Re: Beginning the Process

[Guest guest]

> I'm just starting out in the process. I've gotten through week 1 of the

Full-filled book. I love all the Dig In exercises I have done so far. They have

really made me think about what habits I want to change, symptoms, etc. It's

been really helpful to me since I've never done anything to this extent before.

>

Welcome, !

Eldred

[Guest guest]

Thank you so much! It's nice to feel supported in this time while forming new

views about myself.

> > I'm just starting out in the process. I've gotten through week 1 of the

Full-filled book. I love all the Dig In exercises I have done so far. They have

really made me think about what habits I want to change, symptoms, etc. It's

been really helpful to me since I've never done anything to this extent before.

> >

>

> Welcome, !

>

> Eldred

>

[Guest guest]

I think you are on your way to good treatment for your son. I don't believe

that it is necessary for your son to be willing to immediately confront his OCD,

but rather to be willing to meet with an OCD specialist who can edge him

carefully to this. It may take a bit of time to establish rapport with the

therapist and for your son to have more understanding of his disorder. The

therapist can work with him on seeing that his life will go nowhere until he

breaks past the hold OCD has on him and can help him make a list of his goals

and dreams for his life that will all be possible once he does. You and your

wife will probably need guidance as to how to work with him as well. I don't

know how old your son is, but I would give him much positive reinforcement for

taking the step of seeking help, and maybe offer some sort of reward as a goal

for overcoming the biggest issues that are affecting him right now.

I look forward to hearing good things in the future about your son!

Beginning The Process

My wife brought my son (who shows a lot of the symptoms associated with OCD) to

an OCD clinic last Monday. But he was close-lipped and did not want to talk

about anything. I spoke at length with the therapist later in the week. She

stated that there cannot be any treatment until he accepts there is a problem

and is a willing participant. Her only advice was that things will continue to

get worse for him and everyone until we confront this. This would be nothing

less than an intervention where we provide him with an ultimatum. This would be

to participate in the treatment program or be checked into a psychiatric unit at

a hospital when his issues flare up. Typically, they don't want the hospital

alternative, but have to know that we are serious about this. Well, we did not

have to wait long until his next episode. We had a day of reprieve on Saturday

and then Sunday he started the day off argumentative and wouldn't back down when

my wife told him to go to his room. It was time!

I called the Psychiatric Hot Line which informed me that I had to call 911 and

request an officer trained in psychiatric emergencies. She then informed me that

unless he was perceived as dangerous to others or himself there is nothing they

would do. I called the non-emergency number for the police who confirmed this

but also thought that maybe having an officer show up would help. I cannot

explain all of the emotions I was experiencing at the time. How could this be

happening? Was I doing the right thing? Guilt, Anger, Shame, etc. This is tough

stuff!!!!

We did confront him and told him the options. To get checked into a pychiatric

hospital or see the Director at the local Anxiety and OCD clinic. I spoke with

him on Friday who basically reiterated the same thing that the therapist did,

that unless he was willing to participate, there was nothing that they could do.

He suggested that he meet with him if he was willing to do so. Our son

reluctantly agreed to meet with him yesterday following the confrontation, but

also understood that if this did not work that we would have to resort to the

hospital. Things started to calm down and now we await the meeting with the

Director. I can only hope that he opens to this.

I am totally second guessing myself and would greatly appreciate any words on

this. Thanks.

[Guest guest]

I think you are on your way to good treatment for your son. I don't believe

that it is necessary for your son to be willing to immediately confront his OCD,

but rather to be willing to meet with an OCD specialist who can edge him

carefully to this. It may take a bit of time to establish rapport with the

therapist and for your son to have more understanding of his disorder. The

therapist can work with him on seeing that his life will go nowhere until he

breaks past the hold OCD has on him and can help him make a list of his goals

and dreams for his life that will all be possible once he does. You and your

wife will probably need guidance as to how to work with him as well. I don't

know how old your son is, but I would give him much positive reinforcement for

taking the step of seeking help, and maybe offer some sort of reward as a goal

for overcoming the biggest issues that are affecting him right now.

I look forward to hearing good things in the future about your son!

Beginning The Process

My wife brought my son (who shows a lot of the symptoms associated with OCD) to

an OCD clinic last Monday. But he was close-lipped and did not want to talk

about anything. I spoke at length with the therapist later in the week. She

stated that there cannot be any treatment until he accepts there is a problem

and is a willing participant. Her only advice was that things will continue to

get worse for him and everyone until we confront this. This would be nothing

less than an intervention where we provide him with an ultimatum. This would be

to participate in the treatment program or be checked into a psychiatric unit at

a hospital when his issues flare up. Typically, they don't want the hospital

alternative, but have to know that we are serious about this. Well, we did not

have to wait long until his next episode. We had a day of reprieve on Saturday

and then Sunday he started the day off argumentative and wouldn't back down when

my wife told him to go to his room. It was time!

I called the Psychiatric Hot Line which informed me that I had to call 911 and

request an officer trained in psychiatric emergencies. She then informed me that

unless he was perceived as dangerous to others or himself there is nothing they

would do. I called the non-emergency number for the police who confirmed this

but also thought that maybe having an officer show up would help. I cannot

explain all of the emotions I was experiencing at the time. How could this be

happening? Was I doing the right thing? Guilt, Anger, Shame, etc. This is tough

stuff!!!!

