Re: Crisis of faith

[Guest guest]

Hugs to you Bonnie. I don't know that I have any wise words to offer, but

wanted to offer support. It sounds like you've hit a tough patch, it's been a

long time for you, totally understandable. I remember waking up everyday and

asking if I could call, " uncle " , can it just be over now?

Personally I don't think there is a why to any of it, just arbitrary, and not

personal. I guess we find whatever " meaning " as we climb out of challenge. I

don't really frame it around God, or any purpose, just see it as something that

" is " . There are many things we don't get to choose, we only get to choose how

we respond.

We are fortunate that our son is doing better now. But during those dark times

that I could see no end, and had no reason to believe it ever would, for some

reason I believed it would be ok. Well, I guess I would say I chose to believe

it would be ok, because anything else was just not helpful. Not that I could

hold that belief every minute of every day, but at the core I did just believe.

I did have times of complete grief and feeling hopeless, kind of part of living

with these kids. I learned to give up " trying " to make it anything other than

what it was. I learned to accept what was unacceptable, and give up hope that

it would change, and from that found peace. For me that was the ticket out,

simple acceptance, no longer needing anything to change.

It didn't mean I stopped advocating for my child, and doing everything I could,

but without the urgency or need for it to change. I was dealing with a teen who

did not want to change, or was unable, and had to accept that for what it was

too.

I don't agree that we are only given what we can handle, and have spoken with a

minister who said he disagreed with this statement too. I think we just handle

what we are given as best we can. Sometimes we muscle through, sometimes a

mess, a puddle on the floor not feeling able to go on, and somehow pick

ourselves up and go on, mostly because there is just no choice. Some days it

feels like it's not possible, and that's ok, it's just being human.

On a very practical note, do you think you are depressed Bonnie, and might

benefit from some medication? Or perhaps some respite from your situation. It

is not possible to go day after day in difficult circumstances without reaching

a breaking point. We are all here to support you through, but just wondering if

you might need more than that?

My last thought is actually a question. If you could understand why this was

happening would it make a difference? I'm not sure there is always a meaning,

perhaps it's more a matter of endurance or forbearance? You just get through

it. Hard though when you are in the middle of it, and no end in sight.

I think it's called the " dark night " , and all I can say is that on the other

side of the darkness is the light. Quite how you find your way there is

personal, I think. I like the verse that says, even if you don't feel God

walking with you now, you are being carried. If you can relax into that belief,

that might bring you some comfort.

Again, many hugs to you Bonnie!!!

Barb

>

> Wondering if any of you have ever questioned why God would let something so

terrible affect your child? Do you wonder what purpose it serves? Do you have a

hard time being " thankful " ?

>

> No matter what, things can always be worse and I hate to even think of those

scenarios. However, I question benevolence. I wonder why I - a person who had

a really tough upbringing, who pulled myself up and got myself through college,

who took care of sick people all my life, and tried to do the right things - has

a child who is so difficult and needy? Some say that God only gives you what

you can handle, but what happens when I feel like I can't handle it anymore? My

spirit is in need - what to do then?

>

> Bonnie

>

[Guest guest]

Yes, Bonnie. I've questioned God many times. And I've struggled with being

thankful.

I think that is human, and I believe God understands.

Big Hugs,

BJ

>

> Wondering if any of you have ever questioned why God would let something so

terrible affect your child? Do you wonder what purpose it serves? Do you have a

hard time being " thankful " ?

>

> No matter what, things can always be worse and I hate to even think of those

scenarios. However, I question benevolence. I wonder why I - a person who had

a really tough upbringing, who pulled myself up and got myself through college,

who took care of sick people all my life, and tried to do the right things - has

a child who is so difficult and needy? Some say that God only gives you what

you can handle, but what happens when I feel like I can't handle it anymore? My

spirit is in need - what to do then?

>

> Bonnie

>

[Guest guest]

Bonnie you have always been such a caring person in our

group offering advice to others. I can imagine that you

are a caring mother, wife and nurse too.

You are probably really really spent by now, giving all you

have to getting your son help.

Caring people wish that there would not be any suffering.

And caring people feel others pain acutely as their own.

And caring people want to help and address the unfairness

in poverty, famine and people suffering.

You are a caring person doing God's work and giving

so much that you are emotionally and spiritually spent.

It is time to care about yourself. To love yourself in the

loving way you love your family. To find a way to have

some time off as the caretaker at work and at home.

Life has suffering. I don't think God created suffering.

People can relieve some of each others suffering by caring,

kindness and love.

