Re: Re: Morning battles!!

November 29, 2006

Hi.....

My son is 10 yo and I'm still helping him to dress and complete his AM care.

Each and every morning, without fail, he will ask me where his clothes are and I

will respond, " Where did Mom set them out yesterday? " His AM clothes are always

hanging on the door with shoes and socks/back pack set out below; and he will

say " Hanging on the door?I am sorry...I forgot! "

As nna once said to me, " It does not get easier...it just becomes

different! " Differently

Good wishes and patience to the both of us!

Leah wrote:

We suffer with the same thing with our six year old ASD son. His

engine

is SO low in the a.m. that I have to help him get dressed. He is like a

limp noodle. He also balks at going to school and we have been doing a

few things (most recoommended by others with ASD kids.

We set up a special job for him to do in his classroom, which is to

turn on all computers and the TV. This is HIS spcial job that the

teacher assigned for him and him only. Some days this motivates him,

other days it does not.

Our kiddo tends to ask to do " just one more thing " every evening before

bed. We tell him if he gets to sleep within --- minutes, he will get to

do it in the morning before school. Just the other day he begged to

take a bath with shaving cream right at bedtime so we used that to get

him up the next morning. Some mornings, Dad takes him on a bike ride

before school or I take him to play on the school playground for 10

minutes before school so long as he gets up and gets going in the a.m.

as told.

Nonetheless, we struggle each and every day with the getting going

thing and the " I don't WANT to go to school " cries. It is soooo hard. I

feel your pain!

Leah

p.s. feel free to share any ideas you come up with as I'm sure they'd

benefit lots of us on this list!

>

> How do you motivate your kids to get up and dress quickly without

> losing it. My son whos autistic wakes up every morning not wanting to

> go to school, he instead demands he wants to go to the doctor, chuck

e

> cheese or anywhere else except school. He can dress himself and clean

> up(6yrs old) but I usualy do it just to get it done & make it on

time.

> Once he gets to school he settles down with no problems at all, so I

> know he loves school. WHY DOES HE HAVE TO BE SOO DIFFICULT IN THE

> MORNING?? WHAT CAN I DO?

>

November 29, 2006

I really know how you feel on this one. My son,Jeramy, is 8. We were having the

same problems when he was 5/6. He would even go as far as taking his clothes

off after I had gotten him dressed. A really smart O.T. suggested using a token

system with him. I made a chart )for each of the things that he had to do in

the morning (we have modified the system now to include homework, practicing

piano and other chores) and he got a " coin " for doing them. Our speech

therapist had a computer program with symbols that I used to make the chart

until this year, now we just use a weekly chore chart that I bought at the

school book fair. For the coins, i just bought poker chips at Wal-Mart. To make

it a little fun for him we set a timer when he got out of bed and if he beat the

timer getting dressed he got an extra coin

Once a week, coins were traded in for special priveledges ( ice cream, a

movie,a small toy). I still use this system with both of my boys but now the

chips are traded in for allowance and can be taken away for misbehaving or not

fulfilling responsibilities. It sure beats yelling and repeating myself until i

turned blue. LOL

Just my two cents..

Toni

---------------------------------

Everyone is raving about the all-new Yahoo! Mail beta.

November 29, 2006

We have this problem as well. He just gets so distracted with other things-

what's on tv, playing with money, anything really. It can be very

frustrating!

Anne

-- Re: Morning battles!!

I had this problem for YEARS with both of my ASD children. In fact, it

became as time marched on an issue of “learned helplessness” that you DO not

want to get into if you can possibly avoid it. It is much easier to teach

them to get ready independently the first time than to have to go back and

UNTEACH the bad habits we often let our children fall into because it is

easier for us to do it all for them.

That said, I have several suggestions that eventually worked for us (they

worked much better for the younger child because he hadn’t already acquired

the “learned helplessness” thing).

1. Use a visual schedule of what they need to do in the morning. Don’t

continually prompt them verbally unless you want them to become totally

prompt dependent on you in order to know what to do. Instead, get up earlier

and make them do it themselves with visual supports and gestures.

2. Use a high level of positive reinforcement in the beginning as they

complete each step…then fade the reinforcement as they accomplish more

independently until it is only intermittent and then only when they perform

the entire routine by themselves.

