Work in the present tense

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In a message dated 6/18/2003 1:41:19 AM Pacific Daylight Time,

bgarland@... writes:

> **men have wanted to use your body as a sexual object.

> 1. Is that true? Yes, that is what I interpreted from their behavior around

> me.

> . What comments? Whose comments? Well, for instance, M from high school. My

> new boyfriend took me to small party, and when his friend M saw me, he

> pushed me down under him on the couch with his hand on my crotch as a way of

> saying hello. He did other things like ask my boyfriend " how about if we

> trade girlfriends this weekend? " M often did sexual things to his girlfriend

> while we were out as a group. He also asked me once if I'd please take my

> top off.

>

What would your Work look like...and what would the experience be like...if

you wrote your Work in the present tense, and answered the questions from the

place where you are thinking that someone wants to use your body as a sexual

object?

For instance, writing down your judgments about M pushing you down on the

couch as if you're talking to him right now.

Here's my present tense story about something that I think happened in the

past with a boyfriend.

1. I resent you because you are a male-chauvanistic pig. You brag about being

so good with women because you're Cuban.

2.I want you to listen to me when I say No.

3.You shouldn't try to convince me to have sex with you. You should see how

much pain I am in. You shouldn't want to have sex with a girl who is crying.

4. I need you to help me through this pain. I need you to listen to me. I

need you to hold me. I need you to tell me that my old wounds will heal. I need

you to be nice to me.

5. You are selfish, mean, demanding, needy, pathetic, sex-obsessed, rude to

women, heartless, too heavy, a nasty cinnamon gum chewer, weird for not taking

off your socks

6. I don't ever want to be laying with you again and feel like I can't get

out of having sex with you. I don't ever want to try to please you a different

way by going down on you and have you act as if that's not good enough. I don't

ever want to be in a relationship with you again. I don't ever want to be

involved with someone like you. I don't ever want to be so afraid of asserting

myself more that I cower and give in.

Wow...that was really interesting. I really experienced The Work as a

meditation as I wrote the worksheet..and normally I don't. I experience the

meditation part when I'm answering the questions. Doing it with the worksheet is

neat

because I can mentally imagine myself in that spot...verbalizing the things I

was thinking. Waiting for the thoughts to come to me and feeling them as I

wrote them -- like yeah -- that's definitely what I would have said to him if I

had the presence to say what was going on for me at that moment. And using the

worksheet in the present tense like that, I got to do it...and can do my Work

with it now.

I've noticed a tendency with some of my Work...and some other people on the

list...that we state ahead of time that we're working on an old story...or

something that we're revisiting...as if we want to make sure that the people

reading it don't think we're actually thinking these things right now. Like the

subject is: Old story about my dad...or something like that.

Well, if I'm writing a post about it now...I *am* thinking these things about

my dad now. So, I'm going to notice for myself why I use past tense thoughts

in my worksheets and/or state ahead of time that my story is old. I think it's

just another way I try to protect myself from what others will think of me.

In fact, all my stories are old...even the one that happened a few moments ago

-- like Giovanni walking in and talking to me. It's an old story...yet I

wouldn't necessarily state that I'm doing Work on an old story if I did work on

that one because it's not *really* old.

So I'm noticing the value of writing the sheet from the place where the

thoughts originated. Maybe it's not going to work that way for all my Work. It's

working for this piece..and that's enough for me right now. : )

Here comes the inquiry....

*mona