normal). Perhaps he has compulsions involving the

stairs--does he take an unusually long time to go up the stairs or have any

rituals involved in transitioning from downstairs to upstairs? Is he depressed

(quite likely with severe OCD) and unable to transition well from one activity

to another? Does he pick his skin? My older dd does when she is very anxious

and she usually does it either in the bathroom or in her bedroom. The nonchalant

attitude is likely a cover-up for fear, embarrassment, etc... we have seen this

with our dd. Does he have compulsions regarding the appearance of his body or

certain parts of it that would make him want to hide in the dark when he uses

the toilet or shower? I

> haven't followed all your e-mails, so I don't know if he is attending school

or going places outside the home. If he is doing either of those, does he use

the bathroom at school or in public places; can he do it with the lights on? If

he won't talk to you, will he write down his thoughts or put them on a digital

voice recorder so that you can listen to them. Another good time to talk is in

the car or in the dark (bedtime, etc) as he doesn't have to look you in the face

while dealing with his fear, anxiety, and embarrassment. Has he or is he

willing to read any books on OCD?

>

> (mom w/ OCD, 11.5 yo dd w/OCD, 9 yo dd w/tics and/or OCD)

>

> ________________________________

>

> To:

> Sent: Tuesday, February 7, 2012 4:19 PM

> Subject: Re: Help w/Bathroom issues

>

> Thanks, and . I don't really know what the issue is and why he's

doing this. Every time I tried to discuss it with him, fingers go in the ears

and he won't talk about it. The part that worries me the most is is very

nonchalant attitude about the whole thing, almost thinking it's funny. Now this

is an almost 16 year old boy who is typically the most polite well-mannered kid

you could meet. Normally, not only would he have been mortified to have done

this, but he would have never recovered from my knowing about it.

>

> I know he doesn't have contamination issues because he's almost like the

opposite. He claims that the reason why he's doing it is because he " doesn't

feel like going upstairs. " Now we have a very small house and it's all of a

10-second trip to get up the stairs to the bathroom. Now he will sometimes go in

the bathroom and sit on the toilet for well over an hour. Sometimes he does a

few tics, other times just sits there in the dark. Whenever he does use the

bathroom, he'll only use it in the dark, even to take a shower on the rare

occasion that happens without a huge struggle.

>

> I will ask Dr. Chansky as you both suggested.

>

> Thanks again!

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

I most definitely think the divorce is triggering his issues even if he doesn't

show it outwardly. My daughter's OCD actually became noticeable when I was

going through my divorce when she was in 3rd grade. And any time that my

current husband and I have a major disagreement, her OCD gets triggered. From

everything that I have heard, including from adults who grew up with OCD, change

is a major trigger for OCD behaviors. They can not process it. I became very

friendly with a grown-up on ocdtribe.com who grew up with the exact same

intrusive thoughts as my daughter and she was the one who told me first that

change was a big issue.

>

> Thanks, . I really don't think it's contamination issues in his case,

he just doesn't display any of that type of behavior, in fact he displays quite

the opposite. Thankfully, he does not show any signs of depression. Although I'm

glad he doesn't on one hand, on the other hand, I question why he isn't

depressed considering his circumstances......zero social life, no outside

activities, etc. He does go to school 3 days a week and I'm not sure what

happens with the bathroom there. I believe it's a one stall private bathroom (he

goes to a small private school) so it's quite possible he goes in there and

turns the lights off to use it.

>

> I'm not sure about compulsions regarding parts of his body, although for the

longest time he refuses to look in the mirror or at any photos of himself. He

does not do skin picking or other typical ritualistic OCD stuff.

>

> He wouldn't write down or record anything, he just refuses to do anything

along those lines. It's hard to describe, but he really does seem like he's

regressed to the maturity level of a small child in so many ways, including the

bathroom issues. Although some of these things were present beforehand, I'm

beginning to wonder if the fact that my husband and I are going through a

divorce now has caused some of this. I've read about kids going through

regressions due to trauma and since he has not expressed any real upset or

sadness over our divorce, I have to question why?

> Oh, it's all so complicated!

