Re: A rant. Just needed to get my pain out. . . no need for replies

[Guest guest]

you said no need for replies but I'm surprised nobody replied. these messages

are heartbreaking but also so important to express... I think many of us relate

to all this.

also I can tell you that as much as you can't feel it, it is nonetheless

infinitely better to not let the rest of your life fall apart (school, career,

friends, etc.) - then to let it fall apart. keep hanging on in all the ways you

can...

>

> I don't know why but putting my confessions on the internet somehow helps me

clear out my head. I don't get it. You would think upon meeting me that I have

things together. My life would seem very good from most surface appearance and

yet I am fairly miserable. I have been this way since 2006. Yes there are ups

and downs, there are times I am even fairly happy. But for some reason

everything within my mind seems unstable.

>

> My mind is fractured. I feel like a perceive reality in a very different way

than I did prior to 2006. I died that year, in many ways. First off my memory

shitted out. I used to be able to remember nearly everything I did and had a

great directional sense. If I had been somewhere once I could generally find my

way back there. Now I have a fair bit of trouble figuring out where I am and

keeping track of memories. It is very frustrating. This started in 2006. To

add insult to injury that year I lost most of my motivation. I had a horrible

break up with my ex who is still the only person I have ever been in love with,

as imperfect as it may have been. I have had opportunities since but almost no

desire. That is thanks in large part to the drugs that were prescribed for me

for depression. Effexor and later Zoloft left me with no sex drive and post

ssri sexual dysfunction (pssd). Thank you pharma industry and my doctor who

didn't even bother to tell me how serious these drugs were. Oh you are sad,

take drugs that will make you feel better. . . . or wait they didn't help at

all, just permanently made me impotent and even more depressed.

>

> My entire youth I was a very motivated and passionate person. I was very

interested in science and learning. While occasionally I will get a spark of

insight and become excited again by science, 98% of the time this is dead in me.

And yet I am in grad school at a top university and wondering just why I am

here. I still some how get enjoyment out of socializing, and yet don't know

why. It is about the only thing that make me feel alive, well that and extreme

sports. The rest of the time I feel like a husk of my former self. Depressing

ha? And yet what options are left. I am convinced most of my mental problems

are only in my head (or brain). A better career, different location, etc won't

help, no matter how good.. Being in your mid twenties and impotent is just

something that I cannot deal with. Its not just the impotence but the lack of

sex drive, . . . . well lack of drive in general really. Some times I feel like

I wouldn't really care if I died. I wouldn't kill myself, I could not upset my

family or friends with such a thing. But if something happened, I don't know if

I would really be that upset. I don't get it. I have good friends. I have

even made new friends since 2006. Some of them know my inner turmoil, at least

to some degree, but others don't. Either way I don't know anyone who can

relate. And yet perhaps its just my self centered nature at play. Who knows.

I just don't know what I can do to cure myself.

>

> I am an agnostic and yet my desperation has led me to pray to God to little

avail.

>

> Please God help me rescue me from myself. Please heal my body, heal my mind,

and help me find passion for life again. I want to be whole again. I still hold

onto a sliver of hope but I have tried so many things to get better and nothing

has worked. It just is hard to deal with sometimes.

>

[Guest guest]

Thanks for sharing this.

If you send an email about PSSD every week to another psychiatrist in your

country, you will probably gradually feel better, and at the same time you

support the PSSD movement in stimulating PSSD research.

Find a good psychotherapist to learn to cope with your situation.

All the best.

>

> >

> > I don't know why but putting my confessions on the internet somehow helps me

clear out my head. I don't get it. You would think upon meeting me that I have

things together. My life would seem very good from most surface appearance and

yet I am fairly miserable.

[Guest guest]

i seriously feel like i wrote that myself. i don't know if you've read my

previous posts, Case, but have you tried acupuncture? It is what is

working for me, in combination with taking vitamins and exercising regularly.

