Bugger....

[Guest guest]

Touch of the old black dog I think today. I have been struggling for a few days to keep on top of it and I just lost my cool and had a major tear session - over a BBQ chicken believe it or not.

I struggled whilst I was away with the misery of not being able to eat normally. Now... don't get me wrong, I love having this band to control me. I now know after the latest trip that I do need it, or I would eat bloody everything. It got me down as I had to pay for half of all food - and I only had two or three mouthfuls of each dish. We ordered entrees, I would have a taste and Cate would eat the rest. I would order an entree for my main, and she would eat hers and most of mine. How come I am the fat one???? She would also hoe into dessert as well - whilst I sat and had nothing. I watched beautiful meals of barramundi and steaks go past to other diners... I sat and smelt the food, and it got me soooo down. I didn't eat breakfast any day - but it was part of my package, I didn't eat lunch because on the Kakadu leg of things it was provided, and it was always a salad roll... I would pick at a bit of the salad and give up. I carried cheese sticks with me which were always warm... how boring when everyone else is enjoying a lovely fresh cool salad roll.

Half an hour ago, Craig came home with fresh turkish bread, avocado and a bby chook. Smelt devine!!! I made Liam his toasted sandwich with mayo and chicken, Paddy his with avo, mayo and chicken - and then Craig made his own. I had one tiny wee mouthful of chicken because my mouth was watering so much, but it lasted about 2 minutes - that and my coffee have now been flushed. It gave me a dose of the sobs... that and not having anything to wear on Wednesday night to the 75th annivesary, and the fact that I should be closer to my goal and able to wear any damned thing I want and I can't. Depression plus today.

Typical come down after a nice holiday I think - even though the food side of things depressed me, and a fun night Friday night... I didn't eat any of the wonderful food I prepared then either - some weeks that side of things really gets me down.