angry post!!! don't read this.

[Guest guest]

i tried fooling myself into thinking that i could live life like this...well i

guess i can, but i'd rather not. how can we not be angry though, especially the

ones who have to live for another five decades or so like this...it has to be a

lot easier for those of us who are much older, cause you are closer to

death...only a few decades away as opposed to an entire young life (my 30s 40s

all the way up). that is how i am looking at it, not only have i attained sexual

dysfunction, but i am now sure that i have a great tendency for violent

explosions that lead me into the thought process of taking my own life.

i am in counseling, but will counseling give me back my old self, fuck no it

won't. i have basically lost my good job as a perfusionist, lost my sexual

competency, and fell out of all of my friendships. because of lexapro, not

because of me...and i have to convince the world around me that it is not my

fault. they don't get it, they never will...and unfortunately i don't want to

waste time convincing them anymore. my friends and family care but don't fucking

get it. i want the old me back or i don't want to live. it is that simple. which

leads me to the hows and whens.

i don't consider myself dangerous. but i feel threatened by my own anger,

nothing will change how angry i have become. the first thoughts i have every day

are associated with violence and anger. i was not like this before lexapro. this

is such bullshit. but i am not allowed by " GOD " and " SOCIETY " to end myself. it

is illegal in all accounts. i just want to be given a fast and relatively

painless death. but the same idiots who allowed this to happen to me will

convince everyone around me that i am irrational and in crisis...i am not. i

simply crave an easy way out and don't need some other assholes telling me i am

crazy. fuck that hard in it's ignorant ass. they feed you to the dogs then tell

you not to get eaten by them, ridiculous.

i really don't care for my self image anymore. i did at one time. this happened

to me so it is happening to a lot of other people too. it will continue to

happen until people, specifically in this group, do something to change it.

should we really try to eliminate opinions and emotions from these message

boards? if we don't unite in the common cause of exposing this issue, we will

ultimately fail in the greatest responsibility of our lives. my anger clouds my

vision however, and leaves me bashing my face in the floor most of the time.

fuck and god damn it. i used to think i was a leader, i guess i am just another

sheep lined up for the shearing. snip snip bitches.