Guest guest Posted May 31, 2011 Report Share Posted May 31, 2011 I have an 11 year old who hoards bad. SHe rages horrible iif anything is touched. I Dont; know we are waiting for psycotherapy. I am overwhelmed by it. In a message dated 5/31/2011 7:14:42 A.M. Eastern Daylight Time, xmas92@... writes: Just wondered if anyone else has a child with hoarding issues? My daughter has a hoarding problem, and people sometimes laugh and say that's because she's a teenager - but no, it's definitely hoarding. She and her psychologist have decided not to tackle that yet, because it is a huge issue and very upsetting for her and us, so they're trying to make some progress with her checking and washing issues first. What I was wondering, was if anyone has had experience with this, and if there's anything I might be doing in the meantime to help - or at least stop it from getting any worse (apart from not giving her material rewards because she'll just put them in her bedroom!). Jo (14 year old daughter with OCD) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 31, 2011 Report Share Posted May 31, 2011 Our 6 year old hoards, and it is very stressful. She rages and it is scary. She has been helped by medication (SSRI) and has just started some ERP. Good luck, I hope it gets better soon. Best, > I have an 11 year old who hoards bad. SHe rages horrible iif anything is > touched. I Dont; know we are waiting for psycotherapy. I am overwhelmed by > it. > > > > In a message dated 5/31/2011 7:14:42 A.M. Eastern Daylight Time, > xmas92@... writes: > > > > > Just wondered if anyone else has a child with hoarding issues? My daughter > has a hoarding problem, and people sometimes laugh and say that's because > she's a teenager - but no, it's definitely hoarding. > > She and her psychologist have decided not to tackle that yet, because it > is a huge issue and very upsetting for her and us, so they're trying to > make > some progress with her checking and washing issues first. > > What I was wondering, was if anyone has had experience with this, and if > there's anything I might be doing in the meantime to help - or at least > stop > it from getting any worse (apart from not giving her material rewards > because she'll just put them in her bedroom!). > > Jo (14 year old daughter with OCD) > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 31, 2011 Report Share Posted May 31, 2011 Our son is a hoarder, although not as bad as some. It's improved some as he's gotten older (now 19). The thing that most with OCD share concerning hoarding is they feel an emotional attachment to the objects. Our son told me it felt like he was killing things to throw them away. It made me realize why he had such anxiety about parting with things. One thing that used to help him when he was young, and HAD to part with something, was to take pictures of it. He had tons of pictures on the computer. Eventually, when he got older, he went through them and admitted he didn't even remember a large number of the items. But, it seems to help him make that transition. Later, he was able to delete the pictures. I used to help him sort through things and figure out what to part with. The decision of it is so hard for them that sometimes they need a reasonable voice (instead of just the unreasonable one in their head called OCD) to hear. We've discussed it with his therapist, and like all OCD, it takes practice. They need to practice parting with things and acclimate to the anxiety they feel about it, so it will lessen. But, they have to be willing to try first. If not, you will have raging. Is she hoarding anything that can be parted with by throwing it in the garbage, or recycling? Like paper, for instance? You could start by just discussing the option of parting with something like that and see what her reaction is. The motivation for our son was I told him if he was going to keep all that stuff, it had to be in his room. He wasn't allowed to fill our house up with " his " stuff. He got tired of his room being such a cluttered mess, so was finally willing to think about parting with some things. Best of luck. When they turn into teens, we turn stupid. lol The eye rolling happens so much you would think they were having seizures. BJ > > Just wondered if anyone else has a child with hoarding issues? My daughter has a hoarding problem, and people sometimes laugh and say that's because she's a teenager - but no, it's definitely hoarding. > > She and her psychologist have decided not to tackle that yet, because it is a huge issue and very upsetting for her and us, so they're trying to make some progress with her checking and washing issues first. > > What I was wondering, was if anyone has had experience with this, and if there's anything I might be doing in the meantime to help - or at least stop it from getting any worse (apart from not giving her material rewards because she'll just put them in her bedroom!). > > Jo (14 year old daughter with OCD) > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 31, 2011 Report Share Posted May 31, 2011 My grandmother had OCD hoarding and my mom and I both have those tendancies. I keep them in check by watching " Clean House " and " Hoarding " reruns on Netflix. Clean house is way more encouraging and Hoarding is mostly just sad. It reminds me how bad things can get and how damaging it is to relationships. When I see it in someone else it's easier to see how illogical the behavior is than when I just look inward. My 7 year old daughter is a hoarder and is getting therapy for her anxieties. She watches the shows with me and is much more willing to organize and part with things afterwards. