Re: need advice on son and ERP

[Guest guest]

Hello,

I think you should do what works. I couldn't get my son anywhere near ERP

without incentives like money. I know many parents and therapists would

disagree with this, but it worked for us.

You might need to adjust your system of rewards as you go along, but I believe

that it can work. I know that my son felt like I was at least acknowledging the

hard work that ERP requires when I was paying him.

Hope this helps.

Joni

[Guest guest]

Thanks Joni - very reassuring! How much did you pay and did you vary according

to how hard ERP was? Like - 1 inch of contamination vs. 1 leg? Did you ask him

every day to do ERP or wait for him? Therapist says let him initiate, but I'm

like - be real.

Rhonda

Re: need advice on son and ERP

Hello,

I think you should do what works. I couldn't get my son anywhere near ERP

without incentives like money. I know many parents and therapists would disagree

with this, but it worked for us.

You might need to adjust your system of rewards as you go along, but I believe

that it can work. I know that my son felt like I was at least acknowledging the

hard work that ERP requires when I was paying him.

Hope this helps.

Joni

[Guest guest]

Hello,

We did ERP sessions " during school breaks like Christmas, Spring break and summer

vacations. During those 1-2 weeks we hit it hard, almost everyday. We found

this worked well for us. He knew what to expect during this time and didn't

argue too much. As to how much to pay, it would have to be enough to catch your

son's attention. Our kids are so different so what works for one won't even

begin to help others.

If it had been up to my son, he would never have initiated ERP. I had to coax,

bribe, and cajole him. But, I'm glad I did. ERP made all the difference for

him.

Best,

Joni

[Guest guest]

Hello,

We did ERP sessions " during school breaks like Christmas, Spring break and summer

vacations. During those 1-2 weeks we hit it hard, almost everyday. We found

this worked well for us. He knew what to expect during this time and didn't

argue too much. As to how much to pay, it would have to be enough to catch your

son's attention. Our kids are so different so what works for one won't even

begin to help others.

If it had been up to my son, he would never have initiated ERP. I had to coax,

bribe, and cajole him. But, I'm glad I did. ERP made all the difference for

him.

Best,

Joni

[Guest guest]

My now 17 yr son has never responded to incentives. Roy sees this as controlling

him. He participates in the exposure therapy because he sees that it continues

to help him. He didn't do any CBT stuff which could have been related to the

ADD. Not everyone can do this but I had saved money for him for a college fund.

Roy needed a desktop to run his animation software and I needed a laptop. I

" bought " it from him and then along with the college fund money, I got him the

desktop. He was able to get it pretty reasonably b/c he put it together. He may

see you as controlling him about the laptop and tying with sleep. I don't know

if control is a big issue with your son or not. If you could afford to get the

laptop, I guess I would get it for him without strings attached. If you can't

afford it, sometimes there is county funding that is available if it is

necessary for him. He could sell his old one online but my son says now people

won't pay much. He used to sell alot of things on Ebay for pretty good profit

but he hasn't had much luck lately.

The sleep issue sounds frustrating. I have been to 3 dif. pdocs lately for my

other son with BP. They have all said that if he is not sleeping and appears OK

without sleeping, he is prob. manic. If he doesn't sleep and is tired, then it

is not manic. I don't know if your son has any other issue besides OCD, but I

just thought that maybe something else is going on besides wanting to be up all

night. Also, would a public health nurse come out to the house and evaluate him?

Maybe that would help get the ball rolling for services. Just a thought.

in WI

Roy-17,OCD/Anxiety/Depression/ADD. Adderall XR,Fluoxetine, Busbar. On 504. Doing

well this term. Likes tech stuff, woods.

