Re: Does anyone else feel guily for secretly resenting your childs behavior?

[Guest guest]

I do want to add that I do try everything to get her to stop before yelling....I

hope my email does not make it sound like we just yell all the time....this I

typed this after 3 hours of her repeating and me finally just breaking down

crying.   I try so hard to not yell but by the end of the night it is

frustrating....or if i am on the phone and she gets in my face to keep

repeating.....I am mentally exhausted.   She did so well for almost a year on

these meds and the last month has been brutal

Subject: Does anyone else feel guily for secretly resenting

your childs behavior?

To:

Date: Saturday, May 7, 2011, 9:43 PM

 

My 12 year old with OCD is really pushing me to the end of my rope. I just do

not know how to deal with it anymore

 

Every day she repeats herself and will purposely say and repeat things to annoy

me and her dad...this is her compulsion. Then when we yell at her she tells us

she will stop over and over again. I do not know how much more i can take. My

husband has no patience for her OCD and works nonstop to get out of the house

and i do not know how much longer i can take it.

 

She has several obsessions and compulsions which some very. She will say

" Mom....I have a thought " many times a day--this is just one example.And I MUST

acknowledge her because if i try to ignore it she will get louder and in my

face. Then I yell and she will say sorry or try to pinky swear she will be

better over and over....its just a nonstop cycle and i cant take it.

 

On top of this her behavior is starting to slip again. Tonight she hit me

repeatedly and said you cannot hit me back because I will tell DCF....she

repeated this over and over....she knows i cannot hit her because about a year

ago when her OCD was at its worst she was tantruming so bad that i " slapped " her

arm--not hard but it was a slap...well she was shocked and mentioned it at

school the next morning and they called DCF...So this led to an investigation

which was not founded but she ultimatly learned that she has control. Last year

she was also hospitalzied for 10 days for threatening to kill me. The hospital

concluded that this was just a thought and that she had no real intent but they

kept her for 10 days to adjust some meds. After that things improved but now its

going backwards again.

 

I am really mentally exhausted and sometimes i feel like i resent her because

she is causing a strain in my marriage and also has a negative impact on her

younger brother. I love her dearly and feel terrible and guilty for getting so

angry but everyone has a breaking point and she really pushes it.

 

I am going to call the dr monday to see if we can move her appt up to see if we

need to make a new adjustment to meds

[Guest guest]

OCD wears you down and everyone has their breaking point.

Before our son started seeing a therapist, I admit, I often thought he was just

trying to be annoying too. Many times I would tell him to JUST STOP!

What our family learned, with the help of his therapist, is that he wanted to

stop, but couldn't. The OCD that was annoying us, was controlling him. He

wanted to stop too, but was unable. He was in the grip of OCD, doing what it

demanded, trying to make things stop the only way he knew how, even at the risk

of making us annoyed.

We all learned to treat OCD as the enemy, which put us all on one side against

it. We learned to work as a team to help our son. Did it go smoothly all the

time? No. But, we worked at it, and things improved.

It sounds like she is wanting to stop, from the pinky swearing and telling you

over and over she will, but is unable to. That would make sense if her OCD is

flaring.

When our son hit that age, he needed his meds raised. Is she on a very high

level? He had a growth spurt at that time and needed more medication to calm

the OCD back down.

Is she currently seeing a therapist who uses CBT/ERP therapy? If so, can you

see them as a family and have them help you, guiding you on how to bring the

intensity level down?

It is exhausting. I know. I've been there, and some days I'm still there. Our

son is 19 and we've got a mixture of OCD, GAD, possibly mild Aspergers and/or

Tourettes, and he's a TEEN! Talk about a merry-go-round. We had to lower his

meds a while back, due to horrible side effects and it's raised the intensity

level, so I know how trying it can be.

And YES, the hitting cannot be allowed! Good for you for nipping that in the

bud.

Try to find time for yourself so you can regroup.

Hugs,

BJ

>

> My 12 year old with OCD is really pushing me to the end of my rope. I just do

not know how to deal with it anymore

>  

> Every day she repeats herself and will purposely say and repeat things to

annoy me and her dad...this is her compulsion. Then when we yell at her she

tells us she will stop over and over again. I do not know how much more i can

take. My husband has no patience for her OCD and works nonstop to get out of the

house and i do not know how much longer i can take it.

>  

> She has several obsessions and compulsions which some very. She will say

" Mom....I have a thought " many times a day--this is just one example.And I MUST

acknowledge her because if i try to ignore it she will get louder and in my

face. Then I yell and she will say sorry or try to pinky swear she will be

better over and over....its just a nonstop cycle and i cant take it.