We did confront him and told him the options. To get checked into a pychiatric

hospital or see the Director at the local Anxiety and OCD clinic. I spoke with

him on Friday who basically reiterated the same thing that the therapist did,

that unless he was willing to participate, there was nothing that they could do.

He suggested that he meet with him if he was willing to do so. Our son

reluctantly agreed to meet with him yesterday following the confrontation, but

also understood that if this did not work that we would have to resort to the

hospital. Things started to calm down and now we await the meeting with the

Director. I can only hope that he opens to this.

I am totally second guessing myself and would greatly appreciate any words on

this. Thanks.

[Guest guest]

- very gracious for your response.

 

First my son is 13yo. No doubt early teen behaviors and body changes are adding

to the challenge.

 

Coincidental since I just began reading the same book last night and re-read the

" Welcome to Holland " story several times. I am personally tempted to do the same

as you did. I also ordered a couple of books off of Amazon that were suggested

on the Int'l OCD Foundation site. But I realize that with an appointment next

Monday, we have to walk very tentatively until then. The Director did talk to

our son for a couple of minutes to establish some early rapport and assess

whether our son is showing some signs of willingness. Major progress to get this

far after zero willingness until this weekend. That is the reason I am going to

hold back. Every parent has to make calls on what to do based on their own

situation. At the end of the day, we will make mistakes, but as long as we

understand we are doing the best we can, that is all we can ask. There are too

many experts out there that has made me totally confused about what to do. They

range all over the place,

so I am sticking to the basics, get to treatment, start CBT and be okay with

medication (which was a major struggle for us).

 

It is a great story and one I plan on sharing when the time is right. But at his

age, I am going to let him drive as much of this as possible. We set the

ultimatum, he can set the pace as long as he stays willing and involved. So much

easier said than done since I am not a disciplinary parent at all.

 

I love what is happening with respect to the involvement of your child with

other children who are handicapped. Since we are relatively new to San Diego, we

are not aware nor have connections to other children with disabilities. As it

was for me as a former volunteer, being around others with handicaps is a

powerful learning experience and in this case can help a child to understand

they are not alone. I hope that the opportunity develops for us as well.

 

Thanks for the affirmations. So much needed in these times of doubt, confusion,

and frustration. Thank you for sharing and just being there!!

McGinnis

[Guest guest]

Is it Jordan or Jordana,

 

In any case, many thanks for your reply and encouragement. I was certain that I

would hear a lot of concerns with our steps which is my own uncertainty and

self-doubt right now. I really like how you described the first " baby " steps as

key to the long term. Really helped me right now. Thanks again!!

McGinnis

[Guest guest]

I appreciate that you state that " Welcome to Holland " is definitely not meant to

be read to kids. It was written by Perl Kingsley about what it feels like

to find out your child has Down Syndrome. As someone who has severe OCD and has

two kids with OCD, I understand why we need to come to grips with the fact that

our lives have a different sort of struggle, but I think it is not a struggle

that should be equated with that of Down Syndrome. It talks about the fact that

the destination of life with Down Syndrome (symbolically stated as Italy) is

very different than that of a typical kid's life destination (symbolically

stated as Holland) and hopefully for the majority of those with OCD this will

not be the case. The last lines in that are:

" But everyone you know is busy coming and going from Italy... and they're all

bragging about what a wonderful time they had there. And for the rest of your

life, you will say " Yes, that's where I was supposed to go. That's what I had

planned. "

And the pain of that will never, ever, ever, ever go away... because the loss of

that dream is a very very significant loss.

But... if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn't get to Italy,

you may never be free to enjoy the very special, the very lovely things ...

about Holland. "

When I was young, people, for the most part, including therapists, didn't know

how to treat OCD and there were no medications for it available in the US. I

actually had to fly to Canada with my mother to see a doctor there to get the

one medication on the market anywhere for OCD, Anafranil. Now there are all

the SSRI's and Anafranil and many OCD centers to treat it, and I am hopeful that

early treatment and understanding will lead to full lives. Yes, my children

will probably always have fears and need to check that they work against letting

the fears hold them back from their dreams, but I do believe their dreams are

possible. They are basically like any other kid, with an anxiety disorder that

needs continued medication and a mom who continues to push them forward in life,

but they have warm hearts, are very motivated to excel at school, and I'd hate

for them to think of themselves as limited in possiblities.

When I was a young woman, I kept begging my parents to promise me that they

would always push me and not let me settle for diminished dreams. I think that

is so important. There are true genetic limitations on Down Syndrome children.

It is important to give them the best education possible and the best quality of

life possible, but in the end their accomplishments and adult living situations

will be different. Thus, the need for parents to come to grips with this. If a

child has OCD, given no other coexisting conditions, the child's dreams can and

should be limitless. I think it is vital to emphasize this to them.

Re: Beginning The Process

Hi ,

I am about 3 weeks new to this group. However, understand how hard this is as a

parent.