>

>

>

> > ,

> >

> > Some thoughts that come to mind are avoidance of contamination issues (if I

don't use the usual bathroom, I won't have to wipe/wash/use the toilet,

etc--severe contamination issues can lead to extreme avoidance that makes the

person " less clean " than normal). Perhaps he has compulsions involving the

stairs--does he take an unusually long time to go up the stairs or have any

rituals involved in transitioning from downstairs to upstairs? Is he depressed

(quite likely with severe OCD) and unable to transition well from one activity

to another? Does he pick his skin? My older dd does when she is very anxious

and she usually does it either in the bathroom or in her bedroom. The nonchalant

attitude is likely a cover-up for fear, embarrassment, etc... we have seen this

with our dd. Does he have compulsions regarding the appearance of his body or

certain parts of it that would make him want to hide in the dark when he uses

the toilet or shower? I

> > haven't followed all your e-mails, so I don't know if he is attending school

or going places outside the home. If he is doing either of those, does he use

the bathroom at school or in public places; can he do it with the lights on? If

he won't talk to you, will he write down his thoughts or put them on a digital

voice recorder so that you can listen to them. Another good time to talk is in

the car or in the dark (bedtime, etc) as he doesn't have to look you in the face

while dealing with his fear, anxiety, and embarrassment. Has he or is he

willing to read any books on OCD?

> >

> > (mom w/ OCD, 11.5 yo dd w/OCD, 9 yo dd w/tics and/or OCD)

> >

> > ________________________________

> >

> > To:

> > Sent: Tuesday, February 7, 2012 4:19 PM

> > Subject: Re: Help w/Bathroom issues

> >

> > Thanks, and . I don't really know what the issue is and why he's

doing this. Every time I tried to discuss it with him, fingers go in the ears

and he won't talk about it. The part that worries me the most is is very

nonchalant attitude about the whole thing, almost thinking it's funny. Now this

is an almost 16 year old boy who is typically the most polite well-mannered kid

you could meet. Normally, not only would he have been mortified to have done

this, but he would have never recovered from my knowing about it.

> >

> > I know he doesn't have contamination issues because he's almost like the

opposite. He claims that the reason why he's doing it is because he " doesn't

feel like going upstairs. " Now we have a very small house and it's all of a

10-second trip to get up the stairs to the bathroom. Now he will sometimes go in

the bathroom and sit on the toilet for well over an hour. Sometimes he does a

few tics, other times just sits there in the dark. Whenever he does use the

bathroom, he'll only use it in the dark, even to take a shower on the rare

occasion that happens without a huge struggle.

> >

> > I will ask Dr. Chansky as you both suggested.

> >

> > Thanks again!

> >

> >

> >

[Guest guest]

Thanks for sharing this. It does make sense that traumas and upsets are triggers

for OCD. I had put off the divorce for so long for two reasons......finances and

worrying about the effect on my son, especially because he's an only child. I

kick myself now for not having done it so many years ago. My mom had put the

fear of God in me about getting divorced and had me convinced that I'd end up in

a tent somewhere and my son would never recover, she went through a really nasty

divorce and was concerned about the same for me. I know she had the best of

intentions, but I just wish I would have followed my heart and not allowed the

fear to take over. Things got to a point last October where I was left with no

other option but to file. I know there is never any " right time " to divorce as

far as kids are concerned, but I just hope and pray that things will turn around

for my son after he gets to 's.

> I most definitely think the divorce is triggering his issues even if he

doesn't show it outwardly. My daughter's OCD actually became noticeable when I

was going through my divorce when she was in 3rd grade. And any time that my

current husband and I have a major disagreement, her OCD gets triggered. From

everything that I have heard, including from adults who grew up with OCD, change

is a major trigger for OCD behaviors. They can not process it. I became very

friendly with a grown-up on ocdtribe.com who grew up with the exact same

intrusive thoughts as my daughter and she was the one who told me first that

change was a big issue.

>

>

> >

> > Thanks, . I really don't think it's contamination issues in his

case, he just doesn't display any of that type of behavior, in fact he displays

quite the opposite. Thankfully, he does not show any signs of depression.

