Re: Parents air complaints about bullying to school of...

[Guest guest]

The NT children were typically the nasty ones when I was in school too. They taunted this one borderline retarded boy in the class because they liked watching him have tantrums. Very rarely did they get caught in the act, but rather the retarded kid got in trouble because the teachers caught him having the tantrum and sometimes retaliating. They harassed me too, especially after I got glasses or at home when no adults were around. That's a big reason why I stopped going to parties, because invariably I ended up getting pushed around and otherwise targeted there.

You're right about them being savvy. They seemed to know when the teachers were looking and when they weren't. They had a knack for tormenting their targets without being detected but at the same time making their victim strike back when the teacher or other adult IS looking. Then the victim would be hauled off protesting their innocence while the NTs stood there laughing. Of course, sometimes they got caught and other times their victims got hold of them. Still, that also meant trouble for the victims and more "power" to the bullies.

Hi all. I haven't been on for awhile, but somehow recently started receiving emails from the listserves again. After emailing with Tom, I thought it was time to put my two cents in. This topic definitely hits home on many levels. As you may remember, my son (who is now 25 and doing wonderful) has Aspergers. I'm also an Advanced Practice Nurse working primarily with children/adolescents on the spectrum. I am infuriated by the fact that these children are so often tortured by "neurotypical" kids who are savvy enough to act "under the radar," yet when the AS children strike back they receive detention or are suspended from school. So often I hear of principals saying that they "never heard the NT child do/say anything;" the AS child must be imagining it." I'm forever writing letters and/or helping parents to advocate. On another (for me related) level...So many AS children are called "faggot" or "gay." As a woman in a committed same sex relationhip x 21 years, I don't understand why schools continue to allow students to use homophobic slurs that lead to depression, anxiety and suicide in vulnerable populations. That's it for now....Louise

[Guest guest]

I had similar things happen. One advantage to being the smallest guy though was that if they hit me I could act hurt enough to get them in trouble. However, that only worked if adults were around and the rest of the time I had to watch them closely and eventually just plain avoid them altogether. But still they would do things like come around the house and break or steal my things that were outside, try to hurt my dogs if they were outside, try to draw me outside, etc. Many times they hung around my house all day while my mother was at working trying to make me come outside to fight against 3 or 4 to 1 odds. They even tried to set the house on fire once (they said it was just a joke). Nothing came of any of it really, meaning they never got in trouble for any of it.

In a message dated 5/14/2010 1:06:45 A.M. Eastern Daylight Time, no_reply writes:

I never got any bones broken, but I got a lot of bruises, and I was punched in the gut a lot. Three or four of them came over to the house once with a bunch of hammers and tried to rip a fort I had back there to pieces. My mom ran out in her night gown and shouted them all down. Later on they came back and did some damage anyway.Administrator

[Guest guest]

She and the other parents just brushed it off as boys being boys and them treating me like a brother. If I had a brother and he treated me like they did, I wouldn't have had a brother for very long.

As for the fire, they said they were just throwing smoke bombs on the roof. Thing is, the little smoke bombs we could buy back then put out a big tongue of flame when the smoke powder was igniting. They knew this and they had used that before to set small piles of leaves on fire. Since there were leaves in the gutter where they threw the smoke bombs, it was obvious what they were trying to do. Still, the adults believed the others and not me.

They would also do things like stick their air rifles through the mail slot on the door looking to shoot me or my dogs if they could see me, and opened the vents by the air conditioner in my basement room and did fire shots into the room down there, damaging one of my stereo speakers. Once they even bullied the other small neighborhood boy into crawling through the dog door. He was to get the keys and open the door to let the rest of them in to come get me. They had shoved him around, beat him and threaten to shoot him with the air rifles they had. I was right there inside the door watching this. I got the boy, made him stay quiet and took him around to the front door and let him out telling him to run home fast and stay away from those other boys. He ran and I never saw him around the others again, although I think he did get in the house when I was away at school because I found a few items stolen at later times and he was the only one who could get in.

Still, the adults never believed any of this. Maybe the other kid's parents did, but again, nothing ever happened. Like you say, they often just wondered what I did to bring it on or that it was just boys being boys.

In a message dated 5/17/2010 11:46:28 A.M. Eastern Daylight Time, no_reply writes:

And I am willing to bet your mom was initially disbelieving about them trying to set the house on fire.

[Guest guest]

Same here. I was doing wrong if I stayed out (because I made myself an oddball or is I played (even though if I played sports I became the target because I was the smallest and easiest to run over). It was the same at parties where the bullies all looked for me to pick on, so I stopped going and got grief for that for being a loner.

