Re: Ok, the dragon has me

[Guest guest]

Hi gang,

I guess since I'm supposed to be an " old-timer " I'm supposed to offer

experience, strength, and hope to those of us that are afflicted with the

dragon.

Normally, I try to offer encouragement and hope and today I'm just over the

entire nonsense. I began this adventure in 1998 maybe sooner, but officially

that was when I was diagnosed.

I had a man break my heart somewhere in the middle. I got over him and

married another jerk, who at least gave me my precious son, Danny, I returned to

college and am seeking not one, but two degrees, and now I have been reduced to

a wheel chair once more.

I've had enough! I'm sick of it. I hurt. I hate life. If I had a bullet

right now I would put it in my brain, but I no longer keep weapons in the house

because of my little one, Danny.

Danny, continues to get worst. Yeah, I know this wasn't going to be easy. My

health continues to deteriorate. I've not been to a dog show in months.

School is ok, but at the same time it sucks. The more I think about life, I get

pissed and at this point, while I've said some gray words, I've not cussed. If

I've used words that offend some, I'm sorry,but I just have to vent!

I'm sitting here with joints swelled, the pain so bad that I've taken twice

my dose of morphine, and so many lortabs that I can no longer count them.

Please MTX kick in. I can't take anymore.

I'm mad, I'm angry, I'm scared, and I'm to the point that I just don't care

anymore which is a dangerous place for me to be. I'm reaching out like I did

in the beginning....asking for a lifeline to help pull me in. I just want it

all to stop, if even for a minute. Please God let me have just one minute of

peace. I promise I won't cry, I won't be mean, I won't complain, just please

give me one minute to be PAIN-FREE.

Thank you for allowing me to vent my frustration.

Much love,

Terry

[Guest guest]

*Awe Terry,*

*I am so sorry that the dragon has lashed out at you so violently. I know

how discouraging it can be. And you did the right thing--coming here to be

encircled by friends who care and love you.*

**

*Sometimes it seems so hopeless, doesn't it? Let's face it, almost every

element in this world seems hopeless but I think if we have faith it makes

it a little easier for us to carry one--especially if we have little ones

who are counting on us.*

**

*Your precious son, Danny is YOUR reason to continue on. And my two precious

boys-- and --are two of my reasons I fight so hard to continue

living. It's never going to be easy but since we have been sick with this

dragon, has life been easy? We may have remissions but we still have it in

the back of our minds that " one day " it will end and we'll be back to

feeling sick once again.*

**

*Depression can really get us down when we are so sick. And anger is right

there to lash out at this dragon. It is not fair to us nor to our families

but we live one moment at a time, praying that our burden be lightened and

we can carry on to the next moment. If you are a bible reader, you may find

comfort in the Psalms (I do not mean to offend. I know all of us have

different faiths and beliefs--yet we all share one common foundation, and it

is the Bible.) where the writer begged to throw his burdens upon his God and

be sustained by his God. I find that if I pray when this dragon is

attacking, I am calmed and able to focus better. Your faith can be your

lifeline--as well as it is here. You came to the right place, Terry.*

* I believe the scripture is Psalms 55:22. Maybe you can read it and find

some comfort.--And remember if you are feeling this bad, you can always

pray. The Higher Power is always there when needed. *

**

*And you are an inspiration to us all. Two degrees and raising a child. WOW!

What are you majoring in? Do you attend classes or are you able to attend

on-line classes?*

**

*Have you seen your doctor recently? Maybe he/she can give you some thing

else to bring you some relief? I know how hard it is to wait for a drug to

work. I am also taking MTX and it is slow in working but once it does, I

feel so much better. I hope it works quickly for you. It sounds like you

need some relief quickly. I'm so sorry you are suffering so much. I wish

there was more I could do for you.*

*But--all I can do is give you support, a shoulder to cry on and

understanding and add you to my prayers. And to hold your hand. You are

never alone in this fight. We are right there at your side.*

**

*Comforting Hugs,*

*, Oregon*

>

> Hi gang,

>

> my precious son, Danny,

>

I returned to

> college and am seeking not one, but two degrees, and now I have been

> reduced to

> a wheel chair once more.

