Re: Hurt feelings

[Guest guest]

Vicki,

How horrible! You would think that as a person selling clothing that she

would be sensitive to how women feel about their size and the sizes they wear!

I don't know how I would have reacted. I know the old reaction would have

been to be nice and paste a smile on my face. But, I know that I am less nice

and pleasing than I used to be so I might have told her politely that I would

like to try on whatever I liked and that her remarks were unwanted and rude.

Then to have a " friend " grab my tummy at a party with other people

around...... that probably would have made me want to leave.

I am sooooo sorry that you had such a horrible experience, and at the hands

of friends and acquaintances, not just dumb jackasses on the street. If

either of these people are friends, then you might want to talk to them

privately, when you feel up to it. Or, possibly, let them get the message by

not

talking to them for a while. They were callous and hurtful.

Although I have lost over 200 lbs I still get a complex about my butt and

thighs. I had a child tell me that her cousin said I had " a lot of junk in my

trunk " . I doubt her cousin said it in an admiring way and it really ticked

me off that it was said to whomever else was within hearing, including this

8/9 year old. It made me go back to wearing my shirt untucked for a few days

and worry about what jeans I was wearing. Then I realized what I was telling

myself and stopped. But those feelings do come back and it is really

frustrating. I don't know what else to say, except that again, I am sorry, and

I hope

that you can get past the small minded people who speak without thought and

who compare beauty with what they see in magazines instead of real women with

real, unairbrushed bodies.

in WA

[Guest guest]

Vicki,

Gee, that sounds really hurtful. Your friends shouldn't be so rude,

but that other person, well, she is a stranger, right? Ignore her.

You should remember how well you have done and not compare yourself to

others. You are unique! You have done wonderfully well with this

surgery. Things will improve cosmetically if and when you have the

panni removed, meanwhile think of how much better you feel and look

and forget those losers!

Clothing party? Ahem! Are you indulging in your weakness? I

remember you are a shopaholic, right? You need a " meeting " , lol!

Marta

[Guest guest]

yep shopaholic here but my hubby has lept me in line. Im in school still

(graduate in May) and watching what I spend.

I dont have a panni or much loose skin. I have a flabby tummy but hopefully I

can tone it up. Dr Z said I dont have enough to tuck, yet I think I have a gut.

Most of the time its from bloating. I am always bloated for some reason- and

gassy. Poor family..........lol

" Marta S. " wrote:

Vicki,

Gee, that sounds really hurtful. Your friends shouldn't be so rude,

but that other person, well, she is a stranger, right? Ignore her.

You should remember how well you have done and not compare yourself to

others. You are unique! You have done wonderfully well with this

surgery. Things will improve cosmetically if and when you have the

panni removed, meanwhile think of how much better you feel and look

and forget those losers!

Clothing party? Ahem! Are you indulging in your weakness? I

remember you are a shopaholic, right? You need a " meeting " , lol!

Marta

[Guest guest]

Well, watch what you eat! Most of the time I can control bloating and

such, but sometimes I don't know where it comes from. Rarely, though.

I had an orgy with a bag of Easter candy Thursday night and woke up

with a hang-over.

Marta

Bad Girl!

> I am always bloated for some reason- and gassy. Poor

> family..........lol

[Guest guest]

a chocolate orgy???? lmao- man that must be the best kind..........lol. I have

always been prone to bloat even before surgery. Just my tummy i guess but yes- I

am still finding out what bloats me. The further I am out, I still find new

things that effect me.

" Marta S. " wrote: Well, watch what you eat! Most of the

time I can control bloating and

such, but sometimes I don't know where it comes from. Rarely, though.

I had an orgy with a bag of Easter candy Thursday night and woke up

with a hang-over.

Marta

Bad Girl!

> I am always bloated for some reason- and gassy. Poor

> family..........lol

[Guest guest]

Nah, I can eat just one chocolate. I am into those hard candy eggs

with the marshmallow centers. They are becoming more and more scarce.

Marta

staring at the few left in the bag right now...blue, yellow, orange,

white...

>

> a chocolate orgy???? lmao- man that must be the best

kind..........lol.

[Guest guest]

i love choc. and marshmallow together- the best. I also love those cadbury

eggs............YUUMMM

" Marta S. " wrote: Nah, I can eat just one chocolate. I am

into those hard candy eggs

with the marshmallow centers. They are becoming more and more scarce.

Marta

staring at the few left in the bag right now...blue, yellow, orange,

white...

