How to make this NOT about weight??

[Guest guest]

Hi friends,

I had the most delightful telephone conversation with May, MD, the

person behind another " non-diet " program called " Am I Hungry " .. Website is

http://amihungry.com/.. I had emailed her to ask if I could use some of her

materials for the local support group I started (at 's suggestion).. And,

yes I can, but she wanted to talk to me about my approach.

The long story short is we spoke on the phone the other day - it was a wonderful

conversation and she gave me tremendous encouragement for what I am doing in

trying to spread the word... (I truly believe most dieters have no idea there is

a way other than hating yourself thin!) In addition - she encouraged me to

totally NOT make this about weight! Both in my personal journey and in my

support group.

WOW!! How do I do that?? I know that it's all about self-love and acceptance

at any weight. I know (spiritually speaking) that we are all perfect just the

way we are! And, I know the healthy weight should then follow after we truly

believe we are deserving of only the best in self-care.

But, when you are 100 lbs overweight, how can you totally get the weight out of

your mind?? Like, when I am walking somewhere huffing and puffing and

sweating?? Or, when I sit down in a chair and the sides of the chair barely (or

don't) clear my thighs.. Or, when I had to order an airplane seat belt extender

for my upcoming vacation..

Maybe it's just a different approach.. because ' certainly talks about

weight a lot..

Just wanted to get your opinion.

Thanks,

Judy

[Guest guest]

I don't know. I guess if I was 20 lbs overweight I could just " let the

weight take care of itself. " But at 285, I don't think I have that luxury.

It's kind of a matter of life or death at this point. While I am working

through the book and doing the exercises, I am still weighing myself every

week.

I think the key isn't necessarily to leave weight out of it, but to detach

the emotion from the number on the scale. There's an awesome picture going

around facebook that basically says the number on this scale is only a

numeric value that registers a physical quality. It does not measure your

value as a human being, your ability to love, your ability to be loved,

your intelligence, your sense of humor....

I love that. So many of us do base our value on that number. That's where

it has to stop. We need to treat the weight as a simple measurement. It's

a tool to help us determine if we are succeeding in our goals and to see if

what we are doing is working. It's only one tool. There's plenty of

others. I will continue to weigh myself.

> **

>

>

> Hi friends,

>

> I had the most delightful telephone conversation with May, MD,

> the person behind another " non-diet " program called " Am I Hungry " .. Website

> is http://amihungry.com/.. I had emailed her to ask if I could use some

> of her materials for the local support group I started (at 's

> suggestion).. And, yes I can, but she wanted to talk to me about my

> approach.

>

> The long story short is we spoke on the phone the other day - it was a

> wonderful conversation and she gave me tremendous encouragement for what I

> am doing in trying to spread the word... (I truly believe most dieters have

> no idea there is a way other than hating yourself thin!) In addition - she

> encouraged me to totally NOT make this about weight! Both in my personal

> journey and in my support group.

>

> WOW!! How do I do that?? I know that it's all about self-love and

> acceptance at any weight. I know (spiritually speaking) that we are all

> perfect just the way we are! And, I know the healthy weight should then

> follow after we truly believe we are deserving of only the best in

> self-care.

>

> But, when you are 100 lbs overweight, how can you totally get the weight

> out of your mind?? Like, when I am walking somewhere huffing and puffing

> and sweating?? Or, when I sit down in a chair and the sides of the chair

> barely (or don't) clear my thighs.. Or, when I had to order an airplane

> seat belt extender for my upcoming vacation..

>

> Maybe it's just a different approach.. because ' certainly talks

> about weight a lot..

>

> Just wanted to get your opinion.

>

> Thanks,

>

> Judy

>

>

>

--

Amelia Ramstead

http://www.linkedin.com/pub/amelia-ramstead/2b/25b/601

http://www.ameeramstead.com

http://ameliaramstead.blogspot.com

www.twitter.com/ameliaramstead

[Guest guest]

Judy

I took a quick look at 's website, and I think that she means that if

you are eating mindfully ONLY when you are hungry and work on the emotional

issues, the weight will take care if itself. We should probably not think

specifically about it by weighing and measuring compulsively, like I tend to do,

and let it just be released (as ' says) naturally. There are a couple

others out there saying similar things. One of them, Marc , is really in to

the mindful eating. He suggests delaying the first bite of a meal or snack and

take a few deep breaths while appreciating and being grateful for the food. Then

you eat slowly and savor each bite. This is sooo hard for me because,  if my

blood sugar is low, I tend to dive face-first into my plate without even coming

up for air until my brain realized that it has some sugar to sustain itself.

Jena LaFlamme (who was on one of 's podcasts) is a disciple of Marc's, and

she adds that we should

choose movements we love like dancing, yoga, walking with friends, instead of

formal exercise. Her big thing is pleasure.

I don't know that this is any clearer for you. I don't think we big gals can

totally forget about the weight in our culture. Someone or something is always

reminding us that the world is built for thinner people. I just think that maybe

these programs are designed to get to the heart of why we eat more than our

bodies need to be healthy. If we can take care of these issues, the weight

should normalize for us.