>

> 17-yo son wants new laptop and needs to sell old one. I said I would help him

post old one on Amazon if he started getting to bed by 1 am every night. (Each

night he goes to bed on time, I would do one more step in helping him get laptop

sold.) He is very sensitive about feeling something is being taken away from

him, and I've been arbitrary in the past, suddenly yanking things away. However

I gave this boundary very calmly and thought about it a lot first. Today he said

he wasn't going to do any more ERP. I asked if he was angry about laptop issue.

He said yes. I'm not sure whether to hold out with my terms or negotiate or say,

okay, if you do ERP, I'll help you. Thoughts?

>

> (I'm still working on how to get him into medical testing to admit to

treatment center.)

>

> thanks,

> Rhonda

>

>

[Guest guest]

My now 17 yr son has never responded to incentives. Roy sees this as controlling

him. He participates in the exposure therapy because he sees that it continues

to help him. He didn't do any CBT stuff which could have been related to the

ADD. Not everyone can do this but I had saved money for him for a college fund.

Roy needed a desktop to run his animation software and I needed a laptop. I

" bought " it from him and then along with the college fund money, I got him the

desktop. He was able to get it pretty reasonably b/c he put it together. He may

see you as controlling him about the laptop and tying with sleep. I don't know

if control is a big issue with your son or not. If you could afford to get the

laptop, I guess I would get it for him without strings attached. If you can't

afford it, sometimes there is county funding that is available if it is

necessary for him. He could sell his old one online but my son says now people

won't pay much. He used to sell alot of things on Ebay for pretty good profit

but he hasn't had much luck lately.

The sleep issue sounds frustrating. I have been to 3 dif. pdocs lately for my

other son with BP. They have all said that if he is not sleeping and appears OK

without sleeping, he is prob. manic. If he doesn't sleep and is tired, then it

is not manic. I don't know if your son has any other issue besides OCD, but I

just thought that maybe something else is going on besides wanting to be up all

night. Also, would a public health nurse come out to the house and evaluate him?

Maybe that would help get the ball rolling for services. Just a thought.

in WI

Roy-17,OCD/Anxiety/Depression/ADD. Adderall XR,Fluoxetine, Busbar. On 504. Doing

well this term. Likes tech stuff, woods.

>

> 17-yo son wants new laptop and needs to sell old one. I said I would help him

post old one on Amazon if he started getting to bed by 1 am every night. (Each

night he goes to bed on time, I would do one more step in helping him get laptop

sold.) He is very sensitive about feeling something is being taken away from

him, and I've been arbitrary in the past, suddenly yanking things away. However

I gave this boundary very calmly and thought about it a lot first. Today he said

he wasn't going to do any more ERP. I asked if he was angry about laptop issue.

He said yes. I'm not sure whether to hold out with my terms or negotiate or say,

okay, if you do ERP, I'll help you. Thoughts?

>

> (I'm still working on how to get him into medical testing to admit to

treatment center.)

>

> thanks,

> Rhonda

>

>

[Guest guest]

Hello,

My son's OCD centered mainly on sexual matters. In fact, he obsessed over all

aspects of sexuality at one time or another. He is now 18, in college, and is

doing well so we don't see the need for any additional ERP. But, I would start

it up again in a heartbeat if I thought it was necessary.

I think we did 4-5 of our ERP sessions over a course of about 1 1/2 years.

Unfortunately, where we live there aren't any OCD trained therapists close by.

So, we ended up doing these sessions on our own. I know that this isn't

possible for other parents but it worked out for us. I am a pediatrician so

maybe that helped me get going.

As for our sessions, we started out simple and worked our way to harder

exposures. We used human sexuality textbooks, movies that had sexuality in

them, and used tapes where my son recorded scenarios regarding his OCD.

Best,

Joni

[Guest guest]

-

Thanks very much for your thoughts. It's hard with a teenage son to know how to

help him be motivated without seeming as if I'm too powerful. I think son might

feel controlled and also might feel he can't meet my standard and might as well

fail. It's nice when there's something held back as you did that was kind of

" his " yet you could release as you chose. I have tax refund money that we got as

a child credit that I've told him I'm using for his expenses. I could use this

money that way.