3. Use a checklist where they have to check off the list as they complete

the steps. It can be written or in pictures, but it fosters independence and

moves away from that prompt dependence and learned helplessness.

Having lived through this issue with 2 kids, and seeing what worked and what

didn’t, my biggest piece of advice is DON’T DO IT FOR THEM. Teach them how

to get ready on their own. It will take a lot of positive reinforcers in the

beginning, but it is far better to take the time to do it than it is to have

a 12 year old who can’t get himself ready without a battle and constant

prompting. You are setting yourself up for disaster later on if you don’t

work on it early.

Just my experience.

nna

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3:22 PM

November 29, 2006

nna,

You are so right and that is great advice! As a mom to 13 year old , I

am thankful for the areas I held my guns on...and regretting the ones I didin't.

I will send your email to some of the new parents in Arkansas. You really said

it well. Thank you.

God bless!

Amy

" People often fail to see the halting and painful steps by which the most

insignificant success is achieved. " -Annie Sullivan

November 29, 2006

,

It sounds like your son is simply repeating a verbal pattern that he's used to

saying daily. My son, Joe, also does this alot. It helps when I say something

out of the ordinary to change it up and " break the pattern " so to speak help to

get him to stop repeating the same phrase. For instance, tomorrow am...before

your son has a chance to ask you where his clothes are...you might say something

like, " Tell me where your clothes are today? " or " I wonder where your clothes

are today? " Also if he asks you this question again--just shoot the same

question right back at him ie. " That's a good question...where ARE your

clothes? " I often will repeat Joe's questions back to him and he always knows

the answers but it frustrates him because I'm the one who's supposed to give the

answers! It's as if he is the director of a play and I'm an actor in his play

who insists on ad libbing! He gets a little frustrated but it's good because

he understands how others feel when they are asked the same questions repeatedly

and it helps him to stop. Just a thought...

a

Re: Re: Morning battles!!

Hi.....

My son is 10 yo and I'm still helping him to dress and complete his AM care.

Each and every morning, without fail, he will ask me where his clothes are and I

will respond, " Where did Mom set them out yesterday? " His AM clothes are always

hanging on the door with shoes and socks/back pack set out below; and he will

say " Hanging on the door?I am sorry...I forgot! "

As nna once said to me, " It does not get easier...it just becomes

different! " Differently

Good wishes and patience to the both of us!

Leah wrote:

We suffer with the same thing with our six year old ASD son. His engine

is SO low in the a.m. that I have to help him get dressed. He is like a

limp noodle. He also balks at going to school and we have been doing a

few things (most recoommended by others with ASD kids.

We set up a special job for him to do in his classroom, which is to

turn on all computers and the TV. This is HIS spcial job that the

teacher assigned for him and him only. Some days this motivates him,

other days it does not.

Our kiddo tends to ask to do " just one more thing " every evening before

bed. We tell him if he gets to sleep within --- minutes, he will get to

do it in the morning before school. Just the other day he begged to

take a bath with shaving cream right at bedtime so we used that to get

him up the next morning. Some mornings, Dad takes him on a bike ride

before school or I take him to play on the school playground for 10

minutes before school so long as he gets up and gets going in the a.m.

as told.

Nonetheless, we struggle each and every day with the getting going

thing and the " I don't WANT to go to school " cries. It is soooo hard. I

feel your pain!

Leah

p.s. feel free to share any ideas you come up with as I'm sure they'd

benefit lots of us on this list!

>

> How do you motivate your kids to get up and dress quickly without

> losing it. My son whos autistic wakes up every morning not wanting to

> go to school, he instead demands he wants to go to the doctor, chuck

e

> cheese or anywhere else except school. He can dress himself and clean

> up(6yrs old) but I usualy do it just to get it done & make it on

time.

> Once he gets to school he settles down with no problems at all, so I

> know he loves school. WHY DOES HE HAVE TO BE SOO DIFFICULT IN THE

> MORNING?? WHAT CAN I DO?

