Sharing Heart

[Guest guest]

When I first started this journey I was really embarrassed. I actually thought

about creating a name to hide myself from being a part of struggling. But hiding

is something I have been known to do.. hiding is... easier. Less complicated.

Less confrontational. & my REAL name is own this board. The name that my parents

and their parents surname. My e-mail is a nickname my first true love gave to

me. That's real. I didn't even have my real name on my facebook. I dont do it.

But here I am. Totally venerable. I gotta tell you, it's really moving me to

tears. I've been emotional. And it feels good to feel this way. Raw. Real. It

feels... unknown.

I was in a sorority when I gained a lot of weight. I was totally ashamed. I

didn't fit the mold anyways, but I looking back I was a total FOX ( & I am now, I

just have... coverage) I was lean, long shiny hair, glowing tan skin, worked out

regularly and got in balance. Also beat the shit out of myself mentally. Also

ate shitty foods. Also thought my boyfriend only dated me because I was

beautiful and didn't appreciate what else I had to offer. I drank a lot. My name

is and I OWN this journey of mine. I take full responsibility for this

weight, this coverage, this hiding. And I am choosing, right here right now, to

SHINE. I AM strong, I AM brave, I AM worth it!

And I weigh more now than I ever have in my life. My jeans are tighter. I'm in

tears officially now... I see that I am beautiful. I know that I'm worth it. ANd

I want to be thin and healthy so much... I'm praying just praying... The shame

of continuing to fall, over and over.... I have so much faith in this program

and what renee teachers... why... I'm still ashamed. Maybe no one will read

this. or respond. or care... I know how to clear it but it still must be said or

I may never transform.