Would you mind sharing how old your son is?

Our daughter is almost 8. My husband and I had been for a year and a half

(since she was diagnosed) trying to get our child to accept that she has OCD.

What helped her accept her special needs were a series of several things.

Take what is useful for you and leave the rest.

As parents we are reading together Tamar E. Chansky, Phd book-- Freeing your

child from Obsessive Compulsive Disorder--. ** On page 14 there is a story

called " Welcome to Holland " Two weeks ago I read that short story to my brother,

while my daughter was also in the room. ( realizing it would impact her more to

hear it read for someone else--than for me just to read it to her). Sure enough

since she did not think I was reading that page for her she " got it " . I

struggled with doing this as it seemed almost " harsh " for me to read it out

loud. I also got harsh words from my brother who does not understand my child's

OCD for reading with her in the room, he did not like that. Later, he

understood. In the moment I took a lot of harsh criticism for my choice to read

it out loud. The book is for parents. Not the child. So by no means am I

recommending reading to anyones child --unless you feel it may work like it did

for me with our child. No r does the author of the book recommend it be read to

children, I just felt I needed to read it so she could hear it. -- it was the

first thing that really helped me feel hope as a parent (that little story). I

hope you and your wife can read it, it is an excellent book,due to copy write, I

cannot put the Holland story in this email.

Then after reading that story-- the same week our child spent some time with two

other girls one has downs syndrome, another has autism. Being with these girls

for 5 days in a group setting for a day camp caused her to desire to work on her

OCD. I will give due credit to lots of prayer as well for we have prayed that

our child would be able to accept her OCD. By the 4th day of camp she was ready

to ask for help. Should note here there were also 6 other children boys and

girls in her group and one was one of her friends.

I have no idea if being around other children who have special needs helps

children face their own special needs or if this is just something that worked

for our child. I will say that moment when she asked for help was really huge.

I had wondered if that moment would ever come. I know she might go back to not

believing it is OCD again, but I am hoping to keep on this tack as long as she

will go for it.

I have thought about taking our child to help serve meals to others etc...as she

gets older at a shelter in Portland near where we live, where my husband and I

can be on both sides of her and she can see that the world is full of special

needs. After her experience at day camp, I have decided to put her in groups

with special needs kids more and more so she wants to work on her OCD. It is

working even though only two weeks ago. Also, should share she did not like

that she was in a group with them, I had not asked for that, it " just ened up

they were together " . Which gave me a lot of new ideas to keep her seeing her

own stuff and working on it. It is also good for the other families as I have a

passion and empathy for families with both autism and downs syndrome. So win/

win.

I also want to tell you that you and your wife are doing a great job!! Hard

work, you are so on target with that statement! Your feelings are all normal,

and I applaudedyou both, for all you are doing. I am hoping for a good day and

week ahead for your home.

Best wishes,

, Mom to 7 year old with OCD

Portland, Oregon.

Beginning The Process

My wife brought my son (who shows a lot of the symptoms associated with OCD) to

an OCD clinic last Monday. But he was close-lipped and did not want to talk

about anything. I spoke at length with the therapist later in the week. She

stated that there cannot be any treatment until he accepts there is a problem

and is a willing participant. Her only advice was that things will continue to

get worse for him and everyone until we confront this. This would be nothing

less than an intervention where we provide him with an ultimatum. This would be

to participate in the treatment program or be checked into a psychiatric unit at

a hospital when his issues flare up. Typically, they don't want the hospital

alternative, but have to know that we are serious about this. Well, we did not

have to wait long until his next episode. We had a day of reprieve on Saturday

and then Sunday he started the day off argumentative and wouldn't back down when

my wife told him to go to his room. It was time !

I called the Psychiatric Hot Line which informed me that I had to call 911 and

request an officer trained in psychiatric emergencies. She then informed me that

unless he was perceived as dangerous to others or himself there is nothing they

would do. I called the non-emergency number for the police who confirmed this

but also thought that maybe having an officer show up would help. I cannot

explain all of the emotions I was experiencing at the time. How could this be

happening? Was I doing the right thing? Guilt, Anger, Shame, etc. This is tough

stuff!!!!

We did confront him and told him the options. To get checked into a psychiatric

hospital or see the Director at the local Anxiety and OCD clinic. I spoke with

him on Friday who basically reiterated the same thing that the therapist did,

that unless he was willing to participate, there was nothing that they could do.

He suggested that he meet with him if he was willing to do so. Our son

reluctantly agreed to meet with him yesterday following the confrontation, but

also understood that if this did not work that we would have to resort to the

hospital. Things started to calm down and now we await the meeting with the

Director. I can only hope that he opens to this.

I am totally second guessing myself and would greatly appreciate any words on

this. Thanks.

[Guest guest]

Hopefully, once your son is doing better, rather than needing to identifying

with kids with such special needs, he will volunteer to help them. I just want

to reiterate that given no other coexisting conditions, the sky is the limit for

someone with OCD. Right now my twins, who both have OCD and will be 13 this

week, volunteer once a month to help at at a religious group that sponsors

monthly parties with educational and social components for kids with autism.