 

Marcia

________________________________

To: insideoutweightloss

Sent: Saturday, January 21, 2012 3:40 PM

Subject: How to make this " NOT about weight?? "

 

Hi friends,

I had the most delightful telephone conversation with May, MD, the

person behind another " non-diet " program called " Am I Hungry " .. Website is

http://amihungry.com/.. I had emailed her to ask if I could use some of her

materials for the local support group I started (at 's suggestion).. And,

yes I can, but she wanted to talk to me about my approach.

The long story short is we spoke on the phone the other day - it was a wonderful

conversation and she gave me tremendous encouragement for what I am doing in

trying to spread the word... (I truly believe most dieters have no idea there is

a way other than hating yourself thin!) In addition - she encouraged me to

totally NOT make this about weight! Both in my personal journey and in my

support group.

WOW!! How do I do that?? I know that it's all about self-love and acceptance

at any weight. I know (spiritually speaking) that we are all perfect just the

way we are! And, I know the healthy weight should then follow after we truly

believe we are deserving of only the best in self-care.

But, when you are 100 lbs overweight, how can you totally get the weight out of

your mind?? Like, when I am walking somewhere huffing and puffing and

sweating?? Or, when I sit down in a chair and the sides of the chair barely (or

don't) clear my thighs.. Or, when I had to order an airplane seat belt extender

for my upcoming vacation..

Maybe it's just a different approach.. because ' certainly talks about

weight a lot..

Just wanted to get your opinion.

Thanks,

Judy

[Guest guest]

I agree with you, Amelia. Weight has to be monitored. I know that it is the

first order of business when I see my MD! AND it plays an important part of

everything we talk about on our visits. If I had twenty years to deal with my

weight, maybe I could make it less about the weight and more about dealing with

emotions and moving more. These " experts " I mentioned were just some people who

happened to agree with the source that Judy mentioned. I read about this stuff

compulsively, so I know what lots of coaches think and write about. I'm working

with ' because she has the most balanced program I found.

 

________________________________

To: insideoutweightloss

Sent: Saturday, January 21, 2012 5:31 PM

Subject: Re: How to make this " NOT about weight?? "

 

I don't know. I guess if I was 20 lbs overweight I could just " let the

weight take care of itself. " But at 285, I don't think I have that luxury.

It's kind of a matter of life or death at this point. While I am working

through the book and doing the exercises, I am still weighing myself every

week.

I think the key isn't necessarily to leave weight out of it, but to detach

the emotion from the number on the scale. There's an awesome picture going

around facebook that basically says the number on this scale is only a

numeric value that registers a physical quality. It does not measure your

value as a human being, your ability to love, your ability to be loved,

your intelligence, your sense of humor....

I love that. So many of us do base our value on that number. That's where

it has to stop. We need to treat the weight as a simple measurement. It's

a tool to help us determine if we are succeeding in our goals and to see if

what we are doing is working. It's only one tool. There's plenty of

others. I will continue to weigh myself.

> **

>

>

> Hi friends,

>

> I had the most delightful telephone conversation with May, MD,

> the person behind another " non-diet " program called " Am I Hungry " .. Website

> is http://amihungry.com/.. I had emailed her to ask if I could use some

> of her materials for the local support group I started (at 's

> suggestion).. And, yes I can, but she wanted to talk to me about my

> approach.

>

> The long story short is we spoke on the phone the other day - it was a

> wonderful conversation and she gave me tremendous encouragement for what I

> am doing in trying to spread the word... (I truly believe most dieters have

> no idea there is a way other than hating yourself thin!) In addition - she

> encouraged me to totally NOT make this about weight! Both in my personal

> journey and in my support group.

>

> WOW!! How do I do that?? I know that it's all about self-love and

> acceptance at any weight. I know (spiritually speaking) that we are all

> perfect just the way we are! And, I know the healthy weight should then

> follow after we truly believe we are deserving of only the best in

> self-care.

>

> But, when you are 100 lbs overweight, how can you totally get the weight

> out of your mind?? Like, when I am walking somewhere huffing and puffing

> and sweating?? Or, when I sit down in a chair and the sides of the chair

> barely (or don't) clear my thighs.. Or, when I had to order an airplane

> seat belt extender for my upcoming vacation..

>

> Maybe it's just a different approach.. because ' certainly talks

> about weight a lot..

>

> Just wanted to get your opinion.

>

> Thanks,

>

> Judy

>

>

>

--

Amelia Ramstead

http://www.linkedin.com/pub/amelia-ramstead/2b/25b/601

http://www.ameeramstead.com

http://ameliaramstead.blogspot.com

www.twitter.com/ameliaramstead

[Guest guest]

Today as I was feeling the anxiety of going to a social event which tends to

start a commentary in my head about how fat my thighs are, how big I look, how

ugly I am, ect...I took a breath and said one of the quotes I took from Tara

Brachs podcast outloud and then texted it to myself so that during the event I

could take my " SELF " to this truth.

