Re: Famiy and friends who think they know the answer

June 24, 2011

Sooo true it is beyond exhausting day in + day out!

Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry

Famiy and friends who think they know the answer

I'm tired of certain relatives believing they know how to " fix " my daughter's

OCD problem.

They don't have any clue what OCD really is or how it affects our daily lives,

yet they have strong

opinions on what they would do if they were me. I don't want my daughter hearing

any of their thoughts

and it's putting distance between my family and myself.

June 24, 2011

I think we've all been there before - more than once! Sometimes I would say

things like " I'll take that into consideration " or just plain " thanks for your

concern " . This let them know that I would make decisions about what was best

(despite what they had to say) and that i appreciated any concern (gave them the

benefit of a doubt here). I don't confide in many others about my son - they

just don't get it! In our case, the issues have been around long enough that

others no longer question their validity.

Hope it gets ironed out soon! Until then, you have us to vent to.

Bonnie

>

> I'm tired of certain relatives believing they know how to " fix " my daughter's

> OCD problem.

> They don't have any clue what OCD really is or how it affects our daily lives,

> yet they have strong

>

> opinions on what they would do if they were me. I don't want my daughter

hearing

> any of their thoughts

> and it's putting distance between my family and myself.

>

June 24, 2011

Sounds familiar. Contributed to a split in my family. Now I hear the ever

helpful advice about my daughter's suicidal comments - you just have to let her

go. Even if I don't have control of her decision, I don't want to hear that

stuff. Ooh, thanks for that.

As you might guess, I don't share much with family or others either. They never

will " get it. "

Dot

>

> I'm tired of certain relatives believing they know how to " fix " my daughter's

> OCD problem.

> They don't have any clue what OCD really is or how it affects our daily lives,

> yet they have strong

>

> opinions on what they would do if they were me. I don't want my daughter

hearing

> any of their thoughts

> and it's putting distance between my family and myself.

>

June 24, 2011

I'm sorry, Dot, that is a cruel and insensitive thing to say to the parent of a

child with suicidal thoughts. What the heck are people thinking??

I think OCD is one of the most misunderstood mental illnesses there is. I have

learned to ignore well intentioned relatives who " can relate " to what my

daughter is going through because they have to arrange the towels a certain way.

*Groan*

My father, who meant well, just suggested I have a " codependent " relationship

with my 17-year-old daughter who has OCD, as well as Asperger's and other

issues. She is very dependent on me. We're together most of the time, and I am

the only non-clinician she confides to about her intrusive thoughts.

I love her dearly and would do anything for her, but it is exhausting. I would

cut off my right arm if she could have a " normal " life.

I'd actually love to be one of those parents waiting up for her at night. But it

is what it is, y'know? And my dad is suggesting this " codependent " thing is

filling some need in me? *Sigh* I have a lot of needs, including a day to myself

and a really good cup of coffee. Watching my child suffer year after year is NOT

on the list.

Thanks for letting me vent. I like the responses some of you suggested, like

" thank you for your concern. " One of mine is " You have some interesting points,

but this is WAY more complicated than you realize. "

Steph

>

> Sounds familiar. Contributed to a split in my family. Now I hear the ever

helpful advice about my daughter's suicidal comments - you just have to let her

go. Even if I don't have control of her decision, I don't want to hear that

stuff. Ooh, thanks for that.

June 25, 2011

Gosh, just last night I said to my sister in law that I was so tired, & I

wondered how my son managed going to school when most nights he was up until 2AM

due to OCD....she said that he obviously just doesn't need the sleep....What 13

yr old boy doesn't need lots of sleep...I was so frustrated...I changed the

subject..But not before my mother in law told me it was just a phase and he'd

grow out of it...They just don't get it..ugh.

--- In , Donna Meeks ote:

>

> I'm tired of certain relatives believing they know how to " fix " my daughter's

> OCD problem.

> They don't have any clue what OCD really is or how it affects our daily lives,

> yet they have strong

>

> opinions on what they would do if they were me. I don't want my daughter

hearing

> any of their thoughts

> and it's putting distance between my family and myself.