They don't see themselves as akin to these children who have trouble

communicating, etc., but rather as doing something fun and helpful with them. I

think it is really important for you to emphasize to your son that he can lead a

very normal life as he learns what OCD is and gets the right medication and

therapy, It might be very helpful for you to make a list with him of all the

different things he looks forward to accomplishing in life and show him how

overcoming his OCD will allow for this.

Re: Beginning The Process

- very gracious for your response.

First my son is 13yo. No doubt early teen behaviors and body changes are adding

to the challenge.

Coincidental since I just began reading the same book last night and re-read the

" Welcome to Holland " story several times. I am personally tempted to do the same

as you did. I also ordered a couple of books off of Amazon that were suggested

on the Int'l OCD Foundation site. But I realize that with an appointment next

Monday, we have to walk very tentatively until then. The Director did talk to

our son for a couple of minutes to establish some early rapport and assess

whether our son is showing some signs of willingness. Major progress to get this

far after zero willingness until this weekend. That is the reason I am going to

hold back. Every parent has to make calls on what to do based on their own

situation. At the end of the day, we will make mistakes, but as long as we

understand we are doing the best we can, that is all we can ask. There are too

many experts out there that has made me totally confused about what to do. They

range all over the place,

so I am sticking to the basics, get to treatment, start CBT and be okay with

medication (which was a major struggle for us).

It is a great story and one I plan on sharing when the time is right. But at his

age, I am going to let him drive as much of this as possible. We set the

ultimatum, he can set the pace as long as he stays willing and involved. So much

easier said than done since I am not a disciplinary parent at all.

I love what is happening with respect to the involvement of your child with

other children who are handicapped. Since we are relatively new to San Diego, we

are not aware nor have connections to other children with disabilities. As it

was for me as a former volunteer, being around others with handicaps is a

powerful learning experience and in this case can help a child to understand

they are not alone. I hope that the opportunity develops for us as well.

Thanks for the affirmations. So much needed in these times of doubt, confusion,

and frustration. Thank you for sharing and just being there!!

McGinnis

[Guest guest]

- thanks for sharing, it's very tough to be where you are right now -

I've been there! My son was actually a medical emergency and we were being

investigated by CPS for that reason -- and there were STILL inpatient units in

our area that would NOT take him --- because OCD is NOT life-threatening,

right?? Wrong. Some day it will be seen as dangerous as cancer is now - as soon

as OCD is suspected, there will be a structure for treatment. It's not that way

now!

What OCD symptoms is your son showing? Does it affect his daily functioning to

the point that he is isolated or housebound, or medically at risk? My son would

not change or bathe and was avoiding using the bathroom - this was the level of

emergency he had to reach in order to get admitted to a regular psych unit.

I'm learning that there are many ways to motivate a kid that don't go quite that

far. For us, it means looking at all the ways we might be enabling his rituals

and beginning to withdraw that support, letting him know that treatment is

available, and that's what will help them - we are not helping him if we support

the rituals. Also possibly throwing in a large cash reward if he will go to

treatment ;-) - I did that and have not regretted for a moment.

As I understand it, the child needs to make the choice willingly. Removing

support for rituals, expressing constant confidence that he CAN do it and it

WILL help, plus adding a cash bonus worked for us.

Hang in there - you will find your way through.

Rhonda

Beginning The Process

My wife brought my son (who shows a lot of the symptoms associated with OCD)

to an OCD clinic last Monday. But he was close-lipped and did not want to talk

about anything. I spoke at length with the therapist later in the week. She

stated that there cannot be any treatment until he accepts there is a problem

and is a willing participant. Her only advice was that things will continue to

get worse for him and everyone until we confront this. This would be nothing

less than an intervention where we provide him with an ultimatum. This would be

to participate in the treatment program or be checked into a psychiatric unit at

a hospital when his issues flare up. Typically, they don't want the hospital

alternative, but have to know that we are serious about this. Well, we did not

have to wait long until his next episode. We had a day of reprieve on Saturday

and then Sunday he started the day off argumentative and wouldn't back down when

my wife told him to go to his room. It was time!

I called the Psychiatric Hot Line which informed me that I had to call 911 and

request an officer trained in psychiatric emergencies. She then informed me that

unless he was perceived as dangerous to others or himself there is nothing they

would do. I called the non-emergency number for the police who confirmed this

but also thought that maybe having an officer show up would help. I cannot

explain all of the emotions I was experiencing at the time. How could this be

happening? Was I doing the right thing? Guilt, Anger, Shame, etc. This is tough

stuff!!!!

We did confront him and told him the options. To get checked into a pychiatric

hospital or see the Director at the local Anxiety and OCD clinic. I spoke with

him on Friday who basically reiterated the same thing that the therapist did,

that unless he was willing to participate, there was nothing that they could do.

He suggested that he meet with him if he was willing to do so. Our son

reluctantly agreed to meet with him yesterday following the confrontation, but

also understood that if this did not work that we would have to resort to the

hospital. Things started to calm down and now we await the meeting with the

Director. I can only hope that he opens to this.

I am totally second guessing myself and would greatly appreciate any words on

this. Thanks.