Here is an article i found, that includes a few case studies of people who have

overcome sexual dysfunction through acupuncture, along with lists of some of the

best points to use:

http://www.medicalacupuncture.org/aama_marf/journal/vol13_2/case1.html

Acupuncture is also helping me with my memory (i was experiencing the same

thing. i used to be able to recant whole conversations almost as if i were a

stenographer, and after taking meds for 5 years i could barely remember what i

had for lunch that day).

By the way, I'm not sure of the timeline of you taking meds and breaking up with

your gf, but that was why i originally went on antidepressants also. My gf

broke up with me in 2005, and I just couldn't deal with it. I was so sad I

couldn't sleep, i had no appetite, no desire to do anything... for MONTHS, so I

finally took myself to the E.R. and they prescribed me antidepressants. What

they SHOULD have done was told me " dude. you need to get laid. what the hell are

you so hung up on this one chick for, you're like 20 years old for pete's sake.

Now go to the gym or something, get the hell out of here. " Trust me it gets

better. You may remember her for a long time, but you're probably also

associating her with feelings of being healthy. time heals all wounds.

I'm taking St. 's Wort, a supplement called Formula IV, a Chinese herbal

formula called " Emperor's Tea Pill: Tian Wang Bu Xin Wan " , I took a Men's Sexual

Health supplement for a while (called Zenerx, which if used properly can be a

great to help kickstart the process, since i've been seeing an acupuncturist i

don't really need it anymore) <- by the way if you choose to go this route,

taking a men's sexual health supplement, be VERY careful which you go with. I'd

recommend Zenerx, because I asked my acupuncturist about it and he said all the

ingredients were fine. DO NOT TAKE anything with stimulants in it. Or try

Tongkat Ali (that's also an ingredient in Zenerx). Also OMEGA 3 Vitamins (fish

oil). OMEGA 3 supplements are EXTREMELY beneficial in repairing brain function.

You can get your groove back, I know it man.

> >

> > I don't know why but putting my confessions on the internet somehow helps me

clear out my head. I don't get it. You would think upon meeting me that I have

things together. My life would seem very good from most surface appearance and

yet I am fairly miserable. I have been this way since 2006. Yes there are ups

and downs, there are times I am even fairly happy. But for some reason

everything within my mind seems unstable.

> >

> > My mind is fractured. I feel like a perceive reality in a very different

way than I did prior to 2006. I died that year, in many ways. First off my

memory shitted out. I used to be able to remember nearly everything I did and

had a great directional sense. If I had been somewhere once I could generally

find my way back there. Now I have a fair bit of trouble figuring out where I

am and keeping track of memories. It is very frustrating. This started in

2006. To add insult to injury that year I lost most of my motivation. I had a

horrible break up with my ex who is still the only person I have ever been in

love with, as imperfect as it may have been. I have had opportunities since but

almost no desire. That is thanks in large part to the drugs that were

prescribed for me for depression. Effexor and later Zoloft left me with no sex

drive and post ssri sexual dysfunction (pssd). Thank you pharma industry and my

doctor who didn't even bother to tell me how serious these drugs were. Oh you

are sad, take drugs that will make you feel better. . . . or wait they didn't

help at all, just permanently made me impotent and even more depressed.

> >

> > My entire youth I was a very motivated and passionate person. I was very

interested in science and learning. While occasionally I will get a spark of

insight and become excited again by science, 98% of the time this is dead in me.

And yet I am in grad school at a top university and wondering just why I am

here. I still some how get enjoyment out of socializing, and yet don't know

why. It is about the only thing that make me feel alive, well that and extreme

sports. The rest of the time I feel like a husk of my former self. Depressing

ha? And yet what options are left. I am convinced most of my mental problems

are only in my head (or brain). A better career, different location, etc won't

help, no matter how good.. Being in your mid twenties and impotent is just

something that I cannot deal with. Its not just the impotence but the lack of

sex drive, . . . . well lack of drive in general really. Some times I feel like

I wouldn't really care if I died. I wouldn't kill myself, I could not upset my

family or friends with such a thing. But if something happened, I don't know if

I would really be that upset. I don't get it. I have good friends. I have

even made new friends since 2006. Some of them know my inner turmoil, at least

to some degree, but others don't. Either way I don't know anyone who can

relate. And yet perhaps its just my self centered nature at play. Who knows.

