Re: Theater of the Absurd: the Kidney Edition

[Guest guest]

Thanks for the chuckle.

What I do with kidneys:

1. Usually I get lamb kidneys, but have had beef once or twice and treat

them exactly the same

2. If there is a membrane you'll see it, it's thin and a lighter colour and

it comes off easily. So it must have already been removed

3a. If lamb kidneys, chop them in half length ways. If you like, cut each

half in half. Before I read NT, I used to just pan fry in butter straight

away. Since then, I've soaked in lemon juice overnight, then patted dry and

pan fried. Mmm, lemon flavoured kidneys.... Not that I minded the regular

flavour, but some people seem to find it offensive. But now that I know you

don't need to, I might not bother soaking the lamb ones, if they're a bit

soft to start with.

3b. With beef kidneys, I've done exactly the same. Chop it into lobes, then

cut each in half length ways. Never bothered to cut out the core and excess

fat. Chop into bite sized chunks, marinate in lemon over night, pat dry, pan

fry in butter.

Voila.

Deb

Theater of the Absurd: the Kidney Edition

In keeping with my recent resolution to eat more organ meats for health

purposes, I bought a grass-fed beef kidney a week or so ago, and today I

decided to try it. I partially defrosted it and began preparing it in

accordance with the simple instructions in _Innards and Other Variety

Meats_. So you can follow along, here they are.

>Step 1: Cleaning

>

>Remove outside membrane from all kidneys with a sharp, pointed

>knife. Split beef or pork kidneys in half lengthwise and remove white

>core and excess fat from center with a sharp knife; this is not necessary

>for lamb or veal kidneys. Any fat surrounding the kidneys should be

>reserved for later use; this is true suet, the bast of all fat.

>

>Step 2: Soaking

>

>Beef and pork kidneys should be soaked in acidulated water (1 tablespoon

>lemon juice or vinegar to 2 cups water) or buttermilk for 1 hour. Never

>soak veal or lamb kidneys as they have a tendency to soak up too much

>water due to their more delicate flavor and texture. (Baby beef kidneys,

>sold under the guise of veal, often require soaking because once the calf

>is weaned, the inner core becomes stronger.) Drain and pat dry before

>proceeding with recipe (unless parboiling is to follow). Additionally,

>baking soda or salt may be rubbed into beef or pork kidneys to further

>remove any pungent odor. Rinse well.

This procedure sounded very straightforward and easy -- rather like coring

an apple -- but as I'm sure you've already guessed, it was anything but.

In fact, things went wrong from the very moment I slid the kidney out of

its vacuum bag. It was already split open, but not into neat, separate

halves. Instead of being sort of like a butterflied or properly-carved

chicken, it was more like a chicken that had been attacked by a deranged

axe murderer and then left for dead in the street. Though the kidney was

still technically in one piece, lobes were slashed in two -- and three,

and

four, and even five -- and the thick, fibrous fat in the center spread

everywhere like the channels of the Amazon.

But OK, I thought, start at the beginning. So I neatly punctured the

outer

layer of one of the lobes, looking for this membrane that I was supposed

to

remove, and I found... nothing. The outside layer of the kidney seemed

indistinguishable from the kidney flesh just below it. (Nor, on

reflection, having eaten plenty of raw liver, did I see how I could peel

off a membrane if I did find one, at least not without a tremendous

struggle and high casualties in lost kidney flesh.) So, well, OK, forget

about the membrane. If it materializes during cooking, I'll just have to

grin and eat it. On to the next step.

I proceeded to cut out the white core and excess fat (and what exactly do

they mean by " excess " , anyway?) only to find that there didn't seem to BE

a

" white core " . Here and there, attached to or near the fat there were

lighter, yellowish sections of kidney flesh, but there was no clear

demarcation between them and the rest of the kidney. And the fat... well,

on first glance removing it seemed like a simple task, but in fact cutting

it and those yellowish bits out was a hellacious ordeal, both because the

fat burrowed all through the lobes and lobe segments in a semi-random

fashion, and because the flesh was very firmly attached to it.