 

" I am a spiritual being experiencing this life in this physical body.  I choose

to live my life from this place of truth where I can find abundance, power,

creativity and peace. "

We need these bodies to experience this world and we need them healthy to

experience it more fully but it is not who I am.  Somehow I felt like this

related to this discussion about what is important in this weight journey.

  Livingston

________________________________

To: " insideoutweightloss " <insideoutweightloss >

Sent: Saturday, January 21, 2012 5:51 PM

Subject: Re: How to make this " NOT about weight?? "

 

I agree with you, Amelia. Weight has to be monitored. I know that it is the

first order of business when I see my MD! AND it plays an important part of

everything we talk about on our visits. If I had twenty years to deal with my

weight, maybe I could make it less about the weight and more about dealing with

emotions and moving more. These " experts " I mentioned were just some people who

happened to agree with the source that Judy mentioned. I read about this stuff

compulsively, so I know what lots of coaches think and write about. I'm working

with ' because she has the most balanced program I found.

 

________________________________

To: insideoutweightloss

Sent: Saturday, January 21, 2012 5:31 PM

Subject: Re: How to make this " NOT about weight?? "

 

I don't know. I guess if I was 20 lbs overweight I could just " let the

weight take care of itself. " But at 285, I don't think I have that luxury.

It's kind of a matter of life or death at this point. While I am working

through the book and doing the exercises, I am still weighing myself every

week.

I think the key isn't necessarily to leave weight out of it, but to detach

the emotion from the number on the scale. There's an awesome picture going

around facebook that basically says the number on this scale is only a

numeric value that registers a physical quality. It does not measure your

value as a human being, your ability to love, your ability to be loved,

your intelligence, your sense of humor....

I love that. So many of us do base our value on that number. That's where

it has to stop. We need to treat the weight as a simple measurement. It's

a tool to help us determine if we are succeeding in our goals and to see if

what we are doing is working. It's only one tool. There's plenty of

others. I will continue to weigh myself.

> **

>

>

> Hi friends,

>

> I had the most delightful telephone conversation with May, MD,

> the person behind another " non-diet " program called " Am I Hungry " .. Website

> is http://amihungry.com/.. I had emailed her to ask if I could use some

> of her materials for the local support group I started (at 's

> suggestion).. And, yes I can, but she wanted to talk to me about my

> approach.

>

> The long story short is we spoke on the phone the other day - it was a

> wonderful conversation and she gave me tremendous encouragement for what I

> am doing in trying to spread the word... (I truly believe most dieters have

> no idea there is a way other than hating yourself thin!) In addition - she

> encouraged me to totally NOT make this about weight! Both in my personal

> journey and in my support group.

>

> WOW!! How do I do that?? I know that it's all about self-love and

> acceptance at any weight. I know (spiritually speaking) that we are all

> perfect just the way we are! And, I know the healthy weight should then

> follow after we truly believe we are deserving of only the best in

> self-care.

>

> But, when you are 100 lbs overweight, how can you totally get the weight

> out of your mind?? Like, when I am walking somewhere huffing and puffing

> and sweating?? Or, when I sit down in a chair and the sides of the chair

> barely (or don't) clear my thighs.. Or, when I had to order an airplane

> seat belt extender for my upcoming vacation..

>

> Maybe it's just a different approach.. because ' certainly talks

> about weight a lot..

>

> Just wanted to get your opinion.

>

> Thanks,

>

> Judy

>

>

>

--

Amelia Ramstead

http://www.linkedin.com/pub/amelia-ramstead/2b/25b/601

http://www.ameeramstead.com

http://ameliaramstead.blogspot.com

www.twitter.com/ameliaramstead

[Guest guest]

I like that. A lot.

> **

>

>

> Today as I was feeling the anxiety of going to a social event which tends

> to start a commentary in my head about how fat my thighs are, how big I

> look, how ugly I am, ect...I took a breath and said one of the quotes I

> took from Tara Brachs podcast outloud and then texted it to myself so that

> during the event I could take my " SELF " to this truth.

>

> " I am a spiritual being experiencing this life in this physical body. I

> choose to live my life from this place of truth where I can find abundance,

> power, creativity and peace. "

>

> We need these bodies to experience this world and we need them healthy to

> experience it more fully but it is not who I am. Somehow I felt like this

> related to this discussion about what is important in this weight journey.

>

> Livingston

>

>

> ________________________________

>

> To: " insideoutweightloss " <

> insideoutweightloss >

> Sent: Saturday, January 21, 2012 5:51 PM

> Subject: Re: How to make this " NOT about weight?? "

>

>

>

>

> I agree with you, Amelia. Weight has to be monitored. I know that it is

> the first order of business when I see my MD! AND it plays an important

> part of everything we talk about on our visits. If I had twenty years to

> deal with my weight, maybe I could make it less about the weight and more

> about dealing with emotions and moving more. These " experts " I mentioned

> were just some people who happened to agree with the source that Judy

> mentioned. I read about this stuff compulsively, so I know what lots

> of coaches think and write about. I'm working with ' because she has

> the most balanced program I found.

