Re: Finished Chapter 3, just starting champter 4

[Guest guest]

Hi Maki,

I too am just finishing up with chapter 3. There is a lot of stuff to digest in

just the first 3 chapters. I am finding many things coming into my

conciousness that needed to be revealed.

I find that your letter shows that you are already having many insights to what

is going on. It looks like you are doing a lot of work. I think that the

intention in the beginning of this book is to point where to dig. Now how much

to dig is up to us.

As ` has said this is very much a process of forgiveness. I think that if

we are going to dig we have to surrender our resentments towards ourselves and

others. It feels like in order to move towards what I want I have to BE where I

am. I am not giving up chocolate, wine or cheese. What I hope I am in the

process of doing is not reaching for it because I seemingly have a emotional

bottomless pit that I am trying to fill with food. I am going back to the end of

chapter 2 and do some more writng and answering those questions as I am find

more to address. Even tho I reisisted writing in the beginning I am finding the

more I write more stuff is coming up. Looks like good work to me.

[Guest guest]

Thank you so much for writing this. You were nearly describing my life, and

have given me great insight. I too was thought to be hypothyroid (which I am

not). I too spent my entire life hearing about how fat I was in comparison to

my sister. When I look at photos from that time, I wasn't really fat, just

bigger - and grew up to be 5'10 " whereas she is 5'5 " . I'm way taller than

everyone in my entire family except my father. I too spent much of my early

childhood stealing sweets...okay, that should be most of my life, haha...have to

laugh at how ridiculous that makes me feel. The gift is exactly as you say. We

deserve nice things as much as our sisters did. To this day, it's still a

one-way street. I do a lot of nice things for her and she says thank you.

(She's very nice and has no idea of the dynamic.) The only way (I think) I can

get nice things too (as in fact, I do have a lot) is to take them in secret,

specifically 'food' eaten when no one is around, because that was a major way I

got attention, through eating whatever I wasn't allowed. No doubt, I'm still

using this to get attention, but from myself now. I'm pretty sure that I

project my need for secrecy onto everyone around me, when in fact they are

clueless and not thinking about me at all. I say this because the behavior

occurs when no one is around to steal from... I sneak food (from myself)

regardless of outside stimulus. Chances are that as adults, no one cares

anymore what we eat, except in our imaginations. Perhaps awareness of the fact

is the first step to making new decisions. Again, thank you for posting.

>

> Good Morning ALL!!!

>

> I started reading chapter four 2 nights ago and I just realized I won't let go

of chocolate. I am eating it more moderately than before, but I " have to have

it " daily. I can't seem to find the gift behind it. When I started reading

chapter 4, two thoughts came to mind.

>

> 1. I used to steal chocolate goodies from other kids at school.

> I was 5 back then. 5!!!

> I think that since my mom would only send me " healthy snacks " (because I was

chubby) I had to steal them. I think I might have thought that I also deserved

the yummy snacks that all the other little girls had in their lunch boxes, so

I'd steal them from them.

> I did this for many, many years.

>

> So many of my memories revolve around weight. I was diagnosed with

hypothyroidism when I was about 6-7 and ever since ( I have a vivid memory in my

head) I have gone to nutritionists so that I could lose weight.

> Oh gosh, I'm tearing up. I just realized I hated the fact that my parents kept

trying to make me slim. Like I wasn't good enough cause I was fat! They kept

taking me to nutritionist after nutritionists trying fix me. I kept hearing

people around me say: she is such a beautiful little girl, too bad she's

overweight. That is such a horrible thing to tell a little girl.

>

> I just want to be ACCEPTED, overweight or thin. To feel like I deserved

things. Since I couldn't get them I stole them.

>

> I realize this is the reason I rebelled against my mother. I was so mad at her

for wanting to change me. My sister was thin, so I hated their relationship. It

was like she deserved better things but not me. I was always going to

psychologists, and now I understand what was wrong. I wanted to be accepted for

who I was. I understand my parents wanted to help me, but I now understand they

went about it the wrong way. If you have kids, friends out there, don't make

their weight the center of their little worlds.

> I now have a good relationship with my mom, but the chocolate eating habits

are there. Any ideas on how else to get the gift of acceptance? of deserving

good things other than chocolate?

> Any insight would really be appreciated.

> Thank you all.

> MB

>

[Guest guest]

Thanks for your post, and for reaching out.  I am just about to begin chapter 4

and now I will read it with deeper insight I am sure.

Reading your post, I am thinking that probably many of us missed some kind of

essential nurturing as we were growing up.  In your case, it was unconditional

acceptance; in my case, I didn't get the calm reassurance and support that I

needed in times of stress.  Your chocolate, what, obsession? might indeed be

the way you tell yourself that you are deserving of love and appreciation; my

food compulsions are largely attempts to soothe myself.  

I am just beginning---and it is taking DAILY awareness and practice, using every

support I can find, including reading, writing, listening, journaling, and

connecting--- to learn to give MYSELF the soothing that I so desperately need,

and did not get, in childhood, and to do this without food.  In a healthy

moment, I can visualize and talk to myself, and hear, what that soothing is

like, and I characterize it as a calm, steady, hand on my shoulder and a low,

quiet, woman's voice that whispers soothing words of wisdom (just like in the

Beatles song, " Let it Be " ) in my ear.

So, I am wondering if it would help if you could visualize what SELF acceptance

would look like and sound like, and conjure up a voice that could give you what

you need without food?

It took me a while before I could do this, and even longer to let myself really

feel like a little kid accepting the soothing that I need.  But I am making

progress, and when it works, I am amazed at how much more satisfied, calm, and

happy with myself I feel.

Take care,

________________________________

To: insideoutweightloss

Sent: Friday, February 3, 2012 11:18 AM

Subject: Finished Chapter 3, just starting champter 4

 

Good Morning ALL!!!