Cutting out the undesirable parts wasn't so much a surgical operation as

my

own bit of deranged axe murder -- but more with my fingernails than with a

knife because of the meandering shape of the fat. And it took a long

time,

close to half an hour for the one single, solitary abused kidney I was

preparing. I'm still not even sure I accomplished what I was supposed to.

Worse yet, even after half a dozen washings, I still can't get the

nursing-home smell off my hands, because I foolishly didn't think I needed

to wear latex gloves.

It sounded so simple -- like coring an apple. What could go wrong?

So now that blasted kidney is soaking in lemon water and I'm figuring

there's got to be a better way. Surely old-time cooks didn't go through

this every time they made kidneys! After all, not every kidney recipe

calls for " kidneys ripped to shreds by deranged axe murderers and enraged,

fingernail-wielding newbies " . I checked Child's _The Way To Cook_

before starting because it's a great pictorial reference for many kitchen

procedures, but as I expected, it's way too modern in its sensibilities to

include any kidney dishes. Can any of you point me to some better (and

ideally illustrated) instructions?

No matter what, I think the next time I try kidneys (if there IS a next

time!) I'll stick to lamb kidneys. They sound much easier.

Of course I thought beef kidneys would be a snap, so I probably should

expect the worst. Maybe my hands will dissolve and I'll be left with

bloody stumps, or maybe the kidneys will fight back.

-

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[Guest guest]

Idol <Idol@...> wrote:

> After all, not every kidney recipe

> calls for " kidneys ripped to shreds by deranged axe murderers and

> enraged,

> fingernail-wielding newbies " .

I've only ever used lambs' kidneys and just soaked them in lemon juice.

In fact I didn't know you were supposed to do anything else. They

seemed to be OK but I haven't had them for a while. (I have thrown one

away before though because I couldn't deal with the old people's home

thing but others have been fine...) Some recipes are below, including

" Sh*t on a Raft " . Meanwhile here is sensible Delia's instructions

(middle-aged middle-class english conventional cook that middle-aged

middle-class english conventional women treat as their bible) - all she

says is

" Prepare the kidneys by peeling off the skins, cutting them in half and

snipping out the white cores with some scissors. It's important to take

out the cores - if you don't, the kidneys will be tough. "

So maybe lambs' kidneys are a whole lot easier. This is from her recipe

" Kidneys in fresh tomato sauce "

http://www.deliaonline.com/recipes/r_0000000826.asp

Just to tempt you back into the kidney thing, her other kidney recipes

include

Lancashire hotpot:

http://www.deliaonline.com/recipes/r_0000000797.asp

Lambs' kidneys in red wine:

http://www.deliaonline.com/recipes/r_0000001255.asp

Apparently, venison kidneys are " delicious and simple to prepare and

cook " :

http://www.game-to-eat.co.uk/Recipies/Recipies/Venison_Kidneys_in_a_Cream_Sauce/

Finally, a recipe called " Sh*t on a raft " from the Barrow branch of the

sub-mariners association (Ok, I admit this has been an excellent

distraction activity) where they are very brief regarding preparation

which I assume implies that little is necessary:

http://www.submariners.co.uk/Dits/Recipes/stonaraft.htm

Ok, thanks for your enjoyable email and look forward to solutions, next

instalments or indeed happy endings.

Helen

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[Guest guest]

,

I'm sorry you had such struggle with the kidneys, but it was kind of you to

give us all a laugh to start the morning with. I can't be of help in the

cooking area, but I can say that if you order kidney from the same place you

get your liver (Northstar) it will arrive intact and the fat is very firm

and white with nothiing yellow anywhere.

I tried--unsuccessfully--eating it raw, but the urine smell/taste, though

slight, was too much for me, even with a sauce to cover. I gave it to my

cat Hugo and gobbled it down very happily..

[Guest guest]

Deb-

>2. If there is a membrane you'll see it, it's thin and a lighter colour and

>it comes off easily. So it must have already been removed

Interesting. I guess that accounts for the hack-and-slash treatment of the

kidney.

>3a. If lamb kidneys, chop them in half length ways. If you like, cut each

>half in half. Before I read NT, I used to just pan fry in butter straight

>away. Since then, I've soaked in lemon juice overnight,

Do you soak them in pure lemon juice, or water with a little juice added?

