Guest guest Posted May 11, 2003 Report Share Posted May 11, 2003 Hi All, I can't believe how tired I am after spending the day with my mom today. Here I have been thinking about taking her off Aricept because she is so sleepy but, boy, did she make up for it today! By the time she finally lay down for a nap in the early evening there were five adults collapsing on the floor with fatigue around her. OMG! I should have known that this wasn't going to be one of her " good " days. She was very confused when I first saw her. We had a mother's day BBQ for her which took some convincing to get her to eat. Then it was trying to get her to take her meds. Then she talked for hours on end, no matter how much we tried to re-direct her. I think she had a good mother's day but it was exhausting for her husband and we three kids that showed up today. Along with us 5 adults running around ragged, my dad was so angry about my two elder brothers not showing up - they didn't even call. I tried to explain that everyone deals with stress differently but I have to admit that it was difficult to stick up for them. I was pissed about it too! If you can't stand being around mom because it upsets you then at least call her on the phone. This is especially difficult and hurtful for my dad because the doc told him mom will never get better. I feel my dad has enough to do with mom as her primary caretaker without having to run after his sons too. I don't know if I should call my brothers privately and ask them to come see mom more often. I know that my second eldest brother will be easier to handle but my oldest brother is going to be tricky. Should I even get involved? I'd love some feedback on this! Courage Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 12, 2003 Report Share Posted May 12, 2003 > Along with us 5 adults running around ragged, my dad was so angry about my two elder brothers not showing up - they didn't even call. I tried to explain that everyone deals with stress differently but I have to admit that it was difficult to stick up for them. I was pissed about it too! If you can't stand being around mom because it upsets you then at least call her on the phone. This is especially difficult and hurtful for my dad because the doc told him mom will never get better. I feel my dad has enough to do with mom as her primary caretaker without having to run after his sons too. I don't know if I should call my brothers privately and ask them to come see mom more often. I know that my second eldest brother will be easier to handle but my oldest brother is going to be tricky. Should I even get involved? I'd love some feedback on this! Courage, I think you are seeing the combination of a couple of things. How and if you respond to them would depend on what is the 'reason' for the distance between your brothers and your mother. I'm not going to claim to know the actual reasons but here's some possibilities.... 1. they are afraid of 'the beast' or they don't know how to act, or what to say, so they do nothing. Maybe remind them that it will only get harder, the longer they put it off, and to do it for Dad if not Mom. 2.(THeresa putting on flame retardant suit) It's a guy thing... It seems guys are more comfortable being the recipient of the care taking, and have trouble switching roles, Where as women are raised/expected to be care takers. 3. They are selfish, someone else is there to do it so they don't have to help. Who knows if they were the only one maybe they'd step up to the plate. 4. Then there is the big denial... How many people have written about friends/relatives who just keep making excuses for the odd behavior, even long past reasonable behavior. 5. Their ________ is preventing them from participating. IMHO, it's an excuse, BUT what you have to remember is - to them it's a 'valid reason'. The more you understand their state of mind, the better your chances of success. All that said, Good luck. I wouldn't hold out too much hope for them changing. Sometimes, families 'suck the big one'! Just make sure your Dad gets extra hugs since he certainly needs them. THeresa Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 12, 2003 Report Share Posted May 12, 2003 Theresa, I love how you laid things out and then you slew me with your saying familys sometime 'suck the big one'! hahahahahahahahhahahah I think I've decided to call my brother and make the phone call light just to figure out where he's head is at. Even if he did say that he was a lazy, selfish SOB who didn't want to get involved I'd try to let that go for mom's sake as he does see her every few months or so but then once she passed on I'd beat his A$% with two sticks.... Courage Re: Exhausted > >> Along with us 5 adults running around ragged, my dad was so angry >about my two elder brothers not showing up - they didn't even call. I >tried to explain that everyone deals with stress differently but I >have to admit that it was difficult to stick up for them. I was >pissed about it too! If you can't stand being around mom because it >upsets you then at least call her on the phone. This is especially >difficult and hurtful for my dad because the doc told him mom will >never get better. I feel my dad has enough to do with mom as her >primary caretaker without having to run after his sons too. I don't >know if I should call my brothers privately and ask them to come see >mom more often. I know that my second eldest brother will be easier >to handle but my oldest brother is going to be tricky. Should I even >get involved? I'd love some feedback on this! > > > Courage, > >I think you are seeing the combination of a couple of things. How >and if you respond to them would depend on what is the 'reason' >for the distance between your brothers and your mother. I'm not >going to claim to know the actual reasons but here's some >possibilities.... > >1. they are afraid of 'the beast' or they don't know how to act, > or what to say, so they do nothing. Maybe remind them that > it will only get harder, the longer they put it off, and to > do it for Dad if not Mom. > >2.