>

>

> ________________________________

>

> To: insideoutweightloss

> Sent: Saturday, January 21, 2012 5:31 PM

> Subject: Re: How to make this " NOT about weight?? "

>

>

>

> I don't know. I guess if I was 20 lbs overweight I could just " let the

> weight take care of itself. " But at 285, I don't think I have that luxury.

> It's kind of a matter of life or death at this point. While I am working

> through the book and doing the exercises, I am still weighing myself every

> week.

>

> I think the key isn't necessarily to leave weight out of it, but to detach

> the emotion from the number on the scale. There's an awesome picture going

> around facebook that basically says the number on this scale is only a

> numeric value that registers a physical quality. It does not measure your

> value as a human being, your ability to love, your ability to be loved,

> your intelligence, your sense of humor....

>

> I love that. So many of us do base our value on that number. That's where

> it has to stop. We need to treat the weight as a simple measurement. It's

> a tool to help us determine if we are succeeding in our goals and to see if

> what we are doing is working. It's only one tool. There's plenty of

> others. I will continue to weigh myself.

>

>

>

> > **

> >

> >

> > Hi friends,

> >

> > I had the most delightful telephone conversation with May, MD,

> > the person behind another " non-diet " program called " Am I Hungry " ..

> Website

> > is http://amihungry.com/.. I had emailed her to ask if I could use some

> > of her materials for the local support group I started (at 's

> > suggestion).. And, yes I can, but she wanted to talk to me about my

> > approach.

> >

> > The long story short is we spoke on the phone the other day - it was a

> > wonderful conversation and she gave me tremendous encouragement for what

> I

> > am doing in trying to spread the word... (I truly believe most dieters

> have

> > no idea there is a way other than hating yourself thin!) In addition -

> she

> > encouraged me to totally NOT make this about weight! Both in my personal

> > journey and in my support group.

> >

> > WOW!! How do I do that?? I know that it's all about self-love and

> > acceptance at any weight. I know (spiritually speaking) that we are all

> > perfect just the way we are! And, I know the healthy weight should then

> > follow after we truly believe we are deserving of only the best in

> > self-care.

> >

> > But, when you are 100 lbs overweight, how can you totally get the weight

> > out of your mind?? Like, when I am walking somewhere huffing and puffing

> > and sweating?? Or, when I sit down in a chair and the sides of the chair

> > barely (or don't) clear my thighs.. Or, when I had to order an airplane

> > seat belt extender for my upcoming vacation..

> >

> > Maybe it's just a different approach.. because ' certainly talks

> > about weight a lot..

> >

> > Just wanted to get your opinion.

> >

> > Thanks,

> >

> > Judy

> >

> >

> >

>

> --

> Amelia Ramstead

> http://www.linkedin.com/pub/amelia-ramstead/2b/25b/601

> http://www.ameeramstead.com

> http://ameliaramstead.blogspot.com

> www.twitter.com/ameliaramstead

>

>

[Guest guest]

How not to make it about weight ....

If I follow 's program with an open heart and mind, instead of skepticism

and judgment, the inner me stops caring so deeply about the outer me, and my

thoughts slowly evolve to that not-about-weight state naturally. I stop caring

about what other people think and only what I think.

That's what I like so much about IOWL where all other programs have failed me,

even the " normal eating " ones. IOWL is intuitive, it's rational, it makes sense,

and it works. My progress has not been linear or even consistent; there have

been several big bumps along the way, but if I keep plugging along, it gets

easier. Each failure and subsequent reattempt creates a new neural pathway in my

brain, the beginning of  new habit that, over time, will be my new norm. I

believe this with all my heart. I will never give up because for me my weight IS

more than a fat problem. It shows the history of my self care and trust.

I am a much different person than I was 2 years ago on the inside, and the

outside is slowly catching up. It took me more than a decade to get fat, so if

it takes me a couple years to get to a reasonable weight, I am OK with that. I

just trust that every other day or so I am losing ounces, and it will all catch

up. : )

IOWL is like the Mafia--once you're in, they're no escape! I simply have not

looked at food and my behavior the same way since. I can actually feel peace,

even joy around meal time. The only reason I still carry excess weight is I when

I stop putting myself for long periods. My away-from motivation has been

temporarily addressed, so I stop dreaming big and thinking about my towards

motivation, you know, what I want instead of what I have now. One of the most

important parts of this program is " keeping it green, " and that's the part I

struggle with. No amount of lightbulb moments and intellectualizing the program

will keep it with me every day, every moment, which is exactly what I need until

these new behaviors ARE my new habits.

I don't want to add unnecessary negative crap to the mix, so I rarely weigh

myself on the scale. I have no need to see those numbers to know that my jeans

are getting snug or loose. How my clothes fit is my barometer for whether I am

eating the right way for my body. If the pants get really loose, I hop on the

scale, joyfully (and mentally) record the new low, and move on. I also do not

weigh and measure my food. After decades of dieting, I know what a serving is. I

also see an excellent, compassionate doctor. SHE knows my weight struggle is

more than following a traditional diet, so if she weighs me, she has me to stand

facing the opposite direction so I don't have to see that number. That's pretty

cool.