>

> a chocolate orgy???? lmao- man that must be the best

kind..........lol.

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 3/11/2006 11:57:50 A.M. Central Standard Time,

mjs93311@... writes:

I am into those hard candy eggs

with the marshmallow centers. They are becoming more and more scarce.

Marta

___________________________

I like the malted milk robin eggs with the hard shell......

Mel

[Guest guest]

thank you for that. I wear a 10/12 so when I finally get over the hurt, I will

be able to tell them to kiss my butt.............lol. My friend didnt do it in

front of others . It was the the two of us at that point but it did hurt. Made

me feel fat all evening. I went home and told my husband and he said " I told you

that losing 20 pounds would make you too skinny. " Damn- who do I listen to? Guys

like junk in the trunk. Women (some) think you should be a size 6. Who knows??

SassyNpink@... wrote: Vicki,

How horrible! You would think that as a person selling clothing that she

would be sensitive to how women feel about their size and the sizes they wear!

I don't know how I would have reacted. I know the old reaction would have

been to be nice and paste a smile on my face. But, I know that I am less nice

and pleasing than I used to be so I might have told her politely that I would

like to try on whatever I liked and that her remarks were unwanted and rude.

Then to have a " friend " grab my tummy at a party with other people

around...... that probably would have made me want to leave.

I am sooooo sorry that you had such a horrible experience, and at the hands

of friends and acquaintances, not just dumb jackasses on the street. If

either of these people are friends, then you might want to talk to them

privately, when you feel up to it. Or, possibly, let them get the message by

not

talking to them for a while. They were callous and hurtful.

Although I have lost over 200 lbs I still get a complex about my butt and

thighs. I had a child tell me that her cousin said I had " a lot of junk in my

trunk " . I doubt her cousin said it in an admiring way and it really ticked

me off that it was said to whomever else was within hearing, including this

8/9 year old. It made me go back to wearing my shirt untucked for a few days

and worry about what jeans I was wearing. Then I realized what I was telling

myself and stopped. But those feelings do come back and it is really

frustrating. I don't know what else to say, except that again, I am sorry, and

I hope

that you can get past the small minded people who speak without thought and

who compare beauty with what they see in magazines instead of real women with

real, unairbrushed bodies.

in WA

[Guest guest]

Vicki,

The key is to have confidence in yourself. If you like your body then it

shouldn't matter what others say to you. A lot of people are cruel when it

comes to weight matters. Next time tell that woman you like the size that you

are and also tell her that she could probably sell more items if she knew how to

be a " people " person and that her rudeness is probably costing her a lot of

business. If I were you, I would email her a quick email to say this and let

her know you didn't appreciate her projecting her crappy life onto you. It

probably won't change her, but it will make her think for a second and you will

feel much better that you stood up for yourself. It is never too late to stand

up for yourself. It might also help to realize that her motive was to make you

feel like dirt because she needs to boost her self up. Many people do this and

that is why it is so important that we give their crap right back to them and

say " I'm sorry, I have my own crap to deal with, you deal with your own. " I

hope you don't spend too much time dwelling on the event because it really had

nothing to do with you. You are beautiful.

--

Even in laughter the heart is sorrowful; and the end of that mirthis heaviness.

Proverbs 13:14

-------------- Original message --------------

I went to a party last night for a clothing line called Weekenders.

Love their stuff. Anyway, The lady hosting and selling the line was

having everyone try something on to model. She told me what she wanted

me to wear and asked what size I would take. I told her a medium. She

looked at me up and down and said , " I wear a medium. Are you sure you

dont take a large? " I was so upset. Then I tried on a top in small and

before I tried it on, she said " Thats a small. Wont fit you. " I wanted

to run and cry like a baby. I turned to my friend and said, " do I need

to lose more weight? " She looked at my tummy and grabbed it and

said " you could lose 20 pounds. " I was so hurt. There came back all

the feelings of being fat and for the rest of the night, I felt like a

horse. How do I deal with stuff like that? That really hurt.

