Re: How do you keep yourself together?

[Guest guest]

I feel like I am doing it on my own too. My husband thinks if he just ignores

it, son's ocd will go away. After I mentioned to him, how much our son has

improved, he actually said to me " see I told you he would out grow it. " I was

so mad. Here I am taking our son to the dtr every week(for 3 mths now), working

on the erp everyday, dealing with the ups & downs of the ocd, and my husband is

clueless. I feel like nobody else in my life understands what I go through,

except this group. I keep reminding myself, I have to keep it together for my

son.

>

> Oh, I do, but it chunks on the lbs.  So, I deal with it through deep breathing

and if needed, quick departure to let data try to handle it.   Do you guys find

out that you have to do things pretty much on your own?  My husband helps out

little to none.  He doesn't want to understand.   I do, more than he.  I have

anxiety, I know how hard it is.  Nothing worse that having a kid have a meltdown

when you are trying to hold it together and try not to have an anxiety attack.

>

>

[Guest guest]

He is a big kid - 13 years old - he's on 100MG of Luvox (which gives him

diarreha..and 5-10 mg of Melatonin...

> > >

> > > So good not to feel so alone anymore. No one else understands except

> > this group what we go through.

> > >

> > >

[Guest guest]

Thanks for such honest and thoughtful responses...You are all correct - no one

knows how challenging an OCD kid's issues can be.... I think the absolute

hardest part is that I know my son is suffering...he doesn't want to open and

close that drawer 25 times....Sometimes he says its just so hard....he doesn't

think he can fight it any longer...he just wants to be a regular kid again...Its

hared to see them suffer - also when they fight OCD and you think things are

getting better, you are still waiting to exhale - then darn it...its back

again...ugh..

I'm going to mention the diet concepts to his Psychiatrist...

Thanks again -

[Guest guest]

I do that with my husband! My husband has OCD - mostly checking. He will check

the faucets & stove repeatedly before we leave the house. I let him go for the

most part as I make sure we have everything we need & get all 4 kids out of the

house. But then he'll ask 1 too many times if all of the water in the bathroom

is off & I'll say something like, " No, I just turned it on so we come home to a

flood " . Or he'll ask if the iron (which I hadn't used) is on & I'll say, " Yep!

I just turned it on. " With him it works. It reminds him he's being ridiculous

& giving in to the OCD.

I wouldn't do that to my 7 yr old, though. He's not old enough to understand

that kind of sarcasm. I think as they get older & depending on the person, you

can get away with it, though.

Dani

>

> I can't cope anymore. Its insanity. I have a good friend who is super

> supportive and he keeps saying I need a better sense of humor about my

daughter.

> HAAAAAAAAA. How do I do that?! Does anyone use paradoxical things with

> their kids? Does it help? I can SOMETIMES. LIke okay, dont; change your

> clothes ever again, no sweat off my back. Okay keep on saving that garbage, I

> love to live like oscar the grouch. is this even possible!

> Best

>

[Guest guest]

My husband has a bit of an obsession with leaving appliances on and starting

a fire. Unfortunately, this was rational at one point, since a space heater

once started a fire in my room due to faulty wiring. But he's *always* had

this *thing*. Once I turned on an electric heating pad, on my bed, because I

wasn't feeling well and had a headache. (The bad wiring had long since been

fixed) He immediately switched it off and snapped " I don't want to start a

fire. " I think at that point he started to realize his " quirk " was a bit

over the top.

I like the way you use humor/sarcasm with your hubby. It keeps things

" real. "

Steph

On Wed, Jun 1, 2011 at 9:50 AM, le Bitto wrote:

> I do that with my husband! My husband has OCD - mostly checking. He will

> check the faucets & stove repeatedly before we leave the house. I let him

> go for the most part as I make sure we have everything we need & get all 4

> kids out of the house. But then he'll ask 1 too many times if all of the

> water in the bathroom is off & I'll say something like, " No, I just turned

> it on so we come home to a flood " . Or he'll ask if the iron (which I hadn't

> used) is on & I'll say, " Yep! I just turned it on. " With him it works. It

> reminds him he's being ridiculous & giving in to the OCD.

