Guest guest Posted February 14, 2012 Report Share Posted February 14, 2012 Maddi: Some of my objections about being slim and healthy were that if I lost weight, I would have to admit there is something wrong with the way I am now, and if I don’t literally stuff my emotions down, by stuffing food in my mouth, I would have to process the emotions. I can tell you now that you will begin overeating less often and in lesser amounts when you begin to forgive yourself for your imperfections, love yourself for who you are, find ways throughout each day to honor your positive intentions and act to release the emotions that lead to negative thoughts and behaviors.  b. ________________________________ To: insideoutweightloss Sent: Tue, February 14, 2012 9:10:44 AM Subject: Re: Chapter 3 help  Thank you so much!! I will definitely try all of these ideas! I know that I need to look at what objections I have, but I still can't seem to figure them out. Do you have any suggestions as how to do this? I realize that I am getting something positive out of overheating, but when my negative thoughts out number my positive feelings, I don't understand why I can't stop. Thanks again! Maddi > > Hi Maddi, > Believe it or not,you're at a great start. I would suggest that you break >everything into smaller parts. For example: > > 1. Not being accepted in college. > 2. Being found out > 3. The post binge feelings > 4. The " I don't care anymore " attitude. > 5. The punishment feeling. > > I think the easiest one to explain is #2, the " being found out " or people >finding out your secrets. refers to this as one of our objections to lose >weight. Remember " the fraud " ? Try addressing this issue first. One of my >objections was " the fraud " too. I was scared people would know I'm not in >control of my life, that I am not as confident as I portray myself to be, and >that this would make people dislike me. > > > Do you feel that you still have objections to losing weight? That could explain >the tug of war inside you and therefore the post-binge feelings that you have. >You want to lose weight but your subconscious is providing you with something >very important and so it won't let you stop eating. Is it protection from being >found out? Is it security for your secrets? Is it acceptance of yourself being >perfectly imperfect? > > > Journaling helps a lot. Posting here can give you tons of insight. You'll see >how many things you figure out on your own when you are writing your posts. Be >patient and kind to yourself. You will get there. > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 15, 2012 Report Share Posted February 15, 2012 Hi. I am finding that I have this deep level terror of my emotions. I am afraid that if I give in to my feelings I will utterly fall apart. I stuff my face to stuff down my feelings. I have used other things to blunt, mute, and hide from my feelings. It is HARD to face feelings when they either hurt or lead to hurt when they seem to feel good. I fear feelings. I just don't want them. I am just trying to function and feeling stuff is a threat to that. On the good side, I managed to survive V. day without eating a whole chocolate bar. I had my overdose in small steps. I ate about a half dozen small chocolate hearts at work. I had a couple of Lindt chocolates at the party we went to. I am sure I did not lose any weight but maybe I did not trowel much extra fat onto my gut over it.  Carlton Larsen, Ba, Bgp Freelance Musician 426 Pinehouse Drive Saskatoon Sk S7K4X5 ________________________________ To: insideoutweightloss Sent: Tuesday, February 14, 2012 5:18:33 PM Subject: Re: Re: Chapter 3 help  Maddi: Some of my objections about being slim and healthy were that if I lost weight, I would have to admit there is something wrong with the way I am now, and if I don’t literally stuff my emotions down, by stuffing food in my mouth, I would have to process the emotions. I can tell you now that you will begin overeating less often and in lesser amounts when you begin to forgive yourself for your imperfections, love yourself for who you are, find ways throughout each day to honor your positive intentions and act to release the emotions that lead to negative thoughts and behaviors.  