Vicki

[Guest guest]

you just made my day. If I could I would hug you right now. Thank you so much

for brightening up my day- I really needed that

VIcki

soarthruwind@... wrote:

Vicki,

The key is to have confidence in yourself. If you like your body then it

shouldn't matter what others say to you. A lot of people are cruel when it

comes to weight matters. Next time tell that woman you like the size that you

are and also tell her that she could probably sell more items if she knew how to

be a " people " person and that her rudeness is probably costing her a lot of

business. If I were you, I would email her a quick email to say this and let

her know you didn't appreciate her projecting her crappy life onto you. It

probably won't change her, but it will make her think for a second and you will

feel much better that you stood up for yourself. It is never too late to stand

up for yourself. It might also help to realize that her motive was to make you

feel like dirt because she needs to boost her self up. Many people do this and

that is why it is so important that we give their crap right back to them and

say " I'm sorry, I have my own crap to deal with, you deal

with your own. " I hope you don't spend too much time dwelling on the event

because it really had nothing to do with you. You are beautiful.

--

Even in laughter the heart is sorrowful; and the end of that mirthis heaviness.

Proverbs 13:14

-------------- Original message --------------

I went to a party last night for a clothing line called Weekenders.

Love their stuff. Anyway, The lady hosting and selling the line was

having everyone try something on to model. She told me what she wanted

me to wear and asked what size I would take. I told her a medium. She

looked at me up and down and said , " I wear a medium. Are you sure you

dont take a large? " I was so upset. Then I tried on a top in small and

before I tried it on, she said " Thats a small. Wont fit you. " I wanted

to run and cry like a baby. I turned to my friend and said, " do I need

to lose more weight? " She looked at my tummy and grabbed it and

said " you could lose 20 pounds. " I was so hurt. There came back all

the feelings of being fat and for the rest of the night, I felt like a

horse. How do I deal with stuff like that? That really hurt.

Vicki

[Guest guest]

Vicki,

I am glad I made your day, lol. It really helps me to understand why people act

the way that they do and to know that the majority of the time it has nothing to

do with me. When I can see that they are hurting it helps me to be able to

forgive them and move on with my own life without dwelling on it. Take care.

--

Even in laughter the heart is sorrowful; and the end of that mirthis heaviness.

Proverbs 13:14

-------------- Original message --------------

you just made my day. If I could I would hug you right now. Thank you so much

for brightening up my day- I really needed that

VIcki

soarthruwind@... wrote:

Vicki,

The key is to have confidence in yourself. If you like your body then it

shouldn't matter what others say to you. A lot of people are cruel when it

comes to weight matters. Next time tell that woman you like the size that you

are and also tell her that she could probably sell more items if she knew how to

be a " people " person and that her rudeness is probably costing her a lot of

business. If I were you, I would email her a quick email to say this and let

her know you didn't appreciate her projecting her crappy life onto you. It

probably won't change her, but it will make her think for a second and you will

feel much better that you stood up for yourself. It is never too late to stand

up for yourself. It might also help to realize that her motive was to make you

feel like dirt because she needs to boost her self up. Many people do this and

that is why it is so important that we give their crap right back to them and

say " I'm sorry, I have my own crap to deal with, you deal

with your own. " I hope you don't spend too much time dwelling on the event

because it really had nothing to do with you. You are beautiful.

--

Even in laughter the heart is sorrowful; and the end of that mirthis heaviness.

Proverbs 13:14

-------------- Original message --------------

I went to a party last night for a clothing line called Weekenders.

Love their stuff. Anyway, The lady hosting and selling the line was

having everyone try something on to model. She told me what she wanted

me to wear and asked what size I would take. I told her a medium. She

looked at me up and down and said , " I wear a medium. Are you sure you

dont take a large? " I was so upset. Then I tried on a top in small and

before I tried it on, she said " Thats a small. Wont fit you. " I wanted

to run and cry like a baby. I turned to my friend and said, " do I need

to lose more weight? " She looked at my tummy and grabbed it and

said " you could lose 20 pounds. " I was so hurt. There came back all

the feelings of being fat and for the rest of the night, I felt like a

horse. How do I deal with stuff like that? That really hurt.

Vicki

[Guest guest]

>

> thank you for that. I wear a 10/12 so when I finally get over the

hurt, I will be able to tell them to kiss my butt.............lol.

My friend didnt do it in front of others . It was the the two of us

at that point but it did hurt. Made me feel fat all evening. I went

home and told my husband and he said " I told you that losing 20

pounds would make you too skinny. " Damn- who do I listen to? Guys

like junk in the trunk. Women (some) think you should be a size 6.

Who knows??

> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Who do you need to please more???Your sweetie or that friend?? Thing

in a nut shell,

you take care of yourself for your family,and if your

hubby is happy and without them you feel fine, well

they [friends]need to take a hike...I have a terrible time

with my body still, but i am going to live with it...

Too duce to all the others out there...

