Worst Parenting Trends of The Decade

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http://www.parentdish.com/2009/12/25/worst-parenting-trends-of-the-decade/

Worst Parenting Trends of The Decade

by Brett Singer (Subscribe to Brett Singer's posts) Dec 25th 2009 8:00AM

The past 10 years has seen an explosion in parenting books, parenting websites,

and of course, parenting trends. Here are some that we could have done without.

1. Screaming at Other Parents Online

Ah, the Internet. The great equalizer of our culture. It allows people to

connect with like-minded folks from every corner of the globe, sharing ideas,

reaching across all sorts of boundaries in order to ... insult each other. The

anonymity of the Web has provided a forum for anyone with an opinion to sound

off on a variety of topics. Other than politics, many of the most vitriolic

exchanges seem to be about parenting. Like this lovely series of emails from

parents in Park Slope, Brooklyn, which began when someone had the nerve to say

that they found a " boy's hat. " For example: " I'm sorry, I know that you are just

trying to be helpful, but what makes this a 'boy's hat'? Did you see the boy

himself loose [sic] it? Or does the hat in question possess an unmistakable

scent of testosterone? It's innocent little comments like this that I find the

most hurtful... " Well. As long you aren't being hurtful...

2. Having Huge Numbers of Kids as a Result of Fertility Treatments

Modern medicine can achieve many things, including allowing the formerly

childless to conceive. One of the drawbacks is the fact that many fertility

treatments can lead to multiples. When the economy was booming, and cable

networks were handing out reality shows at the maternity ward, many families

didn't see the drawbacks of having, say, eight children at once. Maybe now that

we've all calmed down a bit, and seen what happened to Jon and Kate, this

practice will stop.

3. The " Hot Mom " /MILFs

Some man somewhere must have decided that it wasn't enough to objectify young,

single women. It was time to add to the stable. Enter the " hot mom " , or MILF.

MILF isn't a new term, and the idea of lusting after a woman who has given birth

once or twice dates all the way back to Greek tragedy. (Oedipus, we're looking

at you, pal.) But at some point in the past 10 years, women seemed to embrace

it, which is bizarre. Just like fashion magazines showing paper-thin models,

parenting mags now feature moms who seem to be hopping right off the delivery

table and onto the treadmill. This isn't to say that pregnant women and mothers

can't be attractive. Of course they can. It's just that women have enough body

issues without feeling like heifers if they don't drop the baby weight in a

month.

4. Medical Advice from Celebrities

Before she declared herself to be an expert in all things autism, McCarthy

was best known for being naked in Playboy. And people wonder why immigrants want

to move to America. Where else could a woman with absolutely no qualifications

get on talk shows and actually be taken seriously about a topic as complex as

autism? McCarthy actually went so far as to declare that her son was " cured " of

his condition, despite the fact that almost every scientist in the field says

that autism is not, in fact, curable. There's nothing wrong with realizing that

your doctor might not be right about everything. But hopefully the source of

your questions isn't the woman who used to scream like a maniac on MTV's

" Singled Out. "

5. Stuff to Make Kids Smarter (Baby Einstein, et al)

When Aigner- and her husband Bill started making educational videos

in 1997, they had no idea that it would become a multimillion dollar enterprise,

so big that in 2001 they were able to sell The Baby Einstein Company to Disney.

In 2009, Disney offered refunds for Baby Einstein videos. Why? Because they

weren't actually making children smarter. The most frightening thing about this

is that it implies that there were actually parents out there who believed that

videos of a woman playing with sock puppets in her basement would increase their

child's intellect. The success of Baby Einstein spawned a number of imitators,

and according to numerous academic and medical studies, our kids are no smarter

than they would have been if they had watched Bugs Bunny cartoons instead.

What's funny is that the Baby Einstein series of DVDs are actually quite

pleasant as far as preschool entertainment goes. Just don't get the idea that

you're creating the next Doogie Howser.

6. Excessive Birthday Parties

Another potential positive outcome of the economic downturn is that maybe people

won't have the ability to spend tens of thousands of dollars on parties for

toddlers. You know how sometimes little kids are more interested in playing with

the box the expensive toy came in, rather than the expensive toy itself? These

parties are sort of like that. Is there any chance that your two-year-old is

going to remember the 25-animal petting zoo that was at her party? Would she be

just as happy, if not happier, to eat cake and run around the house with two or

three of her friends? And which option is less expensive? Think about it.

