Re: Sigh

[Guest guest]

Hi Petra and welcome,

I am not as good as organizing my thoughts and writing, but I am working to

overcome that, so please be patient with me.

I just wanted to validate your experiences. You wrote that your interactions

with nada hurt you. I am so hurt by my nada that I can no longer see her or

speak to her. I have come to know that she will never change - because there is

*nothing* wrong with her and she sees no need to change. That is her view.

As hard as it is, you may come to realize that your nada will never change.

As far as not becoming her, I struggled with that before this list. I realized

that I am a KO (kid of a BP mother) and not BP myself. I know this because I

can SEE where I make mistakes. I can see what nada did to me and how I treat my

kids. Yes, I do lose my temper sometimes. But I dont rage for days, abusing my

kids in the process.

I recently wrote a list about why I am not nada. You may want to sit and think

about how you are different than your nada. Then write it out. Post it here if

you want. It helps.

There is a light at the end of the tunnel. Really, there is. This list is so

good. Keep reading and posting

Hania

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 5/16/2006 11:51:16 P.M. Central Daylight Time,

roseofsharon_ps121@... writes:

I know that I am not 347 lbs anymore, I know that I am healthier and

usually this type of thing doesnt bother me. But I just had to say it

outloud to someone who would understand.

thanks

Sharon in Onyx

_________________________________

Sharon,

Your beautiful. Your healthy, who cares? I'm always gonna be pudgy, so I

feel for you. At least your not on a second revision and 265 llbs and

thinking about a 3rd one, like someone I got an email from last week. 15 months

out

distal RNY revision and has gained 19 lbs.....To echo Pat, God, I love this

surgery!

You know you have a place to fuss about stufff with me!

Mel

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 5/17/2006 12:12:05 A.M. Central Daylight Time,

roseofsharon_ps121@... writes:

Do we ever stop noticing things like this?

______________________________

Nope, I still compare myself to others. I saw Tom's cousin and his wife. He

gave his first wife hell because she gained about 20 lbs once. His wife now is

bigger than me. I saw lots of people at the block party last week. They are

closing the HS I went to and making a big school out of 3 city schools. I saw

a lot of old faces and at least 15 times that day, I thought, She is bigger

than me now. I hope I have aged better than some of them, A few looked 20 yrs

older than me!

I thought it was just me because I was always Fat, So I have no skinny

previous to compare to. I bet it is harder on people who were size 2's in HS.

Mel

[Guest guest]

> I know what you mean. I feel it every day.

>

> At least we are no longer so fat we cant even be in the room

though!! Think of the women who are at home dreaming one day they can

go to the gym because they wont be so embarassed about their weight.

You are there, and you are gorgeous. Have fun!!

>

> Kristy

****************************************8

Yep, I am that woman. The only difference now is that I am 51 years

old and really dont care what others think, and do what I want. There

is a freedom in being 50.

The venting was more of a - I have done everything that I can do and

yet still, I have fallen short.

I am still comparing myself to a room full of others....

Do we ever stop noticing things like this?

Okay, and how dense am I? I was half way thru the first class before

I realised that I am suppose to be fighting? boxing, kicking jabbing

etc. my sweetheart asked me if I am learning self defense. I laughed

and said that I am always on the wrong foot. But as long as my

attacker brought music to attack me by , I could remember some moves...lol

Sharon in Onyx

[Guest guest]

Hi Sharon,

I am proud of you for keeping active when everything in your body is

screaming " I'm tired! "

I find myself in a new *sigh* place. I am now in the realm of all

the " twiggy girls gone chubby " - the girls who weighed 98 pounds when

they got married and now feel fat because they have gained 50 lbs. It

is so interesting to feel " thin " at 150 lbs and be surrounded by

women who feel " fat " at 150 lbs. I have never weighed 98 pounds -

well maybe in the 3rd grade or something - so I don't know how they

feel - but they whine a good bit.

Keep up the good work outs!

love, cindy lee

>

> Okay, I need to vent....

> and you are the lucky recipients! I just need to get this off of my

> chest and move on.

>

> You all know that I am anemic, and have no energy. But I have

decided

> to fight this and am taking a tae bo boxing aerobic class. It is

> exhausting, exillerating, hard and fun. I am really enjoying it, so

> dont worry, I am not going to stop. I am hoping that this will tone

> up my legs somehow, and at least make them not so hideous.