Size 10/12 you have come along ways baby, don't let anyone

shine on your parade..

God bless,

Pat

[Guest guest]

oh yea- those are so good. Easter candy is my fav. So what if Im jewish?? lol

Vicki

MDL1031@... wrote:

In a message dated 3/11/2006 11:57:50 A.M. Central Standard Time,

mjs93311@... writes:

I am into those hard candy eggs

with the marshmallow centers. They are becoming more and more scarce.

Marta

___________________________

I like the malted milk robin eggs with the hard shell......

Mel

[Guest guest]

You know, only those of us who've been MO can see the humor in that

statement!

_____

I had an orgy with a bag of Easter candy Thursday night and woke up

with a hang-over.

Marta

Bad Girl!

[Guest guest]

Vicki, I'm so sorry you were hurt! Especially by someone is

supposed to be your friend! How do you deal with that? First of

all, I would have told the RUDE woman selling clothes that I had

suddenly decided her clothing line was not attractive enough for me

to spend my hard earned money on. As for your " friend " , I would

have taken her aside and told her in no uncertain terms how bad she

had made me feel and then I would have left the " party " . There is

NO excuse for that behavior!

Hugs!

Tracey

>

> I went to a party last night for a clothing line called

Weekenders.

> Love their stuff. Anyway, The lady hosting and selling the line

was

> having everyone try something on to model. She told me what she

wanted

> me to wear and asked what size I would take. I told her a medium.

She

> looked at me up and down and said , " I wear a medium. Are you sure

you

> dont take a large? " I was so upset. Then I tried on a top in small

and

> before I tried it on, she said " Thats a small. Wont fit you. " I

wanted

> to run and cry like a baby. I turned to my friend and said, " do I

need

> to lose more weight? " She looked at my tummy and grabbed it and

> said " you could lose 20 pounds. " I was so hurt. There came back

all

> the feelings of being fat and for the rest of the night, I felt

like a

> horse. How do I deal with stuff like that? That really hurt.

>

> Vicki

>

[Guest guest]

yea- it was pretty bad. I felt so down on myself for the rest of the night. I

came home and wined to my hubby. Thank you for your support. You guys have made

me feel a lot better

VIcki

who still wonders how many people feels she needs to lose weight? Are there

people out there looking at me and saying " she could be attractive if she lost

weight. " Damn- I need a drink............lol. I dont even drink

Tracey wrote:

Vicki, I'm so sorry you were hurt! Especially by someone is

supposed to be your friend! How do you deal with that? First of

all, I would have told the RUDE woman selling clothes that I had

suddenly decided her clothing line was not attractive enough for me

to spend my hard earned money on. As for your " friend " , I would

have taken her aside and told her in no uncertain terms how bad she

had made me feel and then I would have left the " party " . There is

NO excuse for that behavior!

Hugs!

Tracey

>

> I went to a party last night for a clothing line called

Weekenders.

> Love their stuff. Anyway, The lady hosting and selling the line

was

> having everyone try something on to model. She told me what she

wanted

> me to wear and asked what size I would take. I told her a medium.

She

> looked at me up and down and said , " I wear a medium. Are you sure

you

> dont take a large? " I was so upset. Then I tried on a top in small

and

> before I tried it on, she said " Thats a small. Wont fit you. " I

wanted

> to run and cry like a baby. I turned to my friend and said, " do I

need

> to lose more weight? " She looked at my tummy and grabbed it and

> said " you could lose 20 pounds. " I was so hurt. There came back

all

> the feelings of being fat and for the rest of the night, I felt

like a

> horse. How do I deal with stuff like that? That really hurt.

>

> Vicki

>

[Guest guest]

iwould have started by asking her if the line she is selling is CUT

SMALL and told her i KNOW WHAT I WEAR IN QUALITY CLOTHING.

God bless

brandi

>

> I went to a party last night for a clothing line called

Weekenders.

> Love their stuff. Anyway, The lady hosting and selling the line

was

> having everyone try something on to model. She told me what she

wanted

> me to wear and asked what size I would take. I told her a medium.

She

> looked at me up and down and said , " I wear a medium. Are you sure

you

> dont take a large? " I was so upset. Then I tried on a top in small

and

> before I tried it on, she said " Thats a small. Wont fit you. " I

wanted

> to run and cry like a baby. I turned to my friend and said, " do I

need

> to lose more weight? " She looked at my tummy and grabbed it and

> said " you could lose 20 pounds. " I was so hurt. There came back

all

> the feelings of being fat and for the rest of the night, I felt

like a

> horse. How do I deal with stuff like that? That really hurt.