Although I'm glad he doesn't on one hand, on the other hand, I question why he

isn't depressed considering his circumstances......zero social life, no outside

activities, etc. He does go to school 3 days a week and I'm not sure what

happens with the bathroom there. I believe it's a one stall private bathroom (he

goes to a small private school) so it's quite possible he goes in there and

turns the lights off to use it.

> >

> > I'm not sure about compulsions regarding parts of his body, although for the

longest time he refuses to look in the mirror or at any photos of himself. He

does not do skin picking or other typical ritualistic OCD stuff.

> >

> > He wouldn't write down or record anything, he just refuses to do anything

along those lines. It's hard to describe, but he really does seem like he's

regressed to the maturity level of a small child in so many ways, including the

bathroom issues. Although some of these things were present beforehand, I'm

beginning to wonder if the fact that my husband and I are going through a

divorce now has caused some of this. I've read about kids going through

regressions due to trauma and since he has not expressed any real upset or

sadness over our divorce, I have to question why?

> > Oh, it's all so complicated!

> >

> >

> >

> > > ,

> > >

> > > Some thoughts that come to mind are avoidance of contamination issues (if

I don't use the usual bathroom, I won't have to wipe/wash/use the toilet,

etc--severe contamination issues can lead to extreme avoidance that makes the

person " less clean " than normal). Perhaps he has compulsions involving the

stairs--does he take an unusually long time to go up the stairs or have any

rituals involved in transitioning from downstairs to upstairs? Is he depressed

(quite likely with severe OCD) and unable to transition well from one activity

to another? Does he pick his skin? My older dd does when she is very anxious and

she usually does it either in the bathroom or in her bedroom. The nonchalant

attitude is likely a cover-up for fear, embarrassment, etc... we have seen this

with our dd. Does he have compulsions regarding the appearance of his body or

certain parts of it that would make him want to hide in the dark when he uses

the toilet or shower? I

> > > haven't followed all your e-mails, so I don't know if he is attending

school or going places outside the home. If he is doing either of those, does he

use the bathroom at school or in public places; can he do it with the lights on?

If he won't talk to you, will he write down his thoughts or put them on a

digital voice recorder so that you can listen to them. Another good time to talk

is in the car or in the dark (bedtime, etc) as he doesn't have to look you in

the face while dealing with his fear, anxiety, and embarrassment. Has he or is

he willing to read any books on OCD?

> > >

> > > (mom w/ OCD, 11.5 yo dd w/OCD, 9 yo dd w/tics and/or OCD)

> > >

> > > ________________________________

> > >

> > > To:

> > > Sent: Tuesday, February 7, 2012 4:19 PM

> > > Subject: Re: Help w/Bathroom issues

> > >

> > > Thanks, and . I don't really know what the issue is and why

he's doing this. Every time I tried to discuss it with him, fingers go in the

ears and he won't talk about it. The part that worries me the most is is very

nonchalant attitude about the whole thing, almost thinking it's funny. Now this

is an almost 16 year old boy who is typically the most polite well-mannered kid

you could meet. Normally, not only would he have been mortified to have done

this, but he would have never recovered from my knowing about it.

> > >

> > > I know he doesn't have contamination issues because he's almost like the

opposite. He claims that the reason why he's doing it is because he " doesn't

feel like going upstairs. " Now we have a very small house and it's all of a

10-second trip to get up the stairs to the bathroom. Now he will sometimes go in

the bathroom and sit on the toilet for well over an hour. Sometimes he does a

few tics, other times just sits there in the dark. Whenever he does use the

bathroom, he'll only use it in the dark, even to take a shower on the rare

occasion that happens without a huge struggle.

> > >

> > > I will ask Dr. Chansky as you both suggested.

> > >

> > > Thanks again!

> > >

> > >

> > >

[Guest guest]

Thanks for sharing this. It does make sense that traumas and upsets are triggers

for OCD. I had put off the divorce for so long for two reasons......finances and

worrying about the effect on my son, especially because he's an only child. I

kick myself now for not having done it so many years ago. My mom had put the

fear of God in me about getting divorced and had me convinced that I'd end up in

a tent somewhere and my son would never recover, she went through a really nasty

divorce and was concerned about the same for me. I know she had the best of

intentions, but I just wish I would have followed my heart and not allowed the

fear to take over. Things got to a point last October where I was left with no

other option but to file. I know there is never any " right time " to divorce as

far as kids are concerned, but I just hope and pray that things will turn around

for my son after he gets to 's.