So in order to NOT make this journey about the fat, I try to put myself first,

the old oxygen-mask thing. I lay in bed every morning until I find something to

feel good about, a genuine good feeling that lets me get up with a smile. If I

find myself whistling when I feed the cats, I know I have started my morning the

right way. When I take good care of the insides, the outsides become just a sign

or symptom of my previous behavior--and also my current if I am not " putting

in. " So if I start huffing and puffing and my thighs rub together, I never

think, " You disgusting pig, " the way I used to. I now immediately think of

something to be grateful about, specifically something good I learned about

myself in my IOWL journey.

The only way I can make this journey NOT about weight is to treat my body with

love and compassion, the way I would do for anyone else in my life that I care

about. When I feel sorry for myself because I want to eat _____, there isn't any

in the house, and I am contemplating a trip to the market, I ask myself what

else, besides _____, could give me the good feeling I am seeking. I don't always

have the answer, but I can almost always prevent myself from getting in the car,

and I can almost always create good feelings that let me feel better about the

way I am treating myself. 

And the interesting thing about treating myself well is it pays forward and

back. Good self care is like dropping a tiny pebble in a calm lake. The good

feeling radiates outward, creating more good feelings, such that it gets easier

and easier over time to do the right thing for myself.

That is how I make this about ME and not my weight. YMMV.   : )

Chloe

[Guest guest]

Excellent post,Chloe.

skwpt wrote:

>How not to make it about weight ....

>

>If I follow 's program with an open heart and mind, instead of skepticism

and judgment, the inner me stops caring so deeply about the outer me, and my

thoughts slowly evolve to that not-about-weight state naturally. I stop caring

about what other people think and only what I think.

>

>

>That's what I like so much about IOWL where all other programs have failed me,

even the " normal eating " ones. IOWL is intuitive, it's rational, it makes sense,

and it works. My progress has not been linear or even consistent; there have

been several big bumps along the way, but if I keep plugging along, it gets

easier. Each failure and subsequent reattempt creates a new neural pathway in my

brain, the beginning of  new habit that, over time, will be my new norm. I

believe this with all my heart. I will never give up because for me my weight IS

more than a fat problem. It shows the history of my self care and trust.

>

>

>I am a much different person than I was 2 years ago on the inside, and the

outside is slowly catching up. It took me more than a decade to get fat, so if

it takes me a couple years to get to a reasonable weight, I am OK with that. I

just trust that every other day or so I am losing ounces, and it will all catch

up. : )

>

>

>IOWL is like the Mafia--once you're in, they're no escape! I simply have not

looked at food and my behavior the same way since. I can actually feel peace,

even joy around meal time. The only reason I still carry excess weight is I when

I stop putting myself for long periods. My away-from motivation has been

temporarily addressed, so I stop dreaming big and thinking about my towards

motivation, you know, what I want instead of what I have now. One of the most

important parts of this program is " keeping it green, " and that's the part I

struggle with. No amount of lightbulb moments and intellectualizing the program

will keep it with me every day, every moment, which is exactly what I need until

these new behaviors ARE my new habits.

>

>

>I don't want to add unnecessary negative crap to the mix, so I rarely weigh

myself on the scale. I have no need to see those numbers to know that my jeans

are getting snug or loose. How my clothes fit is my barometer for whether I am

eating the right way for my body. If the pants get really loose, I hop on the

scale, joyfully (and mentally) record the new low, and move on. I also do not

weigh and measure my food. After decades of dieting, I know what a serving is. I

also see an excellent, compassionate doctor. SHE knows my weight struggle is

more than following a traditional diet, so if she weighs me, she has me to stand

facing the opposite direction so I don't have to see that number. That's pretty

cool.

>

>

>So in order to NOT make this journey about the fat, I try to put myself first,

the old oxygen-mask thing. I lay in bed every morning until I find something to

feel good about, a genuine good feeling that lets me get up with a smile. If I

find myself whistling when I feed the cats, I know I have started my morning the

right way. When I take good care of the insides, the outsides become just a sign

or symptom of my previous behavior--and also my current if I am not " putting

in. " So if I start huffing and puffing and my thighs rub together, I never

think, " You disgusting pig, " the way I used to. I now immediately think of

something to be grateful about, specifically something good I learned about

myself in my IOWL journey.

>

>

>The only way I can make this journey NOT about weight is to treat my body with

love and compassion, the way I would do for anyone else in my life that I care

about. When I feel sorry for myself because I want to eat _____, there isn't any

in the house, and I am contemplating a trip to the market, I ask myself what

else, besides _____, could give me the good feeling I am seeking. I don't always

have the answer, but I can almost always prevent myself from getting in the car,

and I can almost always create good feelings that let me feel better about the

way I am treating myself. 

>

>And the interesting thing about treating myself well is it pays forward and

back. Good self care is like dropping a tiny pebble in a calm lake. The good

feeling radiates outward, creating more good feelings, such that it gets easier

and easier over time to do the right thing for myself.

