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,

Reading your post reminds me so much of when my son (now 14) first developed OCD

at 8yrs. His was the awful obsessions also. He obsessed about genitalia,

knives, stabbing himself and our family. I had to lock all the knives up in the

house. Before I knew he had OCD (we couldn't get into a psychiatrist for a

month) I racked my brains trying to recall if we'd ever left him alone and

whether there was an opportunity when he could have been sexually abused by

someone. We tried CBT for 2 months. When I couldn't get him to school (I would

shove him out of the van, lock the door and drive away- terrible I know) I

decided to put him on meds. OUr first med was a disaster! It was zoloft and he

was on top of his desk one day at school, totally hyped up, etc. It made me

really second guess my med. decision. Our lives were a living hell. I couldn't

take him anywhere, his behavior was weird because of his obsession. OUr family

had no clue what was going on. The second med. was celexa and it worked like a

charm. He was improved within 1 week. (This is not typical though. It usually

takes 2-3 months to see improvement). He has to change meds every year or so

because they wear off. We switch between Lexapro and Celexa. HIs OCd does

flare up sometimes with extreme stress which revolved around being bullied at

school. Regular academic stress so far doesn't flare his OCD, although he does

get nervous about writing papers (but not OCD).

My point is: I understand totally what you are going through. I would

recommend meds to get the healing started (although this is totally your

decision). This group is here for you with much valuable knowledge, insight and

experience. What works for one kid doesn't work for all, so it may take awhile

to find what works for you. Explore PANDAS (in the files of this group). Read

Tamar Chansky's " Freeing your Child from Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. " I

bought 6 copies and gave them to family, school, etc.

Try to take care of yourself, even if it's only a 15 minute hot bath in the

bathroom by yourself.

Blessings from N.D.

Becky

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