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 31, 2011 Report Share Posted May 31, 2011 Hi, My daughter was a huge hoarder. But as we ramped up her medicine and she continues in therapy, she has been able to let things go. She showed good improvement at 125 mg of Zoloft. One of her first ERP's was throwing away gum wrappers. It was really hard at first. Her psychologist gave her a pack of gum and wanted her to throw the wrappers away from it. As she got better, she has been able to get rid of more and more things. For her, it definitely was the ocd, not just normal teenager things. She had piles of useless things and it wasn't fun, it was overwhelming and choking her. But when she got better, she was able to use things and enjoy them. I think it's good not to push her too fast. We did the picture thing and tried various things to get rid of the stuff. But even my best ideas only made a small dent. When she improved, then she could get rid of bags and boxes of stuff. I would try to live with it and keep on with therapy and meds if you are doing them and wait. In my experience, it didn't help to push her before she was ready. Blessings, Kelli (15 daughter with ocd) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 31, 2011 Report Share Posted May 31, 2011 My son is also a hoarder. Like BJ's son, for my son it's an emotional attachment. It doesn't matter if it's a happy meal box or a size sticker off of new clothing, he has a memory attached to it and struggles parting with it. Facing the feeling by throwing things away is the best therapy. You can't do it for her, though. She has to do it herself. BJ had a great idea of taking pictures of items. I may have to try that. I continually tell my son that he has to fight this battle. I will be there to support him, cheer him on, and remind him of how to do it, but HE is the only one that can fight this. Through exposure to actually throwing things away he told me the other day that he doesn't do the " little things " anymore (like clothing stickers, toilet paper rolls, used kleenex, etc.). But, the bigger things are still too hard. (his words) Bigger things for him would be throwing away broken toys or books for preschoolers- even ones missing entire pages and unreadable, selling toddler or baby toys in a garage sale (he's 9), etc. Having this out in the open has really helped him. It allows us to talk openly about it, encouraging him to fight! It's not always a win, but at least we all know he is trying. Good luck with your daughter. I hope you find many suggestions here to help you and her. > > Just wondered if anyone else has a child with hoarding issues? My daughter has a hoarding problem, and people sometimes laugh and say that's because she's a teenager - but no, it's definitely hoarding. > > She and her psychologist have decided not to tackle that yet, because it is a huge issue and very upsetting for her and us, so they're trying to make some progress with her checking and washing issues first. > > What I was wondering, was if anyone has had experience with this, and if there's anything I might be doing in the meantime to help - or at least stop it from getting any worse (apart from not giving her material rewards because she'll just put them in her bedroom!). > > Jo (14 year old daughter with OCD) > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 1, 2011 Report Share Posted June 1, 2011 Me too, ! My husband often gets so sick of it, and he used to say he was going to get into her room and throw out all the rubbish while she's out of the house. You can imagine how that went down! He's read up on hoarding a bit now (I made that his job, because he doesn't seem to understand OCD that well) so he's realised that that doesn't help at all. Don't really know what to do though. > > I have an 11 year old who hoards bad. SHe rages horrible iif anything is > touched. I Dont; know we are waiting for psycotherapy. I am overwhelmed by > it. > > > > In a message dated 5/31/2011 7:14:42 A.M. Eastern Daylight Time, > xmas92@... writes: > > > > > Just wondered if anyone else has a child with hoarding issues? My daughter > has a hoarding problem, and people sometimes laugh and say that's because > she's a teenager - but no, it's definitely hoarding. > > She and her psychologist have decided not to tackle that yet, because it > is a huge issue and very upsetting for her and us, so they're trying to make > some progress with her checking and washing issues first. > > What I was wondering, was if anyone has had experience with this, and if > there's anything I might be doing in the meantime to help - or at least stop > it from getting any worse (apart from not giving her material rewards > because she'll just put them in her bedroom!). > > Jo (14 year old daughter with OCD) > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 