Re: can't cope with daughter's ocd anymore

March 21, 2011

(((hugs))) ! Does she *have* to have her things in those places (placed all

over the house) or can you set up a corner in her room or another room? Would

think she'd rather keep them separate since she has contamination fears.

Spit - ugh, can't think of anything at the moment, though I recall other parents

having problem with their kids spitting a lot (not on hands).

With school - homeschooling really helps some children, works better for them,

you don't know until you try; at least you tried it. Since you did try it, was

the situation at school that bad, and do you think there will be any improvement

when she returns to public school? Have you talked with other homeschooling

parents, they may have some tips about structure when doing it....

You mentioned her therapist. Is she on any medication for her OCD or for the

ODD? If so, has it helped any at all?

Sorry for the questions, but hang in there.

>

> How do you all cope? My 11 year old daughter has hoarding ocd and

contamination fears. She has her things placed all over the house and if I touch

them she has a breakdown. she constantly spits on her hands as she thinks she is

touching things that contaminate her and spit is as good as hand sanitizer. I " m

losing my sanity. we live with my

March 21, 2011

I am sure your daughter's anxiety drives her need to control. Has she

been like this from her preschool days? Is she social with kids

when she is with them or is OCD all consuming?

The first step to to limit the area she can put things in the house.

This will take her awhile to accept. Tell her she has to start putting stuff in

her area or you will. Start with just a few items at a time,

so she can adjust to the idea.

The next step is to make it a habit to clean and

organize her stuff with your help (say on a Saturday).

Before she can buy anything she has to throw some stuff out

even if it is just garbage at first.

Start going to the public library to do homeschool so that

she starts to get out of the house. And also cope with

being out in public. During the day the children's area is

empty except for the preschool reading time.

You want to practice one place she can go without spitting.

Something easy at first. Hopefully home is safe. You can't

work on too many things at first or you will have lots

of meltdowns.

Start suggesting to her that spitting is disgusting to others,

socially unacceptable and if she has a sense of humor

illegal in some places. Start placing the idea that

she can wash her hands once an hour instead of spitting and

stay as clean. Replace the thought of I have to spit to

I can wait and wash. You certainly don't want to start her

washing but hand sanitizers and spitting can be done anywhere and

anytime, there are fewer places you can wash.

To get her back to public school you will need your therapist and

a psychiatrist to help you get her educational supports.

She will likely need a gradual return to school,

with scheduled bathroom breaks with the nurse

and weekly sessions with the school psychologist to help

her cope with stress. Kids that are oppositional need their

behavior shaped in a gradual way.

You can have the school consult with Yale parent and child

conduct clinic and this will be the type of a plan

you will likely get, it will be more specfic but it will

be somewhat like this.

I hope this is of a little help, to picture how to tackle

the problem, my husband and daughter are both the

collecting/hoardering types first people have

to recognize the problem is getting out of hand,

healthy bounderies need to be set and behaviors have to

change but this take a very long time. Hoarders tend

to be very ridgid that stuff is important.

Things can really improve but it takes time and it will

take your energy to weather outbursts that may come over

change. But change can really occur. To keep your sanity

look at this as a long term process.

Pam

>

> How do you all cope? My 11 year old daughter has hoarding ocd and

contamination fears. She has her things placed all over the house and if I touch

them she has a breakdown. she constantly spits on her hands as she thinks she is

touching things that contaminate her and spit is as good as hand sanitizer. I " m

losing my sanity. we live with my parents and basically seh is running the

house. therapist said I have to make a whole new family dynamic and leave my

parents house. I agree. It just canoot happen fast enough. To top i toff I am

homeschooling, therapist also said that my taking away the structure of school

made the ocd worse, I agree. It was hellish getting her to school and I want to

put her back in school, she has oppositional and defiant disorderand I " m about

to lose my mind here. Please help.

>

March 22, 2011

Hi, . )

We coped by taking it one day at a time, sometimes one moment at a time. Not

easy though, when OCD is really controlling it can make everyone stressed. And

I desperately tried to find a little bit of time for myself, every day, even if

that meant taking a little extra time in the bathroom. It was just a few

moments for me to collect myself and just breathe. (((hugs to you)))

the spitting I remember some talking about was they were spitting because

they feared they had something poisonous in their mouths. Is that what you were

thinking of?

Sometimes having too much structure can make OCD worse. Since OCD likes

structure, and repetition, it can latch on and like the situation. We found

that with our son. We did a lot of ERP, trying to change things up and keep him

adapting so the OCD wouldn't take over in certain situations.

We homeschooled for 11 years and found the flexibility very helpful. We had so

many therapists, over the years, tell us homeschooling was not good and he

needed to be in school, but they were wrong. . .For us, anyway. We were able to

work on his ERP without disruption, and work around him having a bad day. But,

it's different for everyone.

, is the therapist using CBT/ERP (cognitive behavioral therapy / exposure

and response prevention)? If so, how is that going?

Glad you found our group. )

BJ