>

>That is how I make this about ME and not my weight. YMMV.   : )

>

>Chloe

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Chloe

Thanks for taking the time to explain this so clearly. I especially appreciate

your sharing your ups and downs with the program, and how we can forget what we

learned, but we can always come back to the podcasts, and now the book, to get

back on track. I know that I will always have a struggle with the

self-compassion part of this process. I can't stop blaming myself for letting

this happen to me.

I know that I like to use the scale after I think I've been " good " around food

for a couple days to see even a tiny change in my weight. It takes

several pounds gained or lost to make a difference in my clothes, but that

two-tenths of a pound can make or break my mood. I clearly have some work to do

here!

Marcia

________________________________

To: " insideoutweightloss " <insideoutweightloss >

Sent: Sunday, January 22, 2012 8:50 AM

Subject: Re: How to make this " NOT about weight?? "

 

How not to make it about weight ....

If I follow 's program with an open heart and mind, instead of skepticism

and judgment, the inner me stops caring so deeply about the outer me, and my

thoughts slowly evolve to that not-about-weight state naturally. I stop caring

about what other people think and only what I think.

That's what I like so much about IOWL where all other programs have failed me,

even the " normal eating " ones. IOWL is intuitive, it's rational, it makes sense,

and it works. My progress has not been linear or even consistent; there have

been several big bumps along the way, but if I keep plugging along, it gets

easier. Each failure and subsequent reattempt creates a new neural pathway in my

brain, the beginning of  new habit that, over time, will be my new norm. I

believe this with all my heart. I will never give up because for me my weight IS

more than a fat problem. It shows the history of my self care and trust.

I am a much different person than I was 2 years ago on the inside, and the

outside is slowly catching up. It took me more than a decade to get fat, so if

it takes me a couple years to get to a reasonable weight, I am OK with that. I

just trust that every other day or so I am losing ounces, and it will all catch

up. : )

IOWL is like the Mafia--once you're in, they're no escape! I simply have not

looked at food and my behavior the same way since. I can actually feel peace,

even joy around meal time. The only reason I still carry excess weight is I when

I stop putting myself for long periods. My away-from motivation has been

temporarily addressed, so I stop dreaming big and thinking about my towards

motivation, you know, what I want instead of what I have now. One of the most

important parts of this program is " keeping it green, " and that's the part I

struggle with. No amount of lightbulb moments and intellectualizing the program

will keep it with me every day, every moment, which is exactly what I need until

these new behaviors ARE my new habits.

I don't want to add unnecessary negative crap to the mix, so I rarely weigh

myself on the scale. I have no need to see those numbers to know that my jeans

are getting snug or loose. How my clothes fit is my barometer for whether I am

eating the right way for my body. If the pants get really loose, I hop on the

scale, joyfully (and mentally) record the new low, and move on. I also do not

weigh and measure my food. After decades of dieting, I know what a serving is. I

also see an excellent, compassionate doctor. SHE knows my weight struggle is

more than following a traditional diet, so if she weighs me, she has me to stand

facing the opposite direction so I don't have to see that number. That's pretty

cool.

So in order to NOT make this journey about the fat, I try to put myself first,

the old oxygen-mask thing. I lay in bed every morning until I find something to

feel good about, a genuine good feeling that lets me get up with a smile. If I

find myself whistling when I feed the cats, I know I have started my morning the

right way. When I take good care of the insides, the outsides become just a sign

or symptom of my previous behavior--and also my current if I am not " putting

in. " So if I start huffing and puffing and my thighs rub together, I never

think, " You disgusting pig, " the way I used to. I now immediately think of

something to be grateful about, specifically something good I learned about

myself in my IOWL journey.

The only way I can make this journey NOT about weight is to treat my body with

love and compassion, the way I would do for anyone else in my life that I care

about. When I feel sorry for myself because I want to eat _____, there isn't any

in the house, and I am contemplating a trip to the market, I ask myself what

else, besides _____, could give me the good feeling I am seeking. I don't always

have the answer, but I can almost always prevent myself from getting in the car,

and I can almost always create good feelings that let me feel better about the

way I am treating myself. 

And the interesting thing about treating myself well is it pays forward and

back. Good self care is like dropping a tiny pebble in a calm lake. The good

feeling radiates outward, creating more good feelings, such that it gets easier

and easier over time to do the right thing for myself.

That is how I make this about ME and not my weight. YMMV.   : )

Chloe

[Guest guest]

Thanks Chloe, this is great stuff!

 

Carlton Larsen, Ba, Bgp

Freelance Musician

426 Pinehouse Drive

Saskatoon Sk

S7K4X5

________________________________

To: " insideoutweightloss " <insideoutweightloss >

Sent: Sunday, January 22, 2012 7:50:31 AM

Subject: Re: How to make this " NOT about weight?? "

 

How not to make it about weight ....

[Guest guest]

ditto

  Livingston

________________________________

To: " insideoutweightloss " <insideoutweightloss >

Sent: Sunday, January 22, 2012 9:18 AM

Subject: Re: Re: How to make this " NOT about weight?? "

 

Thanks Chloe, this is great stuff!