>

> I've had enough! I'm sick of it. I hurt. I hate life. If I had a bullet

> right now I would put it in my brain, but I no longer keep weapons in the

> house

> because of my little one, Danny.

>

> Danny, continues to get worst. Yeah, I know this wasn't going to be easy.

> My

> health continues to deteriorate.

>

I'm mad, I'm angry, I'm scared, and I'm to the point that I just don't

> care

> anymore which is a dangerous place for me to be. I'm reaching out like I

> did

> in the beginning....asking for a lifeline to help pull me in.

> Thank you for allowing me to vent my frustration.

>

> Much love,

> Terry

>

>

>

--

SPEEDY :-)

Meds:

MTX 15 mg; Prednisone 5mg; Leucovorin 5 mg; Armour Thyroid 60 mg

Supporters:

MSM; DHEA 25 mg; Omega3 fish oil 8 daily; Vit. C; Vit. D; B-Complex; Vit

B-12;

Lithium Ortate; Osteo Comlex; Glucosamine & Chondroitin; and Essential

Minerals, AND cALCIUM 1500 mg

" Love endures all things. "

[Guest guest]

Dear Terry,

I don't think we have officially met, but my name is Mandy. I read your

message tonight. I so understand where you are coming from and how you are

feeling. It sounds all to familiar to me too. I am offering you my friendship,

shoulder, compassion, strength, experience, etc. I was diagnosed 12 years ago.

If I can be any help to you as a friend who understands this pain and suffering,

that is totally unrelenting, I am offering it to you. You will be in my thoughts

and prayers. If you need a friend, please feel free to contact me. Don't give

up. I have prayed many times to not wake up in the mornings. I know longer feel

that way. I have thought many of the thoughts and more that you mentioned. If I

can encourage you in anyway or if you just want to vent. You can always contact

me . May you have a blessed Easter. Don't know if these are your beliefs too.

They are mine. Your words and thoughts did not offend me, I hope that mine don't

offend you. I have had my life totally

turned upside down, without my permission too, just like the rest of us. I was

wrapped up in a life and a career that I enjoyed immensely, to have it taken

away along with some of my dignity. I was alone with this for most of those 12

years, it took that long to meet another person who had this disease. I had

never before belonged to any group until November 2005. Met my first friends in

December who have this disease. First time someone else knew what was happening

without having to explain or feel judged. I wish you well. I do keep the members

here (no matter what they may think of me) always in my thoughts and prayers.

You too. With much love, Mandy

118t@... wrote:

Hi gang,

I guess since I'm supposed to be an " old-timer " I'm supposed to offer

experience, strength, and hope to those of us that are afflicted with the

dragon.

Normally, I try to offer encouragement and hope and today I'm just over the

entire nonsense. I began this adventure in 1998 maybe sooner, but officially

that was when I was diagnosed.

I had a man break my heart somewhere in the middle. I got over him and

married another jerk, who at least gave me my precious son, Danny, I returned to

college and am seeking not one, but two degrees, and now I have been reduced to

a wheel chair once more.

I've had enough! I'm sick of it. I hurt. I hate life. If I had a bullet

right now I would put it in my brain, but I no longer keep weapons in the house

because of my little one, Danny.

Danny, continues to get worst. Yeah, I know this wasn't going to be easy. My

health continues to deteriorate. I've not been to a dog show in months.

School is ok, but at the same time it sucks. The more I think about life, I get

pissed and at this point, while I've said some gray words, I've not cussed. If

I've used words that offend some, I'm sorry,but I just have to vent!

I'm sitting here with joints swelled, the pain so bad that I've taken twice

my dose of morphine, and so many lortabs that I can no longer count them.

Please MTX kick in. I can't take anymore.

I'm mad, I'm angry, I'm scared, and I'm to the point that I just don't care

anymore which is a dangerous place for me to be. I'm reaching out like I did

in the beginning....asking for a lifeline to help pull me in. I just want it

all to stop, if even for a minute. Please God let me have just one minute of

peace. I promise I won't cry, I won't be mean, I won't complain, just please

give me one minute to be PAIN-FREE.

Thank you for allowing me to vent my frustration.

Much love,

Terry

[Guest guest]

Terry Sweetie:

We are with you! We understand and we have your six!