>But now that I know you

>don't need to, I might not bother soaking the lamb ones, if they're a bit

>soft to start with.

Did the instructions I posted -- which say that lamb kidneys will soak up

too much water -- seem incorrect, then, since you've always soaked them?

>3b. With beef kidneys, I've done exactly the same. Chop it into lobes, then

>cut each in half length ways. Never bothered to cut out the core and excess

>fat. Chop into bite sized chunks, marinate in lemon over night, pat dry, pan

>fry in butter.

How does the fat come out tasting, then? And is there a visible, distinct

core?

-

[Guest guest]

-

>I can't be of help in the

>cooking area, but I can say that if you order kidney from the same place you

>get your liver (Northstar) it will arrive intact and the fat is very firm

>and white with nothiing yellow anywhere.

Hmm, interesting. I wonder whether the whiteness of the fat indicates that

their bison are grazing on carotene-poor grasses, though, or whether kidney

fat just never stores much in the way of carotenes.

Is there a visible " core " ?

>I tried--unsuccessfully--eating it raw, but the urine smell/taste, though

>slight, was too much for me, even with a sauce to cover. I gave it to my

>cat Hugo and gobbled it down very happily..

Yeah, I don't think I'll be trying kidney raw, though you never know, but

the recipe I made last night was extraordinarily tasty. I'll post it as

soon as I have lunch.

-

[Guest guest]

Thank you for introducing us tot he sub-mariner's cookbook, it

is...priceless.

@peaberry

> > After all, not every kidney recipe

> > calls for " kidneys ripped to shreds by deranged axe murderers and

> > enraged,

> > fingernail-wielding newbies " .

>

> I've only ever used lambs' kidneys and just soaked them in lemon juice.

> In fact I didn't know you were supposed to do anything else. They

> seemed to be OK but I haven't had them for a while. (I have thrown one

> away before though because I couldn't deal with the old people's home

> thing but others have been fine...) Some recipes are below, including

> " Sh*t on a Raft " . Meanwhile here is sensible Delia's instructions

> (middle-aged middle-class english conventional cook that middle-aged

> middle-class english conventional women treat as their bible) - all she

> says is

>

> " Prepare the kidneys by peeling off the skins, cutting them in half and

> snipping out the white cores with some scissors. It's important to take

> out the cores - if you don't, the kidneys will be tough. "

>

>

> So maybe lambs' kidneys are a whole lot easier. This is from her recipe

> " Kidneys in fresh tomato sauce "

> http://www.deliaonline.com/recipes/r_0000000826.asp

>

> Just to tempt you back into the kidney thing, her other kidney recipes

> include

>

> Lancashire hotpot:

> http://www.deliaonline.com/recipes/r_0000000797.asp

>

> Lambs' kidneys in red wine:

> http://www.deliaonline.com/recipes/r_0000001255.asp

>

>

> Apparently, venison kidneys are " delicious and simple to prepare and

> cook " :

>

http://www.game-to-eat.co.uk/Recipies/Recipies/Venison_Kidneys_in_a_Cream_Sauce/

>

>

> Finally, a recipe called " Sh*t on a raft " from the Barrow branch of the

> sub-mariners association (Ok, I admit this has been an excellent

> distraction activity) where they are very brief regarding preparation

> which I assume implies that little is necessary:

>

> http://www.submariners.co.uk/Dits/Recipes/stonaraft.htm

>

>

> Ok, thanks for your enjoyable email and look forward to solutions, next

> instalments or indeed happy endings.

>

> Helen

>

>

>

>

> --

> No virus found in this outgoing message.

> Checked by AVG Anti-Virus.

> Version: 7.0.300 / Virus Database: 265.8.7 - Release Date: 10/02/2005

[Guest guest]

,

Re: the color of bison fat, I don't think I've ever seen any that is what

I'd call yellow, but most seems " creamier " lookiing than the very white

stuff I saw in the kidney.

<Is there a visible " core " ?