[Guest guest]

This the benefit of these groups. I learn a lot. Absoutely terrific comments and

suggestions. It is funny since I know that money motivates him and this can be

turned into a way to recognize progress. I agree with learning how to withdraw

from supporting the rituals. We have become so accustomed to doing this for sake

of trying to keep the peace (which didn't work anyway). Will attempt to time

this with his therapy. I just hope like heck that he opens himself to this

sooner than later!

Thanks again everyone for sharing. Really does help!!

>

> - thanks for sharing, it's very tough to be where you are right now -

I've been there! My son was actually a medical emergency and we were being

investigated by CPS for that reason -- and there were STILL inpatient units in

our area that would NOT take him --- because OCD is NOT life-threatening,

right?? Wrong. Some day it will be seen as dangerous as cancer is now - as soon

as OCD is suspected, there will be a structure for treatment. It's not that way

now!

>

> What OCD symptoms is your son showing? Does it affect his daily functioning to

the point that he is isolated or housebound, or medically at risk? My son would

not change or bathe and was avoiding using the bathroom - this was the level of

emergency he had to reach in order to get admitted to a regular psych unit.

>

> I'm learning that there are many ways to motivate a kid that don't go quite

that far. For us, it means looking at all the ways we might be enabling his

rituals and beginning to withdraw that support, letting him know that treatment

is available, and that's what will help them - we are not helping him if we

support the rituals. Also possibly throwing in a large cash reward if he will go

to treatment ;-) - I did that and have not regretted for a moment.

>

> As I understand it, the child needs to make the choice willingly. Removing

support for rituals, expressing constant confidence that he CAN do it and it

WILL help, plus adding a cash bonus worked for us.

>

> Hang in there - you will find your way through.

> Rhonda

[Guest guest]

Beautifully stated, Jordana.  Thank you.  

________________________________

To:

Sent: Monday, July 2, 2012 2:04 PM

Subject: Re: Beginning The Process

 

I appreciate that you state that " Welcome to Holland " is definitely not meant to

be read to kids. It was written by Perl Kingsley about what it feels like

to find out your child has Down Syndrome. As someone who has severe OCD and has

two kids with OCD, I understand why we need to come to grips with the fact that

our lives have a different sort of struggle, but I think it is not a struggle

that should be equated with that of Down Syndrome.  

[Guest guest]

,

You are welcome. How interesting that you just read that in the same book last

night.

I wept as I read the story over and over a month ago. Finally understanding

that gifts come in packages we do not always expect. My child's OCD is although

challenging at times, a gift. As it is a part of who she is.

I found it the perfect story for me as I love Holland. I like Italy, but have

of the two always preferred Holland, along with Tulips for years being my

favorite flower so, when I read that story, I could relate and it was my way of

" getting it " as a parent.

I am glad you have the book. I am sure there are many good books. This just

happens to be the first one I am reading. I liked the title.

Re: Beginning The Process

- very gracious for your response.

First my son is 13yo. No doubt early teen behaviors and body changes are

adding to the challenge.

Coincidental since I just began reading the same book last night and re-read

the " Welcome to Holland " story several times. I am personally tempted to do the

same as you did. I also ordered a couple of books off of Amazon that were

suggested on the Int'l OCD Foundation site. But I realize that with an

appointment next Monday, we have to walk very tentatively until then. The

Director did talk to our son for a couple of minutes to establish some early

rapport and assess whether our son is showing some signs of willingness. Major

progress to get this far after zero willingness until this weekend. That is the

reason I am going to hold back. Every parent has to make calls on what to do

based on their own situation. At the end of the day, we will make mistakes, but

as long as we understand we are doing the best we can, that is all we can ask.

There are too many experts out there that has made me totally confused about

what to do. They range all over the place,

so I am sticking to the basics, get to treatment, start CBT and be okay with

medication (which was a major struggle for us).

It is a great story and one I plan on sharing when the time is right. But at

his age, I am going to let him drive as much of this as possible. We set the

ultimatum, he can set the pace as long as he stays willing and involved. So much

easier said than done since I am not a disciplinary parent at all.

I love what is happening with respect to the involvement of your child with

other children who are handicapped. Since we are relatively new to San Diego, we

are not aware nor have connections to other children with disabilities. As it

was for me as a former volunteer, being around others with handicaps is a

powerful learning experience and in this case can help a child to understand

they are not alone. I hope that the opportunity develops for us as well.

Thanks for the affirmations. So much needed in these times of doubt,

confusion, and frustration. Thank you for sharing and just being there!!

McGinnis

[Guest guest]

Thanks for your message. I had not had any reference to this writing by

Perl until this book I am reading. There was not a reference that I can find to

Downs syndrome being what it was written for, the book I am reading states it is

a good way to describe a disability to someone who is on the outside looking in.

Since I am reading a book on OCD I mentioned that in my email as a reference in

an OCD book. However, I will say that although I do not have OCD, I have found

that most people if they are really honest have some sort of disability. Some

are very obvious and some hidden. Although I did not mention it in my last

email-- will be authentic with you and say " I too have a disability " which is

differnt than the OCD that my child has. I was finally diagnosed and began

treatment at age 27. I will never know how differnt my life (might have been)

if my disability (which is not visible) had been treated at a younger age. I

have decided to look forward and not back. Yet, also find that it is very easy

for me to live like I do not have my disability as I was not adequately treated

as a younger person.