 

Carlton Larsen, Ba, Bgp

Freelance Musician

426 Pinehouse Drive

Saskatoon Sk

S7K4X5

________________________________

To: " insideoutweightloss " <insideoutweightloss >

Sent: Sunday, January 22, 2012 7:50:31 AM

Subject: Re: How to make this " NOT about weight?? "

 

How not to make it about weight ....

[Guest guest]

Judy

Thanks again for the link to May's website. I've spent a bit more time

there and found some great resources to use with my family. Also, I noticed that

Dr. May has a book for diabetics and prediabetics coming out in Feb. using her

" eat what you love; love what you eat " philosophy. I hope it helps DH to get

with an eating plan for his diabetes.

Marcia

________________________________

To: insideoutweightloss

Sent: Saturday, January 21, 2012 3:40 PM

Subject: How to make this " NOT about weight?? "

 

Hi friends,

I had the most delightful telephone conversation with May, MD, the

person behind another " non-diet " program called " Am I Hungry " .. Website is

http://amihungry.com/.. I had emailed her to ask if I could use some of her

materials for the local support group I started (at 's suggestion).. And,

yes I can, but she wanted to talk to me about my approach.

The long story short is we spoke on the phone the other day - it was a wonderful

conversation and she gave me tremendous encouragement for what I am doing in

trying to spread the word... (I truly believe most dieters have no idea there is

a way other than hating yourself thin!) In addition - she encouraged me to

totally NOT make this about weight! Both in my personal journey and in my

support group.

WOW!! How do I do that?? I know that it's all about self-love and acceptance

at any weight. I know (spiritually speaking) that we are all perfect just the

way we are! And, I know the healthy weight should then follow after we truly

believe we are deserving of only the best in self-care.

But, when you are 100 lbs overweight, how can you totally get the weight out of

your mind?? Like, when I am walking somewhere huffing and puffing and

sweating?? Or, when I sit down in a chair and the sides of the chair barely (or

don't) clear my thighs.. Or, when I had to order an airplane seat belt extender

for my upcoming vacation..

Maybe it's just a different approach.. because ' certainly talks about

weight a lot..

Just wanted to get your opinion.

Thanks,

Judy

[Guest guest]

Thanks so much for posting that Chloe.  It definitely spoke to me.  I am just

starting my week 2 work and have held off just a little because I found someone

last week at work who wanted to do this with me.  Yay!  I asked a lot of

people and I finally found someone.  Since she would like us to be doing this

about the same time, I've spent more time on the first assignment of week 2

waiting for her to catch up. 

 

What has bothered me is that I'm still into the unhealthy food and I hoped that

once I started the book; those cravings would miraculously disappear and they

haven't.  That being said, I have a lot of moments where I eat when I'm hungry

and stop when I'm satisfied.  There have been a lot of mornings, I chose a

healthy breakfast and lots of lunches that were healthy.  Dinners have been

healthy on and off.  I've continued 30 minutes or more of exercise 5 days a

week.  I am still pop free as of October 26th.  But I haven't lost any

weight...maybe even put on a pound.  I don't know because I'm not getting on

the scale.  I've done too much " bad " eating for there to be a loss.

 

I keep telling myself that I'm still involved in the " process " and as I do more

work, the rest will just fall away.  Your post kind of reaffirmed that for

me. 

Subject: Re: How to make this " NOT about weight?? "

To: " insideoutweightloss " <insideoutweightloss >

Date: Sunday, January 22, 2012, 7:50 AM

 

How not to make it about weight ....

If I follow 's program with an open heart and mind, instead of skepticism

and judgment, the inner me stops caring so deeply about the outer me, and my

thoughts slowly evolve to that not-about-weight state naturally. I stop caring

about what other people think and only what I think.

That's what I like so much about IOWL where all other programs have failed me,

even the " normal eating " ones. IOWL is intuitive, it's rational, it makes sense,

and it works. My progress has not been linear or even consistent; there have

been several big bumps along the way, but if I keep plugging along, it gets

easier. Each failure and subsequent reattempt creates a new neural pathway in my

brain, the beginning of  new habit that, over time, will be my new norm. I

believe this with all my heart. I will never give up because for me my weight IS

more than a fat problem. It shows the history of my self care and trust.

I am a much different person than I was 2 years ago on the inside, and the

outside is slowly catching up. It took me more than a decade to get fat, so if

it takes me a couple years to get to a reasonable weight, I am OK with that. I

just trust that every other day or so I am losing ounces, and it will all catch

up. : )

IOWL is like the Mafia--once you're in, they're no escape! I simply have not

looked at food and my behavior the same way since. I can actually feel peace,

even joy around meal time. The only reason I still carry excess weight is I when

I stop putting myself for long periods. My away-from motivation has been

temporarily addressed, so I stop dreaming big and thinking about my towards

motivation, you know, what I want instead of what I have now. One of the most

important parts of this program is " keeping it green, " and that's the part I

struggle with. No amount of lightbulb moments and intellectualizing the program

will keep it with me every day, every moment, which is exactly what I need until

these new behaviors ARE my new habits.