From your previous emails it sounded like your

son's emotional health was in a crisis. And I know

you have been seeking all kinds of expert advice and

struggling to keep him in school. You have been working

so hard. It gets overwhelming. Most people

do not have to live life in unrelenting crisis as many

of us do.

I care for myself by talking to one of the therapists

just about my health every other week. She holds

me accountable to if I am exercising, finding

ways to rest, getting my own health issues addressed.

I think if you can get some support for yourself and

talk about the stress and grief of dealing with your

son's health issues you will find your way back to God.

Pam

>

> Wondering if any of you have ever questioned why God would let something so

terrible affect your child? Do you wonder what purpose it serves? Do you have a

hard time being " thankful " ?

>

> No matter what, things can always be worse and I hate to even think of those

scenarios. However, I question benevolence. I wonder why I - a person who had

a really tough upbringing, who pulled myself up and got myself through college,

who took care of sick people all my life, and tried to do the right things - has

a child who is so difficult and needy? Some say that God only gives you what

you can handle, but what happens when I feel like I can't handle it anymore? My

spirit is in need - what to do then?

>

> Bonnie

>

[Guest guest]

Bonnie,

Yes. However, it has built my faith more than any other event in my life. I too

became an adult much too early and took care of a mother that was bipolar. I

would question why with that as well. But, thank goodness I had all that

experience taking care of her as it prepared me well for taking care of my two

kids with OCD and PANDAS.

Yes....some days are so hard.....yet, God has been faithful to walk us thru this

and to provide doctors, eventually, who are helping us and hearing us. It's been

a long journey but I KNOW that the same God who made these children weeps right

along beside us. This was not his design but the result of what happened so long

ago in the garden.

When my daughter asked me this I didn't know what to say. Then God gave me the

words to tell her thru tears that I don't understand it either. But, I know God

does not waste trials and that He is preparing her to be strong and courageous.

Not every child will need that, but she will. So, he is giving her a chance to

practice being just that. And one day, I now she will see why, be thankful, and

help others. Just as I am able to help her because of my childhood.

There are no mistakes....you all are being refined by God. It gets hot living so

close to the fire; but He has you!!!

Hang in there!!! And, pray! God knows how vulnerable and weak we feel! But it

feels good to remind Him!

>

> Wondering if any of you have ever questioned why God would let something so

terrible affect your child? Do you wonder what purpose it serves? Do you have a

hard time being " thankful " ?

>

> No matter what, things can always be worse and I hate to even think of those

scenarios. However, I question benevolence. I wonder why I - a person who had

a really tough upbringing, who pulled myself up and got myself through college,

who took care of sick people all my life, and tried to do the right things - has

a child who is so difficult and needy? Some say that God only gives you what

you can handle, but what happens when I feel like I can't handle it anymore? My

spirit is in need - what to do then?

>

> Bonnie

>

[Guest guest]

Thanks all! You've given me things to think about - I appreciate it. Today is

the first night of Chanukkah and I have a smile on my face right now - ready to

light the some candles and pass out a couple presents. I'll be back on the

saddle soon.

Bonnie

>

> Wondering if any of you have ever questioned why God would let something so

terrible affect your child? Do you wonder what purpose it serves? Do you have a

hard time being " thankful " ?

>

> No matter what, things can always be worse and I hate to even think of those

scenarios. However, I question benevolence. I wonder why I - a person who had

a really tough upbringing, who pulled myself up and got myself through college,

who took care of sick people all my life, and tried to do the right things - has

a child who is so difficult and needy? Some say that God only gives you what

you can handle, but what happens when I feel like I can't handle it anymore? My

spirit is in need - what to do then?

>

> Bonnie

>

[Guest guest]

Bonnie,

Yes, yes yes. Many times I have asked God why. I have wondered if I was being

punished for my mistakes. I have gotten angry at Him and told Him as much. He's

got big shoulders, He can take it. As I would study the Word and read about

others trials, I finally began to ask " Why NOT me? " Christians throughout

history have suffered persecution, trials, troubles of all sorts (and they were

more devout than I). Personally, I hate it when people say that " God doesn't

give us more than we can handle. " That is NOT found in the Bible. What the

Word does say, " Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give

you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble

in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my

burden is light. " Matt. 11:28-30 God knows we can't handle it, but He can. On

the days when I can't handle it, when I want to run away, become depressed, or

just plain die, I reach out for support from this group. Having a place like

this to vent and get support is one way of God stepping in and helping us

through it.

I hope I didn't come across as too preachy. I'm no saint. It's o.k. to

question your faith and have a crisis of faith. God understands and loves us

anyway, He knows how weak we are.

Blessings to you all,

Becky