>

> Vicki

>

[Guest guest]

OH THATS A GOOD ONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! actually, the item I was trying on, she said

to go up a size. When I told her I wear a medium and dont weara large, thats

when she looked me up and down. I wanted to slap the crap out of her- the snobby

bitch.

VIcki

classsi_fied wrote:

iwould have started by asking her if the line she is selling is CUT

SMALL and told her i KNOW WHAT I WEAR IN QUALITY CLOTHING.

God bless

brandi

>

> I went to a party last night for a clothing line called

Weekenders.

> Love their stuff. Anyway, The lady hosting and selling the line

was

> having everyone try something on to model. She told me what she

wanted

> me to wear and asked what size I would take. I told her a medium.

She

> looked at me up and down and said , " I wear a medium. Are you sure

you

> dont take a large? " I was so upset. Then I tried on a top in small

and

> before I tried it on, she said " Thats a small. Wont fit you. " I

wanted

> to run and cry like a baby. I turned to my friend and said, " do I

need

> to lose more weight? " She looked at my tummy and grabbed it and

> said " you could lose 20 pounds. " I was so hurt. There came back

all

> the feelings of being fat and for the rest of the night, I felt

like a

> horse. How do I deal with stuff like that? That really hurt.

>

> Vicki

>

[Guest guest]

Don't let 'em get to ya, Vicki! You are beautiful just the way you

are!

Hugs!

Tracey

>

> yea- it was pretty bad. I felt so down on myself for the rest of

the night. I came home and wined to my hubby. Thank you for your

support. You guys have made me feel a lot better

>

> VIcki

> who still wonders how many people feels she needs to lose

weight? Are there people out there looking at me and saying " she

could be attractive if she lost weight. " Damn- I need a

drink............lol. I dont even drink

>

>

[Guest guest]

I can see both sides of this.

When this fellow told you about his family situation you felt like you had a right to comment. I'm thinking you did too since he brought the subject up in your home where he was a guest. The exact etiquette escapes me, but I would consider it rude if a guest began unloading their troubles in my house, unless that was the point of their visit, you know to provide support for them in the time of their need. That didn't seem to be the case here. You also seemed to be correct about the mortgage situation.

As for your husband's comment, I've heard that used on a lot of people, though usually about some real chatterbox who just can't be quiet. In that way it didn't quite fit. My guess is that he trying to smooth out his friend's ruffled feathers and he was putting it in terms his friend could understand. Rude? I would say so, but I'm not sure it really indicates your husband thinks poorly of you. Most likely he was playing for the audience of his friend and didn't realize you would hear him.

When my husband got off the phone, I told him that what he said wasn'tnice. No matter how I explained why I spoke to his friend the way Idid, he still thinks that I shouldn't have said anything. I do notthink I can live like that and even when I have tried to keep mythoughts private, it never lasts for long.I am not too worried about this friends hurt feelings but it does botherme to think my husband thinks poorly of me.Kim

[Guest guest]

I'm not all that well versed in etiquette. Have you ever seen a Mrs. Manners or Post book on the subject? Some of them are huge and I don't really see the point in most of them. That I have done is to read a lot about handling oneself in social situations and probably going to military school helped as well.

, I don't expect you to withdraw your comments. They were good. I made my comments because I could see it both ways. The way it was when I was growing up, a guest left their bad news at the door or just mentioned it in passing, unless they were there for support, in which case it was expected. At the same time, a financial situation isn't the same thing as a death in the family, so they should expect to be given advice or comment on the situation. Now, I probably would have held my tongue or said my piece in a more general fashion, something like: "Yeah, a lot of people got caught off guard by this mortgage issue. Lots of folks listened to the bankers and the Fed and got big new mortgages and now the system is shot and their getting hammered." Kind of a round about way of telling him he screwed up just not quite so blunt. Then again, if he was really annoying I might have just laid into him.

I don't have much sympathy for folks who went out and got bigger mortgages and houses than they could afford. They should have known that the good times wouldn't last and that those rising home values wouldn't continue, and besides: increasing home values mean higher property taxes and home owner's insurance premiums. A lot of people didn't consider that. I also don't have much sympathy because these folks got bailed out while other folks who had productive real estate investments didn't. Likewise, those with older mortgages they've been paying steadily on didn't get anything either. Just the screw ups got bailed out. That money should have gone to those people who had been doing right all along. I wouldn't have even minded a requirement not to take any new mortgage for a few years, or not more than 50% of the house value.

