Developing Healthy Relationships

[Guest guest]

Hello!

Creating new relationships, *healthily* is not something I've ever

been very good at. Call it a lack of self-esteem or what have you.

However, I think there are many dynamics involved. It's not as simple

as self-esteem, although it does play a very significant role in the

healing process.

I'm in the process of actually developing a healthy relationship with

a guy friend, (hoping to see it develop into something more...) I'm

taking this very slowly this time around, getting to know the person

first. It can be difficult when your friend shares his life with you.

He speaks of his family in loving ways and tells interesting and

*normal* tales of growing up as well as the status of his

relationships with them currently, which are likewise for all intents

and purposes, appear healthy and *normal*. I find myself being

mysterious about my backround - giving out bits and pieces - only

sharing good points in my life growing up.

I found that interesting enough, that I could even think of positive

things growing up! I think it must mean that I can now pull from the

positives rather than dwell on the negatives. It's a good thing.

There are afterall, *some* good things that happened to me growing

up. Oh, but by the grace of God had I been given something to hold

onto in my childhood. Goodness knows it was not mother who developed

this person who now exists. Nor who gave me loving memories.

It's difficult to develop a healthy relationship with a potential

love interest (or friends of any ilk for that matter,) when it comes

to speaking of where you come from. I've found from past experience

that the moment you mention you are no longer on speaking terms with

your mother that people begin to form a judgement and it's all

downhill from there. So it's important for me to keep this aspect of

my life to myself in the beginning stages of friendships. I'm just

not sure how *mysterious* I'm making myself - if it goes overboard -

if it appears I've got something to *hide*. But at this point, I want

my new friends to know ME first, so they know I am a good person

without forming a judgement up front. When I finally tell someone new

my story, I want them to see a person of strength, not a person of

weakness. I want it to be all about who I am today, not who I was or

what happened to me yesterday.

All I know is that my mothers mental illness continues to affect my

life. It probably always will to some degree. But there is an upside

to it. I am becoming a self-made person. I suppose in some ways, that

is a wonderful benefit for anyone. It's a better way to look at it

rather than feeling like a pitiful orphan... It's just a shame that I

have no family to offer in a relationship. It's a shame that I have

no family for myself!!!

Take care all... any comments are welcome and appreciated.

Cyndie