Hi Charlie

May 27, 2003

Hi Charlie, thanks for your questions. I realise I write provocatively to get a

response - from myself. Paradoxically, it was your response that helped me see

that! Part of me is very concerned that the work will lead me into dangerous

places, (and I've diced with death plenty times already in my life); that part

seriously wants me to take its concerns on board.

I drop into my heart every now and then, especially recently, and I find if I

simply observe myself from there I do not need to verbalise the inquiry.

's posting on pain rang bells. I know what it is to experience

mind-splitting pain; that part of me believes it could happen again, that's

probably why I've been on a life long search for " the meaning of life " . Actually

of course, I've been looking for a way to handle the possibility of such pain

happening again.

Writing this, I realise that it was not the pain, but the decisions I made and

beliefs installed at the time that have been " the problem " .

Somewhere BK says something like " If anyone else were to step inside my body,

they'd probably scream! " referring to jetlag and the pace of her life at the

time, and of course she was fine with that.

This can be tricky; people stay in abusive relationships, do crazy

self-destructive things, because they are somehow outside of themselves, not

feeling their feelings - more identified with their partners 'welfare' than

their own. It's easy to mistake that unhealthy dissociation with BK's

transcendence of the self's concerns. It's probably my fear of falling into that

trap which fuels my hostility to the outer form of inquiry.

Thanks Charlie, and all for triggering this line of thought, :-) Tim

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