> I most definitely think the divorce is triggering his issues even if he

doesn't show it outwardly. My daughter's OCD actually became noticeable when I

was going through my divorce when she was in 3rd grade. And any time that my

current husband and I have a major disagreement, her OCD gets triggered. From

everything that I have heard, including from adults who grew up with OCD, change

is a major trigger for OCD behaviors. They can not process it. I became very

friendly with a grown-up on ocdtribe.com who grew up with the exact same

intrusive thoughts as my daughter and she was the one who told me first that

change was a big issue.

>

>

> >

> > Thanks, . I really don't think it's contamination issues in his

case, he just doesn't display any of that type of behavior, in fact he displays

quite the opposite. Thankfully, he does not show any signs of depression.

Although I'm glad he doesn't on one hand, on the other hand, I question why he

isn't depressed considering his circumstances......zero social life, no outside

activities, etc. He does go to school 3 days a week and I'm not sure what

happens with the bathroom there. I believe it's a one stall private bathroom (he

goes to a small private school) so it's quite possible he goes in there and

turns the lights off to use it.

> >

> > I'm not sure about compulsions regarding parts of his body, although for the

longest time he refuses to look in the mirror or at any photos of himself. He

does not do skin picking or other typical ritualistic OCD stuff.

> >

> > He wouldn't write down or record anything, he just refuses to do anything

along those lines. It's hard to describe, but he really does seem like he's

regressed to the maturity level of a small child in so many ways, including the

bathroom issues. Although some of these things were present beforehand, I'm

beginning to wonder if the fact that my husband and I are going through a

divorce now has caused some of this. I've read about kids going through

regressions due to trauma and since he has not expressed any real upset or

sadness over our divorce, I have to question why?

> > Oh, it's all so complicated!

> >

> >

> >

> > > ,

> > >

> > > Some thoughts that come to mind are avoidance of contamination issues (if

I don't use the usual bathroom, I won't have to wipe/wash/use the toilet,

etc--severe contamination issues can lead to extreme avoidance that makes the

person " less clean " than normal). Perhaps he has compulsions involving the

stairs--does he take an unusually long time to go up the stairs or have any

rituals involved in transitioning from downstairs to upstairs? Is he depressed

(quite likely with severe OCD) and unable to transition well from one activity

to another? Does he pick his skin? My older dd does when she is very anxious and

she usually does it either in the bathroom or in her bedroom. The nonchalant

attitude is likely a cover-up for fear, embarrassment, etc... we have seen this

with our dd. Does he have compulsions regarding the appearance of his body or

certain parts of it that would make him want to hide in the dark when he uses

the toilet or shower? I

> > > haven't followed all your e-mails, so I don't know if he is attending

school or going places outside the home. If he is doing either of those, does he

use the bathroom at school or in public places; can he do it with the lights on?

If he won't talk to you, will he write down his thoughts or put them on a

digital voice recorder so that you can listen to them. Another good time to talk

is in the car or in the dark (bedtime, etc) as he doesn't have to look you in

the face while dealing with his fear, anxiety, and embarrassment. Has he or is

he willing to read any books on OCD?

> > >

> > > (mom w/ OCD, 11.5 yo dd w/OCD, 9 yo dd w/tics and/or OCD)

> > >

> > > ________________________________

> > >

> > > To:

> > > Sent: Tuesday, February 7, 2012 4:19 PM

> > > Subject: Re: Help w/Bathroom issues

> > >

> > > Thanks, and . I don't really know what the issue is and why

he's doing this. Every time I tried to discuss it with him, fingers go in the

ears and he won't talk about it. The part that worries me the most is is very

nonchalant attitude about the whole thing, almost thinking it's funny. Now this

is an almost 16 year old boy who is typically the most polite well-mannered kid

you could meet. Normally, not only would he have been mortified to have done

this, but he would have never recovered from my knowing about it.