1, 2011 Report Share Posted June 1, 2011 I reckon my daughter had this when she was 6, and we just didn't realise what it was. Just thought she was a bit messy. I think we used to be able to help her clean up back then. Now we're not even allowed in her room (not that we could get in there if we tried!). I hope the medication and ERP do some good for your daughter. Can't wait till we are able to tackle it too. > > > > Our 6 year old hoards, and it is very stressful. She rages and it is > scary. She has been helped by medication (SSRI) and has just started some > ERP. Good luck, I hope it gets better soon. > Best, > > > > > > > I have an 11 year old who hoards bad. SHe rages horrible iif anything is > > touched. I Dont; know we are waiting for psycotherapy. I am overwhelmed by > > it. > > > > > > > > In a message dated 5/31/2011 7:14:42 A.M. Eastern Daylight Time, > > xmas92@... writes: > > > > > > > > > > Just wondered if anyone else has a child with hoarding issues? My daughter > > has a hoarding problem, and people sometimes laugh and say that's because > > she's a teenager - but no, it's definitely hoarding. > > > > She and her psychologist have decided not to tackle that yet, because it > > is a huge issue and very upsetting for her and us, so they're trying to > > make > > some progress with her checking and washing issues first. > > > > What I was wondering, was if anyone has had experience with this, and if > > there's anything I might be doing in the meantime to help - or at least > > stop > > it from getting any worse (apart from not giving her material rewards > > because she'll just put them in her bedroom!). > > > > Jo (14 year old daughter with OCD) > > > > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 1, 2011 Report Share Posted June 1, 2011 Maybe I should get my daughter to watch one of those shows. I've watched them a couple of times myself, and they scare me a bit, I have to say. Quite motivating though. > > My grandmother had OCD hoarding and my mom and I both have those tendancies. I > keep them in check by watching " Clean House " and " Hoarding " reruns on Netflix. > Clean house is way more encouraging and Hoarding is mostly just sad. It reminds > me how bad things can get and how damaging it is to relationships. When I see > it in someone else it's easier to see how illogical the behavior is than when I > just look inward. My 7 year old daughter is a hoarder and is getting therapy > for her anxieties. She watches the shows with me and is much more willing to > organize and part with things afterwards. > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 1, 2011 Report Share Posted June 1, 2011 Thanks for that advice Kelli - sounds like you've been through this, and come out the other side. Nice to know there's hope. We saw a video where a woman said she started by throwing out a bucket full of rubbish each week. Doesn't sound like much, but it all helps. Anyway, my daughter did it for 2 weeks, and then found reasons that she was much too busy to do it anymore. She has the clothes tags, packaging, empty bottles, along with piles and piles of other stuff. I hate lending her anything, because I know it will just get lost in there (I'm now missing my dressmaking scissors & numerous books). I've had to replace her $50 school maths book recently, and I know it's in there somewhere! I usually don't replace things, or she'll have no motivation to clean up, but she needed her school book. Very frustrating - and expensive. I think I'll just have to be patient, as you say. I might just make things worse if I push her. Thanks, Jo > > Hi, > > My daughter was a huge hoarder. But as we ramped up her medicine and she > continues in therapy, she has been able to let things go. She showed good > improvement at 125 mg of Zoloft. One of her first ERP's was throwing away > gum wrappers. It was really hard at first. Her psychologist gave her a > pack of gum and wanted her to throw the wrappers away from it. As she got > better, she has been able to get rid of more and more things. For her, it > definitely was the ocd, not just normal teenager things. She had piles of > useless things and it wasn't fun, it was overwhelming and choking her. But > when she got better, she was able to use things and enjoy them. > > I think it's good not to push her too fast. We did the picture thing and > tried various things to get rid of the stuff. But even my best ideas only > made a small dent. When she improved, then she could get rid of bags and > boxes of stuff. I would try to live with it and keep on with therapy and > meds if you are doing them and wait. In my experience, it didn't help to > push her before she was ready. > > Blessings, > > Kelli (15 daughter with ocd) > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 1, 2011 Report Share Posted June 1, 2011 That's great that you can talk about it. My daughter gets really distressed if anyone mentions her bedroom, because she thinks we'll all go in and throw everything out (not that I wouldn't like to!). I think I might have to try the taking photos thing. I'm willing to try ANYTHING :-) I've got a lot of good suggestions to try now, and I've just started reading Buried in Treasures. Hopefully that will