>

June 26, 2011

I have a good friend whose son has had depression for several years. After

seeing the reactions she was getting from our other " friends " (including people

talking behind her back about what she was doing wrong!) we decided not to tell

anyone about our daughter's condition. The only people who know about it are one

of the teachers from her school, and my manager at work (who has a sister with

OCD).

It makes it hard because there aren't too many people to talk to (that's why I

rely so much on these forums), but in the long run, I think it's a lot easier

than having our whole family judged by everyone around us.

I actually suspect that my nephew has OCD too, but it's never been mentioned, so

maybe they're keeping it quiet too.

Jo

>

> I'm tired of certain relatives believing they know how to " fix " my daughter's

> OCD problem.

> They don't have any clue what OCD really is or how it affects our daily lives,

> yet they have strong

>

> opinions on what they would do if they were me. I don't want my daughter

hearing

> any of their thoughts

> and it's putting distance between my family and myself.

>

June 26, 2011

Don't I wish it was a " phase. " When I think about my daughter & school, I also

am amazed she has done as well as she has, given that she's spending so much

time controlled by OCD. It really makes me wonder what she could accomplish if

she didn't waste any time on OCD. I hope she can get to the point where OCD

doesn't hold her back & she can accomplish everything she wants to.

Good luck to your son in reaching his goals, and hope his OCD treatment goes

well so he can rest.

Dot

>

> Gosh, just last night I said to my sister in law that I was so tired, & I

wondered how my son managed going to school when most nights he was up until 2AM

due to OCD....she said that he obviously just doesn't need the sleep....What 13

yr old boy doesn't need lots of sleep...I was so frustrated...I changed the

subject..But not before my mother in law told me it was just a phase and he'd

grow out of it...They just don't get it..ugh.

June 27, 2011

Oh, how this topic hits close to home for me! This is the first time I have

replied to a thread, though I've been following it for a long time. I am so

tired of people telling me that if I just kept my son up later at night, he'd

sleep in in the mornings (he wakes at 4am most days), and that if I just refused

to give him the foods he likes, he'd try new things, and and and.... People just

don't get it and I have no patience left. I'm so glad this message board exists!

I too wonder what my son (who is 7 and just completed grade 1, and tested

recently at a grade three level in most areas), could accomplish were it not for

all the time his mind spends occupied with compulsions and rituals...

Karyn

Sent from my iPad

June 28, 2011

Having a son who was a " picky " eater, I know refusing the food they like won't

work. And then considering everyone considers me a picky eater too (so much I

don't like, though I admit, haven't tried all), I know that was no way to get me

to try new things either. My son made me look good!

We did encourage to try a bite of something new (do that myself), even if just

once a month. Some things I didn't like at a younger age, I liked later. Some

I've never liked, my taste buds just don't like 'em.

With my son, some of it was texture problems. Not so for me. These days he

eats great, much broader diet than me, he's 22 now.

My other 2 sons have always eaten well, plus foods I don't like.

also used to go to sleep earlier than my other 2, by 8 or 9. Up earlier

too, of course, but not 4am! Anyway, some people just seem to need less sleep

than others, some are night owls, others not....

Of course, I agree that others, family included, just don't *get* OCD. We lived

with my mom and she didn't, wasn't inclined to read, learn about it either. She

could see being " stuck " and repeating things and still not have a clue.

He would be, say, standing there mentally preparing himself to try to get in bed

again so it would feel " right " and he could stay, and she'd say something like

look how stiff he is, and try to rub/massage his legs or arms, etc., not even

getting what he was doing, just that he was unable to get in bed and maybe upset

too. Nice guy that he is, he didn't try to correct her, would sometimes let her

massage/rub, sometimes say " okay grandma, that's enough, stop. " I will say it

sometimes seemed to break his " stuckness, " it may have been a distraction for

him or something.

single mom, 3 sons

, 22, with OCD, dysgraphia, Aspergers

>

> Oh, how this topic hits close to home for me! This is the first time I have