> > >

> > > I know he doesn't have contamination issues because he's almost like the

opposite. He claims that the reason why he's doing it is because he " doesn't

feel like going upstairs. " Now we have a very small house and it's all of a

10-second trip to get up the stairs to the bathroom. Now he will sometimes go in

the bathroom and sit on the toilet for well over an hour. Sometimes he does a

few tics, other times just sits there in the dark. Whenever he does use the

bathroom, he'll only use it in the dark, even to take a shower on the rare

occasion that happens without a huge struggle.

> > >

> > > I will ask Dr. Chansky as you both suggested.

> > >

> > > Thanks again!

> > >

> > >

> > >

[Guest guest]

,

Some interesting and unique behaviors like this are, believe it or not, great

symptoms in the world of homeopathy. We have treated our daughter exculsively

with homeopathy for the last 2.5 years and are continuing, due to the success we

have had. It is not a " cure all " for us but it can be life changing for those

that exhibit clear and defined behaviors or symptoms, making it much easier to

treat the person. Just thought I would make the recommendation. I have found our

daughter's treatment to be a very interesting journey and am glad we decided to

try it after all the traditional avenues had not provided the help we hoped for.

My daughter is treated by Dr. Mark Janikula (now in Capitola CA) - we do all

over phone, and I think he is open to skype too.

>

> My son, 15.5 is having bathroom avoidance and today was the 4th time in the

past 2 weeks I have found that he went to the bathroom (#1 and #2) outside of

the bathroom. He'll sneak it, like he went in the garage and went poop in a

paper towel, wiped himself and then put it all in the trash in the garage. Now

the trash can is directly outside the kitchen door, so it's not like we wouldn't

immediately notice the smell.

>

> He also refuses to take showers, so between the 2 issues, among many other

dysfunctional behaviors, things are getting pretty concerning. He's on the wait

list for 's, so we have that in place, but there's no telling how long it

will be. I just don't know how long I can keep my own head above water with all

of this!

>

> Any suggestions for dealing with these issues would be much appreciated.

>

> Thanks!

>

>

[Guest guest]

,

Some interesting and unique behaviors like this are, believe it or not, great

symptoms in the world of homeopathy. We have treated our daughter exculsively

with homeopathy for the last 2.5 years and are continuing, due to the success we

have had. It is not a " cure all " for us but it can be life changing for those

that exhibit clear and defined behaviors or symptoms, making it much easier to

treat the person. Just thought I would make the recommendation. I have found our

daughter's treatment to be a very interesting journey and am glad we decided to

try it after all the traditional avenues had not provided the help we hoped for.

My daughter is treated by Dr. Mark Janikula (now in Capitola CA) - we do all

over phone, and I think he is open to skype too.

>

> My son, 15.5 is having bathroom avoidance and today was the 4th time in the

past 2 weeks I have found that he went to the bathroom (#1 and #2) outside of

the bathroom. He'll sneak it, like he went in the garage and went poop in a

paper towel, wiped himself and then put it all in the trash in the garage. Now

the trash can is directly outside the kitchen door, so it's not like we wouldn't

immediately notice the smell.

>

> He also refuses to take showers, so between the 2 issues, among many other

dysfunctional behaviors, things are getting pretty concerning. He's on the wait

list for 's, so we have that in place, but there's no telling how long it

will be. I just don't know how long I can keep my own head above water with all

of this!

>

> Any suggestions for dealing with these issues would be much appreciated.

>

> Thanks!

>

>

[Guest guest]

Please no that my comment was just to let you know how change affects them. In

no way, was I trying to make you feel bad about what you are going through.

Please don't beat yourself up about it. I have been there, and in the long run,

it is better for you to get out of a bad situation than to stay there because

you think it is right for the child. You son will get better. I have heard so

many good things about . One thing I am learning through all of this is

to take it a day at a time, and today is a good day!

If you ever need anyone to talk to feel free to email me directly. Like I said,

I have been there, and it does get better.

> > >

> > > Thanks, . I really don't think it's contamination issues in his

case, he just doesn't display any of that type of behavior, in fact he displays

quite the opposite. Thankfully, he does not show any signs of depression.