>

> Okay, so what am i VENTING about? Even after losing over 150 lbs, I

> am still the fattest person in the room.....

>

> I know that I am not 347 lbs anymore, I know that I am healthier and

> usually this type of thing doesnt bother me. But I just had to say

it

> outloud to someone who would understand.

>

> thanks

> Sharon in Onyx

> who feels better now

>

[Guest guest]

Mel, I know what you mean. Now that I've lost 150+ pounds, I see obese

people all the time. Well, I saw them before my WLS, but I never saw/looked

at them. No I fear I look at these people just the way people used to look

at me. It's not that I am seeing something so gross that I HAVE to look;

it's more I wonder how I got around when I was larger, and I wonder how I

can tell these people about the DS without offending them. And, I also look

at them with a bit of sympathy because I know what they experience.

I ran into an old school chum from K-12; he outweighs me by at least 50

pounds. He was rail think in school. Part of me wanted to shout for joy,

part of me wanted to say " what happened to YOU " and part of me wanted to say

" nanananaaaaana. " Before I could do or say anything, he said, " Jesus, you

look like you're 25-years old! " I must admit, he did look older than I and

we are only 3 weeks apart in age.

I'm rambling again.......

_____

From: DS_Friends_Keshishian

[mailto:DS_Friends_Keshishian ] On Behalf Of MDL1031@...

Sent: Tuesday, May 16, 2006 10:51 PM

To: DS_Friends_Keshishian

Subject: Re: Re: Sigh

In a message dated 5/17/2006 12:12:05 A.M. Central Daylight Time,

roseofsharon_ps121@... writes:

Do we ever stop noticing things like this?

[Guest guest]

I know that I am healthier and

> usually this type of thing doesnt bother me. But I just had to

say it

> outloud to someone who would understand.

>

> thanks

> Sharon in Onyx

> who feels better now

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Tsk,tsk,putting my arm around Sharon,who KNOWS she is not

the fattest person in the room....Just look how far you

have come...time to get the old pictures and see where you

come from...Great on joining that tai thing,,,just thinking

about it wears me out...

We are just where God wants us to be right now Sharon no

matter what we like...Things are going to happen for you,

just not in your time[[[[[DARN]]]]]

here are some bent up arms hugging you today{{{{Sharon}}}}

God loves you and blesses you

Pat

>

[Guest guest]

Sharon,

I met you at the pre-support meeting dinner at 's back in Nov.

03. You sat at the other end of the table - but from our

introduction, I remember you as the attractive, tall, SLENDER woman

with long blonde hair.

Melinda in NM

>

> Okay, I need to vent....

> and you are the lucky recipients! I just need to get this off of

my

> chest and move on.

>

> You all know that I am anemic, and have no energy. But I have

decided

> to fight this and am taking a tae bo boxing aerobic class. It is

> exhausting, exillerating, hard and fun. I am really enjoying it,

so

> dont worry, I am not going to stop. I am hoping that this will

tone

> up my legs somehow, and at least make them not so hideous.

>

> Okay, so what am i VENTING about? Even after losing over 150 lbs,

I

> am still the fattest person in the room.....

>

> I know that I am not 347 lbs anymore, I know that I am healthier

and

> usually this type of thing doesnt bother me. But I just had to

say it

> outloud to someone who would understand.

>

> thanks

> Sharon in Onyx

> who feels better now

>

[Guest guest]

Sharon,

Hey Girl,

you inspire Me

You are out there kickin, jabbin, and bouncin !!!

I am going crazy wanting to get more active but, 1. Dr K wants me to

wait a bit longer, (not wanting another hernia). 2. my back will limit

me when I do get more active.

BUT ! hearing that you are out there kickin butt, is Fantastic!

I still have the perception sometimes that I'm 360lbs, but I amaze

myself everyday doing something that I couldnt do before DS.

Thats a gift we have to appreciate, and believe me, I Do! so go out

there and tao bo girl!

Tammy, and I are with you all the way, and now I know who to call if

someones pickin on Me!

Steve n B-Town

>

> Okay, I need to vent....

>> outloud to someone who would understand.

>

> thanks

> Sharon in Onyx

> who feels better now

>

[Guest guest]

>

> Sharon,

>

> I met you at the pre-support meeting dinner at 's back in Nov.

> 03. You sat at the other end of the table - but from our

> introduction, I remember you as the attractive, tall, SLENDER woman

> with long blonde hair.