>

November 29, 2006

I do believe that ROUTINE is ultimately more satisfying to our kiddos than the

reinforcers. We have a program for my son that RJ taught my carer to put

on an old touch screen cell phone. It chimes and talks (with pictures)

through his entire morning schedule and is soooo helpful. He is motivated by

knowing he got to the last screen and hearing the bells. Of course, he also

knows that at the end is the SCHOOL BUS!!! Which is a reinforcer that is also

part of the ROUTINE. If anyone has any questions on how to rig up one of these

andy dandy little life savers (and for CHEAP!) feel free to email Lesley

Thacker at , She's an angel and a techno-geek that loves

to do this kind of stuff! She's a big advocate in the Angelman syndrome world,

but lots of things carry over.

Good luck and hang in there!

Amy

" People often fail to see the halting and painful steps by which the most

insignificant success is achieved. " -Annie Sullivan

November 29, 2006

Leah! I love your response too! We are such a lucky group to have each other and

so many different perspectives to combine into what works!

Amy

" People often fail to see the halting and painful steps by which the most

insignificant success is achieved. " -Annie Sullivan

November 30, 2006

I am so excited! My daughter is 8, and we have been struggling with autism

and the morning battles! the melt downs, etc. She has been on Prozac 10 mil

now for several weeks and finally ....she is happy! no melt downs! and I am

feeling so much better for her that finally she is feeling happy and not so

much confused and worried.

I have tried everything. and finally with the medication and family

counseling she is on the right track! I have a wonderful Dr. that specializes

with

autistic children, not only does she specialize with autistic children she

also is a mother of a son 9 who is battling this as well,

so she understands all that us parents go through.

her name is Dr Deborah parker she is in Plano.....

physiologist She doesn't prescribe medicine. And I also have been taking her

to my

psychiatrist Dr Hamilton who has also given her treatment as well...(med's)

finally I feel like I am getting some where...thank god! my baby is now

feeling better. and a smile from her is the most wonderful feeling in the

world.

And the melt downs were killing me!

November 30, 2006

Hi....

That's a very good, fast-response motivator!! " Do you want waffles or

oatmeal for breakfast? " (he likes waffles a LOT

more than he likes oatmeal so he's motivated to answer so I don't

choose oatmeal for him!) "

Thanks!

Anita K wrote:

Hi,

We have a 9-yr old son who often will be a slow " waker-upper " and not

always cooperative about getting dressed, etc.

I've it goes better on those slow mornings if I go in quietly, wake him

up gently, but then start with tickles, songs, and initiate a chase

( " here comes mommy! I'm gonna getcha! " ) and generally distract him out

of the realization that it's morning and he's gotta get up. I also

don't respond to the " No School Today " mantra and instead ask him " Do

you want waffles or oatmeal for breakfast? " (he likes waffles a LOT

more than he likes oatmeal so he's motivated to answer so I don't

choose oatmeal for him!) and then we get into " which shirt " etc ... in

other words, distraction, redirection, reinforcement.

Hope that helps ... every kid is different, and sometimes no matter

what you do, you fall out of the wrong side of the bed in the morning

anyway!

-Anita

Texas-Autism-Advocacy , " seventysixandfun "

wrote:

>

> How do you motivate your kids to get up and dress quickly without

> losing it. My son whos autistic wakes up every morning not wanting to

> go to school, he instead demands he wants to go to the doctor, chuck

e

> cheese or anywhere else except school. He can dress himself and clean

> up(6yrs old) but I usualy do it just to get it done & make it on

time.

> Once he gets to school he settles down with no problems at all, so I

> know he loves school. WHY DOES HE HAVE TO BE SOO DIFFICULT IN THE

> MORNING?? WHAT CAN I DO?

>

November 30, 2006

This is a very good method for making them work through routines on their own.

I used to teach English as a Second Language to executives in Europe. Many of

them were good at zoning out and responding to anything I threw at them with

proper English even though I know they weren't completely understanding what I

was saying. I solved the problem by throwing in questions like, " Do you have a

dead body in the trunk of your car? " or " Do you have 2 wives? " Fast forward to

my new life with an autistic son, and it is very effective for his helpless

moments. When he " can't " pick out something to wear, I'll help him by putting

one of his sisters' dresses on his bed or something else that I know he doesn't

want to wear. We're to the point now, after a lot of work, that he handles his

morning routine with very few prompts or battles, including making his bed con

cuidado.

Gianadda

http://www.texasautismscholarships.org