Although I'm glad he doesn't on one hand, on the other hand, I question why he

isn't depressed considering his circumstances......zero social life, no outside

activities, etc. He does go to school 3 days a week and I'm not sure what

happens with the bathroom there. I believe it's a one stall private bathroom (he

goes to a small private school) so it's quite possible he goes in there and

turns the lights off to use it.

> > >

> > > I'm not sure about compulsions regarding parts of his body, although for

the longest time he refuses to look in the mirror or at any photos of himself.

He does not do skin picking or other typical ritualistic OCD stuff.

> > >

> > > He wouldn't write down or record anything, he just refuses to do anything

along those lines. It's hard to describe, but he really does seem like he's

regressed to the maturity level of a small child in so many ways, including the

bathroom issues. Although some of these things were present beforehand, I'm

beginning to wonder if the fact that my husband and I are going through a

divorce now has caused some of this. I've read about kids going through

regressions due to trauma and since he has not expressed any real upset or

sadness over our divorce, I have to question why?

> > > Oh, it's all so complicated!

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > > > ,

> > > >

> > > > Some thoughts that come to mind are avoidance of contamination issues

(if I don't use the usual bathroom, I won't have to wipe/wash/use the toilet,

etc--severe contamination issues can lead to extreme avoidance that makes the

person " less clean " than normal). Perhaps he has compulsions involving the

stairs--does he take an unusually long time to go up the stairs or have any

rituals involved in transitioning from downstairs to upstairs? Is he depressed

(quite likely with severe OCD) and unable to transition well from one activity

to another? Does he pick his skin? My older dd does when she is very anxious and

she usually does it either in the bathroom or in her bedroom. The nonchalant

attitude is likely a cover-up for fear, embarrassment, etc... we have seen this

with our dd. Does he have compulsions regarding the appearance of his body or

certain parts of it that would make him want to hide in the dark when he uses

the toilet or shower? I

> > > > haven't followed all your e-mails, so I don't know if he is attending

school or going places outside the home. If he is doing either of those, does he

use the bathroom at school or in public places; can he do it with the lights on?

If he won't talk to you, will he write down his thoughts or put them on a

digital voice recorder so that you can listen to them. Another good time to talk

is in the car or in the dark (bedtime, etc) as he doesn't have to look you in

the face while dealing with his fear, anxiety, and embarrassment. Has he or is

he willing to read any books on OCD?

> > > >

> > > > (mom w/ OCD, 11.5 yo dd w/OCD, 9 yo dd w/tics and/or OCD)

> > > >

> > > > ________________________________

> > > > From: " pets@ " <pets@>

> > > > To:

> > > > Sent: Tuesday, February 7, 2012 4:19 PM

> > > > Subject: Re: Help w/Bathroom issues

> > > >

> > > > Thanks, and . I don't really know what the issue is and why

he's doing this. Every time I tried to discuss it with him, fingers go in the

ears and he won't talk about it. The part that worries me the most is is very

nonchalant attitude about the whole thing, almost thinking it's funny. Now this

is an almost 16 year old boy who is typically the most polite well-mannered kid

you could meet. Normally, not only would he have been mortified to have done

this, but he would have never recovered from my knowing about it.

> > > >

> > > > I know he doesn't have contamination issues because he's almost like the

opposite. He claims that the reason why he's doing it is because he " doesn't

feel like going upstairs. " Now we have a very small house and it's all of a

10-second trip to get up the stairs to the bathroom. Now he will sometimes go in

the bathroom and sit on the toilet for well over an hour. Sometimes he does a

few tics, other times just sits there in the dark. Whenever he does use the

bathroom, he'll only use it in the dark, even to take a shower on the rare

occasion that happens without a huge struggle.

> > > >

> > > > I will ask Dr. Chansky as you both suggested.

> > > >

> > > > Thanks again!

> > > >

> > > >

> > > >

[Guest guest]

Please no that my comment was just to let you know how change affects them. In

no way, was I trying to make you feel bad about what you are going through.

Please don't beat yourself up about it. I have been there, and in the long run,

it is better for you to get out of a bad situation than to stay there because

you think it is right for the child. You son will get better. I have heard so

many good things about . One thing I am learning through all of this is

to take it a day at a time, and today is a good day!