I just don't know what I can do to cure myself.

> >

> > I am an agnostic and yet my desperation has led me to pray to God to little

avail.

> >

> > Please God help me rescue me from myself. Please heal my body, heal my

mind, and help me find passion for life again. I want to be whole again. I

still hold onto a sliver of hope but I have tried so many things to get better

and nothing has worked. It just is hard to deal with sometimes.

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Hi ,

Thank you for your advice. After reading your posts I have been considering

acupuncture. I just want to make sure I find someone who knows what they are

doing. I emailed your therapist but I am in Northern California and Redlands is

just to far away. I was hoping he might refer me to someone around the bay

area.

Anyhow, I am fairly active person, although I could always exercise more. And

yeah I wish someone could have gotten through to me. People did tell me I was

only 22 etc, but I had been with my ex since I was 17 at that point and even

though the relationship was bad I really didn't know who I was without her. I

have gotten over that relationship at this point, and honestly I could probably

have a new relationship very easily if I felt the desire. Since breaking up

with my ex only once have I met anyone who I really liked. For about a week

when I actually thought I had a chance with her I felt a lot better. The

problem is now I have more than one opportunity, but the lack of sex drive means

that unless I meet a girl I really like a lot emotionally I have little

interest. I think it often takes that spark of desire to get a relationship

started.

I really hope acupuncture might help me too. It sounds really promising.

Hopefully when your therapist gets back he can refer me to someone. If not I

guess I'll just need to look on my own.

In regards to the supplements. I have tried omega 3's, and right now am still

taking fish oil, zinc, magnesium, vitamin D, and multivitamin. I tried ginko

and horny goat weed but with little success.

Getting enough sleep seems important, as does exercise, but I never seem to be

able to overcome the soft glans syndrome, even when I tried viagra. In addition

to that only very rarely do I have my desire back (but it does happen, although

only sporadically).

If acupuncture could help with the memory/brain fog issue, that alone would be

worth it. If it could cure the sexual dysfunction I would be incredibly happy.

Thanks for the support.

> > >

> > > I don't know why but putting my confessions on the internet somehow helps

me clear out my head. I don't get it. You would think upon meeting me that I

have things together. My life would seem very good from most surface appearance

and yet I am fairly miserable. I have been this way since 2006. Yes there are

ups and downs, there are times I am even fairly happy. But for some reason

everything within my mind seems unstable.

> > >

> > > My mind is fractured. I feel like a perceive reality in a very different

way than I did prior to 2006. I died that year, in many ways. First off my

memory shitted out. I used to be able to remember nearly everything I did and

had a great directional sense. If I had been somewhere once I could generally

find my way back there. Now I have a fair bit of trouble figuring out where I

am and keeping track of memories. It is very frustrating. This started in

2006. To add insult to injury that year I lost most of my motivation. I had a

horrible break up with my ex who is still the only person I have ever been in

love with, as imperfect as it may have been. I have had opportunities since but

almost no desire. That is thanks in large part to the drugs that were

prescribed for me for depression. Effexor and later Zoloft left me with no sex

drive and post ssri sexual dysfunction (pssd). Thank you pharma industry and my

doctor who didn't even bother to tell me how serious these drugs were. Oh you

are sad, take drugs that will make you feel better. . . . or wait they didn't

help at all, just permanently made me impotent and even more depressed.

> > >

> > > My entire youth I was a very motivated and passionate person. I was very

interested in science and learning. While occasionally I will get a spark of

insight and become excited again by science, 98% of the time this is dead in me.