b. ________________________________ To: insideoutweightloss Sent: Tue, February 14, 2012 9:10:44 AM Subject: Re: Chapter 3 help  Thank you so much!! I will definitely try all of these ideas! I know that I need to look at what objections I have, but I still can't seem to figure them out. Do you have any suggestions as how to do this? I realize that I am getting something positive out of overheating, but when my negative thoughts out number my positive feelings, I don't understand why I can't stop. Thanks again! Maddi > > Hi Maddi, > Believe it or not,you're at a great start. I would suggest that you break >everything into smaller parts. For example: > > 1. Not being accepted in college. > 2. Being found out > 3. The post binge feelings > 4. The " I don't care anymore " attitude. > 5. The punishment feeling. > > I think the easiest one to explain is #2, the " being found out " or people >finding out your secrets. refers to this as one of our objections to lose >weight. Remember " the fraud " ? Try addressing this issue first. One of my >objections was " the fraud " too. I was scared people would know I'm not in >control of my life, that I am not as confident as I portray myself to be, and >that this would make people dislike me. > > > Do you feel that you still have objections to losing weight? That could explain >the tug of war inside you and therefore the post-binge feelings that you have. >You want to lose weight but your subconscious is providing you with something >very important and so it won't let you stop eating. Is it protection from being >found out? Is it security for your secrets? Is it acceptance of yourself being >perfectly imperfect? > > > Journaling helps a lot. Posting here can give you tons of insight. You'll see >how many things you figure out on your own when you are writing your posts. Be >patient and kind to yourself. You will get there. > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 16, 2012 Report Share Posted February 16, 2012 Hi Carlton, Starting from the end--troweling extra fat over your gut doesn't sound like a very kind or forgiving way to talk about yourself and your actions. How would you reframe that if someone else said it? Ah, feelings. Based on what you shared about various non-food addictions, and what they led to, I can understand how you'd be afraid to face the feelings. I can understand how you'd be afraid of a feeling that seemed to feel good but could lead to hurt. Not just hurting you, but all those around you. But keep in mind-- a feeling is a feeling. A thought is a thought. These are not actions. If someone makes me so angry I feel like smacking them, and I allow myself to feel the anger--I can process through it. I can look beyond what I'd like to do to the person, to what I'd like to do about the situation. I can look at what the person's positive intent was in whatever happened. I can look not just at what they did to make me angry--I can look at why it is affecting me so strongly. When I do this, when I take the time to face the emotion, the action I eventually take tends to be much more positive. If I cut this process short, well--I don't resort to violence, but I do sometimes resort to lashing out verbally, in a way that generally reflects more poorly on me than on the other person. At an earlier part of this journey, I realized that not only was I eating to numb the feelings, I couldn't even properly recognize them. I had a sports watch that I set to beep on the hour. When it beeped, I would take a moment to just identify my primary feeling at the time. It was amazingly difficult. My vocabulary includes a multitude of words to describe a host of feelings in various shades and colors. I can use these words to properly analyze the feelings and emotions being described or evoked in a scene from a movie, book, or play. But to describe my own feelings? Much more difficult. I didn't have to do anything about the feeling--just put a name to it. It was a " safe " place to start when I didn't want to go too deep into the feeling, where it came from, why, or if I'd be able to come out of the feeling without falling apart. Maybe something like that would work for you, until you're ready to go deeper? >________________________________ > >To: " insideoutweightloss " <insideoutweightloss > >Sent: Wednesday, February 15, 2012 2:58 PM >Subject: Re: Re: Chapter 3 help > > > >Hi. > >I am finding that I have this deep level terror of my emotions. I am afraid that if I give in to my feelings I will utterly fall apart. I stuff my face to stuff down my feelings. I have used other things to blunt, mute, and hide from my feelings. It is HARD to face feelings when they either hurt or lead to hurt when they seem to feel good. I fear feelings. I just don't want them. I am just trying to function and feeling stuff is a threat to that. > >On the good side, I managed to survive V. day without eating a whole chocolate bar. I had my overdose in small steps. I ate about a half dozen small chocolate hearts at work. I had a couple of Lindt chocolates at the party we went to. I am sure I did not lose any weight but maybe I did not trowel much extra fat onto my gut over it. > > > >Carlton Larsen, Ba, Bgp >Freelance Musician >426 Pinehouse Drive >Saskatoon Sk >S7K4X5 > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 16, 2012 Report Share Posted February 16, 2012 , Fantastic suggestion! Thanks