Goat mom's letter to Santa

[Guest guest]

Dear Santa, I've been a good goat mom all year. I've fed, cleaned and cuddled my goats

on demand, visited the Vet's office more than my own doctor, spend more on

their snacks and hay than I do for myself, and most of the time they are fed

better than I am. I was hoping you could spread my list out over several

Christmases, since I had to write this letter with my a black marker pen on

the back of a feed receipt in the laundry room between cycles of kid

bedding, and who knows when I'll find anymore free time in the near future

with kiddings coming and goat shows on the the horizon.

Here are my Christmas wishes

I'd like a pair of legs that don't ache (in any color, except purple,which I

already have) and arms that don't hurt or flap in the breeze; but are strong

enough to hold my struggling goat while bathing and clipping.

I'd also like a waist, since I lost mine somewhere eating goat show food and

at least three show outfits and some jeans that will zip all the way up

without the use of power tools.

If you're hauling big ticket items this year I'd like a barn that cleans

it's self.

On the practical side, I could use a battery operated goat that is always

stacked perfectly and moves to perfection on my command to boost my showing

confidence and does all it's business outside the barn, along with at least

two does who don't bump each other to start a fight.

I could also use a recording of The Goat Whisperer chanting "Don't step on

human feet"and "Get off of her, she is not in heat" because my voice seems

to be just out of my goat's hearing range and can only be heard by the next

door neighbors who are at least an acre away.

If it's too late to find any of these things, I'd settle for enough time to

brush my teeth and comb my hair in the same morning, or the luxury of eating

food warmer than room temperature without it being served in a Styrofoam

container at a goat show

If you don't mind, I could also use a few Christmas miracles to brighten the

holiday season. Would it be too much trouble to declare a goatie lock down

session? It will clear my conscience immensely when I look at those

miserable little faces. It would be helpful if you could coerce my husband

to help around the house without demanding payment as if he were the boss of

an organized crime family because after all, this is for MY Goats!

Well, Santa, the buzzer on the dryer is ringing and some of my kids think it

was the buzzer on the microwave. They think it's time for a bottle.

Have a safe trip and remember to leave your wet boots by the door and watch

out for all the play pens scattered throughout.

I would have left cookies, but with goats, there is no chance that anything

will be left on the plate. I left you a Hot Toddy to warm you from the cold,

but after a day like this, I drank it myself.

Yours Always, Goat Mom