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i have terrible dreams of regret and when i wake up from them they make

me feel so needy....like i need to rush out and find a man or

something.....i dream that i messed up past relationships by not being

pretty enough or not being skinny enough or by not trying hard

enough.....i know that feeling this way can get me into alot of trouble

and can lead me into the arms of the wrong person....i had one last

night and i know exactly what triggered it....its friday and usually i

get together joey but when i ask him if im gonna see him he always says

" i dont know " and " maybe " then he says " you know i always end up seeing

you anyway " ....but theres that fear in me that im gonna be alone and he

wont want to see me or call me

i hate that im alone in my life right now but maybe im suppose to be

alone right now and learn to enjoy my alone time?....i went out to a

craft store yesterday and bought myself a counted cross stitch and a

paint by number so im hopeing that will help me thru this hard time

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