I started reading chapter four 2 nights ago and I just realized I won't let go

of chocolate. I am eating it more moderately than before, but I " have to have

it " daily. I can't seem to find the gift behind it. When I started reading

chapter 4, two thoughts came to mind.

1. I used to steal chocolate goodies from other kids at school.

I was 5 back then. 5!!!

I think that since my mom would only send me " healthy snacks " (because I was

chubby) I had to steal them. I think I might have thought that I also deserved

the yummy snacks that all the other little girls had in their lunch boxes, so

I'd steal them from them.

I did this for many, many years.

So many of my memories revolve around weight. I was diagnosed with

hypothyroidism when I was about 6-7 and ever since ( I have a vivid memory in my

head) I have gone to nutritionists so that I could lose weight.

Oh gosh, I'm tearing up. I just realized I hated the fact that my parents kept

trying to make me slim. Like I wasn't good enough cause I was fat! They kept

taking me to nutritionist after nutritionists trying fix me. I kept hearing

people around me say: she is such a beautiful little girl, too bad she's

overweight. That is such a horrible thing to tell a little girl.

I just want to be ACCEPTED, overweight or thin. To feel like I deserved things.

Since I couldn't get them I stole them.

I realize this is the reason I rebelled against my mother. I was so mad at her

for wanting to change me. My sister was thin, so I hated their relationship. It

was like she deserved better things but not me. I was always going to

psychologists, and now I understand what was wrong. I wanted to be accepted for

who I was. I understand my parents wanted to help me, but I now understand they

went about it the wrong way. If you have kids, friends out there, don't make

their weight the center of their little worlds.

I now have a good relationship with my mom, but the chocolate eating habits are

there. Any ideas on how else to get the gift of acceptance? of deserving good

things other than chocolate?

Any insight would really be appreciated.

Thank you all.

MB

[Guest guest]

Thanks to all for this thread - I found a lot of helpful insights - esp. " The

only way (I think) I can get nice things too ... is to take them in secret... "

It seems to me that no one, except me, knows exactly what is good, or nice, or

right for me. But, that is probably tied to my secrecy. I don't tell anyone what

I think.

I am grateful for this group to be able to share.

b.

> >

> > Good Morning ALL!!!

> >

> > I started reading chapter four 2 nights ago and I just realized I won't let

go of chocolate. I am eating it more moderately than before, but I " have to have

it " daily. I can't seem to find the gift behind it. When I started reading

chapter 4, two thoughts came to mind.

> >

> > 1. I used to steal chocolate goodies from other kids at school.

> > I was 5 back then. 5!!!

> > I think that since my mom would only send me " healthy snacks " (because I was

chubby) I had to steal them. I think I might have thought that I also deserved

the yummy snacks that all the other little girls had in their lunch boxes, so

I'd steal them from them.

> > I did this for many, many years.

> >

> > So many of my memories revolve around weight. I was diagnosed with

hypothyroidism when I was about 6-7 and ever since ( I have a vivid memory in my

head) I have gone to nutritionists so that I could lose weight.

> > Oh gosh, I'm tearing up. I just realized I hated the fact that my parents

kept trying to make me slim. Like I wasn't good enough cause I was fat! They

kept taking me to nutritionist after nutritionists trying fix me. I kept hearing

people around me say: she is such a beautiful little girl, too bad she's

overweight. That is such a horrible thing to tell a little girl.

> >

> > I just want to be ACCEPTED, overweight or thin. To feel like I deserved

things. Since I couldn't get them I stole them.

> >

> > I realize this is the reason I rebelled against my mother. I was so mad at

her for wanting to change me. My sister was thin, so I hated their relationship.

It was like she deserved better things but not me. I was always going to

psychologists, and now I understand what was wrong. I wanted to be accepted for

who I was. I understand my parents wanted to help me, but I now understand they

went about it the wrong way. If you have kids, friends out there, don't make

their weight the center of their little worlds.

> > I now have a good relationship with my mom, but the chocolate eating habits

are there. Any ideas on how else to get the gift of acceptance? of deserving

good things other than chocolate?

> > Any insight would really be appreciated.

> > Thank you all.

> > MB

> >

>

[Guest guest]

I never thought support and community were so important as I do today. Thank you

all for your messages. They all have been very enlightening. It is also so

relieving to know you are not the only one in that situation. I remember reading

in Full-Filled that ate out of the trash can. I couldn't believe it. I

thought I was the only one who ever threw something out only to take it back out

and eat it. Thank you, for being sincere. Thank you IOWL friends for

opening up.

Have a wonderful week.

[Guest guest]

I remember my WW leader saying one time that she ate the bunny ears off of the

chocolate bunnies in her kid's easter baskets. Then she made hats to put on top

of the heads so they didn't show. I could see me doing that if we had been able

to have kids.

" Sometimes God allows us to see the miracle. Sometimes God allows us to BE the

miracle. "

From: insideoutweightloss

[mailto:insideoutweightloss ] On Behalf Of Maki

Sent: Monday, February 06, 2012 9:08 AM

To: insideoutweightloss

Subject: Re: Finished Chapter 3, just starting champter 4

I never thought support and community were so important as I do today. Thank you

all for your messages. They all have been very enlightening. It is also so

relieving to know you are not the only one in that situation. I remember reading

in Full-Filled that ate out of the trash can. I couldn't believe it. I

thought I was the only one who ever threw something out only to take it back out

and eat it. Thank you, for being sincere. Thank you IOWL friends for

opening up.

Have a wonderful week.

***********Mercy***********

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[Guest guest]

When I was 10 I ate out pieces of my little cousins birthday cake. That is one

thought that has really brought shame to me, even now. I guess past is past and

I have to get over it. I was like a kid.