ERP has gotten hard for him and he's gotten more reluctant. Is there sort of a

line your child crosses where he says, " Oh, now I get it - even though it's

hard, I see it's working for me " ? He's done about 8 now - has both pants " dirty "

below knees - and says it's not making much difference. I feel sorry for him and

kind of tired of it myself.

Son gets very tired when staying up and almost goes to sleep at computer. It's

something about going to bed that I haven't been able to find out. Our county is

rural and not real good with in-home. Mental health will not come until he is

18. We are close to Cols and Cincy Childrens and are finding out whether we can

get him into ER with therapist's referral. Son may feel okay cleaning up at

motel on way to ER since a lot of issues are with dirt at home. So I'm trying to

keep working with the ERP while husband works on the hospital end.

Rhonda - Oh

Re: need advice on son and ERP

My now 17 yr son has never responded to incentives. Roy sees this as

controlling him. He participates in the exposure therapy because he sees that it

continues to help him. He didn't do any CBT stuff which could have been related

to the ADD. Not everyone can do this but I had saved money for him for a college

fund. Roy needed a desktop to run his animation software and I needed a laptop.

I " bought " it from him and then along with the college fund money, I got him the

desktop. He was able to get it pretty reasonably b/c he put it together. He may

see you as controlling him about the laptop and tying with sleep. I don't know

if control is a big issue with your son or not. If you could afford to get the

laptop, I guess I would get it for him without strings attached. If you can't

afford it, sometimes there is county funding that is available if it is

necessary for him. He could sell his old one online but my son says now people

won't pay much. He used to sell alot of things on Ebay for pretty good profit

but he hasn't had much luck lately.

The sleep issue sounds frustrating. I have been to 3 dif. pdocs lately for my

other son with BP. They have all said that if he is not sleeping and appears OK

without sleeping, he is prob. manic. If he doesn't sleep and is tired, then it

is not manic. I don't know if your son has any other issue besides OCD, but I

just thought that maybe something else is going on besides wanting to be up all

night. Also, would a public health nurse come out to the house and evaluate him?

Maybe that would help get the ball rolling for services. Just a thought.

in WI

Roy-17,OCD/Anxiety/Depression/ADD. Adderall XR,Fluoxetine, Busbar. On 504.

Doing well this term. Likes tech stuff, woods.

>

> 17-yo son wants new laptop and needs to sell old one. I said I would help

him post old one on Amazon if he started getting to bed by 1 am every night.

(Each night he goes to bed on time, I would do one more step in helping him get

laptop sold.) He is very sensitive about feeling something is being taken away

from him, and I've been arbitrary in the past, suddenly yanking things away.

However I gave this boundary very calmly and thought about it a lot first. Today

he said he wasn't going to do any more ERP. I asked if he was angry about laptop

issue. He said yes. I'm not sure whether to hold out with my terms or negotiate

or say, okay, if you do ERP, I'll help you. Thoughts?

>

> (I'm still working on how to get him into medical testing to admit to

treatment center.)

>

> thanks,

> Rhonda

>

>

[Guest guest]

We have pretty strict TV/ video game rules in our house and as a incentive

system used screen time as a reward. I min of screen time for every min doing

therapy or ERP. He was able to earn hours of extra each week. It is a huge

motivator for him.

[Guest guest]

Thanks for your input. I bought a flight simulator program which my son loves

and he's agreed to trade off time on it for exposure time, once the Ipod Touch

comes that he can use to fly it. Hopefully it will work the same as with your

son.

Rhonda

Re: need advice on son and ERP

We have pretty strict TV/ video game rules in our house and as a incentive

system used screen time as a reward. I min of screen time for every min doing

therapy or ERP. He was able to earn hours of extra each week. It is a huge

motivator for him.

[Guest guest]

That's an idea I never thought of - napping. However he has such a thing

about bed that I don't think he would go near it without doing all the rituals.