>

> I wouldn't do that to my 7 yr old, though. He's not old enough to

> understand that kind of sarcasm. I think as they get older & depending on

> the person, you can get away with it, though.

>

> Dani

[Guest guest]

Sort of like my checking my clock to make sure I turned on the alarm. It's been

rare, but there have been times when I thought I was re-checking, sure I turned

it on, looked and it was off. And once I didn't recheck and actually hadn't

turned it on and overslept!

I still check 3-4 times before I can settle down at night, and that's within

5-10 minutes. I'll check the iron too if I've been using it that night. Or the

stove if I've cooked. BUT - and I just don't make myself do this each time - if

I will just stop and LOOK and stay there a moment and tell myself " see, it's

on/off " and look, giving myself that minute, I can usually manage not to

recheck. I must just be on the go at all times, mind everywhere, cause

generally I go thru the rechecking each time instead of making myself stop,

relax, look, think....

>

> My husband has a bit of an obsession with leaving appliances on and starting

> a fire. Unfortunately, this was rational at one point, since a space heater

> once started a fire in my room due to faulty wiring. But he's *always* had

>

[Guest guest]

That's a good kind of humor, and you're right, have to know they can take it

that way.

>

> My husband has a bit of an obsession with leaving appliances on and starting

> a fire. Unfortunately, this was rational at one point, since a space heater

> once started a fire in my room due to faulty wiring. But he's *always* had

> this *thing*. Once I turned on an electric heating pad, on my bed, because I

[Guest guest]

LOL! I think that comes from being a busy mom! Just like when I walk up the

stairs the the 2nd floor & forget what I went up there for. I'm only 35, too

young for 'senior moments', but with 30 things going on at once, it's easy to

forget what I've done, what I still need to & what I was about to do! I blame

my kids for it - each pregnancy sucked out brain cells or something! When it's

something really important (like leaving the stove on), it's better to recheck

to make sure it's done, than not. But it is hard to take that extra 2 seconds

sometimes to make sure we check it off our mental 'To Do' list & can really move

on! The funniest part is, how much time do we waste with rechecking instead of

taking the time to relax & think.

Dani

BUT - and I just don't make myself do this each time - if I will just stop and

LOOK and stay there a moment and tell myself " see, it's on/off " and look, giving

myself that minute, I can usually manage not to recheck. I must just be on the

go at all times, mind everywhere, cause generally I go thru the rechecking each

time instead of making myself stop, relax, look, think....

[Guest guest]

I find that. If I think I've checked something, and then find that I was wrong,

it really throws me and I start to doubt myself all the time.

I also have the problem that my husband leaves the iron on in the morning, about

2 or 3 times a week. That means if I forget to check it, I have (once or twice)

gone back to check. Once I came home and it had been on all day - and it's

SUPPOSED to turn itself off if it's in the upright position and not moved for

more than about 15 minutes.

Yes, I think I have OCDish tendencies myself. When I was about 14, I had weird

little routines I'd do, then I read an article about OCD and told myself, " If I

don't stop doing these weird things, something bad will happen (I'd have this

condition) " ...and it worked! I stopped all that for years, and hadn't really

given it another thought until my daughter had her issues. If only it was so

easy for her!

I did do some other magical thinking-type things that I didn't realise until

recently were probably OCD too. It's never really affected my life though,

luckily, so I haven't had treatment for it at all.

Jo

> >

> > My husband has a bit of an obsession with leaving appliances on and starting

> > a fire. Unfortunately, this was rational at one point, since a space heater

> > once started a fire in my room due to faulty wiring. But he's *always* had

> >

>

[Guest guest]

I saw this and I can relate. My husband thinks therapy/psychiatry is a bunch of

baloney and thinks our daughter just has to " man it up " and " deal with it " .

He loves her more than anything but he doesn't understand. Mental illness runs

on my side of the family and I know it needs to be treated by professionals and

NOT his " suck it up or get a spanking " philosophy.

When my daughter first started her symptoms he use to threaten her with

spankings and I was horrified.

I feel really alone.

> >

> > Oh, I do, but it chunks on the lbs.  So, I deal with it through deep

breathing and if needed, quick departure to let data try to handle it.   Do you

guys find out that you have to do things pretty much on your own?  My husband

helps out little to none.  He doesn't want to understand.   I do, more than he. 

