Re: New, struggling with feelings

[Guest guest]

Thanks Corinna.

I make $44 per hour here, and that is pretty average for someone as qualified

and as experienced as I am. It is hard though to get the numbers of students. I

am in 2 schools which gets me students in the daytime because without that,

there just are not enough hours in the after school and on Saturday to survive.

From what others have said, everybody is down on student enrollment this year.

And Summer means everybody goes to the lake. June is bad too because exams take

priority over music.

Dental benefits, paid holidays, stability, all sound good to me. Tired of

fighting for my dream.

 

Carlton Larsen, Ba, Bgp

Freelance Musician

426 Pinehouse Drive

Saskatoon Sk

S7K4X5

________________________________

To: insideoutweightloss

Sent: Thursday, March 8, 2012 1:12:15 PM

Subject: Re: New, struggling with feelings

 

I'm sorry that you are changing from a career you love, Carlton - doesn't

teaching earn you about $60/hr? That's what are are charged here in

Toronto..

[Guest guest]

Hi :

You do have a new comforter: IOWL podcasts, yahoo support group and I

would strongly advise you dive into journaling again. If it worked

for you in the past it will work for you again! Let go of judgment of

yourself and trying to be perfect with it and just pour it all out.

If you have friends you can talk to, reach out to them. When we are

going through a rough patch in our lives we need to multitask and use

as my resources as we can to get through it. Our minds abhor a vacuum

so if you don't turn to the food you need to fill that behavior with

something else! And if you do turn to the food, you need to forgive

yourself and try as many outlets as you can until you find what works

for you.

EFT is great for helping you release emotions. If your mom is

teaching your children to shut down their emotions it is VERY likely

she did that with you. I suspect she was taught that from her

parents. Good news is you are in charge now and you can make the

choices of how you want to deal with your emotions now. Play with all

the tools you are gathering! You will be amazed at how quickly you

will start getting relief and stop using food as your go to

comforter!! : )

Hugs,

> Thanks .

>

> The odd thing is I am the worlds worst crier at anything on the

> telly! I'm the one who cries at The Biggest Loser, the soaps, the

> charity things on the telly - you name it, I cry. But something

> happens within my life and I just shut off - my husband and I are

> going through a bad patch at the moment and I just shut off

> completely. Sometimes I feel the tears there like they're ready to

> flow - just now I typed out exactly what our problems are and felt

> the tears behind my eyes so hit the delete key. I guess food is my

> real life delete key.

>

> A therapist I used to see said she thought I saw that as a safe way

> to unleash pent up emotions. I don't see it as that when I do cry,

> but it does make sense.

>

> I don't remember being given food to soothe problems when I was

> younger, but I do watch my mum with my own children now and any time

> they're upset she's always rushing to 'ssshhh' them and tells them

> everyone's looking at them so they shouldn't be crying. Maybe it was

> the same with me too? As a teenager I used to write in my journal a

> lot and I think that was my outlet. I find it harder to do now, the

> words don't seem to flow as easily as they used to.

>

> Thank you for advising babysteps. It is naive of me to expect I'm

> suddenly going to start feeling everything and be ok without my

> crutch of food. Maybe I need a new crutch? Food soothes and comforts

> me, I need a new comforter.

>

>

> > >

> > > Hi everyone,

> > >

> > > I listened to 's podcasts a few months ago but decided

> recently to give them another go and take heed of the 'you must put

> in to get out' sentence at the end of the podcasts.

> > >

> > > I bought my notepad which is my success journal, and started

> listening again and am actually doing the exercises and writing down

> anything else that I find helpful.

> > >

> > > Through doing the exercises I think I made a small breakthrough

> today...during the exercise where you have to find out what part of

> you objects to being slim and I every clearly had an objective

> little version of me crying out that I can't let people see what I'm

> really like! You see, on the outisde I'm very placid. The only

> people who get to see the real me are my 2 daughters and to a

> certain extent my best friend. The rest of the world (my husband

> included) see an emotionless person, I don't publicly get upset, or

> happy, or anything other than just normal.