Anyway, back to the point here. I do consider it bad manners for him to have brought up the subject and worse the dwell on it. I understand that it is a serious thing in his life and I'm glad I'm not him. However, that was a social call not a support session, so he shouldn't have talked too much about it.

In a message dated 11/5/2009 1:32:59 P.M. Eastern Standard Time, no_reply writes:

is better versed in custom and manners than I am, and, with his comments, I believe he has successfully defined what good and valid ettiquette is. At the same time, I am not going to rescind my comments either. I think if I were to delve into the psychology of your husband's friend, what we are seeing is a guy who knows he screwed up but wants comfort anyway. People in this position will often (falsely) put the blame on others in order to increase their likelihood of getting sympathy which probably is not much deserved.

[Guest guest]

You're welcome Kim.

It is hard to understand what people are thinking. I've read its very common for people on the spectrum to think others think like they do and also to know what they know. Perhaps that is why we seem cryptic to others sometimes because we refer to obscure things were know but few other people would?

I think you're right that a lot of the time when people complain they are looking for sympathy rather than answers. That's why I think your husband spoke to his friend the way he did about you. It wasn't very nice, but it was how he thought it would ameliorate his friend. Not the best way to handle it in the long term perhaps since his friend will look at you differently now. Personally, I would have put it down to you having had a bad day or something like that. People are usually understanding about that and there's no lasting harm.

Thanks for your thoughts on this subject. Sometimes I justdon't understand what other people are thinking and also forget thatwhen some people complain, they are not looking for answers butsympathy.Kim

[Guest guest]

Thanks for your thoughts on this subject. Sometimes I just

don't understand what other people are thinking and also forget that

when some people complain, they are not looking for answers but

sympathy.

Kim

>

> I can see both sides of this.

[Guest guest]

"I wonder if I'll ever learn how not to offend others."

<snip>

"The friend spoke with me about his entire "home" situation and basicallyblamed the morgage lender. As you can imagine, I told him exactly whatI believed to be the problem and really who was to blame for the problemtoo. He back peddled somewhat and admitted his faults to some degree."After another workout together on Monday, my husband came home and toldme that I had hurt his friend's feelings."

Allow me to defend you by saying to your husnband's friend"Tough luck."

Let me state something plainly. People may think that I am heartless when I make "broad generalizations" about groups of people. In this case, the group of people in question is one in which they have spend freely without forethought as to what their job status might look like in the future and what the economy would do.

I truly do believe that it is important to have an optimistic outlook in life, but there is a difference between having a positive outlook and avoiding seeing what's right in front of everyone's faces so that one can live a fairy tale.

As much as we all aspire to buy homes and live comfortably, being able to afford the lifestyle we desire is difficult, and maintaining that lifestyle is dependent not only on one's own ability to persevere, but on the ability to predict and avoid a plethera of circumstances which can hit without warning. People really do need to crunch the numbers and do the work before making such a considerable investment as purchasing a house.

When I KNOW that people are more capable than they let on, but these people allow themselves to drop into pitfalls, it really irks me, especially when it is prudent people like myself who will wind up getting taxed to bail these people out. I have a right to complain. It IS my business because they have, through their own negligence and/or incompetence, made it my problem.

You have a right to make whatever statements you feel the need to make. If they open their mouths and speak, it means you have a right to speak in return, and if they do not like what you say, that is their problem.

"I explained that if the friend was going to complain in front of me about his problems, I think it was only right that I could voice my opinions about the situation."

As I said above, you were right.

"My husband later was on the phone with his friend and told him I probably have this thing called Aspergers, that's why I say whatever comes into my head. They used to call it "diarreha of the mouth" he also said and then chuckled."

That's disrespectful. It's a direct insult, in fact.

"When my husband got off the phone, I told him that what he said wasn't nice. No matter how I explained why I spoke to his friend the way I did, he still thinks that I shouldn't have said anything. I do not think I can live like that and even when I have tried to keep my thoughts private, it never lasts for long."I am not too worried about this friends hurt feelings but it does bother me to think my husband thinks poorly of me."

Print this off and give it to him. Tell him I think poorly of him. If he was any friend to his friend, he would have told his friend what you did so that his friend does not make the same mistake twice. If his friend wants to be consoled for his financial ineptitude, ask your husband what good it does to reinforce and comfort a person for messing up instead of trying to explain what he can do to avoid the same pitfall in the future.

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