Re: How to tell little brother about OCD/secrets

[Guest guest]

Oh boy you said a mouthful Pam! That is both my experience and observation

also. There is an expression " you are only as sick as your secrets " .

Sorry to hear things are so tough with your daughter. I think you know we've

been there too. No easy answers to offer... For us, a good chunk of it was

medication based, but the other part was waiting out a resistant teen. Not sure

what you might have to leverage or help motivate your daughter with, but that

became our focus - namely, just getting his life back, any life!, and behavior.

The shame attached to mental health issues can be crushing. Perhaps telling and

not keeping it secret is the first step out of this. Being selective who you

tell of course. Is there anyone that you think would be meaningful for your

daughter to feel acceptance on this from, and that you know she would receive

this?

Is she open to reading any books by people who have OCD? Or reading any posts

from the kids online group?

Our son is very private, and did not want anyone to know either. We kept it

secret and respected his wishes for about three months, at which time my Dad

died. I needed to tell my family why my son would not be attending the funeral.

So, it was a forced " outing " , but now looking back I'm glad we had that opening.

I asked people not to bring it up with our son, but asked for their

understanding. So, our son knew they knew, but he didn't have to talk about it,

and never has. But, I think it is a relief for them to know that they don't

have to keep it a secret, it is just something that is part of them, not

something to be ashamed of.

Just wondering, is part of the shame about the content of her thoughts? Our son

felt this. It's important for them to separate and externalize the OCD from

them. Could this be keeping her stuck, does she feel it is her? Is she not

going to school still? You are in the teens now too. So hard...

I really feel for you Pam, it's so hard to be stuck in it all right along with

them. I hope you make time to get out and away from it to preserve your own

sanity, very necessary.

Hugs to you Pam!

Barb

>

> I know I have kept my daughter's secret and I don't

> know that I have helped her in doing so. In my daughter

> she feels shame that she has any issues that are not typical.

> And she has refused therapy too. We are at the point at 13,

> that she either has to accept that she has anxiety or she is

> than a truant kid that avoids school and hits her mother.

>

> I see my husband wants to deny that there is a problem and it is

> very hard for him to share his own anxiety issues or those

> in his family. Secrets in the end are not healthy.

> They led to dysfunctional family behaviors.

>

> Pam

>