> > >

> > > Whenever I feel any sort of sad emotion bubbling under the

> surface I rush to food to stuff it down. I understand that no

> feeling lasts forever, but I really don't like the feeling and at

> the moment the only way I know how to deal with it is to eat to

> soothe the feelings. In the past I have also had boughts of self harm

> > >

> > > My husband and I are going through some problems at the moment

> and I have gained 5lbs in just over a week. I can't talk to people

> about it because I worry that I'll get upset about things and I just

> 'don't do' upset. I bottle everything up, and when it tries to get

> out I keep it quiet with food. I'm aware that I'm doing it but I

> don't know how to change.

> > >

> > > Has anyone else had this and how do I deal with it? Even typing

> this message I can feel the tears but I know I'm going to sign off

> and find something to eat to take it away...

> > >

> > > Sorry for such a depressing first message (

> > >

> >

>

>

[Guest guest]

Even though  you deleted what you wrote it may still be helpful just to get the

words out, especially if you've used that in the past.

________________________________

To: insideoutweightloss

Sent: Thursday, March 8, 2012 3:34 AM

Subject: Re: New, struggling with feelings

 

Thanks .

The odd thing is I am the worlds worst crier at anything on the telly! I'm the

one who cries at The Biggest Loser, the soaps, the charity things on the telly -

you name it, I cry. But something happens within my life and I just shut off -

my husband and I are going through a bad patch at the moment and I just shut off

completely. Sometimes I feel the tears there like they're ready to flow - just

now I typed out exactly what our problems are and felt the tears behind my eyes

so hit the delete key. I guess food is my real life delete key.

A therapist I used to see said she thought I saw that as a safe way to unleash

pent up emotions. I don't see it as that when I do cry, but it does make sense.

I don't remember being given food to soothe problems when I was younger, but I

do watch my mum with my own children now and any time they're upset she's always

rushing to 'ssshhh' them and tells them everyone's looking at them so they

shouldn't be crying. Maybe it was the same with me too? As a teenager I used

to write in my journal a lot and I think that was my outlet. I find it harder

to do now, the words don't seem to flow as easily as they used to.

Thank you for advising babysteps. It is naive of me to expect I'm suddenly

going to start feeling everything and be ok without my crutch of food. Maybe I

need a new crutch? Food soothes and comforts me, I need a new comforter.

> >

> > Hi everyone,

> >

> > I listened to 's podcasts a few months ago but decided recently to give

them another go and take heed of the 'you must put in to get out' sentence at

the end of the podcasts.

> >

> > I bought my notepad which is my success journal, and started listening again

and am actually doing the exercises and writing down anything else that I find

helpful.

> >

> > Through doing the exercises I think I made a small breakthrough

today...during the exercise where you have to find out what part of you objects

to being slim and I every clearly had an objective little version of me crying

out that I can't let people see what I'm really like! You see, on the outisde

I'm very placid. The only people who get to see the real me are my 2 daughters

and to a certain extent my best friend. The rest of the world (my husband

included) see an emotionless person, I don't publicly get upset, or happy, or

anything other than just normal.

> >

> > Whenever I feel any sort of sad emotion bubbling under the surface I rush to

food to stuff it down. I understand that no feeling lasts forever, but I really

don't like the feeling and at the moment the only way I know how to deal with it

is to eat to soothe the feelings. In the past I have also had boughts of self

harm

> >

> > My husband and I are going through some problems at the moment and I have

gained 5lbs in just over a week. I can't talk to people about it because I

worry that I'll get upset about things and I just 'don't do' upset. I bottle

everything up, and when it tries to get out I keep it quiet with food. I'm

aware that I'm doing it but I don't know how to change.

> >

> > Has anyone else had this and how do I deal with it? Even typing this

message I can feel the tears but I know I'm going to sign off and find something

to eat to take it away...

> >

> > Sorry for such a depressing first message (

> >

>

[Guest guest]

What if you trust that the dream is right, but you were taking a roundabout

path? Wouldn't it be cool if somehow going on the road again is just what it

takes to bring you face to face with your dream, in a way you can't imagine

right now?

What if it's a fight, a struggle, because it's the wrong time?

Maybe now would be a good time to listen to the podcast on Relaxed Intent. 

>________________________________

>

>To: " insideoutweightloss " <insideoutweightloss >

>Sent: Friday, March 9, 2012 2:30 AM

>Subject: Re: Re: New, struggling with feelings

>

>Dental benefits, paid holidays, stability, all sound good to me. Tired of

fighting for my dream.