have some more ideas too. Jo > > > > Just wondered if anyone else has a child with hoarding issues? My daughter has a hoarding problem, and people sometimes laugh and say that's because she's a teenager - but no, it's definitely hoarding. > > > > She and her psychologist have decided not to tackle that yet, because it is a huge issue and very upsetting for her and us, so they're trying to make some progress with her checking and washing issues first. > > > > What I was wondering, was if anyone has had experience with this, and if there's anything I might be doing in the meantime to help - or at least stop it from getting any worse (apart from not giving her material rewards because she'll just put them in her bedroom!). > > > > Jo (14 year old daughter with OCD) > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 1, 2011 Report Share Posted June 1, 2011 Thanks for those great ideas, BJ. I think that describes the way my daughter feels too. I have made her keep all her stuff in her bedroom (mostly anyway). I realised she had been unable to use her room because of the mess, so she'd started living in the lounge room - and bringing all her stuff with her, so there was nowhere for anyone else to sit! I've tried to talk to her about how great it would be if she could take her friends into her room when they visit, and she agrees, but still doesn't seem ready to do anything about it. There's lots of rubbish in there. It's quite interesting that one of her OCD issues is fire. She checks over and over that everything is turned off, but the biggest fire danger in our house is the mess in her room. I told her that if we did have a fire, there is no way we could get in there to get her out - which she agreed with, but still made no changes. I suppose we just have to wait for her to be ready. Patience...patience... > > > > Just wondered if anyone else has a child with hoarding issues? My daughter has a hoarding problem, and people sometimes laugh and say that's because she's a teenager - but no, it's definitely hoarding. > > > > She and her psychologist have decided not to tackle that yet, because it is a huge issue and very upsetting for her and us, so they're trying to make some progress with her checking and washing issues first. > > > > What I was wondering, was if anyone has had experience with this, and if there's anything I might be doing in the meantime to help - or at least stop it from getting any worse (apart from not giving her material rewards because she'll just put them in her bedroom!). > > > > Jo (14 year old daughter with OCD) > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 1, 2011 Report Share Posted June 1, 2011 We allowed our 6 year old to take pictures, and it actually turned into a rather big problem. She wanted to take pictures of everything, every object in the house, to make sure nothing had been thrown out. Then she spent hours going over the photos and checking everything. Hopefully this won't happen when you try the photos, but just thought I'd let you know what happened when our dd tried! Best of luck! > That's great that you can talk about it. My daughter gets really > distressed if anyone mentions her bedroom, because she thinks we'll all go > in and throw everything out (not that I wouldn't like to!). > > I think I might have to try the taking photos thing. I'm willing to try > ANYTHING :-) I've got a lot of good suggestions to try now, and I've just > started reading Buried in Treasures. Hopefully that will have some more > ideas too. > > Jo > > >> > >> > Just wondered if anyone else has a child with hoarding issues? My >> daughter has a hoarding problem, and people sometimes laugh and say >> that's because she's a teenager - but no, it's definitely hoarding. >> > >> > She and her psychologist have decided not to tackle that yet, because >> it is a huge issue and very upsetting for her and us, so they're >> trying to make some progress with her checking and washing issues >> first. >> > >> > What I was wondering, was if anyone has had experience with this, and >> if there's anything I might be doing in the meantime to help - or at >> least stop it from getting any worse (apart from not giving her >> material rewards because she'll just put them in her bedroom!). >> > >> > Jo (14 year old daughter with OCD) >> > >> > > > -- Dr. L. Ware Assistant Professor Rutgers, the State University of New Jersey Boyden Hall, room 406 195 University Ave, Newark, NJ, 07102 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 1, 2011 Report Share Posted June 1, 2011 If you are not allowed in her room, is that because of hoarding, or contamination fears? Just curious. . OCD can become very convoluted. BJ > > I reckon my daughter had this when she was 6, and we just didn't realise what it was. Just thought she was a bit messy. I think we used to be able to help her clean up back then. Now we're not even allowed in her room (not that we could get in there if we tried!). I hope the medication and ERP do some good for your daughter. Can't wait till we are able to tackle it too. > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 1, 2011 Report Share Posted June 1, 2011 Don't you just hate how OCD can morph from one thing to another? When our son first started