>

> Melinda in NM

*****************************

Hi Melinda,

I did meet you at s and I would have just got back from

Hawaii, I have brown hair with blonde highlites, that reaches below my

shoulders, and from the waist up I am pretty small, but dear, I

have never, ever , been told I was tall. , did i mention never?

Sweetie, unless you are under 5 foot tall, I couldnt be considered

tall. I am 5'4 " with shoes on....usually around 5'3 " .

But Melinda, you can remember me that way, I kinda like your memory!

,

Sharon in Onyx

who has a tall husband-6', and 2 tall sons 6' & 6'4 " - but alas, I am a

shorty.....

[Guest guest]

> We are just where God wants us to be right now Sharon no

> matter what we like...

> here are some bent up arms hugging you today{{{{Sharon}}}}

> God loves you and blesses you

> Pat

******************************

Thanks Pat,

I am blessed with friends like you and so many others.

thanks for the reminder tho-and the hugs!

love you, my firend,

Sharon in Onyx

[Guest guest]

Hi Sharon!

I know SHOW much what you're feeling! I am in the same boat in the

department where I work. Well, to be honest, there is one other

lady there bigger than me but she doesn't have the hideous legs and

jiggling upper arms that we DSers all seem to share. And I'm

battling so hard to lose more weight and my appetite just seems so

out of control lately. It's almost as bad as it used to be except

that I just don't have the capacity anymore to eat as much.

Please know that my heart is right there with you!

Love you!

Tracey

>

> Okay, I need to vent....

> and you are the lucky recipients! I just need to get this off of

my

> chest and move on.

>

> You all know that I am anemic, and have no energy. But I have

decided

> to fight this and am taking a tae bo boxing aerobic class. It is

> exhausting, exillerating, hard and fun. I am really enjoying it,

so

> dont worry, I am not going to stop. I am hoping that this will

tone

> up my legs somehow, and at least make them not so hideous.

>

> Okay, so what am i VENTING about? Even after losing over 150 lbs,

I

> am still the fattest person in the room.....

>

> I know that I am not 347 lbs anymore, I know that I am healthier

and

> usually this type of thing doesnt bother me. But I just had to

say it

> outloud to someone who would understand.

>

> thanks

> Sharon in Onyx

> who feels better now

>

[Guest guest]

Sharon,

We are the same height. Dumb me, I guess everybody looks tall when

you are sitting in a chair and not standing! Nonetheless, you were

SLENDER!

Melinda

*************************************

> >

> > Sharon,

> >

> > I met you at the pre-support meeting dinner at 's back in

Nov.

> > 03. You sat at the other end of the table - but from our

> > introduction, I remember you as the attractive, tall, SLENDER

woman

> > with long blonde hair.

> >

> > Melinda in NM

>

> *****************************

> Hi Melinda,

> I did meet you at s and I would have just got back from

> Hawaii, I have brown hair with blonde highlites, that reaches

below my

> shoulders, and from the waist up I am pretty small, but

dear, I

> have never, ever , been told I was tall. , did i mention never?

> Sweetie, unless you are under 5 foot tall, I couldnt be considered

> tall. I am 5'4 " with shoes on....usually around 5'3 " .

> But Melinda, you can remember me that way, I kinda like your

memory!

> ,

> Sharon in Onyx

> who has a tall husband-6', and 2 tall sons 6' & 6'4 " - but alas, I

am a

> shorty.....

>

[Guest guest]

>

> Sharon,

>

> We are the same height. Dumb me, I guess everybody looks tall when

> you are sitting in a chair and not standing! Nonetheless, you were

> SLENDER!

>

> Melinda

>

>

> *************************************

LOL, well that expalins it! You were sitting down and I am

tall!...lol Oh, and if you were sitting down, you would only see my

upper half which is slender, it is the lower half that is huge. But

we are all shaped differently, and good (heart disease is less with

small abdomens) or bad (it is extremely difficult to get pants that

fit when you have a small waist and humungous hips, butt, and leggs),

this is my shape. And I am me and that is that.....

So nice of you to post tho , Melinda, good to see you on the board.

Stick around we can be a fun group. when we arent whinging or pms-ing

and even then it gets exciting! lol

Sharon in Onyx

[Guest guest]

>

> Hi Sharon!