>

>  

[Guest guest]

I love the Biggest Loser too, exactly because I cry (although this season sucks

for that, LOL). I think that when we cry over shows, we are really crying for

ourselves. On Biggest Loser I cry when the people are being heard for the first

time. They can tell their stories and someone hears them. Often, we simply

don't have anyone to tell.

I'm going to describe a technique I've developed that is working for me in a BIG

way. Maybe you can do something similar.

Whenever I find myself wanting to hide behind or comfort myself with food, I say

hooray and run for my computer to write it out - WHILE I am stuffing my face.

My objective is to look for the Truth behind my eating. What Truth am I not

seeing? What assumption have I made about life that is false? Sometimes it

takes a while, but I keep writing whatever pops into my head, even if it's " I

don't know. " I keep asking, what is the Truth here? What am I avoiding?

Eventually, something occurs to me.

Here is an example that was huge for me. " We are entitled by birth to have good

parents. " Everyone says we are, right? All babies are entitled to be loved. We

believe this so much that no one would dare speak otherwise. So is this True or

False?

I started with the notion that my parents failed me. What is the Truth behind

that? It's this: I was not ENTITLED to be born to good parents - a person is

only lucky if they get some. I immediately stopped eating - - I had to really

let that sink in. I am not ENTITLED to anything. I only think I am.

Just because I was born, no one promises me good parents. There are no

guarantees or entitlements in life, only the Truth. If you parents suck, they

suck. If they were okay, real people that did their best, then that is what you

got. If they were self-absorbed, alcoholics, that gave you to your grandmother

to raise, then lucky you, LOL. (I laugh because that is what I got.) If they

were rich, loving, perfect people that spent every moment doing exactly the

right thing by you, then they were probably in a storybook rather than real

life. That's the Truth.

Here's another Truth: Parent don't necessary want their kids. Our culture

doesn't allow parents to even think that thought, but it's true. Often, people

have children that they did not plan to have. And even if they did, it's not

like choosing a puppy. Your kids don't always match your expectation of cute,

cuddly bundles of joy. Kids cry and demand, and are often obnoxious. They take

up your time that you would rather spend partying with your friends. But parents

are expected to love their kids regardless.

Truth: Some otherwise normal people don't want their kids. That's a fact. You

are only lucky if your parents want or love you.

Here's another Truth: Life is what we make of it. There are no guarantees or

entitlements, except those that we create through beliefs or legislate. We are

not ENTITLED to have (or be) perfect parents, relationships, children, homes,

jobs, pets... LIFE. We get what we get as kids, but as adults we can make

better choices to create better results.

Each time I go through this process, while I am stuffing my face, I know I've

hit the Truth when I suddenly stop eating. I lose interest in the food

immediately. So I keep writing and eating until this happens. Thanks for

listening - I hope something here is useful.

Hugs,

[Guest guest]

Hi, Carlton

I'd be very interested in hearing about your experience with this. I hope you

will share.

>

> Wow !

>

> Great idea. This makes sense. I am going to try this. It seems safer than

trying to face my own feelings all at once head on.

>

>  

> Carlton Larsen, Ba, Bgp

> Freelance Musician

> 426 Pinehouse Drive

> Saskatoon Sk

> S7K4X5

>

>

> ________________________________

>

> To: insideoutweightloss

> Sent: Tuesday, March 6, 2012 9:50:27 AM

> Subject: Re: New, struggling with feelings

>

>

>  

>

>

> Perhaps you simply haven't had any experiences that developed coping with

emotions. Like, perhaps as a child you were never given the chance to work

though emotions - maybe you were given food to keep you from getting upset? If

you don't have the experience, you can't get it all at once. You don't learn to

walk by running first. So you take baby steps. Start with a little emotion,

like maybe you could watch a sappy movie (chick flick) all by yourself, and just

sit there through the tears and feel whatever you feel - purposefully done

without food, realizing that you are exposing yourself to something new and that

you can survive it without eating. I'm suggesting a movie because it would be

someone else's emotions that you are experiencing rather than your own, which

might be easier. Whatever you choose, start giving yourself the experience of

feeling without food a tiny bit at a time.

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

I totally agree . Some of us didn't have the best parents, but as adults,

it's up to us to give ourselves what we need. You've got a good strategy going.