It has also fueled a passion for me for people with (particularly hidden)

special needs.

I find some things very hard like the word disability. I prefer special needs.

Meaning " special " as we are all special and I am really great at forgetting how

special I am and just seeing others as fantastically special people. Which I am

learning with helping my child to be more balanced with my own needs as well.

Since I now know that the Holland story was written for people with Downs

syndrome, I will be thoughtful of that. Thank you for sharing and pointing that

out to me. I found it helpful that you shared with me.

Also, from my heart to anyone who reads this, from the time I was in my early

20's tulips have always been my " Favorite " flower, to the point of " tulips "

being a fun nickname for me at times by family and friends. The first gift my

husband gave me when we went on a date was a stained glass red tulip that has

hung in my kitchen window for over 11 years. I have always loved windmills, and

there is one at a park (large one) near our home. So the poem or story likely

has a very positive and differnt meaning to me than some who read it. The only

flowers my daughter has ever bought me with Daddies help are tulips. So when

she heard the story, it would mean something differnt to her than a child who

did not already understand her Mommies favorite flowers in the whole world are

tulips. I can see after reading some emails my interpretation of pg 14 in the

book I mentioned could have meant something completely differnt to me than

someone else.

Since I am new to the group, I hope this helps any tension that may have come up

from my earlier email to and his wife.

In Oregon, we have miles of tulip fields in late April, it is something to

behold, rows and rows of stunning color and miles of beauty. As I stood the

first time years ago in the middle of a huge field of tulips I thought to

myself, it is like being in a rainbow but standing in the middle of it, with

color and beauty everywhere as far as my eyes could see.

It is my desire that I can take those thoughts and pictures in my mind with me

on my journey with my daughter and her OCD. As they make sense in a time that I

cannot always make sense of what she is going through.

Maybe, this will give a differnt perspective on the writing. It is truly a

beautiful place, differnt, but accepting it brought me peace. So, I could stop

focusing on the OCD in my child and relax into the surroundings and see the

beauty of what I have. A delightful and fantastic daughter who is a gift to me,

that I treasure and always will. Who is more stunning than the biggest tulip

fields in the world. She is the apple of my eye. She knows that. Thus, the

story was ok for me to read to her. Also, why I put that it is not intended for

children. Each parent hopefully knows what will be best for their own child.

When we don't we have opportunities like this to reach out for help.

Warmly,

Beginning The Process

My wife brought my son (who shows a lot of the symptoms associated with OCD)

to an OCD clinic last Monday. But he was close-lipped and did not want to talk

about anything. I spoke at length with the therapist later in the week. She

stated that there cannot be any treatment until he accepts there is a problem

and is a willing participant. Her only advice was that things will continue to

get worse for him and everyone until we confront this. This would be nothing

less than an intervention where we provide him with an ultimatum. This would be

to participate in the treatment program or be checked into a psychiatric unit at

a hospital when his issues flare up. Typically, they don't want the hospital

alternative, but have to know that we are serious about this. Well, we did not

have to wait long until his next episode. We had a day of reprieve on Saturday

and then Sunday he started the day off argumentative and wouldn't back down when

my wife told him to go to his room. It was time !

I called the Psychiatric Hot Line which informed me that I had to call 911 and

request an officer trained in psychiatric emergencies. She then informed me that

unless he was perceived as dangerous to others or himself there is nothing they

would do. I called the non-emergency number for the police who confirmed this

but also thought that maybe having an officer show up would help. I cannot

explain all of the emotions I was experiencing at the time. How could this be

happening? Was I doing the right thing? Guilt, Anger, Shame, etc. This is tough

stuff!!!!

We did confront him and told him the options. To get checked into a

psychiatric hospital or see the Director at the local Anxiety and OCD clinic. I

spoke with him on Friday who basically reiterated the same thing that the

therapist did, that unless he was willing to participate, there was nothing that

they could do. He suggested that he meet with him if he was willing to do so.

Our son reluctantly agreed to meet with him yesterday following the

confrontation, but also understood that if this did not work that we would have

to resort to the hospital. Things started to calm down and now we await the

meeting with the Director. I can only hope that he opens to this.

I am totally second guessing myself and would greatly appreciate any words on

this. Thanks.

[Guest guest]

, thanks for this beautiful explanation. I hope you understand that my

response was due to the fact that as an adult with OCD, I have many times had to

defend a difference of opinion that I might have with regard to my extended

family from being told that this is just my OCD causing me to see things

differently In fact, while I have battled severe OCD all of my life, I have had

a very happy, successful career as a learning specialist where no one has ever

known that I have OCD, even when I was doing very poorly because of it. It

doesn't weigh on my ability to make good decisions, except for in the very

specific areas of contamination and hypermorality. I have been raising my twins

who are going into 8th grade on my own since birth. I'll share a secret with

all of you: For whatever reason, very likely because there wasn't good

treatment for OCD back when I was growing up and I didn't even know I had it, I

never married. When I turned 40, I decided that I could no longer wait to meet

Mr. Right before having children, and I had my children via artificial

insemination. Despite my OCD, my kids are having a good childhood, and perhaps

because I have it, I am better able to understand the OCD that unfortunately

they inherited from me and thus help them with it from a very, very early age.