I can ask him. He's only going now when he's ready to drop from exhaustion. Yes

he has to be clean - his really awful clothes are still " clean " and the clean

clothes in the drawer are dirty. He has done ERP up to his knees now but won't

go on because his very-washed hand might touch the " dirty " part during the night

and transfer it to the " clean " part. He has a brain like Einstein. I could never

keep track of it all.

thanks for ideas,

Rhonda

Re: need advice on son and ERP

Bedtime is often an issue with OCD. Could be the rituals or thoughts are more

bothersome so far as going to bed, or once in they still have more OCD (less

distractions) or even some OCD " thing " about going to sleep.

You mentioned pants & dirty -- so he has to be " clean " and you're working on

this? You may want to just ignore the sleep issue now as he is working on the

pants, and that's great! But if lack of sleep is causing problems...would he nap

at another time, earlier maybe? Sometimes with OCD they can do things at other

times. Like my son had bedtime issues with getting into bed (had to get in/on

the " right " way) at bedtime; but could easily get on other times of the day.

Just quick thoughts,

>

> -

>

> Thanks very much for your thoughts. It's hard with a teenage son to know how

to help him be motivated without seeming as if I'm too powerful. I think son

might feel controlled and also might feel he can't meet my standard and might as

well fail. It's nice when there's something held back as you did that was kind

of " his " yet you could release as you chose. I have tax refund money that we got

as a child credit that I've told him I'm using for his expenses. I could use

this money that way.

>

[Guest guest]

That's an idea I never thought of - napping. However he has such a thing

about bed that I don't think he would go near it without doing all the rituals.

I can ask him. He's only going now when he's ready to drop from exhaustion. Yes

he has to be clean - his really awful clothes are still " clean " and the clean

clothes in the drawer are dirty. He has done ERP up to his knees now but won't

go on because his very-washed hand might touch the " dirty " part during the night

and transfer it to the " clean " part. He has a brain like Einstein. I could never

keep track of it all.

thanks for ideas,

Rhonda

Re: need advice on son and ERP

Bedtime is often an issue with OCD. Could be the rituals or thoughts are more

bothersome so far as going to bed, or once in they still have more OCD (less

distractions) or even some OCD " thing " about going to sleep.

You mentioned pants & dirty -- so he has to be " clean " and you're working on

this? You may want to just ignore the sleep issue now as he is working on the

pants, and that's great! But if lack of sleep is causing problems...would he nap

at another time, earlier maybe? Sometimes with OCD they can do things at other

times. Like my son had bedtime issues with getting into bed (had to get in/on

the " right " way) at bedtime; but could easily get on other times of the day.

Just quick thoughts,

>

> -

>

> Thanks very much for your thoughts. It's hard with a teenage son to know how

to help him be motivated without seeming as if I'm too powerful. I think son

might feel controlled and also might feel he can't meet my standard and might as

well fail. It's nice when there's something held back as you did that was kind

of " his " yet you could release as you chose. I have tax refund money that we got

as a child credit that I've told him I'm using for his expenses. I could use

this money that way.

>

[Guest guest]

My dd has an issue with people sitting on her bed. She says that's just gross

because they could have been sweating. We argued for a whole session with her

therapist about it. Both the therapist and I tried to explain to her that this

is part of her OCD and that she needs to face it and allow someone to sit on her

bed or the OCD is just going to work its way back in a bigger way. She still

refuses right now.

> >

> > -

> >

> > Thanks very much for your thoughts. It's hard with a teenage son to know

how to help him be motivated without seeming as if I'm too powerful. I think son

might feel controlled and also might feel he can't meet my standard and might as

well fail. It's nice when there's something held back as you did that was kind

of " his " yet you could release as you chose. I have tax refund money that we got

as a child credit that I've told him I'm using for his expenses. I could use

this money that way.

> >

>

>

>

>

>

>