________________________________

To: insideoutweightloss

Sent: Friday, March 9, 2012 9:33 AM

Subject: Re: New, struggling with feelings

 

I love the Biggest Loser too, exactly because I cry (although this season sucks

for that, LOL). I think that when we cry over shows, we are really crying for

ourselves. On Biggest Loser I cry when the people are being heard for the first

time. They can tell their stories and someone hears them. Often, we simply

don't have anyone to tell.

I'm going to describe a technique I've developed that is working for me in a BIG

way. Maybe you can do something similar.

Whenever I find myself wanting to hide behind or comfort myself with food, I say

hooray and run for my computer to write it out - WHILE I am stuffing my face.

My objective is to look for the Truth behind my eating. What Truth am I not

seeing? What assumption have I made about life that is false? Sometimes it

takes a while, but I keep writing whatever pops into my head, even if it's " I

don't know. " I keep asking, what is the Truth here? What am I avoiding?

Eventually, something occurs to me.

Here is an example that was huge for me. " We are entitled by birth to have good

parents. " Everyone says we are, right? All babies are entitled to be loved. We

believe this so much that no one would dare speak otherwise. So is this True or

False?

I started with the notion that my parents failed me. What is the Truth behind

that? It's this: I was not ENTITLED to be born to good parents - a person is

only lucky if they get some. I immediately stopped eating - - I had to really

let that sink in. I am not ENTITLED to anything. I only think I am.

Just because I was born, no one promises me good parents. There are no

guarantees or entitlements in life, only the Truth. If you parents suck, they

suck. If they were okay, real people that did their best, then that is what you

got. If they were self-absorbed, alcoholics, that gave you to your grandmother

to raise, then lucky you, LOL. (I laugh because that is what I got.) If they

were rich, loving, perfect people that spent every moment doing exactly the

right thing by you, then they were probably in a storybook rather than real

life. That's the Truth.

Here's another Truth: Parent don't necessary want their kids. Our culture

doesn't allow parents to even think that thought, but it's true. Often, people

have children that they did not plan to have. And even if they did, it's not

like choosing a puppy. Your kids don't always match your expectation of cute,

cuddly bundles of joy. Kids cry and demand, and are often obnoxious. They take

up your time that you would rather spend partying with your friends. But parents

are expected to love their kids regardless.

Truth: Some otherwise normal people don't want their kids. That's a fact. You

are only lucky if your parents want or love you.

Here's another Truth: Life is what we make of it. There are no guarantees or

entitlements, except those that we create through beliefs or legislate. We are

not ENTITLED to have (or be) perfect parents, relationships, children, homes,

jobs, pets... LIFE. We get what we get as kids, but as adults we can make

better choices to create better results.

Each time I go through this process, while I am stuffing my face, I know I've

hit the Truth when I suddenly stop eating. I lose interest in the food

immediately. So I keep writing and eating until this happens. Thanks for

listening - I hope something here is useful.

Hugs,

[Guest guest]

I like this.

b.

> What if you trust that the dream is right, but you were taking a roundabout

path? Wouldn't it be cool if somehow going on the road again is just what it

takes to bring you face to face with your dream, in a way you can't imagine

right now?

>

> What if it's a fight, a struggle, because it's the wrong time?

>

> Maybe now would be a good time to listen to the podcast on Relaxed Intent.

>

>

>

> >________________________________

> >

> >To: " insideoutweightloss "

<insideoutweightloss >

> >Sent: Friday, March 9, 2012 2:30 AM

> >Subject: Re: Re: New, struggling with feelings

> >

> >Dental benefits, paid holidays, stability, all sound good to me. Tired of

fighting for my dream.

> >

> >

>

>

[Guest guest]

,

That's really an amazing idea! I think I'm going to start using it because I've

recently realized that when I overeat I'm always stressed - but writing it out

will help me identify not only WHY the stress is there but also what the stress

really means in my life (and that whatever it is will pass). Thanks for sharing

it!

~Khiri

P.S. I cry during this season of Biggest Loser...usually because I'm in pain

from having pulled my hair out in frustration at their ridiculous antics

___________________

> >

> >To: insideoutweightloss

> >Sent: Friday, March 9, 2012 5:33 PM

> >Subject: Re: New, struggling with feelings

> >

> >

> > 

> >I love the Biggest Loser too, exactly because I cry (although this season

sucks for that, LOL). I think that when we cry over shows, we are really crying

for ourselves. On Biggest Loser I cry when the people are being heard for the

first time. They can tell their stories and someone hears them. Often, we

simply don't have anyone to tell.

