Re: Are My Daughters Disrespectful Comments Related to OCD?

[Guest guest]

HI,

I have a 14 yr old dd who does the same thing. As a matter of fact I have been

asking alot of questions about what is normal " teen " behavior and what isn't.

I am finding with her that if I let her go to long she will just isolate in her

room and shut down. Does your dd do this too?

Hugs

Judy

________________________________

To:

Sent: Sat, December 4, 2010 6:44:07 PM

Subject: Are My Daughters Disrespectful Comments Related to

OCD?

 

My daughter was diagnosed about five months ago with OCD (after a few years of

struggling without a diagnosis). She did really well with treatment for the

first few months but has seemed to regress over the past three weeks. Since she

has regressed she has become easily irritated, frustrated, and outright

disrespectful to me (not really to my husband). I'm guessing this is because she

is struggling and I am an easy target for her to unleash her frustration. She is

almost 11, maybe it is related to the age but it does seem to coincide with her

OCD.

Does anyone else have similar struggles with their children? Just a month ago

she was so happy, easy going and fun. I'm scared we are going back down the path

of being in a constant angry state with one another. I'm not quite sure how to

react to her when she is in a mood, when I'm understanding and try to talk it

out with her or give her some space she does it more. When I become upset or

distant she cries and feels horrible about it but continues to do it a few hours

later. It is almost as if I can see that she doesn't want to do it but can't

help it, it takes over her.

I don't know anyone else who has struggled with this before, this is all new to

me and I'm frustrated. Any insight would be appreciated!

[Guest guest]

Anxiety causes all kinds of issues. I didn't find help with

OCD therapists to address this particular issue but I am

getting help from a therapist specializes in Dialectrical

Behavior Therapy (which is also an evidence based therapy for

people with extreme emotional regulation problems).

1) You validate her feelings even if she is yelling

at you, you say " I know you are upset that your hair didn't

come out right "

2) Explain your intention breifly, I want to help you. I am

sorry it didn't come out the way you wanted.

3) Offer one brief problem solving solution, we can

figure out what we can do about this together. I want

to help.

4) Let it go. Keep it all brief and short as not to

escalate the problem or reinforce these negative

outburts.

Today my daughter was anxious about a school play that she is

in. Quickly it turned to yelling at me that I had to

get her contacts (she wears glasses).

It has been helpful to not get into discussions

to justify or defend myself at all. I was just ignoring this

for over a year, but the behavior got worse not better.

I would tell her you won't get points for yelling at

me, but this method although helpful for keeping

structure tended to escalate her when she was mad.

It definately has been working better to ask as an observer

of her emotions in a nuetral way " are you worried about this

thing or that " the idea is to try to try to guess

at the sadness or worry that is at this, if she yells

I am not mad ...don't try to convince ...OK you say

it just looked like that to me that is all, I was just

checking ..

This is all from our DBT therapist. The disrespect has not

gotten worse, it tends to not esacalate, it is also

a mild distraction from the thing she is mad about and

taking a moment to reflect on how we each respond.

I hope I explained this well. I have had about 5 training

sessions in DBT I definately still need more coaching.

best wishes, it is really tough getting degraded and disrespected,

Pam

enT

are you stop to think and didn't address the contact lens tTeKe

ed to hecdandparenting , " aimeeparent " wrote:

>

> My daughter was diagnosed about five months ago with OCD (after a few years of

struggling without a diagnosis). She did really well with treatment for the

first few months but has seemed to regress over the past three weeks. Since she

has regressed she has become easily irritated, frustrated, and outright

disrespectful to me (not really to my husband). I'm guessing this is because

she is struggling and I am an easy target for her to unleash her frustration.

She is almost 11, maybe it is related to the age but it does seem to coincide

with her OCD.

>

> Does anyone else have similar struggles with their children? Just a month ago

she was so happy, easy going and fun. I'm scared we are going back down the

path of being in a constant angry state with one another. I'm not quite sure

how to react to her when she is in a mood, when I'm understanding and try to

talk it out with her or give her some space she does it more. When I become

upset or distant she cries and feels horrible about it but continues to do it a

few hours later. It is almost as if I can see that she doesn't want to do it but

can't help it, it takes over her.

>

> I don't know anyone else who has struggled with this before, this is all new

to me and I'm frustrated. Any insight would be appreciated!

>

[Guest guest]

Thanks for the info, I think this may help us. We have excellent health care

(very fortunate), I can inquire about DBC at our next session. Do both you and

your daughter sit in on the session together? I am concerned about overloading

her with so many appts and classes to help her cope but I think we really need

to learn to communicate more effectively with one another (I can stay very calm

for a few days but I can only take so much before I start to raise my voice with

frustration. We all know that only escalates things).

Thanks so much for sharing, I didn't know such a thing existed. It feels good

to know that I am not alone.

Aimee

>

> Anxiety causes all kinds of issues. I didn't find help with

> OCD therapists to address this particular issue but I am

> getting help from a therapist specializes in Dialectrical

> Behavior Therapy (which is also an evidence based therapy for

> people with extreme emotional regulation problems).

>

> 1) You validate her feelings even if she is yelling

> at you, you say " I know you are upset that your hair didn't

> come out right "

>

> 2) Explain your intention breifly, I want to help you. I am

> sorry it didn't come out the way you wanted.

>

> 3) Offer one brief problem solving solution, we can

> figure out what we can do about this together. I want

> to help.

>

> 4) Let it go. Keep it all brief and short as not to

> escalate the problem or reinforce these negative

> outburts.

>

> Today my daughter was anxious about a school play that she is

> in. Quickly it turned to yelling at me that I had to

> get her contacts (she wears glasses).