for sharing. Sent from my iPhone > Hi Carlton, > > Starting from the end--troweling extra fat over your gut doesn't sound like a very kind or forgiving way to talk about yourself and your actions. How would you reframe that if someone else said it? > > Ah, feelings. Based on what you shared about various non-food addictions, and what they led to, I can understand how you'd be afraid to face the feelings. I can understand how you'd be afraid of a feeling that seemed to feel good but could lead to hurt. Not just hurting you, but all those around you. > > But keep in mind-- a feeling is a feeling. A thought is a thought. These are not actions. > > If someone makes me so angry I feel like smacking them, and I allow myself to feel the anger--I can process through it. I can look beyond what I'd like to do to the person, to what I'd like to do about the situation. I can look at what the person's positive intent was in whatever happened. I can look not just at what they did to make me angry--I can look at why it is affecting me so strongly. When I do this, when I take the time to face the emotion, the action I eventually take tends to be much more positive. If I cut this process short, well--I don't resort to violence, but I do sometimes resort to lashing out verbally, in a way that generally reflects more poorly on me than on the other person. > > At an earlier part of this journey, I realized that not only was I eating to numb the feelings, I couldn't even properly recognize them. I had a sports watch that I set to beep on the hour. When it beeped, I would take a moment to just identify my primary feeling at the time. It was amazingly difficult. My vocabulary includes a multitude of words to describe a host of feelings in various shades and colors. I can use these words to properly analyze the feelings and emotions being described or evoked in a scene from a movie, book, or play. But to describe my own feelings? Much more difficult. > > I didn't have to do anything about the feeling--just put a name to it. It was a " safe " place to start when I didn't want to go too deep into the feeling, where it came from, why, or if I'd be able to come out of the feeling without falling apart. > > Maybe something like that would work for you, until you're ready to go deeper? > > > > >________________________________ > > > >To: " insideoutweightloss " <insideoutweightloss > > >Sent: Wednesday, February 15, 2012 2:58 PM > >Subject: Re: Re: Chapter 3 help > > > > > > > >Hi. > > > >I am finding that I have this deep level terror of my emotions. I am afraid that if I give in to my feelings I will utterly fall apart. I stuff my face to stuff down my feelings. I have used other things to blunt, mute, and hide from my feelings. It is HARD to face feelings when they either hurt or lead to hurt when they seem to feel good. I fear feelings. I just don't want them. I am just trying to function and feeling stuff is a threat to that. > > > >On the good side, I managed to survive V. day without eating a whole chocolate bar. I had my overdose in small steps. I ate about a half dozen small chocolate hearts at work. I had a couple of Lindt chocolates at the party we went to. I am sure I did not lose any weight but maybe I did not trowel much extra fat onto my gut over it. > > > > > > > >Carlton Larsen, Ba, Bgp > >Freelance Musician > >426 Pinehouse Drive > >Saskatoon Sk > >S7K4X5 > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 17, 2012 Report Share Posted February 17, 2012 Hi. Thank you. Kindness and compassion like this are the reason I am on this list. This morning I woke up feeling physically turned on, and this triggered fear, sadness, and grief. I got up and I felt a bit tired but mostly rested. I was worried about my old cat when I could not find him right away and then relieved when he got up. I got on line and had a chuckle at one of the facebook pictures a friend had posted. I felt really touched and got a bit teary when I read the message this is in reply to. I liked the feeling that someone cared enough to reply to my complaining and whining. I felt valued and loved. That was nice. Then my wife got up and came into the room. She began talking about taking a job she found advertised. It is near where her parents live and she talked about selling this house so she can move there. She would get nearly enough from this one to buy a house in that small town. I could get an apartment here. I feel very sad about this, but also that it could be a big relief. It would be peaceful to live alone. There would be an end to the fighting and the blame and the shaming. Damn, hard to see the keyboard. I still love her but I am not sure it is good for us to live together like this. We are disposed to the negative and always defensive around each other hearing offense and