> >

> >I'm going to describe a technique I've developed that is working for me in a

BIG way. Maybe you can do something similar.

> >

> >Whenever I find myself wanting to hide behind or comfort myself with food, I

say hooray and run for my computer to write it out - WHILE I am stuffing my

face. My objective is to look for the Truth behind my eating. What Truth am I

not seeing? What assumption have I made about life that is false? Sometimes it

takes a while, but I keep writing whatever pops into my head, even if it's " I

don't know. " I keep asking, what is the Truth here? What am I avoiding?

Eventually, something occurs to me.

> >

> >...

> >

> >Each time I go through this process, while I am stuffing my face, I know I've

hit the Truth when I suddenly stop eating. I lose interest in the food

immediately. So I keep writing and eating until this happens. Thanks for

listening - I hope something here is useful.

> >

> >Hugs,

> >

> >

>

>

[Guest guest]

I decided yesterday to stay in my current building and take the job with the

kids with behaviors. I know I'll be happier working with people that are friends

and that are great at what they do. It's a relief to have it off my mind. Now I

can move forward!

________________________________

To: " insideoutweightloss " <insideoutweightloss >

Sent: Tuesday, March 6, 2012 8:09 AM

Subject: RE: New, struggling with feelings

 

Kim as I read about your job change, I just knew I had to share my story with

you. I have copied below what I wrote 5 years ago, about this same time.

Things were changing in a job that I had loved for 33 years. As an update to

what you’ll read below. A job opened up in a different hospital and I took a

leap of faith to apply. I was perfect for the job and they said it was just

like God had placed me in their lap. I can’t begin to tell you how much I

love this job and don’t regret moving on at all. I know other people in which

the same held true for them. I hope you find it to be so also…..

I wrote this in March of 2007….

I haven’t written about what is going on at my workplace and I’m not going

to go into all the details here. The one detail I will share is that there are

several positions in the pharmacy that will change from being a position and

instead will become a different company’s position. My position is one of

those, What it means for me is that I would no longer be a employee. I

will become someone else’s employee for 3 years and after the 3 years I would

be a employee again. I am having difficulty with that as I have been a

employee for 33 years. For about a week, I found myself bursting into tears

whenever the emotions overcame me. I have only had about 3 weeks to process

this development; although I have had months to watch the other changes that

were happening.

Throughout this process, I have been taking each day as it comes and putting one

foot in front of the other. One of the things I tell God each morning in my

prayers is that I am willing to learn my lessons by a tap on the shoulder rather

than the sledge hammer effect. So as things have developed over the last few

months, I’ve been on the alert for any signs that I need to make a change so

that I can avoid the sledgehammer. I have recently begun to question whether

this position is where God wants me right now. I have taken steps to show my

willingness to move on if that is what God has in mind. Most of the results of

those steps are yet to be revealed. For several months now I haven’t felt

good about my job and haven’t received much of the positive affirmations I am

used to receiving. I’ve been overwhelmed and overstressed. I’m used to

feeling overwhelmed time and again; but this has been going on since the

beginning of September. As

news of my possible leaving has come out, I have been given many of those

positive affirmations again. I, once again, feel that I am doing a good job

with the time resources I have although if some changes took place, I could do

so much more. Perhaps things had to get bad enough for me to think about

leaving in order for me to speak up and be heard.

One of the things I have learned throughout this process is that once the fear

of hanging on too long became greater than the risk of letting go; I became

willing to let go and let God. I have placed this all in His hands. I have

prayed and meditated about it. One of the things that was shared at my last

Al-Anon meeting was…â€Where God directs me, He will protect me.†I also

believe that God is always protecting me from something worse or preparing me

for something better. I truly don’t have any fear surrounding this situation.

The emotions surrounding this seem to be more of sadness, disappointment and

grief. At the same time, there have also been feelings of excitement at the

prospect of a new challenge. I know God is my source and I will be taken care

of throughout this. My job is to be willing to do my footwork. One of the

things that comes up often during my prayer and meditation time is to trust the

process. For today, I will

trust the process and know that there may be weeks before I know what path I am

going to find myself on.