(THeresa putting on flame retardant suit) It's a guy thing... > It seems guys are more comfortable being the recipient of the > care taking, and have trouble switching roles, Where as women > are raised/expected to be care takers. > >3. They are selfish, someone else is there to do it so they don't > have to help. Who knows if they were the only one maybe they'd > step up to the plate. > >4. Then there is the big denial... How many people have written > about friends/relatives who just keep making excuses for the > odd behavior, even long past reasonable behavior. > >5. Their ________ is preventing them from participating. > > >IMHO, it's an excuse, BUT what you have to remember is - to >them it's a 'valid reason'. The more you understand their >state of mind, the better your chances of success. > >All that said, Good luck. I wouldn't hold out too much hope >for them changing. Sometimes, families 'suck the big one'! > >Just make sure your Dad gets extra hugs since he certainly needs them. > >THeresa > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 9, 2012 Report Share Posted January 9, 2012 Hi GB, so sorry it has gotten to this point! Do you think the school refusal is all OCD related? (just asking, he is a teenager too!) Would he still take the Prozac? Don't know why you changed, I'm sure you felt it was needed, but I would caution him he needs to wean off his meds, not just stop! Assuming he's been on Prozac a while. The OCD Foundation website does have a list of some of the residential programs. I know there's more out there than they list. Have you mentioned that option to your son since this began, the possibility of residential? Hope the school is working with you on this school refusal. I'm assuming he has an IEP or 504 Plan already if OCD was affecting him regarding school. If not, then now sounds like an excellent time to get one. What does he plan to do if not school, does he want homeschooled? I know there are some California parents in the group, hope they see your post! > > This is my first post though I have been reading the group posts for a while. My son is almost 16 and has gotten worse. He is refusing his medication (we just switched from Prozac to Lexapro) and refusing to go to school. This struggle has been going on for years, but has reached a new level. > My wife and I feel like we are not able to help him as he will not see a psychiatrist or therapist or talk about what is going on with us. Are we at the point where we need to send him to residential treatment? If so any suggestions for the Los Angeles area? > Thanks, GB > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 9, 2012 Report Share Posted January 9, 2012 Chris Thank you for the response. He has a 504 and we have no idea if the school refusal is just OCD. The diagnosis comes from Dr. Suddath at UCLA and frankly many people don't see it as OCD. It is the best fit for his behavior. We switched from the Prozac to Lexapro because my wife and son believed he was getting agitated at the higher levels of Prozac. Anyway he is not willing to participate or take part in any kind of treatment. Meanwhile he is impossible to live with. Bottom line he is not getting better and that is why I wonder if there are any suggestions or personal experience with residential or outside help in the Los Angeles area. GB > Hi GB, so sorry it has gotten to this point! Do you think the school refusal is all OCD related? (just asking, he is a teenager too!) > > Would he still take the Prozac? Don't know why you changed, I'm sure you felt it was needed, but I would caution him he needs to wean off his meds, not just stop! Assuming he's been on Prozac a while. > > The OCD Foundation website does have a list of some of the residential programs. I know there's more out there than they list. Have you mentioned that option to your son since this began, the possibility of residential? > > Hope the school is working with you on this school refusal. I'm assuming he has an IEP or 504 Plan already if OCD was affecting him regarding school. If not, then now sounds like an excellent time to get one. What does he plan to do if not school, does he want homeschooled? > > I know there are some California parents in the group, hope they see your post! > > > > > > > > This is my first post though I have been reading the group posts for a while. My son is almost 16 and has gotten worse. He is refusing his medication (we just switched from Prozac to Lexapro) and refusing to go to school. This struggle has been going on for years, but has reached a new level. > > My wife and I feel like we are not able to help him as he will not see a psychiatrist or therapist or talk about what is going on with us. Are we at the point where we need to send him to residential treatment? If so any suggestions for the Los Angeles area? > > Thanks, GB > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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