doing ERP, his OCD would change from wanting things one way, to wanting things another way, so we'd have to change the ERP to approach it from the new point of view. Were you able to find a way to help her stop checking the photos, ? Our son had a lot of " checking " rituals. When he did ERP, he agreed to check once, then stop. That worked for him. But, he groaned out loud more than once while fighting the " feelings " it evoked. He actually got over the hump rather quickly and the feelings lessened rather quickly, so he was able to let the need to " check " go. What a blessing that was. BJ > > We allowed our 6 year old to take pictures, and it actually turned into a > rather big problem. She wanted to take pictures of everything, every > object in the house, to make sure nothing had been thrown out. Then she > spent hours going over the photos and checking everything. Hopefully this > won't happen when you try the photos, but just thought I'd let you know > what happened when our dd tried! Best of luck! > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 1, 2011 Report Share Posted June 1, 2011 It was really hard for her to stop checking the photos, but we tackled another problem first (her hoarding of urine soaked bed linens). That was something that was incredibly hard for her, and while we were working on that (like having her actually be able to take her sheets to the washing machine downstairs to be washed) she was overwhelmed. So overwhelmed that she stopped checking the photos as often and so we sort of slowly phased the taking/checking photos ritual out without much fuss (although, since she was already devastated about the bed sheets it was hard to tell, maybe she was upset about both). We never felt as relieved as when she actually made her own bed a few months ago (changed the sheets, put clean ones on). It was amazing. Unfortunately she's had a slip back into the sheets issues this past month, maybe because school is ending and her best friend moved away with his family to Korea. But, hopefully she'll be able to get back in control of the urge to hoard before too long. best of luck everyone, > Don't you just hate how OCD can morph from one thing to another? > > When our son first started doing ERP, his OCD would change from wanting > things one way, to wanting things another way, so we'd have to change the > ERP to approach it from the new point of view. > > Were you able to find a way to help her stop checking the photos, ? > > Our son had a lot of " checking " rituals. When he did ERP, he agreed to > check once, then stop. That worked for him. But, he groaned out loud > more than once while fighting the " feelings " it evoked. He actually got > over the hump rather quickly and the feelings lessened rather quickly, so > he was able to let the need to " check " go. What a blessing that was. > > BJ > > > > > > > > >> >> We allowed our 6 year old to take pictures, and it actually turned into >> a >> rather big problem. She wanted to take pictures of everything, every >> object in the house, to make sure nothing had been thrown out. Then she >> spent hours going over the photos and checking everything. Hopefully >> this >> won't happen when you try the photos, but just thought I'd let you know >> what happened when our dd tried! Best of luck! >> >> >> >> >> >> > > -- Dr. L. Ware Assistant Professor Rutgers, the State University of New Jersey Boyden Hall, room 406 195 University Ave, Newark, NJ, 07102 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 1, 2011 Report Share Posted June 1, 2011 I always thought it was because of privacy or hoarding, but she said something last time that made me think it was a contamination issue. I'd forgotten about that. I will have to keep that in mind. Jo > > > > I reckon my daughter had this when she was 6, and we just didn't realise what it was. Just thought she was a bit messy. I think we used to be able to help her clean up back then. Now we're not even allowed in her room (not that we could get in there if we tried!). I hope the medication and ERP do some good for your daughter. Can't wait till we are able to tackle it too. > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 1, 2011 Report Share Posted June 1, 2011 Sorry her best friend moved away. That's hard on kids. BJ > >> > >> We allowed our 6 year old to take pictures, and it actually turned into > >> a > >> rather big problem. She wanted to take pictures of everything, every > >> object in the house, to make sure nothing had been thrown out. Then she > >> spent hours going over the photos and checking everything. Hopefully > >> this > >> won't happen when you try the photos, but just thought I'd let you know > >> what happened when our dd tried! Best of luck! > >> > >> > >> > >> > >> > >> > > > > > > > -- > > Dr. L. Ware > Assistant Professor > Rutgers, the State University of New Jersey > Boyden Hall, room 406 > 195 University Ave, Newark, NJ, 07102 > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 3, 2011 Report Share Posted June 3, 2011 I just wanted to add that with my daughter we have found that her hoarding seems to really be a symptom of what she is feeling. High stress, low self esteem, feeling out of control, unhappy with school or change