attack everywhere. I applied for a trucking job that looks promising. I would have to drop all my school students during the day and maybe some of the evening ones as well. It pays pretty well. We will see if there is a response. Yesterday I started the process of applying for a passport. I would need one for hauling to the USA but if I am living alone I suspect I may have my son with me. I don't know if would for sure, but I suspect he would want to stay with me in the city over moving to Tisdale with her. He has friends here and he likes the school here and is excited about going to this high school in the fall. That means I would not be taking a long-haul job as I would need to be here for . I am really full of turmoil and confusion inside. She threatens to leave from time to time but if she got a job. she might actually do it. I am ready to accept that. I have tickets for this performance Friday night and I am actually wondering if I should take my son to it instead of taking her. The day begins. Got a cheque to deposit. Better get dressed and ready to go on. I will call a friend and call my mother today. I hope the day gets better. I feel deeply deeply sad.  Carlton Larsen, Ba, Bgp Freelance Musician 426 Pinehouse Drive Saskatoon Sk S7K4X5 ________________________________ To: " insideoutweightloss " <insideoutweightloss > Sent: Thursday, February 16, 2012 11:35:05 PM Subject: Re: Re: Chapter 3 help  Hi Carlton, Starting from the end--troweling extra fat over your gut doesn't sound like a very kind or forgiving way to talk about yourself and your actions. How would you reframe that if someone else said it? Ah, feelings. Based on what you shared about various non-food addictions, and what they led to, I can understand how you'd be afraid to face the feelings. I can understand how you'd be afraid of a feeling that seemed to feel good but could lead to hurt. Not just hurting you, but all those around you. But keep in mind-- a feeling is a feeling. A thought is a thought. These are not actions. If someone makes me so angry I feel like smacking them, and I allow  myself to feel the anger--I can process through it. I can look beyond what I'd like to do to the person, to what I'd like to do about the situation. I can look at what the person's positive intent was in whatever happened. I can look not just at what they did to make me angry--I can look at why it is affecting me so strongly. When I do this, when I take the time to face the emotion, the action I eventually take tends to be much more positive. If I cut this process short, well--I don't resort to violence, but I do sometimes resort to lashing out verbally, in a way that generally reflects more poorly on me than on the other person. At an earlier part of this journey, I realized that not only was I eating to numb the feelings, I couldn't even properly recognize them. I had a sports watch that I set to beep on the hour. When it beeped, I would take a moment to just identify my primary feeling at the time.  It was amazingly difficult. My vocabulary includes a multitude of words to describe a host of feelings in various shades and colors. I can use these words to properly analyze the feelings and emotions being described or evoked in a scene from a movie, book, or play. But to describe my own feelings? Much more difficult. I didn't have to do anything about the feeling--just put a name to it. It was a " safe " place to start when I didn't want to go too deep into the feeling, where it came from, why, or if I'd be able to come out of the feeling without falling apart. Maybe something like that would work for you, until you're ready to go deeper? >________________________________ > >To: " insideoutweightloss " <insideoutweightloss > >Sent: Wednesday, February 15, 2012 2:58 PM >Subject: Re: Re: Chapter 3 help > > > >Hi. > >I am finding that I have this deep level terror of my emotions. I am afraid that if I give in to my feelings I will utterly fall apart. I stuff my face to stuff down my feelings. I have used other things to blunt, mute, and hide from my feelings. It is HARD to face feelings when they either hurt or lead to hurt when they seem to feel good. I fear feelings. I just don't want them. I am just trying to function and feeling stuff is a threat to that. > >On the good side, I managed to survive V. day without eating a whole chocolate bar. I had my overdose in small steps. I ate about a half dozen small chocolate hearts at work. I had a couple of Lindt chocolates at the party we went to. I am sure I did not lose any weight but maybe I did not trowel much extra fat onto my gut over it. > > > >Carlton Larsen, Ba, Bgp >Freelance Musician >426 Pinehouse Drive >Saskatoon Sk >S7K4X5 > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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