- boundaries, etc.

[Guest guest]

Hi :

Well, if you didn't like individual therapy -- again I'd suggest a

children of BPD's support group. If you can't find a BPD offspring

group -- then a 12 step group would probably help. Codependents

Anonymous, Al-Anon, Emotional Anonymous are a few. You could try

them out and see what works.

there's only so much intense psychological work you are going to be

able to do WHILE you're a student. However, if you don't do a LITTLE

bit of psychological self-care work (support groups) then you'll

probably suffer so much that it will hurt your school work as well.

So, you have to find a balance.

As far as the boundaries go -- if you read Edith's post about the

witch mother -- you just have to do it in the only way that

is " possible " with a witch!! You have to make it OBVIOUS that it's

about YOU. You have to give the message that YOU are important.

Read Edith's post for today - Aug. 9th it was very interesting. (My

Nada's a Waif with a little bit of witch thrown in-- but the witch in

my Nada IS exactly like Edith's post -- she's stubborn and you can't

contfront her, that just makes her worse.)

You'll have to make a plan, and then try it out. If it doesn't work,

make a new plan.

But whatever YOU decide to do -- to stay in that house until you

graduate from college -- is OKAY!! Just " hang onto your life " -- try

to keep the You of You's intact!

You say you think new people won't like you, etc. That is a sign of

low self esteem. That is something you should work on and the

support groups will help you in that area too! (I could recommend

books, but you could only read them on your Christmas and Spring

breaks, right?? LOL) There's a book some of us in this group are

going to read in the beginning of Sept. " Ten Days to Self Esteem " by

Burns, Ph.D. -- I hope we read it together anyway! You might

see posts about it. So, if you can take a look at that book before

your classes begin in a few weeks, that might help.

" Recovery " from having a BPD parent is an on-going process. There's

no specific formula. But many suggestions in the books really help.

Any type of self-exploration is an on-going process-- and you have to

try to be patient, and loving and kind with YOURSELF as the process

unfolds.

As far as " losing " your brother -- I don't think you will. Even if

he does move far away, you can always talk on the phone, write

letters and visit in person. It sounds like you both have a strong

bond, and will continue to be in touch for the rest of your lives.

Just some ideas and opinions! Have a great day! And do something

nice (and healthy) for yourself today!

Barb

> Barb and anyone else who is reading this!

>

> My step-father probably fits the description of " dish rag dad " even

> though I'm not clear on exactly what that means. Over the years I

> have noticed that he has stopped fighting back with my Nada (still