Re: Death and Dying Fears - I have a little experience with this

[Guest guest]

Not sure how old your daughter is, but in some sense, this is a normal thing.

Usually some death exposure will trigger these thoughts. Has she known or heard

about death lately? Is the Arizona incident on her mind? Did she loose a pet

or friend?

I think, developmentally speaking, children, even teens don't fully grasp the

finality of death and this is what your daughter may be letting you know. It's

uncomfortable for all of us to reconcile death - especially our own death. The

unknown causes a lot of anxiety (OCD or not) and asking questions and seeking

answers or experiences may be a way to master those thoughts and quell the

anxiety. You may hear morbid questions, or antasy-like ideas about an afterlife

or heaven or hell.

Addressing this topic doesn't have to be something " clinical " per se, but a

therapist might be able to help. I think there are discussions to be had

about death that may help. The disucssion includes what makes something alive

versus not alive, what is the role of your faith death and after death, is your

daighter faithful, what does she want to believe about it, what are the specific

questions she has about death (no matter how morbid they may be)? I'm a nurse a

long time and have worked in ICU, CCU, and have covered all the clinical areas

where I have seen death at all ages - if you have any questions, just ask me.

The question and answer sessions themselves are sort of exposure therapy. You

can provide time limits on those sessions (certain number of questions, certain

amount of time, ect)as it probably wouldn't be good to go on and on about it.

Just as any exposure is carrried out in increasingly challenging situations and

amounts of time, you wouldn't want to go to a funeral home or watch Dr. G.

Medical Examiner right off. You may find that the discussion is enough.

Lastly, there are probably good internet resources and organizations that deal

with children's grief that would be able to assist you.

Wish you good luck

Bonnie

>

> My dd was stressing out for a few days and finally decided to talk to me, as

she has just gone to every 3 wks w her therapist so hasnt seen her in a few wks,

it was pretty interesting to figure out what the real, specific, fears are.

>

> Turns out the " main " fear is of anyone she loves dying or herself dying,

digging deeper we found that she has a real fear of what happens to us after we

die and there is the fear that we will just turn to dust and all of our memories

will be gone forever.

> Digging deeper still we found that she thinks about what it would be like to

die and then the OCD really kicks in and starts telling her that she might want

to find out - this is what the truest fear is.

>

> Now I am wondering how do I help w ERP in this case, it's clearer when it is

germs or something actually tangible that you can expose to. I have read briefly

about " imaginary exposure " (like a fake funeral etc)for these types of death

fears. But when I told her she literally shuddered and started crying at the

thought of doing that. Does anyone think this would be a good approach with

someone young and kind of fragile?

>

> Just wanted to share this with you, through discussing a specific fear we

usually can get to the root of it. If anyone has had any similar fears to deal

with and has had success please share your stories.

>

> Thanks,

> Melinda

>