I have anxiety, I know how hard it is.  Nothing worse that having a kid have a

meltdown when you are trying to hold it together and try not to have an anxiety

attack.

> >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Hello,

I, too, took on most of my son's OCD. I certainly know what you are talking

about. One aspect to this discussion that I would like to mention is that

sometimes you also have to ignore what the naysayers are telling you. Several

times in the early parts of our OCD saga, I was told to use more discipline, to

get rid of the medication because we didn't know for sure what it's what doing

to my son's brain, that the ERP we were trying was wrong, that I needed to let

the professionals tell me what to do, ect. I finally decided that I knew more

about my son's OCD than anyone and that I didn't need to listen to those who

were doubting me day after day. I also stopped talking about OCD to those who

weren't helping. I know that this can be hard, especially if those are also the

ones who are supposed to providing you with the most support. In time, I also

found that we made better progress if we just followed our instincts, kept

reading and thinking about OCD on our own. It's a lonely road and I wish we all

had our significant others along, but sometimes, it's just not possible.

Best,

Joni

[Guest guest]

What Joni said....

Lee in CA

Re: How do you keep yourself together?

Hello,

I, too, took on most of my son's OCD. I certainly know what you are

talking about. One aspect to this discussion that I would like to

mention is that sometimes you also have to ignore what the naysayers

are telling you. Several times in the early parts of our OCD saga, I

was told to use more discipline, to get rid of the medication because

we didn't know for sure what it's what doing to my son's brain, that

the ERP we were trying was wrong, that I needed to let the

professionals tell me what to do, ect. I finally decided that I knew

more about my son's OCD than anyone and that I didn't need to listen to

those who were doubting me day after day. I also stopped talking about

OCD to those who weren't helping. I know that this can be hard,

especially if those are also the ones who are supposed to providing you

with the most support. In time, I also found that we made better

progress if we just followed our instincts, kept reading and thinking

about OCD on our own. It's a lo nely road and I wish we all had our

significant others along, but sometimes, it's just not possible.

Best,

Joni

[Guest guest]

I agree nobody knows what we go through. When its bad the stress makes you feel

like you went through a war. I hope and pray that all our ocd kids will overcome

this disease. A teacher at my sons school said you are so stress your letting

OCD run the house you need to stop that...okay HOW LOL

> > > >

> > > > So good not to feel so alone anymore. No one else understands except

> > > this group what we go through.

> > > >

> > > >

[Guest guest]

The " suck it up or get a spanking " remark really struck a chord with me.

From my experience and what I've read, this is extremely counterproductive,

and to our family seemed even dangerous. My husband has been slow to get on

board, but at least he really tries now to be understanding. Unfortunately,

his gut tells him our daughter is manipulating him when she starts giving in

to her OCD pressures, and if he reacts with out thinking/recognizing it for

what it is, his attitude just stresses her out so much more that she doesn't

have any hope of standing up to her OCD. It was a huge breakthrough for my

daughter when my husband first started remembering to " get on her side "

against the OCD instead of telling her to stop the behavior (as if she was

in control of it, when in fact it was in control of her and overwhelmingly

frightening to her). I remember a couple of bad nights about a year and a

half ago when I was holed up in her room with her, comforting her and trying

to help her cope--she made remarks to the effect that Dad thought she was a

freak. Of course he never said or did anything overtly to imply that, but

because he attributed her behavior to her and acted like it was something

she willed, this is what she came away with. It was pretty heartbreaking,

and she still wants him away from her when she is really losing her battle

with OCD and falling apart (I think she feels like he may reject her because

of it or her weakness in the face of it).

How resistant is your husband to the the idea of psychiatry/psychology?

That may be a bigger hurdle than what we have had to overcome, but I think

there is a bit of a tendency with many dad's to have a hard time accepting

that something may be clinically wrong with their child (whereas with mom's

I think we tend to be more about finding a way to help our child with

whatever the problem is). I know that's a pretty strong generalization, but

that has been my personal experience/observation. Is there anyone he

respects who might be able to help you talk to him about it, recommend

reading, recommend an expert, etc.?

I really wish you luck. I feel for all of you.