It was hard to understand why the adults insisted all of this was normal behavior and that I was the one with the problem for objecting to not being able to be in my own yard without being attacked.

Of course it was interesting that the times they did manage to get a reaction out of me they typically ran away screaming, usually right to their parents for protection. I remember a few times they would be all smiles having caught me outdoors at some project gleefully harassing me and trying to mess it up, but when I finally had enough and came after them, they'd scream and run away. Pity I wasn't thinking more tactically at the time or I could have taken them on in those times even two or three to one and won. But I really wasn't allowed to study military things or martial arts until I went away to school. That just wasn't what nice boys did.

In a message dated 5/17/2010 1:31:35 P.M. Eastern Daylight Time, no_reply writes:

I will say though, that my parents were alays quick to tell ME what I did to cause the bullying. If I sat on the sidelines during some event, I was told that I was bullied because I didn't participate. If I participated during an event, I was told that I was bullied because I did not know what I was doing, and that I should not participate if there was the chance of making the group or team or other person look foolish.

[Guest guest]

" Many times they hung around my house all day while my mother was at working

trying to make me come outside to fight against 3 or 4 to 1 odds. They even

tried to set the house on fire once (they said it was just a joke). Nothing came

of any of it really, meaning they never got in trouble for any of it. "

And I am willing to bet your mom was initially disbelieving about them trying to

set the house on fire.

I know when I told my mother that these kids were going to tear down my fort, my

mother told me to stop believing in silly stories. That was vandalism. They

wouldn't do that.

So when they arrived with hammers, my mom runs outside in her night gown (this

was the winter season too, although there was no snow on the ground) and starts

yelling at them, and one of them threatens to hit her ith a hammer. These kids

were about ten or eleven years old at the time. They were calling her names and

cursing her and tleling her to ____ off and the like.

When she came in she yelled at me, asking me what I did to provoke them so.

My answer was of course: " Nothing. " Which was the truth.

While my parents were more inclined to believe that these kids could be

threatening and dangerous after that, they never truly had an idea of just how

bad they could get.

Administrator

[Guest guest]

I have problems understanding why my parents, your parents, parents back then,

and parents of today, do not understand how bad bullying can get. While we can

say that it is possible that our parents grew up in a more innocent time,

parents of today cannot say that, and surely it is a near impossibility that

anyone has gone through their life without witnessing some incident of bullying.

I've watched Raven's son get bullied and stepped in to intervene. Of course the

parents of the other kids, or whomever was supposed to be watching them saw

nothing happening. It must be willful blindness in my opinion.

I will say though, that my parents were alays quick to tell ME what I did to

cause the bullying. If I sat on the sidelines during some event, I was told that

I was bullied because I didn't participate. If I participated during an event, I

was told that I was bullied because I did not know what I was doing, and that I

should not participate if there was the chance of making the group or team or

other person look foolish.

Any little thing could be, in their minds, a reason why I was bullied. I even

once made it a point to behave exactly the way the bullies behaved and was told

that no wonder I was getting picked on; I was acting like a bully!

Administrator

Still, the adults never believed any of this. Maybe the other kid's parents did,

but again, nothing ever happened. Like you say, they often just wondered what I

did to bring it on or that it was just boys being boys.

[Guest guest]

Yep. It wasn't until I got older that I started thinking of ways I could have

defended myself better. Ah well. Some of those bullies have grown up to lead

miserable lives. That's some compensation.

Administrator

Pity I wasn't thinking more tactically at the time or I could have taken them on

in those times even two or three to one and won. But I really wasn't allowed to

study military things or martial arts until I went away to school. That just

wasn't what nice boys did.

[Guest guest]

Today I can see how I could have handled certain situations and come out ahead, although I probably would have gotten in no end of trouble for hurting those guys.

Like you say, the guys who bullied me so much have terrible lives for the most part. One of them actually moved several states away and cut contact with his family because of how they are these days. He was sort of a bully but really only when the others were around, he was the only one that had any sense. Not sure about some of the others, but I know one of them is no longer amongst the living, though why I've heard a few stories but I won't repeat them here. Let's just say they've done more to themselves than I ever could have, it just didn't seem that way at the time.

In a message dated 5/17/2010 5:59:43 P.M. Eastern Daylight Time, no_reply writes:

Yep. It wasn't until I got older that I started thinking of ways I could have defended myself better. Ah well. Some of those bullies have grown up to lead miserable lives. That's some compensation.Administrator