in meds, etc., and she is likely to start holding onto more and more " trash " objects--and I mean everything from candy wrappers to used tea bags, as well as collecting things from around the house. When we can't find any dental floss, deodorant, band-aids, etc., we know it's all in her dresser drawers and she is feeling particularly bad about things in general. On the flip side, when she is feeling more in control and better about herself, her school work, etc., I like to get in her room with her and help her do the work of clearing out whatever she can stand to part with. It really is a full-time battle, but we don't ask her to get rid of more than she feels she can part with. We have a lot of big Rubbermaid bins, Sterlite drawers, etc., and we try to keep her at least picking up and putting some of her things into the drawers/bins on a regular basis (with lots of help from us, because it is just too overwhelming for her to do on her own most of the time). So, for us, it is a matter of adapting to her need to hoard when she just can't give things up and watching for signs that she is in a frame of mind that we can help her to get rid of things and then helping her to make that happen. I want to emphasize that once we get the stuff out of her room, she seems to feel even better about herself--I think she feels she has proven to herself that she is in control, at least for the moment. Having a neater environment helps her, too. Interestingly, I think my daughter is both an organizer and a hoarder, and while these two tendencies used to seem to me to be at odds with each other, now they just seem like two sides of the same coin. I notice that sometimes she clearly wants to sort and organize everything to an unrealistic degree, and she might spend an hour or more just getting her desk drawers just so but then not have the time or energy to finish picking up the mess that is all over the floor. When she gets like this I sometimes sense that she is in a hopeless battle with chaos/entropy and so stakes some small territory where she can feel like she is winning the battle but then just throws in the towel on the rest of it. I'm not sure this is making sense in print, but as time has gone on, the fact that she battles with both of these problems seems to make more and more sense to us. So, if any of this rings true with you, maybe you could look for other (non hoarding/mess) ways of helping your daughter to gain control and confidence in other areas of her life, and when things are going well in general (or at least better than usual), you could suggest that it might feel good to just clear out a few things if she's feeling strong enough. Let her make the decisions, item by item, even if she is sitting there watching you handle each item and telling you where to put it (trash can, give away box, or put away in her room). Having a charity or other cause (cousin, friend, etc.) to give things to really helps us, at least as a way of getting the process started. Once she has picked out a couple of clothing items to give away she can usually start throwing some things away, too. If she balks at a suggestion I've made, I give her the option of letting me keep it in the guest room for a week, after which point she can usually (but not always) let it go. She really does have deep sentimental attachment to objects, and I assume that is common with hoarding but I don't really know. When my daughter was younger and more distrustful of my efforts to help her part with things I used to remind her of everything that was set aside so she could review it one more time before we got rid of it. For awhile there it seemed about half of what we cleared out would end up coming back. Then we progressed to just holding a lot of items for another week and another week with a few things going back into her room. Eventually we got to the point where when she is even ready to consider parting with something it is OK for it to go right away, with a few things being held for her from time to time, which is where we are now. By the way, her OCD is nowhere near under control, but she has good days and bad days, and we are getting better at knowing how to take advantage of the good days. It is certainly much less of a struggle now that she knows I will not push her to get rid of something if she isn't ready to. That was a big hurdle, but I don't know where we would be without it. Good luck. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 4, 2011 Report Share Posted June 4, 2011 Thanks for that advice, . I think that's a great idea about catching her when she's feeling positive. Though, even at her best times, she doesn't want me in her room helping. BUT she will let me supply her with bags, and take away the full bags. This doesn't happen very often - but it happened last night! I had been tidying up the kitchen junk drawer (one of those drawers that is full of broken bits and pieces, batteries, keys, pens, string etc.) She was watching me do it, then marched off to her room and I could hear a lot of noise. Suddenly she dumped FIVE bags of clothes and rubbish in the hallway! I could have fainted. I congratulated her, and quickly took the bags away before she could start doubting herself, and go