I have always explained to my daughter that I live life on two levels: On one

level I do most things that everyone else does and enjoy it, but on another

level, I struggle with contamination fears and hypermorality and often have to

find ways to cope with them so that I can lead a pretty normal life. I am a

plugger and an achiever, so I never wanted to think that my OCD would limit my

life to any significant degree, and that is the same message that I give my

kids, i.e. Life is out there and enjoy every challenge of it. I recently took

my kids to see a new Broadway show called Newsies, and there is a wonderful line

in one of the songs that I told my kids should be our motto: " Courage can not

erase our fear, courage is when we face our fear, "

Re: Beginning The Process

Thanks for your message. I had not had any reference to this writing by

Perl until this book I am reading. There was not a reference that I can find to

Downs syndrome being what it was written for, the book I am reading states it is

a good way to describe a disability to someone who is on the outside looking in.

Since I am reading a book on OCD I mentioned that in my email as a reference in

an OCD book. However, I will say that although I do not have OCD, I have found

that most people if they are really honest have some sort of disability. Some

are very obvious and some hidden. Although I did not mention it in my last

email-- will be authentic with you and say " I too have a disability " which is

differnt than the OCD that my child has. I was finally diagnosed and began

treatment at age 27. I will never know how differnt my life (might have been)

if my disability (which is not visible) had been treated at a younger age. I

have decided to look forward and not back. Yet, also find that it is very easy

for me to live like I do not have my disability as I was not adequately treated

as a younger person.

It has also fueled a passion for me for people with (particularly hidden)

special needs.

I find some things very hard like the word disability. I prefer special needs.

Meaning " special " as we are all special and I am really great at forgetting how

special I am and just seeing others as fantastically special people. Which I am

learning with helping my child to be more balanced with my own needs as well.

Since I now know that the Holland story was written for people with Downs

syndrome, I will be thoughtful of that. Thank you for sharing and pointing that

out to me. I found it helpful that you shared with me.

Also, from my heart to anyone who reads this, from the time I was in my early

20's tulips have always been my " Favorite " flower, to the point of " tulips "

being a fun nickname for me at times by family and friends. The first gift my

husband gave me when we went on a date was a stained glass red tulip that has

hung in my kitchen window for over 11 years. I have always loved windmills, and

there is one at a park (large one) near our home. So the poem or story likely

has a very positive and differnt meaning to me than some who read it. The only

flowers my daughter has ever bought me with Daddies help are tulips. So when

she heard the story, it would mean something differnt to her than a child who

did not already understand her Mommies favorite flowers in the whole world are

tulips. I can see after reading some emails my interpretation of pg 14 in the

book I mentioned could have meant something completely differnt to me than

someone else.

Since I am new to the group, I hope this helps any tension that may have come up

from my earlier email to and his wife.

In Oregon, we have miles of tulip fields in late April, it is something to

behold, rows and rows of stunning color and miles of beauty. As I stood the

first time years ago in the middle of a huge field of tulips I thought to

myself, it is like being in a rainbow but standing in the middle of it, with

color and beauty everywhere as far as my eyes could see.

It is my desire that I can take those thoughts and pictures in my mind with me

on my journey with my daughter and her OCD. As they make sense in a time that I

cannot always make sense of what she is going through.

Maybe, this will give a differnt perspective on the writing. It is truly a

beautiful place, differnt, but accepting it brought me peace. So, I could stop

focusing on the OCD in my child and relax into the surroundings and see the

beauty of what I have. A delightful and fantastic daughter who is a gift to me,

that I treasure and always will. Who is more stunning than the biggest tulip

fields in the world. She is the apple of my eye. She knows that. Thus, the

story was ok for me to read to her. Also, why I put that it is not intended for

children. Each parent hopefully knows what will be best for their own child.

When we don't we have opportunities like this to reach out for help.

Warmly,

Beginning The Process

My wife brought my son (who shows a lot of the symptoms associated with OCD) to

an OCD clinic last Monday. But he was close-lipped and did not want to talk

about anything. I spoke at length with the therapist later in the week. She

stated that there cannot be any treatment until he accepts there is a problem

and is a willing participant. Her only advice was that things will continue to

get worse for him and everyone until we confront this. This would be nothing

less than an intervention where we provide him with an ultimatum. This would be

to participate in the treatment program or be checked into a psychiatric unit at

a hospital when his issues flare up. Typically, they don't want the hospital

alternative, but have to know that we are serious about this. Well, we did not

have to wait long until his next episode. We had a day of reprieve on Saturday

and then Sunday he started the day off argumentative and wouldn't back down when

my wife told him to go to his room. It was time !