I don't want to add unnecessary negative crap to the mix, so I rarely weigh

myself on the scale. I have no need to see those numbers to know that my jeans

are getting snug or loose. How my clothes fit is my barometer for whether I am

eating the right way for my body. If the pants get really loose, I hop on the

scale, joyfully (and mentally) record the new low, and move on. I also do not

weigh and measure my food. After decades of dieting, I know what a serving is. I

also see an excellent, compassionate doctor. SHE knows my weight struggle is

more than following a traditional diet, so if she weighs me, she has me to stand

facing the opposite direction so I don't have to see that number. That's pretty

cool.

So in order to NOT make this journey about the fat, I try to put myself first,

the old oxygen-mask thing. I lay in bed every morning until I find something to

feel good about, a genuine good feeling that lets me get up with a smile. If I

find myself whistling when I feed the cats, I know I have started my morning the

right way. When I take good care of the insides, the outsides become just a sign

or symptom of my previous behavior--and also my current if I am not " putting

in. " So if I start huffing and puffing and my thighs rub together, I never

think, " You disgusting pig, " the way I used to. I now immediately think of

something to be grateful about, specifically something good I learned about

myself in my IOWL journey.

The only way I can make this journey NOT about weight is to treat my body with

love and compassion, the way I would do for anyone else in my life that I care

about. When I feel sorry for myself because I want to eat _____, there isn't any

in the house, and I am contemplating a trip to the market, I ask myself what

else, besides _____, could give me the good feeling I am seeking. I don't always

have the answer, but I can almost always prevent myself from getting in the car,

and I can almost always create good feelings that let me feel better about the

way I am treating myself. 

And the interesting thing about treating myself well is it pays forward and

back. Good self care is like dropping a tiny pebble in a calm lake. The good

feeling radiates outward, creating more good feelings, such that it gets easier

and easier over time to do the right thing for myself.

That is how I make this about ME and not my weight. YMMV.   : )

Chloe

[Guest guest]

First let me thank everyone who responded! You all helped me a great deal. I

also talked to my life coach about this today and she offered up some advice..

For example, how can I possibly turn " my thighs hit the sides of the chair -

ouch " into something positive and NOT about weight. She said to reframe it, and

when I hear my inner critic start to say something negative about that

experience, catch it and say instead: " WOW, it'll feel great soon when I slide

easily into the chair " .. Okay, so there is some weight related issues behind

the sentence, but it is a positive sentence nonetheless..

Amelia and others who do choose to step on the metal monster… I hear what you

are saying about detaching myself from the # on the scale.. but I just can't.

Now, mind you, I don't get on it unless I think there is a downward change.. or

unless it's a - MONDAY, AND TODAY IS THE DAY WHERE I REALLY GET SERIOUS " kind of

day. So, therefore I rarely weigh myself but I can kind of tell based on my

clothes.

, I love your spiritual saying! Thanks for sharing!

Marcia, thanks for sharing the Marc info.. I just looked him up.. Had

never heard of him and I thought I had heard of all the experts in this segment

of the field! It looks like he has some good stuff.

Speaking of us Bigger Folks, I just finished a great book (that I got for free

for the Kindle!) entitled Health At Any Size by Bacon… web info at

http://www.lindabacon.org/. It is a wonderful book that among things tells us

that all the " studies " about how being overweight and obese is a huge health

threat is NOT true! Now, for me I know my weight has a lot to do with my

quality of life. But, for others it is totally an emotional issue.. and

basically, what's the difference??? Get rid of the head trash surrounding those

last few pounds and just BE HAPPY!! If your special someone doesn't love you

at the weight you are at, that's their problem and not yours! (On another

thread that I did not reply to but meant to… my greatest loves have been for NOT

good looking guys who also had weight issues. The key was we loved each other

and accepted ourselves and it did not matter. Weight and looks had nothing to

do with it!! We shared a passion that was amazing. Our loveableness (not a

word I know) should have nothing to do with what we weigh. And, if it does

matter to you to the point of ruining your life, then you owe it to yourself to

find someone who loves you - body and soul for what you are… sorry, off soap

box now.. just sayin'.. (Oh, and I have my own marital issues by the way... but

it has nothing to do about weight or attraction to each other... because there

is none and that is okay for now..).

Chloe, thank you for your beautiful post.. I am going to implement the getting

out of bed ritual. There is always something positive! I sing to my cats by the

way as I am preparing their breakfast… The I Love You song…. Here are the

lyrics: " I Love You, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you " .. REPEAT

& #61514;

" Weight " in my mind is something that I am uncomfortable about " within " … my

perception of myself. I don't care as much about what others think. Really,

the only one person on the planet I care about is my 97 year old father in law,

who when he sees me next (haven't seen him in 2 years) will freak out. You see,

he is fat-phobic and my DH avoids seeing him in Florida (we're in ILL) because

of this. DH is chubby, but I am way beyond chubby (for now that is!). I don't

want to embarrass my DH. But, ya know… as I go through this journey… it is what

it is .. and if DH can `t stand up for me then let him take the cr@p his father

will dish out when we visit him in a couple of months. I will go through this

journey at my own pace and I will make it permanent!

A long post.. thanks for reading!!

Hugs and love to you all,

Judy