And yet I am in grad school at a top university and wondering just why I am

here. I still some how get enjoyment out of socializing, and yet don't know

why. It is about the only thing that make me feel alive, well that and extreme

sports. The rest of the time I feel like a husk of my former self. Depressing

ha? And yet what options are left. I am convinced most of my mental problems

are only in my head (or brain). A better career, different location, etc won't

help, no matter how good.. Being in your mid twenties and impotent is just

something that I cannot deal with. Its not just the impotence but the lack of

sex drive, . . . . well lack of drive in general really. Some times I feel like

I wouldn't really care if I died. I wouldn't kill myself, I could not upset my

family or friends with such a thing. But if something happened, I don't know if

I would really be that upset. I don't get it. I have good friends. I have

even made new friends since 2006. Some of them know my inner turmoil, at least

to some degree, but others don't. Either way I don't know anyone who can

relate. And yet perhaps its just my self centered nature at play. Who knows.

I just don't know what I can do to cure myself.

> > >

> > > I am an agnostic and yet my desperation has led me to pray to God to

little avail.

> > >

> > > Please God help me rescue me from myself. Please heal my body, heal my

mind, and help me find passion for life again. I want to be whole again. I

still hold onto a sliver of hope but I have tried so many things to get better

and nothing has worked. It just is hard to deal with sometimes.

> > >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Thanks, I know this is true but some days it is very hard. I try to live a

normal life as best as I can. Hopefully we'll all find a way to get better. I

think I might try acupuncture. Hopefully it will work for me like it did for

.

> >

> > I don't know why but putting my confessions on the internet somehow helps me

clear out my head. I don't get it. You would think upon meeting me that I have

things together. My life would seem very good from most surface appearance and

yet I am fairly miserable. I have been this way since 2006. Yes there are ups

and downs, there are times I am even fairly happy. But for some reason

everything within my mind seems unstable.

> >

> > My mind is fractured. I feel like a perceive reality in a very different

way than I did prior to 2006. I died that year, in many ways. First off my

memory shitted out. I used to be able to remember nearly everything I did and

had a great directional sense. If I had been somewhere once I could generally

find my way back there. Now I have a fair bit of trouble figuring out where I

am and keeping track of memories. It is very frustrating. This started in

2006. To add insult to injury that year I lost most of my motivation. I had a

horrible break up with my ex who is still the only person I have ever been in

love with, as imperfect as it may have been. I have had opportunities since but

almost no desire. That is thanks in large part to the drugs that were

prescribed for me for depression. Effexor and later Zoloft left me with no sex

drive and post ssri sexual dysfunction (pssd). Thank you pharma industry and my

doctor who didn't even bother to tell me how serious these drugs were. Oh you

are sad, take drugs that will make you feel better. . . . or wait they didn't

help at all, just permanently made me impotent and even more depressed.

> >

> > My entire youth I was a very motivated and passionate person. I was very

interested in science and learning. While occasionally I will get a spark of

insight and become excited again by science, 98% of the time this is dead in me.

And yet I am in grad school at a top university and wondering just why I am

here. I still some how get enjoyment out of socializing, and yet don't know

why. It is about the only thing that make me feel alive, well that and extreme

sports. The rest of the time I feel like a husk of my former self. Depressing

ha? And yet what options are left. I am convinced most of my mental problems

are only in my head (or brain). A better career, different location, etc won't

help, no matter how good.. Being in your mid twenties and impotent is just

something that I cannot deal with. Its not just the impotence but the lack of

sex drive, . . . . well lack of drive in general really. Some times I feel like

I wouldn't really care if I died. I wouldn't kill myself, I could not upset my

family or friends with such a thing. But if something happened, I don't know if

I would really be that upset. I don't get it. I have good friends. I have

even made new friends since 2006. Some of them know my inner turmoil, at least

to some degree, but others don't. Either way I don't know anyone who can

relate. And yet perhaps its just my self centered nature at play. Who knows.

I just don't know what I can do to cure myself.

> >

> > I am an agnostic and yet my desperation has led me to pray to God to little

avail.

> >

> > Please God help me rescue me from myself. Please heal my body, heal my

mind, and help me find passion for life again. I want to be whole again. I

still hold onto a sliver of hope but I have tried so many things to get better

and nothing has worked. It just is hard to deal with sometimes.

> >

>