Wow just found this and believe it is some great advice for all of us stills people (kind of long but worth every bit I believe)

[Guest guest]

Folks I know many of us have some f the same questions about us life family

ECT. we also deal with how we look at our self well here are a few

paragraphs for this web sight I am posting here .I have been disabled for

over 5 years and divorced for over 4 now and it still was a eye opener sorry

for how long but I believe it is for the betterment of us all

Thanks

Marty

Web sight link

http://www.disabilitybenefitslawfirm.com/newly_disabled.htm

Challenges Faced By The Newly Disabled

Every individual’s disability is very personal to them. Although, there are

many similar challenges the newly disabled must face regardless of the

nature of their distinctive disability. Several of the common issues faced

by our clients our set forth below. It is unfortunate that we are unable to

offer more solutions. By pointing out these situations in advance, we hope

to help others to understand that such problems are suffered by many others

and can be overcome. It is only little solace, but, then again, just

understanding that you are far from alone and the problems you are facing

are really not uncommon can be helpful.

Loss of Self-Esteem

Every person differs to some extent, but we define a lot of ourselves by the

work we do. For persons who worked many years to obtain their job status,

the personal investment in their job can be immense. For this reason,

professionals have the worst time when they are struck with disability as it

took so long to achieve their status. For others, the effort to climb the

proverbial “ladder” only to lose what was achieved as a result of a

disability can be devastating.

Once people have lost the job they have worked for years due to disability,

they all find out the worst thing about their new state: IT IS BORING!!!!!

As stated above, this is why it is so terribly important that you create a

new regimen for yourself to occupy your time. Just because you are disabled,

it does not mean that you cannot be busy. Obviously, you are more limited

than before, but you will need to make the most of your time as your health

condition allows.

Many disabled persons feel a sense of shame due to their state of being. We

tell our clients: “You have not achieved such greatness, but have had such

greatness thrust upon you.” It was not your choice to become disabled.

Though, it is your choice whether to give into depressive attitudes and

thinking culminating in removing yourself from society just to avoid having

to tell anyone you have problems. There are hundreds of thousands of

disabled persons, many just like you. For this reason, you need to get out

and interact with the world. The television should not be your best friend.

Open any newspaper and it will list many free activities which will

stimulate your mind and keep you active. You will have the opportunity to

meet new people and be exposed to new ideas that you never would experience

if you were still working.

If you believe your condition is overwhelming you (or, in most cases, it is

pointed out to you by family and/or friends) you should seek counseling. We

always recommend taking part in support groups with persons suffering from

the same disability. Misery loves company. You will find out from others

that there are solutions to the many of the problems you are experiencing

which are readily available from similar sufferers.

Whatever you do, try not to lose your sense of humor, especially about

yourself. Our funniest clients are the ones who find humor in their

disability and have fun expressing it. As you may find out, self-deprecation

is a very humbling and appealing trait. Everyone appreciates honesty laced

with humor.

Relationships With Others

Now that you are disabled you will have to confront the fact that you will

become more isolated from those you once associated with regularly. Most of

your friends are working all day and are busy running around on personal or

family errands and activities in the evening and weekends. Although you have

more free time does not mean that they do. Unfortunately, a sad statement

about people is that once you do not have a useful purpose for their lives,

you may no longer be wanted as a friend. This is when you learn who your

real friends are. The number may be far fewer than you imagine.(hopefully

not)

The effects on your family can be severe. Many disabled people will be

divorced from their spouses. When the other spouse no longer is contributing

to the household, the put-upon spouse often becomes resentful and exits the

relationship. Our unfortunate statement about this phenomenon is: “The

wedding vow said ‘for better or worse’ not ‘for better and better’” (Don’t

get us started about the “in sickness and in health” agreement!).

Families have our permission to treat us badly. Face it, you put up with

statements from your family that you would not tolerate from others for an

instant. Some of this can be constructive as your family will alert you to

when you are becoming too needy. The best you can do is explain your

situation and hope for understanding. Whatever you do, try to keep you

temper in check as your anger over other issues surrounding your disability

can easily spill over and be taken out on those who you need the most.

Always try to do as much as you can. Make sure to participate in family

events. Try not to burden others as much as possible. And, again, try to

maintain your sense of humor in life and see it for all of its absurdities.

It is very important for you not to let your disability take over your

entire life. You are a person with a disability, not vice-versa. You still

have the ability to contribute in other ways and must find ways to enable

yourself to do so.

When you allow yourself to become inactive, you will find out that you become

miserable. Your body becomes deconditioned and will not move as it once did.

Your mind will become confused, lacking the previous clarity which allowed you

to do things much easier. These may also be accompanied by depression (profound

at times) as you may start to feel sorry for yourself. This can only happen with

your permission. If you keep active in mind and body, you will find that time

passes much quicker. There is much to do, see, and experience. Do not let your

disability stop you from enjoying a full life even if it is not the life you

wanted.