>

> I know SHOW much what you're feeling! I am in the same boat in the

> department where I work. Well, to be honest, there is one other

> lady there bigger than me but she doesn't have the hideous legs and

> jiggling upper arms that we DSers all seem to share. And I'm

> battling so hard to lose more weight and my appetite just seems so

> out of control lately. It's almost as bad as it used to be except

> that I just don't have the capacity anymore to eat as much.

>

> Please know that my heart is right there with you!

>

> Love you!

> Tracey

*********************************

thanks Tracey!

You do understand. It was great spending time with you last week. I

had a great time. To short - But fun.

Your exercising is working tho girlfriend! You do look marvelous! So

tall and thin and gorgeous! That Andy is a lucky man. But he knows

that! We will just keep plugging along. I told Mike about what you

said when your mom moves, and he may come with me! We will see.

Love you too!

Sharon in Onyx

>

[Guest guest]

Hi Sharon!

You are so sweet! You looked absolutely beautiful when I saw you and

I wish we had more time to spend together. It will be GREAT if Mike

comes with you when my mom moves! I'll finally get to meet him.

I've spoken to him on the phone a couple of times so at least I know

he's not " imaginary " (like my husband-lol!).

Love you!!

Tracey

>

> thanks Tracey!

> You do understand. It was great spending time with you last

week. I

> had a great time. To short - But fun.

>

> Your exercising is working tho girlfriend! You do look

marvelous! So

> tall and thin and gorgeous! That Andy is a lucky man. But he

knows

> that! We will just keep plugging along. I told Mike about what

you

> said when your mom moves, and he may come with me! We will see.

> Love you too!

> Sharon in Onyx

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Tracey, didn't you both come to the first pool party? Or am I

imagining meeting him?

Marta

>

> Hi Sharon!

>

> You are so sweet! You looked absolutely beautiful when I saw you and

> I wish we had more time to spend together. It will be GREAT if Mike

> comes with you when my mom moves! I'll finally get to meet him.

> I've spoken to him on the phone a couple of times so at least I know

> he's not " imaginary " (like my husband-lol!).

>

> Love you!!

> Tracey

[Guest guest]

>

> Tracey, didn't you both come to the first pool party? Or am I

> imagining meeting him?

>

> Marta

>

You have a great imagination! Actually Mike did come to one of the

pool partys and stayed for a little while. He wanted to say hi to

Nick. But alas, Andy has yet to be seen. That Tracey, she keeps him

all to herself. But you can see him with Tracey in the pics.

Sharon in Onyx

[Guest guest]

But you can see him with Tracey in the pics.

>

> Sharon in Onyx

==============================

Sharon, I have met your sweet, handsome Mike, So I know he is the real

deal...but Andy??? Well lets just say that with today's digital

cameras you can cut and paste just about anything...hummm, Is Andy

real??? lol...ya know how I'm sure he is real...the twinkle that

appears in 's eyes when she speaks of him.

Hugs

Jo

[Guest guest]

Hi Marta!

Actually, I didn't even make it to the first pool party by myself.

The first time I met you in person was at 's a couple years

ago. (And may I say, you are SO young looking! Just fabulous!)

I doubt I'll be able to make it to the pool party this year because

my mom will be coming with me but I'll be there for the meeting and

any eating before and/or afterwards!

Hugs!

Tracey

>

> Tracey, didn't you both come to the first pool party? Or am I

> imagining meeting him?

>

> Marta

>

>

[Guest guest]

> >

> You have a great imagination! Actually Mike did come to one of the

> pool partys and stayed for a little while. He wanted to say hi to

> Nick. But alas, Andy has yet to be seen. That Tracey, she keeps

him

> all to herself. But you can see him with Tracey in the pics.

>

> Sharon in Onyx

>

Hey! I keep him to myself because I know all the single women would

be all over him! lol!

Love and hugs!

Tracey

[Guest guest]

> Sharon, I have met your sweet, handsome Mike, So I know he is the

real

> deal...but Andy??? Well lets just say that with today's digital

> cameras you can cut and paste just about anything...hummm, Is Andy

> real??? lol...ya know how I'm sure he is real...the twinkle that

> appears in 's eyes when she speaks of him.

>

> Hugs

> Jo

>

Awe Jo! You got me teary-eyed! I wish so much that my hubby could be

more social but he's got health issues which prevent him. I just keep

praying that someday we can have a normal life.

Hugs!

Tracey