Do you mean veins or arteries going through the meat? I didn't notice those

when I was just cutting away tiny bits of meat to try. It wasn't until I

posted--on another list--that I learned there were veins or arterties that

should be cut out. The person responding to me then was also eating the

kidneys raw but was going through the steps others on this list have

mentioned--since she was Asian and had learned them as part of cooking

kidneys. I don't recall what she used for the soak (though if you want to

know I can contact her), but it seemed to work well enough to enable her to

eat the stuff raw. I remember trying a soak, but not the one she

recommended--I think it was clabbered milk or cream--and that was not

effective.

[Guest guest]

That was a pretty amusing account of how to attack a kidney. Thanks for the

laugh .

I never knew you had to soak or marinate kidneys, and I've never come across one

with a membrane. I buy beef kidneys, and I usually hack at them with a small

sharp knife, cutting them into chuncks and leaving the white stuff in the

middle. They are absolutely delish fried with bacon and onions - YUM! They

are also good in steak and kidney pie :-)

and the K9's (who eat their kidney raw)

[Guest guest]

At 04:04 PM 2/14/05 -0500, you wrote:

>

>That was a pretty amusing account of how to attack a kidney. Thanks for

the laugh .

>

>I never knew you had to soak or marinate kidneys, and I've never come

across one with a membrane. I buy beef kidneys, and I usually hack at them

with a small sharp knife, cutting them into chuncks and leaving the white

stuff in the middle. They are absolutely delish fried with bacon and

onions - YUM! They are also good in steak and kidney pie :-)

>

> and the K9's (who eat their kidney raw)

. *sigh*

ANYTHING tastes good fried with bacon and onions.

MFJ

Once, poets were magicians. Poets were strong, stronger than warriors or

kings - stronger than old hapless gods. And they will be strong once

again. ~Greg Bear

[Guest guest]

> : Do you soak them in pure lemon juice, or water with a little juice

added?

Deb: I've used pure lemon juice, as per Sally's instructions (or maybe my

interpretation of them)

> : Did the instructions I posted -- which say that lamb kidneys will

soak up too much water -- seem incorrect, then, since you've always soaked

them?

Deb: I've never noticed them soaking up the liquid specifically. But I don't

use heaps of juice. Maybe one lemon to 3 lambs kidneys, it 's just enough to

coat them really, they're not wallowing in it. Before NT, I never used to

soak them. The texture seems to be very similar, soaked or unsoaked. the

flavour, however is very different. I wouldn't say your instructions were

wrong, more that I haven't made those distinctions myself.

> : How does the fat come out tasting, then?

Deb: Kidney and lemon flavoured? I just eat the whole thing, so can't say

how the fat tastes specifically

> : And is there a visible, distinct core?

Deb: Yes, there is. It's lighter coloured than the meat. I guess it's a bit

chewy, and the texture would be better without it, in the beef kidneys

anyway, but really I can't be bothered faffing about them that much

[Guest guest]

LOL - it made me laugh, it's great and has the same sense of humour as

my brother. My favourite was " Elephant's footprints " . Check out those

ingredients.

Helen

peaberryfarm <paulmclisky@...> wrote:

> Thank you for introducing us tot he sub-mariner's cookbook, it

> is...priceless.

>

>> Finally, a recipe called " Sh*t on a raft " from the Barrow branch of

>> the sub-mariners association (Ok, I admit this has been an excellent

>> distraction activity) where they are very brief regarding preparation

>> which I assume implies that little is necessary:

>>

>> http://www.submariners.co.uk/Dits/Recipes/stonaraft.htm

>>

>>

>> Ok, thanks for your enjoyable email and look forward to solutions,

>> next instalments or indeed happy endings.

>>

>> Helen

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[Guest guest]

My mom has soaked wild meat and / or organ meat in

lemon or lime/water, buttermilk, plain milk, salted water,

vinegar/water, wine

According to The Cooks Thesaurus

http://www.foodsubs.com/MeatvarKidneys.html

veal & lamb kidneys are very tender and have a milder flavor

beef & pork kidneys are tougher & have a stronger flavor

HTH

Cheryl C-Ky

ADHD http://comfort4adhd.tripod.com/

CountyKyFreeCycle/

Dom's Kefir in-site for information:

http://users.chariot.net.au/~dna/kefirpage.html

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