[Guest guest]

I'm another one who feels like I do this alone. My husband doesn't get involved

unless I insist he help, then he'll help for that time only & return to his

uninvolved state. Otherwise, he essentially escapes into hobbies & work. He took

awhile to believe our child had OCD, then left it to me to handle it & find a

doctor. Now, from time to time, he blames me for making the OCD worse by making

my daughter upset when I bring it up to her & tell her to work on it. Sometimes

I do raise the issue at the wrong time, like bedtime or something. Mistakes are

bound to happen when I'm weary with battle fatigue. When my husband criticizes

how I handle OCD issues now, I insist he take over & do it. Sometimes, his

comments make me realize I'm not in a good state of mind to handle it. Other

times his comments make me mad as * & *( & ^. I resent having to fight this alone &

it's very hard to keep perspective sometimes. I wish you ( & all of us) luck in

getting your husband on board so he can help you. Dot

> >

> > Oh, I do, but it chunks on the lbs.  So, I deal with it through deep

breathing and if needed, quick departure to let data try to handle it.   Do you

guys find out that you have to do things pretty much on your own?  My husband

helps out little to none.  He doesn't want to understand.   I do, more than he. 

I have anxiety, I know how hard it is.  Nothing worse that having a kid have a

meltdown when you are trying to hold it together and try not to have an anxiety

attack.

> >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

I have given up getting my husband on board. Takes too much energy. He really

tries, but he really can not understand it. So I move full speed ahead trying 2

help my girl. He does make comments and it still does make me furious though. It

takes everything I have inside to try and ignore him. Really I feel like hitting

him over the head with a frying pan some days, but I don't. LOL

> I'm another one who feels like I do this alone. My husband doesn't get

involved unless I insist he help, then he'll help for that time only & return to

his uninvolved state. Otherwise, he essentially escapes into hobbies & work. He

took awhile to believe our child had OCD, then left it to me to handle it & find

a doctor. Now, from time to time, he blames me for making the OCD worse by

making my daughter upset when I bring it up to her & tell her to work on it.

Sometimes I do raise the issue at the wrong time, like bedtime or something.

Mistakes are bound to happen when I'm weary with battle fatigue. When my husband

criticizes how I handle OCD issues now, I insist he take over & do it.

Sometimes, his comments make me realize I'm not in a good state of mind to

handle it. Other times his comments make me mad as * & *( & ^. I resent having to

fight this alone & it's very hard to keep perspective sometimes. I wish you ( &

all of us) luck in getting your husband on board so he can help you. Dot

>

>

> > >

> > > Oh, I do, but it chunks on the lbs. So, I deal with it through deep

breathing and if needed, quick departure to let data try to handle it. Do you

guys find out that you have to do things pretty much on your own? My husband

helps out little to none. He doesn't want to understand. I do, more than he.

I have anxiety, I know how hard it is. Nothing worse that having a kid have a

meltdown when you are trying to hold it together and try not to have an anxiety

attack.

> > >

> > >

> >

>

>

[Guest guest]

Thanks for posting about this topic. I've been feeling very alone & very

mad/frustrated/despondent for a long time. I had no idea anyone else felt like I

do about handling this alone or about the OCD struggle in general. It can be a

very isolating experience dealing with OCD.

Wilma - good self control re: the frying pan. LOL

Dot

> > > >

> > > > Oh, I do, but it chunks on the lbs. So, I deal with it through deep

breathing and if needed, quick departure to let data try to handle it. Do you

guys find out that you have to do things pretty much on your own? My husband

helps out little to none. He doesn't want to understand. I do, more than he.

I have anxiety, I know how hard it is. Nothing worse that having a kid have a

meltdown when you are trying to hold it together and try not to have an anxiety

attack.

> > > >

> > > >

> > >

> >

> >

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

You are not alone....sadly I am seeing a common trend where the dads harder time

dealing ....My husband has 0 pateience for her OCD and also seems to think she

can control it and is not really trusting of what the therapists

say....sometimes I am scared that he will leave over this but I just take it 1

day at a time. I love my daughter to bits but sometimes secretly I feel

resentful of how much my marriage has suffered because of her OCD----and I feel

so selfish for even thinking that with what she deals with

 

Subject: Re: How do you keep yourself together?

