Adults with Asperger's/HFA (was: compulsive toys/objects re: Anastasia)

[Guest guest]

I don't post here much. Life and uni and work and stuff get in the way.

I do read all the posts though and this post by Anastasia caught my

eye because I just went 'whoa! That's me!'

I collect Cabbage Patch Kids. My collection is small now because I

was ridiculed so maliciously by family and friends that I had to cull

my collection from over 100 down to maybe only 7. I knew every kid's

birthday, year of birth, name, and factory. I could tell the

factories apart just by looking at a kid. My bedroom is my 'haven'

in my home. It holds my old childhood toys, the ones I wasn't forced

to let go of. I still get very upset thinking back to a couple of the

dolls I was forced to let go of.

I would spend hours staring out of windows, sitting up a tree,

rescuing animals, swinging on a swing, or bouncing on a trampoline. I

still do. I wait until it's dark and Hannah is asleep and then I go

out and stare at the stars for hours or bounce on her trampoline.

It's not acceptable for me to do it now. I know that. But the

compulsion and the need to do it is just overwhelming.

I have an intense love of animals. All animals. Currently we have a

cat, a cockatiel, two rats, and a chicken. I want more animals but my

parents have said that after I become a teacher, and all our animals

are gone, they will let us have a dog. And if there is one thing that

Hannah and I love more than anything else, it's dogs. We desperately

want a dog of our own. I'm more upset over animals dying or being

hurt, than I am about humans.

I have no diagnosis, but most of the people that know about

HFA/Asperger's seem to think I have it. I line up lollies in colour

groups etc before I can eat them. I can't eat all my vegetables

together, they have to be separate. I even sort crisp chips into

sizes before I can eat them. I get very agitated and frustrated if

I'm prevented from doing this, it has bordered on angry when people

purposely disrupt this routine by messing up my orders or crushing my

chips (silly I know, but still...).

I'm wondering if I should get a diagnosis for myself? How would I do

that and is there any benefit to it, other than maybe getting people

to accept my cabbage patch kid and doll obsession?

Anastasia's post:

I have Asperger's, and I'm a full grown adult, in fact it won't be two

many

more years before I'm out the other end of that category, and I still love

and collect stuffed animals. They have to be very realistic looking. I

especially like cats, leopards etc, and rabbits, but have just about

everthing - raccoons, turtles, you name it. But I not only collect them,

not only are they on the bed or the sofa, I have them all living in

arrangements of branches and fake pine boughs (the Christmas ones) and

plants so it looks like they are in the woods. My bathroom has stuffed

fish

and sea creatures and like that. The kitchen has chickens and Mooses (I'm

aware that those two don't match). I also collect small cats made of

varied

materials - china, cloth, wood, metal, etc. and the same with small mice.

So it's a zoo here.

The thing is, I love animals so much, but because of rules, space, money,

etc. I can only have so many live ones. So these are my low-maintenance

pets. I love being out in the country or forest, or ocean, etc. but I

can't get there very often since I don't drive. Some people think it's

childish, but that's their problem. If this makes me feel at home and

happy, why not. I love Children's books too - because they are beautiful

and often tell very moving or important even profound stories. As for

Sesame Street, I also like it. But so do a lot of other adults. It sure

beats game shows and soap operas.

There is nothing wrong with any of this. Who says people have to like

certain things at certain ages. The things I care about now are pretty

much the same things I cared about and was drawn to when I was a

little kid.

I had to learn how to express myself and how to relate to people and

how to

get along in the outside world. I was a really weird kid. I would sit

and stare out the window or lie on the ground and look at the stars or

clouds for hours. I brought home leaves and rocks and sticks - not to

mention any animals that couldn't run or fly fast enough. (I still do that

actually.) I would make up songs on the piano or play certain records

really loud. My parents were patient, yes, but they were also interested.

They wondered what I was looking at or listening to. As for me, These

" empty " places weren't empty. They were full. And I was looking to them

for the secrets and keys of life, so I could live in this world of people

that didn't make sense to me yet.

I did I grow up. But even now, I am interested in the same things. They

have more " adult " names, like art, music, science and religion. But I

still have that side of me that is childlike.

And I wouldn't ever want to lose that.

One of my favorite things to do is collect cartoons. I have a huge box of

them I have been adding to for years and years. The main subjects I

like in

cartoons are animals and religion but there are many other topics in

there.

When I am feeling blue or stressed out, just sitting down and digging

through the box will fix most any problem. And I like to give other people

that treat of an experience when I can. So yes, if someone comes to my

house, they may say Wow what a strange home she has. All those animals

everywhere. Piles of books. Paintings, instruments, collections of this

and that. In a way it is very intense because it is packed and so

different. Not everyone appreciates it. But almost everyone enjoys the

cartoons.

So the bottom line is - Who knows who your daughter is going to be. She is

just barely discovering herself. Let her be herself as much as possible.

Let her connect and reach out to things and experiences without

judgments of

appropriateness. Why not get into this with her? Why not have Big Bird or

Barney in the house if she loves them ? For heaven's sake let her draw

Barney if she loves Barney. Maybe she will be a great artist some day.

People are like plants. Each one is a plant that has never been seen

before. Sadly most are trimmed and molded and pruned into clone-like

similarity. She's just a little sprout. As much as possible, just stand

back and see where she is headed. What fruit does she want to pluck from

life ? What paths does she gaze down ? Pray that her uniqueness will one

day be able to blossom and bear the fruit her life was meant to bring

to the

world. Your daughter has desires and is expressing them. That's a good

thing. Don't stifle this yearning for something out of reach - pay

attention. She's trying to tell you what she needs. Children need to be

successful at this to some extent, or they give up. Without desire,

none of

us gets very far in life. She needs to win this one. Why not set up a

little playhouse in a corner of the house or under a card table with all

these characters and spend some time in the Barney and Big Bird world WITH

her. She may be able to relate better to life THROUGH these characters.

She may be able to tell you things in words or actions when she has these

things in hand that she hasn't been able to tell you. I myself don't

relate through my stuffed animals, but I do think of them as

companions in a

sense or security, like a blankie might for someone else . But I do relate

better to animals, pets, wildlife, etc. than most people. And I relate

better to people when there is an animal in the picture. Animals are

attracted to me as well. (This why assistance dogs are so helpful.)

Hey it's a niche. Somebody has to talk to the squirrels right ?

Well, Good luck.

Anastasia