Leaving the comfort zone

[Guest guest]

Hi,

I've been lurking around this list and IOWL for years now, gaining and

losing a lot. My real difficulty has been eating as a not very effective

way of coping with stress. Yesterday I was listening to one of 's

podcasts about preparing to change and the bit about moving out of your

comfort zone really resonated with me.

I've blamed the stress and the individuals and circumstances for my eating

too much and yesterday I really took to heart that it is my own

responsibility to choose what I put in my mouth. I've also feared becoming

alcoholic or doing other damage to myself if I didn't binge. In fact a CBT

therapist I was seeing for a while said that while my binging was of

concern because it bothered me she saw it as quite a mild response to the

stress I am under. I don't think actually that was a very helpful comment

and I've used it to validate my choices to overeat.

I have really gone to extremes on this. After Christmas I had 'pulled

myself together' and lost 7 lbs and then I was admitted as an emergency to

hospital, stayed for just over a week and lost another 7 possibly more

pounds due to the experience.

However, my being ill had a very bad effect on my son who is on the

Autistic spectrum with Asperger's Syndrome. Home life basically fell apart

and is only just getting back together, my husband has Chronic Fatigue

syndrome and although very supportive is unwell himself very frequently so

is literally 'not there' a lot of the time. He also turned to alcohol to

cope with the family stress but has worked on himself and no longer drinks

at all.

I discovered to my horror I've put on more than 30 pounds since February

and I have been very miserable about my increasing fatness, which triggered

more and more eating ... I'm sure there are others here who know about that.

Yesterday it fell into place - I really cannot blame anyone or thing else.

Its down to me. I can change, I have changed in other ways before. And as

for becoming alcoholic - I've seen first hand what that does to a person

and their family and it really does not tempt me so that's not something

that is a real risk. When I've been despairing I've entertained suicidal

thoughts but have had no intention to act on them, I've cut myself a little

decades ago and don't see the attraction in that so I don't think that not

eating will lead to other dangerous habits.

I admit to feeling a bit stupid about coming to this understanding so late

- I've intellectually understood this but not truly owned the feeling.

If anyone got this far - thanks for reading

Jenna