To:

Date: Monday, June 6, 2011, 1:44 PM

 

Thanks for posting about this topic. I've been feeling very alone & very

mad/frustrated/despondent for a long time. I had no idea anyone else felt like I

do about handling this alone or about the OCD struggle in general. It can be a

very isolating experience dealing with OCD.

Wilma - good self control re: the frying pan. LOL

Dot

> > > >

> > > > Oh, I do, but it chunks on the lbs. So, I deal with it through deep

breathing and if needed, quick departure to let data try to handle it. Do you

guys find out that you have to do things pretty much on your own? My husband

helps out little to none. He doesn't want to understand. I do, more than he. I

have anxiety, I know how hard it is. Nothing worse that having a kid have a

meltdown when you are trying to hold it together and try not to have an anxiety

attack.

> > > >

> > > >

> > >

> >

> >

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Well, we aren't alone anymore.  This isn't marriage counseling, but as close as

we can get.  I get blamed for this too, because anxiety runs on my side of the

family.  I made him go with me once to the dr and I thought he finally

understood, but when we got home, all he did was complain about how bad it was

again.  It's bad because you aren't helping and understanding and sometimes it

is just going to be bad.  But that is no reason to have to do this alone.

[Guest guest]

I agree.  We have only and somedays I thank my lucky stars it is just

him.  do'nt know how I could handle any more kids with what I have to deal with

him.  I just wish I could take it all away and we could have a normal life,

whatever that means.  Support can be found here.

To:

Sent: Monday, June 6, 2011 7:39 PM

Subject: Re: Re: How do you keep yourself together?

 

You are not alone....sadly I am seeing a common trend where the dads harder time

dealing ....My husband has 0 pateience for her OCD and also seems to think she

can control it and is not really trusting of what the therapists

say....sometimes I am scared that he will leave over this but I just take it 1

day at a time. I love my daughter to bits but sometimes secretly I feel

resentful of how much my marriage has suffered because of her OCD----and I feel

so selfish for even thinking that with what she deals with

 

Subject: Re: How do you keep yourself together?

To:

Date: Monday, June 6, 2011, 1:44 PM

 

Thanks for posting about this topic. I've been feeling very alone & very

mad/frustrated/despondent for a long time. I had no idea anyone else felt like I

do about handling this alone or about the OCD struggle in general. It can be a

very isolating experience dealing with OCD.

Wilma - good self control re: the frying pan. LOL

Dot

> > > >

> > > > Oh, I do, but it chunks on the lbs. So, I deal with it through deep

breathing and if needed, quick departure to let data try to handle it. Do you

guys find out that you have to do things pretty much on your own? My husband

helps out little to none. He doesn't want to understand. I do, more than he. I

have anxiety, I know how hard it is. Nothing worse that having a kid have a

meltdown when you are trying to hold it together and try not to have an anxiety

attack.

> > > >

> > > >

> > >

> >

> >

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

HA! My husband said the exact same thing. " See I told you he would grow out of

it. " It infuriates me to this day. But that's my husband; he can't handle

complicated emotional situations, so escapes to his own world.

> >

> > Oh, I do, but it chunks on the lbs.  So, I deal with it through deep

breathing and if needed, quick departure to let data try to handle it.   Do you

guys find out that you have to do things pretty much on your own?  My husband

helps out little to none.  He doesn't want to understand.   I do, more than he. 

I have anxiety, I know how hard it is.  Nothing worse that having a kid have a

meltdown when you are trying to hold it together and try not to have an anxiety

attack.

> >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

I appreciate everyone's honesty! As we try to isolate OCD as something seperate

from our kids identity - you aren't mad at your daughter just that stupid bossy

OCD character trying to run everyone's life. Can't blame you!

> > > > >

> > > > > Oh, I do, but it chunks on the lbs. So, I deal with it through deep

breathing and if needed, quick departure to let data try to handle it. Do you

guys find out that you have to do things pretty much on your own? My husband

helps out little to none. He doesn't want to understand. I do, more than he. I

have anxiety, I know how hard it is. Nothing worse that having a kid have a

meltdown when you are trying to hold it together and try not to have an anxiety

attack.

> > > > >

> > > > >

> > > >

> > >

> > >

> >

> >

> >

> >