We love ya and you can vent all you want to. Just don't do anything nuts

cause we can't afford to send you flowers, lol! Well, I might be able to

find some dandelions! Besides I would miss you and so would everyone else.

And besides that what would Danny do? You just hang in there like you have

been doing and you know it will get better as it has done before! This damn

Dragon has his ups and downs and we have to keep on trying to shoot him down

regardless of what's happening! You have never been a quitter and you never

will be! So you just lift that head up high and tell that Dragon to get his

butt outta your life and stay out. Sounds like you take your pain pills like

I do, lol! Take care now. Love Ya!

WE WILL WIN

Love Y'all

" NEVER FIGHT FAIR "

Mom & Dad

Panama City, FL 32404

Please visit the International Stills Disease Foundation Inc. web site at:

www.stillsdisease.org . Please make Tax Deductible DONATIONS to the all

volunteer, International Stills Disease Foundation Inc., 1123 S. Kimbrel Ave.,

Panama City, FL 32404. There is now a third Political Party: The " VPA " , Veterans

Party of America. Veterans= " Third Class Citizens "

[Guest guest]

Hi Terry

As I am one of the fairly new members of the stills family I'm afraid I do

not know you very well, but I just wanted to reach out and try to give you

some comfort you sound as if you need some tlc as you are really suffering

at the moment and obviously had some heartaches in the past. Suffering so

much pain is bound to make you reach the point of despair that you are in at

the moment, so I am going to throw you a lifeline (in theory at least) and

please take it and there is always hope for a painfree day and the future.

Mt love to you and Danny

Joan UK

Re: Ok, the dragon has me

Hi gang,

I guess since I'm supposed to be an " old-timer " I'm supposed to offer

experience, strength, and hope to those of us that are afflicted with the

dragon.

Normally, I try to offer encouragement and hope and today I'm just over

the

entire nonsense. I began this adventure in 1998 maybe sooner, but

officially

that was when I was diagnosed.

I had a man break my heart somewhere in the middle. I got over him and

married another jerk, who at least gave me my precious son, Danny, I

returned to

college and am seeking not one, but two degrees, and now I have been

reduced to

a wheel chair once more.

I've had enough! I'm sick of it. I hurt. I hate life. If I had a bullet

right now I would put it in my brain, but I no longer keep weapons in the

house

because of my little one, Danny.

Danny, continues to get worst. Yeah, I know this wasn't going to be easy.

My

health continues to deteriorate. I've not been to a dog show in months.

School is ok, but at the same time it sucks. The more I think about life,

I get

pissed and at this point, while I've said some gray words, I've not

cussed. If

I've used words that offend some, I'm sorry,but I just have to vent!

I'm sitting here with joints swelled, the pain so bad that I've taken

twice

my dose of morphine, and so many lortabs that I can no longer count them.

Please MTX kick in. I can't take anymore.

I'm mad, I'm angry, I'm scared, and I'm to the point that I just don't

care

anymore which is a dangerous place for me to be. I'm reaching out like I

did

in the beginning....asking for a lifeline to help pull me in. I just want

it

all to stop, if even for a minute. Please God let me have just one minute

of

peace. I promise I won't cry, I won't be mean, I won't complain, just

please

give me one minute to be PAIN-FREE.

Thank you for allowing me to vent my frustration.

Much love,

Terry

[Guest guest]

Oh dear Terry;

Hang in there girl. Just don't think past each moment. Not about hours, days,

months or years just the right now. Try to get a snuggly blanket and feel as

much peace as you can just for the moment. Remember I'm around a lot if you

want to talk. We're thinking of you to get better.

Hugs, Melt

----- Original Message -----

From: 118t@...

Hi gang,

I guess since I'm supposed to be an " old-timer " I'm supposed to offer

experience, strength, and hope to those of us that are afflicted with the

dragon.

Normally, I try to offer encouragement and hope and today I'm just over the

entire nonsense.

[Guest guest]

Terry,

I am right there with you right now. My arthritis has gotten so much worse

the last year and a half, I think my Dr. seriously needs to consider trying

something else at this point.

Hang in there, hopefully things will get better soon!

Beth (Houston, Teacher)