Re: First aid for mom's-venting

November 24, 2010

Hi and ((((hugs))) Sorry you're going through such a bad time. Now

you know you're not awful, you're a good mom! A good person! You just have a

special needs child who also has behavioral/other issues. And haven't yet found

the solutions to help him manage them or to redirect/change things, etc.

Apparently his other support people haven't yet either, or they'd be working

with him (and you) on how to avoid those daily outbursts. Glad the therapist

saw it. I hope his new living support person will help with this. Do they have

anything in his treatment plan (or whatever they call it where you live) to

address the issues you're having with him?

What's the usual routine between 5-7 each night? Is it " down time " with him

left on his own while you're busy, or homework time, or....?

You know children will generally act out with us moms anyway vs dad or anyone

else. Maybe if we hadn't been the nurturing, kiss & make it better type while

they were growing up, it'd have been different. Though some children will have

" issues " from pretty young, seems they've always had them. Is that the case

with your's?

Others can only say " well he's good for me. " Sigh! You could have 3 other

children perfectly behaved and still have him acting like this, and others still

won't " get it. "

Know what you mean about not feeling like celebrating T'giving. I felt the

same, though that was related to my marriage (am divorced now). Didn't feel

like celebrating " family " holidays or birthdays ('cept for son) or, ugh,

anniversary.

Wish I could offer you more than (((hugs)))! Vent here, good to get it out!

>

> I haven't been on in awhile-healing from surgery, etc. My 7 yr old son, OCD,

sensory, PDD-nos has been just awful the past two weeks. We have the nightly

meltdown every evening between 5-7 ( never know when it will strike or for what

reason). He only does it for me. He attacks me, destroys the apartment ( tonight

he ripped up a school library book).). His dad works third shift so this is all

while dad is trying to sleep and usually he wakes dad up-then dad gets mad at

November 24, 2010

When kids have a developmental disorder and anxiety the symptoms

look a lot like the angry depression side of early onset bipolar disorder. And

some kids with obsessive behaviors may have

bipolar. And untreated bipolar is really a bad thing. The rage

this kids can display is unbelievable at times. For some reason

bipolar kids and other kids with issues contain themselves

until they are in the presence of Mom. For my daughter her anger

is that I should fix her pain, that I am to blame. The juvenele

bipolar foundation has a lot of information that may help you

gain prespective on how much you are really coping with. A meltdown

is defensive it is an overload. Rage is hitting and being agressive,

it can go as far as breaking things and sometimes hurting themselves or others.

Kids on the spectrum may have a rage that is triggered

by feelings of panic that something is changed or the transition

itself or an obsession stopped.

I am sure if you started audiotaping on a small tape recorder

his outbursts and how often they occur the psychiatrist would

recommend rispedal or abilify sooner or later. It doesn't

mean he always has to be on it. I would be careful though to

start very very slow and low dose. I would also treat anxiety

first sometimes it can reduce the outburts.

As these kids get older there is a point that the rage has

to be stopped for their sake and the sake of the family.

If you are getting hurt the time is now.

It is so common for family and friends to blame Mom.

Once the symptoms get reduced you will feel better and

so with your husband. He will be thankful that you sought

help for your son.

I don't think there is anything wrong with staying home and

in bed for Thanksgiving if you are burned out and your

son will act out. In the past when things were bad, I did,

it was the only time I got a good break is when my child

and husband went to his family. I was not hopeless I just really

needed some time for myself. Dealing with a condition like

your child has is very demanding, I don't know how you manage

with work. I can't, during the day is when I rest for the

evening and get life organized again.

I am thankful your son has you as a Mom you are seeking

help and support. But you need to take care of you too!!!

Happy Thanksgiving,

Pam

>

> I haven't been on in awhile-healing from surgery, etc. My 7 yr old son, OCD,

sensory, PDD-nos has been just awful the past two weeks. We have the nightly

meltdown every evening between 5-7 ( never know when it will strike or for what

reason). He only does it for me. He attacks me, destroys the apartment ( tonight

he ripped up a school library book).). His dad works third shift so this is all

while dad is trying to sleep and usually he wakes dad up-then dad gets mad at

me. Tonight I had him restrained physically because he was damaging everything.

I got no help from his dad and just coldness after our son had calmed down. I am

sitting here crying and feeling like I did something awful. I know I can't count

on his dad's support-he is cold and blames me. My son only acts up for me (

though last week he did it in the presence of his therapist). Today was the last

day he saw his living support person who he has seen for a year ( he still has

his therapist, doc and new living support person)and I am sure that triggered

alot, only hours later it came out, but he was so out of control.And usually I

remove myself from the situation so he cannot get attention for his meltdowns

and yes he has consequences but I feel so alone and like my husband sees ME as

the problem. I just want to cancel thanksgiving because as awful as this sounds

I feel like I don't have much to be thankful for ( I know that isn't true but it

feels that way). I cannot take one more night of fighting this kid. I am

stressed to the limit. Then lets add in the compulsions and anxiety and

everything else. I also just went back to work but he stared the tantrums before

that happened.

>

November 25, 2010

Just wanted to add that when you have a mood disorder and a co-morbid anxiety

disorder, the mood disorder has to be treated first, it can drive the other

symptoms. I've been told this by several psychiatrists. Also, anxiety can be a

symptom of the mood disorder itself.

As for the bad behavior directed at mom. I can attest to this as well. I went

to a conference with lie Greenberg (bipolr specialist) and heard that this

is because they realize that you (above anyone else) love them unconditionally

and they feel safe with you and let out their emotions. Also heard that if they

can hold it together all other times, it means they are able to have some

control and that is a good prognostic indicator.

It would be really helpful at this time for a therapist to work with you in

helping to manage the behaviors provided that the therapist understands

pediatric bipolar illness. Ask a psychiatrist says they treat mood disorders

how many kids with BP they treat because meds can be very tricky and the

symptoms are a bit different in kids. Risperdal is supposed to be a good

antipsychotic med for kids on the autistic spectrum with rage behavior. Keep in

mind also that autistic traits are not uncommon in children with bipolar

illness. These kids often lack social skills, have sensory issues that worsen

when they are unstable, and because it is a brain disorder, can have handwriting

issues, tics, ect.

You can find some helpful books by Dimitri Papolos, lie Greenberg, Ross

Greene on pediatric bipolar illness and explosive behavior. The CABF website

has a lot of info as well as the Juvenile Bipolar Research site.

I hope that you can find the resources you need to help you deal with all of

this. It's a nasty disease and a tough road, but it can be managed.

Bonnie

> >

> > I haven't been on in awhile-healing from surgery, etc. My 7 yr old son, OCD,