>  

> On top of this her behavior is starting to slip again. Tonight she hit me

repeatedly and said you cannot hit me back because I will tell DCF....she

repeated this over and over....she knows i cannot hit her because about a year

ago when her OCD was at its worst she was tantruming so bad that i " slapped " her

arm--not hard but it was a slap...well she was shocked and mentioned it at

school the next morning and they called DCF...So this led to an investigation

which was not founded but she ultimatly learned that she has control. Last year

she was also hospitalzied for 10 days for threatening to kill me. The hospital

concluded that this was just a thought and that she had no real intent but they

kept her for 10 days to adjust some meds. After that things improved but now its

going backwards again.

>  

> I am really mentally exhausted and sometimes i feel like i resent her because

she is causing a strain in my marriage and also has a negative impact on her

younger brother. I love her dearly and feel terrible and guilty for getting so

angry but everyone has a breaking point and she really pushes it.

>  

> I am going to call the dr monday to see if we can move her appt up to see if

we need to make a new adjustment to meds

>

>

[Guest guest]

Does sound like she needs a med adjustment. You need a break - even a couple

hrs can help. I am in the same boat (12 yr old and a younger sib and a husband

who works 12 hr + days). I got up today and went to work (on Mother's Day) -

coming home ot take out and a few presents. It was better than yesterday sadly.

Isn't there anyone who can help you for a bit? Though your husband is having a

hard time, it isn't fair for him to just check out. Have you asked him how he

would feel if you lost it and DCF did become involved?

Meanwhile, how is the therapist helping you? Sometimes it's good to video the

behavior and then show it to the pdoc in private.

I'll be thinking of you.

Bonnie

>

> My 12 year old with OCD is really pushing me to the end of my rope. I just do

not know how to deal with it anymore

>  

> Every day she repeats herself and will purposely say and repeat things to

annoy me and her dad...this is her compulsion. Then when we yell at her she

tells us she will stop over and over again. I do not know how much more i can

take. My husband has no patience for her OCD and works nonstop to get out of the

house and i do not know how much longer i can take it.

>  

> She has several obsessions and compulsions which some very. She will say

" Mom....I have a thought " many times a day--this is just one example.And I MUST

acknowledge her because if i try to ignore it she will get louder and in my

face. Then I yell and she will say sorry or try to pinky swear she will be

better over and over....its just a nonstop cycle and i cant take it.

>  

> On top of this her behavior is starting to slip again. Tonight she hit me

repeatedly and said you cannot hit me back because I will tell DCF....she

repeated this over and over....she knows i cannot hit her because about a year

ago when her OCD was at its worst she was tantruming so bad that i " slapped " her

arm--not hard but it was a slap...well she was shocked and mentioned it at

school the next morning and they called DCF...So this led to an investigation

which was not founded but she ultimatly learned that she has control. Last year

she was also hospitalzied for 10 days for threatening to kill me. The hospital

concluded that this was just a thought and that she had no real intent but they

kept her for 10 days to adjust some meds. After that things improved but now its

going backwards again.

>  

> I am really mentally exhausted and sometimes i feel like i resent her because

she is causing a strain in my marriage and also has a negative impact on her

younger brother. I love her dearly and feel terrible and guilty for getting so

angry but everyone has a breaking point and she really pushes it.

>  

> I am going to call the dr monday to see if we can move her appt up to see if

we need to make a new adjustment to meds

>

>

[Guest guest]

Hi and (((hugs))) I recall how exhausted I was years ago dealing with the OCD

and can still catch up with me some days. For us, it began when my son was in

6th grade, he's 22 now. Oh, mental/emotional, physical exhaustion! And in some

instances, can seem to affect us parents more than them, though they're the ones

living with it.

Does she understand her OCD? Do you have a plan set up to work on it?

Something like - you will only answer her XX times a day, or XX times each hour;

or you will wait 10 seconds before answering and when 10 seconds becomes easy

for her to wait, you'll wait 15 or 20 seconds....

Will she accept other consequences for her behavior (like hitting) if you were

to ground her or restrict privileges in other ways? (Some kids that has no

effect on) If she will, then have a set consequence for the hitting.

What kind of doctor is treating her? Is she seeing any therapist? You could

ask for a referral perhaps for someone (or services) to help with situations

such as her hitting you, etc. Let the doctor know this happens, he may

recommend something, a program or place to check out.

Keep us updated, vent here on the bad days!

>

> I do want to add that I do try everything to get her to stop before

yelling....I hope my email does not make it sound like we just yell all the

time....this I typed this after 3 hours of her repeating and me finally just

breaking down crying.   I try so hard to not yell but by the end of the night

it is frustrating....or if i am on the phone and she gets in my face to keep

repeating.....I am mentally