through them again. I do sometimes do the thing of putting things away for a while, so she can see if she's ready to part with them. (I've actually done that for myself occasionally too), and that usually works well - if we remember to pull them out and look at them again. I'd better make the most of her current positive mood and get as much done as possible. Thanks, Jo > > I just wanted to add that with my daughter we have found that her hoarding > seems to really be a symptom of what she is feeling. High stress, low self > esteem, feeling out of control, unhappy with school or change in meds, etc., > and she is likely to start holding onto more and more " trash " objects--and I > mean everything from candy wrappers to used tea bags, as well as collecting > things from around the house. When we can't find any dental floss, > deodorant, band-aids, etc., we know it's all in her dresser drawers and she > is feeling particularly bad about things in general. On the flip side, when > she is feeling more in control and better about herself, her school work, > etc., I like to get in her room with her and help her do the work of > clearing out whatever she can stand to part with. It really is a full-time > battle, but we don't ask her to get rid of more than she feels she can part > with. We have a lot of big Rubbermaid bins, Sterlite drawers, etc., and we > try to keep her at least picking up and putting some of her things into the > drawers/bins on a regular basis (with lots of help from us, because it is > just too overwhelming for her to do on her own most of the time). So, for > us, it is a matter of adapting to her need to hoard when she just can't give > things up and watching for signs that she is in a frame of mind that we can > help her to get rid of things and then helping her to make that happen. I > want to emphasize that once we get the stuff out of her room, she seems to > feel even better about herself--I think she feels she has proven to herself > that she is in control, at least for the moment. Having a neater > environment helps her, too. > > Interestingly, I think my daughter is both an organizer and a hoarder, and > while these two tendencies used to seem to me to be at odds with each other, > now they just seem like two sides of the same coin. I notice that sometimes > she clearly wants to sort and organize everything to an unrealistic degree, > and she might spend an hour or more just getting her desk drawers just so > but then not have the time or energy to finish picking up the mess that is > all over the floor. When she gets like this I sometimes sense that she is > in a hopeless battle with chaos/entropy and so stakes some small territory > where she can feel like she is winning the battle but then just throws in > the towel on the rest of it. I'm not sure this is making sense in print, > but as time has gone on, the fact that she battles with both of these > problems seems to make more and more sense to us. > > So, if any of this rings true with you, maybe you could look for other (non > hoarding/mess) ways of helping your daughter to gain control and confidence > in other areas of her life, and when things are going well in general (or at > least better than usual), you could suggest that it might feel good to just > clear out a few things if she's feeling strong enough. Let her make the > decisions, item by item, even if she is sitting there watching you handle > each item and telling you where to put it (trash can, give away box, or put > away in her room). Having a charity or other cause (cousin, friend, etc.) > to give things to really helps us, at least as a way of getting the process > started. Once she has picked out a couple of clothing items to give away > she can usually start throwing some things away, too. If she balks at a > suggestion I've made, I give her the option of letting me keep it in the > guest room for a week, after which point she can usually (but not always) > let it go. She really does have deep sentimental attachment to objects, and > I assume that is common with hoarding but I don't really know. When my > daughter was younger and more distrustful of my efforts to help her part > with things I used to remind her of everything that was set aside so she > could review it one more time before we got rid of it. For awhile there it > seemed about half of what we cleared out would end up coming back. Then we > progressed to just holding a lot of items for another week and another week > with a few things going back into her room. Eventually we got to the point > where when she is even ready to consider parting with something it is OK for > it to go right away, with a few things being held for her from time to time, > which is where we are now. By the way, her OCD is nowhere near under > control, but she has good days and bad days, and we are getting better at > knowing how to take advantage of the good days. It is certainly much less > of a struggle now that she knows I will not push her to get rid of something > if she isn't ready to. That was a big hurdle, but I don't know where we > would be without it. > > Good luck. > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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