>

> It has been helpful to not get into discussions

> to justify or defend myself at all. I was just ignoring this

> for over a year, but the behavior got worse not better.

> I would tell her you won't get points for yelling at

> me, but this method although helpful for keeping

> structure tended to escalate her when she was mad.

>

> It definately has been working better to ask as an observer

> of her emotions in a nuetral way " are you worried about this

> thing or that " the idea is to try to try to guess

> at the sadness or worry that is at this, if she yells

> I am not mad ...don't try to convince ...OK you say

> it just looked like that to me that is all, I was just

> checking ..

>

> This is all from our DBT therapist. The disrespect has not

> gotten worse, it tends to not esacalate, it is also

> a mild distraction from the thing she is mad about and

> taking a moment to reflect on how we each respond.

>

> I hope I explained this well. I have had about 5 training

> sessions in DBT I definately still need more coaching.

>

> best wishes, it is really tough getting degraded and disrespected,

> Pam

> enT

> are you stop to think and didn't address the contact lens tTeKe

>

[Guest guest]

It is tough having a child take it out on my. I am so sensitive

to this I just had to seek help for my own self preservation. I had a hard time

finding a DBT therapist.They are mostly trained to work with suicidal self

injurious patients.

We do this as parent training only right now. It would be too much for my

daughter too. What she is teaching me is the

emotional awareness part.

I have a description of DBT below. We are not doing any of the

mindfulness exercises at all. Just the part of helping my daughter

be more aware of her feelings behind her anger at me. It is

really just pent up frustration and anxiety that comes

out at me. It is her own anxiety and issues of self esteem.

It is not about us as parents. But I do feel the

validation part has made me a more compassionate

parent in the mist of her yelling at me. Instead

of me getting mad at the things she says ..I can

say wow I can see that you are really mad ..I wasn't

trying to hurt you (or whatever applies). It does

de-escalate some.

And you can look at the website of our therapist. I have already worked with OCD

specialists and a behaviorist too.

When there are a lot of issues, then it takes a few strategies,

for us it is behavior strategies to keep on schedule, gradual

exposures and now DBT (validation how difficult it is, explain

my intentions, and offer support).

http://delucatherapy.com/

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dialectical_behavior_therapy

Pam

> >

> > Anxiety causes all kinds of issues. I didn't find help with

> > OCD therapists to address this particular issue but I am

> > getting help from a therapist specializes in Dialectrical

> > Behavior Therapy (which is also an evidence based therapy for

> > people with extreme emotional regulation problems).

> >

> > 1) You validate her feelings even if she is yelling

> > at you, you say " I know you are upset that your hair didn't

> > come out right "

> >

> > 2) Explain your intention breifly, I want to help you. I am

> > sorry it didn't come out the way you wanted.

> >

> > 3) Offer one brief problem solving solution, we can

> > figure out what we can do about this together. I want

> > to help.

> >

> > 4) Let it go. Keep it all brief and short as not to

> > escalate the problem or reinforce these negative

> > outburts.

> >

> > Today my daughter was anxious about a school play that she is

> > in. Quickly it turned to yelling at me that I had to

> > get her contacts (she wears glasses).

> >

> > It has been helpful to not get into discussions

> > to justify or defend myself at all. I was just ignoring this

> > for over a year, but the behavior got worse not better.

> > I would tell her you won't get points for yelling at

> > me, but this method although helpful for keeping

> > structure tended to escalate her when she was mad.

> >

> > It definately has been working better to ask as an observer

> > of her emotions in a nuetral way " are you worried about this

> > thing or that " the idea is to try to try to guess

> > at the sadness or worry that is at this, if she yells

> > I am not mad ...don't try to convince ...OK you say

> > it just looked like that to me that is all, I was just

> > checking ..

> >

> > This is all from our DBT therapist. The disrespect has not

> > gotten worse, it tends to not esacalate, it is also

> > a mild distraction from the thing she is mad about and

> > taking a moment to reflect on how we each respond.

> >

> > I hope I explained this well. I have had about 5 training

> > sessions in DBT I definately still need more coaching.

> >

> > best wishes, it is really tough getting degraded and disrespected,

> > Pam

> > enT

> > are you stop to think and didn't address the contact lens tTeKe

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Did she go trick-or-treating on Halloween? My daughter became a gorilla after

eating all that candy. She was like that for several weeks before we had her

back. It's not the sugar that does it.. It's the chemicals, preservatives, high

fructose corn syrup, and dairy in the chocolate. She's normally dairy free (and

gluten free, but we did not allow gluten on Halloween).

Misty

________________________________

To:

Sent: Sat, December 4, 2010 5:44:07 PM

Subject: Are My Daughters Disrespectful Comments Related to

OCD?

My daughter was diagnosed about five months ago with OCD (after a few years of

struggling without a diagnosis). She did really well with treatment for the

first few months but has seemed to regress over the past three weeks. Since she

has regressed she has become easily irritated, frustrated, and outright

disrespectful to me (not really to my husband). I'm guessing this is because

she is struggling and I am an easy target for her to unleash her frustration.

She is almost 11, maybe it is related to the age but it does seem to coincide

with her OCD.

Does anyone else have similar struggles with their children? Just a month ago

she was so happy, easy going and fun. I'm scared we are going back down the

path of being in a constant angry state with one another. I'm not quite sure

how to react to her when she is in a mood, when I'm understanding and try to

talk it out with her or give her some space she does it more. When I become

upset or distant she cries and feels horrible about it but continues to do it a

few hours later. It is almost as if I can see that she doesn't want to do it but

can't help it, it takes over her.

I don't know anyone else who has struggled with this before, this is all new to

me and I'm frustrated. Any insight would be appreciated!