If you ever need anyone to talk to feel free to email me directly. Like I said,

I have been there, and it does get better.

> > >

> > > Thanks, . I really don't think it's contamination issues in his

case, he just doesn't display any of that type of behavior, in fact he displays

quite the opposite. Thankfully, he does not show any signs of depression.

Although I'm glad he doesn't on one hand, on the other hand, I question why he

isn't depressed considering his circumstances......zero social life, no outside

activities, etc. He does go to school 3 days a week and I'm not sure what

happens with the bathroom there. I believe it's a one stall private bathroom (he

goes to a small private school) so it's quite possible he goes in there and

turns the lights off to use it.

> > >

> > > I'm not sure about compulsions regarding parts of his body, although for

the longest time he refuses to look in the mirror or at any photos of himself.

He does not do skin picking or other typical ritualistic OCD stuff.

> > >

> > > He wouldn't write down or record anything, he just refuses to do anything

along those lines. It's hard to describe, but he really does seem like he's

regressed to the maturity level of a small child in so many ways, including the

bathroom issues. Although some of these things were present beforehand, I'm

beginning to wonder if the fact that my husband and I are going through a

divorce now has caused some of this. I've read about kids going through

regressions due to trauma and since he has not expressed any real upset or

sadness over our divorce, I have to question why?

> > > Oh, it's all so complicated!

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > > > ,

> > > >

> > > > Some thoughts that come to mind are avoidance of contamination issues

(if I don't use the usual bathroom, I won't have to wipe/wash/use the toilet,

etc--severe contamination issues can lead to extreme avoidance that makes the

person " less clean " than normal). Perhaps he has compulsions involving the

stairs--does he take an unusually long time to go up the stairs or have any

rituals involved in transitioning from downstairs to upstairs? Is he depressed

(quite likely with severe OCD) and unable to transition well from one activity

to another? Does he pick his skin? My older dd does when she is very anxious and

she usually does it either in the bathroom or in her bedroom. The nonchalant

attitude is likely a cover-up for fear, embarrassment, etc... we have seen this

with our dd. Does he have compulsions regarding the appearance of his body or

certain parts of it that would make him want to hide in the dark when he uses

the toilet or shower? I

> > > > haven't followed all your e-mails, so I don't know if he is attending

school or going places outside the home. If he is doing either of those, does he

use the bathroom at school or in public places; can he do it with the lights on?

If he won't talk to you, will he write down his thoughts or put them on a

digital voice recorder so that you can listen to them. Another good time to talk

is in the car or in the dark (bedtime, etc) as he doesn't have to look you in

the face while dealing with his fear, anxiety, and embarrassment. Has he or is

he willing to read any books on OCD?

> > > >

> > > > (mom w/ OCD, 11.5 yo dd w/OCD, 9 yo dd w/tics and/or OCD)

> > > >

> > > > ________________________________

> > > > From: " pets@ " <pets@>

> > > > To:

> > > > Sent: Tuesday, February 7, 2012 4:19 PM

> > > > Subject: Re: Help w/Bathroom issues

> > > >

> > > > Thanks, and . I don't really know what the issue is and why

he's doing this. Every time I tried to discuss it with him, fingers go in the

ears and he won't talk about it. The part that worries me the most is is very

nonchalant attitude about the whole thing, almost thinking it's funny. Now this

is an almost 16 year old boy who is typically the most polite well-mannered kid

you could meet. Normally, not only would he have been mortified to have done

this, but he would have never recovered from my knowing about it.

> > > >

> > > > I know he doesn't have contamination issues because he's almost like the

opposite. He claims that the reason why he's doing it is because he " doesn't

feel like going upstairs. " Now we have a very small house and it's all of a

10-second trip to get up the stairs to the bathroom. Now he will sometimes go in

the bathroom and sit on the toilet for well over an hour. Sometimes he does a

few tics, other times just sits there in the dark. Whenever he does use the

bathroom, he'll only use it in the dark, even to take a shower on the rare

occasion that happens without a huge struggle.

> > > >

> > > > I will ask Dr. Chansky as you both suggested.

> > > >

> > > > Thanks again!

> > > >

> > > >

> > > >