I called the Psychiatric Hot Line which informed me that I had to call 911 and

request an officer trained in psychiatric emergencies. She then informed me that

unless he was perceived as dangerous to others or himself there is nothing they

would do. I called the non-emergency number for the police who confirmed this

but also thought that maybe having an officer show up would help. I cannot

explain all of the emotions I was experiencing at the time. How could this be

happening? Was I doing the right thing? Guilt, Anger, Shame, etc. This is tough

stuff!!!!

We did confront him and told him the options. To get checked into a psychiatric

hospital or see the Director at the local Anxiety and OCD clinic. I spoke with

him on Friday who basically reiterated the same thing that the therapist did,

that unless he was willing to participate, there was nothing that they could do.

He suggested that he meet with him if he was willing to do so. Our son

reluctantly agreed to meet with him yesterday following the confrontation, but

also understood that if this did not work that we would have to resort to the

hospital. Things started to calm down and now we await the meeting with the

Director. I can only hope that he opens to this.

I am totally second guessing myself and would greatly appreciate any words on

this. Thanks.

[Guest guest]

Jodana,

Thanks for your email below. You are doing a fantastic job with your kids. I

can tell this group means a lot to you also.

It is nice that we could connect on a deeper level today. I look forward to the

journey with you. I am really impressed that you love your kids so much you had

them instead of waiting for Mr. right. :0) I did not marry until I was 32.5

yrs old and married a great guy with a 19 and 16 yr old sons. Who made me an

instant step Mother when I said I do to both boys. They have given me

completely differnt " stretch marks " than our biological child. I did barely

make 40 before becoming a step Grandmother!!!! I find that laughter is

mandatory for my sanity. Along with support and terrific friends. Of which I

now consider you to be on the friend list. I think we both grew in our

vulnerability today on this site.

Keep up the good work!

I value your insights and what you share helps me to be a better Mom to my child

too. Especially since I can learn so much from you!

Courage to face our fears......lovely quote. I think that one will go on our

fridge.

Warmly,

Beginning The Process

My wife brought my son (who shows a lot of the symptoms associated with OCD)

to an OCD clinic last Monday. But he was close-lipped and did not want to talk

about anything. I spoke at length with the therapist later in the week. She

stated that there cannot be any treatment until he accepts there is a problem

and is a willing participant. Her only advice was that things will continue to

get worse for him and everyone until we confront this. This would be nothing

less than an intervention where we provide him with an ultimatum. This would be

to participate in the treatment program or be checked into a psychiatric unit at

a hospital when his issues flare up. Typically, they don't want the hospital

alternative, but have to know that we are serious about this. Well, we did not

have to wait long until his next episode. We had a day of reprieve on Saturday

and then Sunday he started the day off argumentative and wouldn't back down when

my wife told him to go to his room. It was time !

I called the Psychiatric Hot Line which informed me that I had to call 911 and

request an officer trained in psychiatric emergencies. She then informed me that

unless he was perceived as dangerous to others or himself there is nothing they

would do. I called the non-emergency number for the police who confirmed this

but also thought that maybe having an officer show up would help. I cannot

explain all of the emotions I was experiencing at the time. How could this be

happening? Was I doing the right thing? Guilt, Anger, Shame, etc. This is tough

stuff!!!!

We did confront him and told him the options. To get checked into a

psychiatric hospital or see the Director at the local Anxiety and OCD clinic. I

spoke with him on Friday who basically reiterated the same thing that the

therapist did, that unless he was willing to participate, there was nothing that

they could do. He suggested that he meet with him if he was willing to do so.

Our son reluctantly agreed to meet with him yesterday following the

confrontation, but also understood that if this did not work that we would have

to resort to the hospital. Things started to calm down and now we await the

meeting with the Director. I can only hope that he opens to this.

I am totally second guessing myself and would greatly appreciate any words on

this. Thanks.

[Guest guest]

Jordana, I love the " Welcome to Holland " story and have often shared it with

others, even in this group. Definitely different situation than Down Syndrome

or other disorders that people have, without the hope of " recovery " as our

children have with OCD. But the story is still a comfort to many, me included,

when in the midst of dealing with OCD in the household and the changes with our

children. Often not a short journey to recovery.

The story is often shared in other groups with other disorders/illnesses. I do

see your point and agree. But even after all these years of having OCD

(12), I get comfort from Welcome to Holland. Not what I planned, but I've

gained much from this journey of OCD.

>

> I appreciate that you state that " Welcome to Holland " is definitely not meant

to be read to kids. It was written by Perl Kingsley about what it feels

like to find out your child has Down Syndrome. As someone who has severe OCD

and has two kids with OCD, I understand why we need to come to grips with the

fact that our lives have a different sort of struggle, but I think it is not a

struggle that should be equated with that of Down Syndrome. It talks about the

fact that the destination of life with Down Syndrome (symbolically stated as

Italy) is very different than that of a typical kid's life destination

(symbolically stated as Holland) and hopefully for the majority of those with

OCD this will not be the case. The last lines in that are:

>

[Guest guest]

Just adding, that take a line or 2 out of the story, and kids may like it too.

>

> Jordana, I love the " Welcome to Holland " story and have often shared it with

others, even in this group. Definitely different situation than Down Syndrome

or other disorders that people have, without the hope of " recovery " as our

children have with OCD. But