7. Momcentric Universe

Having a baby changes your life. Right? Not according to some moms. Some pundits

are predicting that we will see the traditional baby shower replaced by the

mommy shower. Because really, it's all about mom, right? Um, no. Blogger

Stefanie Wilder- once told The New York Times that she hated being known

to other mothers as just a parent. " The mommies call you on the phone, 'Hello,

is this Elby's mom?' Are you kidding me? When do I get to be Stefanie? " Oh

please. You were Stefanie before you had kids, and you still are. But you know

what? When you decide to have children, you accept the possibility, crazy as it

may seem, that you are no longer the most important person in your universe.

Deal with it.

8. Drinking Moms

Another aspect of the " mom is more important than baby " trend is the Drinking

Mom phenomenon. If you're unfamiliar with this " movement, " it basically takes

the teenaged notion that drinking makes you cool and transplants it to

parenting. Although some claim that it's about " admitting that mothers aren't

perfect, " that argument doesn't really hold up -- what does drinking have to do

with admitting you sometimes make mistakes? Then a woman named Diane Schuler

crashed her car on the Taconic State Parkway in New York, killing her daughter,

her three nieces, and herself, as well as the three passengers in the other

vehicle involved. Following that, Time magazine declared the end of the

" drinking parent " genre, saying that it was " no longer funny when people crack a

joke about 'better parenting through alcohol.' " You know what? It wasn't all

that funny before.

9. Helicopter Parenting/Overscheduling

Helicopter Parenting is the term given to parents who " hover. " (Get it?)

ly, it's annoying. It was annoying before it had a name, and it's annoying

now. Whether it's the mom who insists on knee pads and a helmet on their kid

before they will allow them to go down the slide, or the dad who wants his

little one taking French lessons before they're potty-trained, parents need to

understand that sometimes kids need to be allowed to do their own thing.

10. Tutoring is Trendy

Back in the day, having a tutor was a little embarrassing. Kids felt like if you

had a tutor, then you weren't smart enough to do your schoolwork without help.

While it's good to see that the " kid + tutor = dummy " idea has faded, things

seem to have swung all the way in the other direction in some communities.

Here's how it works. You have a good student. But are they really as good as

they could be? Couldn't they be a little bit better? And parents, if you haven't

hired a tutor for your child, aren't you depriving them of an advantage that

they should have? And what about college? Yes, the kid is only a toddler. Never

too early to think about the Ivy League.

11. Taking Kids to Bars

Some things are for kids. Some are for adults. Chuck E. Cheese? Kids.

Establishments that exist primarily for the consumption of alcohol? Adults. At

some point in the last several years, many parents seemed to feel that not only

were they entitled to a drink, they no longer needed a babysitter in order to do

it. You might be able to keep track of your kid while your knock back a few

Budweisers. But maybe some of us went out in order to get away from our families

for a couple of hours. And if that doesn't dissuade you, think about this -- do

you have any idea how hard it is to get red wine stains out of a onesie?

12. Hiding Vegetables

It doesn't really matter if Seinfeld first came up with the idea of

" hiding " spinach in brownies in her book " Deceptively Delicious, " or if it was

Missy Lapine in " The Sneaky Chef. " Once upon a time, being " sneaky " or

" deceptive " wasn't considered a good thing. AV Club columnist Amelie Gillette,

aka The Hater, put it like this: " So all you need to do to get kids to eat

vegetables is puree all the nutrition out of broccoli and then bake it into

cookies that taste like lies? " Amen, sister.

13. Pretending That Your Kid Doesn't Watch TV

Let's make 2010 the year of Parental Honesty About Media Consumption. Because

you know what? Our kids watch television. They do. And there's nothing wrong

with that. Is it possible that there are children that don't? Of course. Are

they the children of the parents who feel the need to constantly tell you that

they don't? No. And for those who say " my child only watches DVDs and YouTube

videos, " guess what? That's TV. It might not be Must-See TV, but it's still a

screen and your child is staring at it. And that's fine. Get over yourself.

14. Talking About How Much You Dislike Your Children

Some things should remain private. Like if you really wanted a boy, but had a

girl instead. If you feel you must tell the world how you feel about your kids,

use this rule. Before posting something to your blog, ask yourself if you would

want your child to read it when they are older. If the answer is no, write about

something else. Like your cat. At least animals can't read.