Many of you have heard me talk about the affirmation I say daily concerning the

perfect job. For those who haven’t, the affirmation is…â€The perfect job

is seeking me and my life is in divine order.†The person who shared this

with me 10 years ago, explained that whatever my talents and gifts were; there

was a job perfectly matched to those talents and gifts. To bring myself and the

job together would be perfectly matched. I don’t have to define what that job

is because it would be limited by my imagination. I’d rather leave it up to

God. About 6 months after saying this affirmation, my job changed to my going

to South and my job has continued to become better each year. It has only

been recently that I have begun to question that.

Have there been times when you have “Let go and let God� What were the

results? Care to share? Have a wonderful week, unless of course you have other

plans. Cyberhugs,

" Sometimes God allows us to see the miracle. Sometimes God allows us to

BE the miracle. "

Mercy.... One of the Nation's Top Integrated Health Systems

From: insideoutweightloss

[mailto:insideoutweightloss ] On Behalf Of Kim Siberski

Sent: Monday, March 05, 2012 8:08 PM

To: insideoutweightloss

Subject: Re: New, struggling with feelings

I needed to hear this today more than you can know. I was told today that my

position is being cut and I'll be forced to teach students with behavior

problems instead of students with mental disabilities/autism. I love what I do

and spend much of my free time reading and researching so I can do more for the

kids. I have seniority, but it's complicated. Since I haven't taught in the

position I want to move to I have to take this other job. This is after 24 yrs.

I'm sad, but I'll deal because I don't have a choice. I'll keep referring to

your quote .

________________________________

From: Livingston <jenniferpl@...<mailto:jenniferpl%40yahoo.com>>

To:

" insideoutweightloss <mailto:insideoutweightloss%40yahoogroups.co\

m> "

<insideoutweightloss <mailto:insideoutweightloss%40yahoogroups.co\

m>>

Sent: Monday, March 5, 2012 5:27 PM

Subject: Re: New, struggling with feelings

Feelings...Can be a lot!!!

One of the quotes I have on my computer stand at work is, " No problem lasts

forever. No matter how permanently fixed in the center of my life it may see,

whatever I am experiencing in this ever changing life is sure to pass. Even

_______________________. "

I wonder if you could do a predo with some of your emotions.

I hope you will stay with the process. You deserve to feel your emotions with

others around - I have a hard time with this as well and I am really working to

stay tuned in rather and respond authentically to my husband and others with

whom it has become automatic to distance emotionally.

Good luck and welcome.

Livingston

________________________________

From: mrsbree2004 <mrsbree2004@...<mailto:mrsbree2004%40yahoo.co.uk>>

To:

insideoutweightloss <mailto:insideoutweightloss%40yahoogroups.com\

>

Sent: Monday, March 5, 2012 2:40 PM

Subject: New, struggling with feelings

Hi everyone,

I listened to 's podcasts a few months ago but decided recently to give

them another go and take heed of the 'you must put in to get out' sentence at

the end of the podcasts.

I bought my notepad which is my success journal, and started listening again and

am actually doing the exercises and writing down anything else that I find

helpful.

Through doing the exercises I think I made a small breakthrough today...during

the exercise where you have to find out what part of you objects to being slim

and I every clearly had an objective little version of me crying out that I

can't let people see what I'm really like! You see, on the outisde I'm very

placid. The only people who get to see the real me are my 2 daughters and to a

certain extent my best friend. The rest of the world (my husband included) see

an emotionless person, I don't publicly get upset, or happy, or anything other

than just normal.

Whenever I feel any sort of sad emotion bubbling under the surface I rush to

food to stuff it down. I understand that no feeling lasts forever, but I really

don't like the feeling and at the moment the only way I know how to deal with it

is to eat to soothe the feelings. In the past I have also had boughts of self

harm

My husband and I are going through some problems at the moment and I have gained

5lbs in just over a week. I can't talk to people about it because I worry that

I'll get upset about things and I just 'don't do' upset. I bottle everything up,

and when it tries to get out I keep it quiet with food. I'm aware that I'm doing

it but I don't know how to change.

Has anyone else had this and how do I deal with it? Even typing this message I

can feel the tears but I know I'm going to sign off and find something to eat to

take it away...

Sorry for such a depressing first message (